Epilogue – Nagisa's Letter

To: Nagisa

XX/XX/2013; 08:17AM

Good morning, Nagisa. Hope you had a good night sleep. I had a dream about you. You looked happy and healthy. It really made me glad to see you that way.

Rei

To: Nagisa

XX/XX/2013; 12:17PM

Hope you're doing well, Nagisa. It's a beautiful day today. We're all fine, don't worry about us. We'd save you some mackerel, but you know Haruka. Thinking about you.

Rei

To: Nagisa

XX/XX/2013; 14:17PM

We had a test today in class about the Antartic. There was a whole page dedicated to penguins. You would have passed that with flying colours. I love you.

Rei

To: Nagisa

XX/XX/2013; 15:17PM

We bumped into Rin today. He asked how you were, so we told him what happened. I don't think he believed us at first, but then Gou confirmed it. I think that was the first time I saw him cry. Hope you're doing well.

Rei

To: Nagisa

XX/XX/2013; 21:17PM

I can see you from the window, you know. You're the most beautiful star in the sky. I miss you so much. Do you miss me too?

Rei

To: Nagisa

XX/XX/2013; 21:45PM

I can't sleep knowing that I can't hold you anymore. Knowing that you aren't here anymore and that I won't hear you or see you again tears me apart.

Why did it have to be you? Why couldn't it have been me?

Why can't you reply to me anymore?

Why can't I stop crying?

Why aren't you here for me?

Why?

To: Nagisa

XX/XX/2013; 21:50PM

I'm so sorry, Nagisa. I don't want you to worry about me. I want you to be at peace. Just promise me that you'll wait for me. Just… just promise me that we can have our together forever one day.

I love you.

Rei

The days were much slower than they should have been. The beauty of the world seemed to have dimmed drastically. There was nothing for me to marvel over, nothing for me to be in awe of anymore. It was as if everything that made the world beautiful was taken away in such a sudden moment of time. Even as I watched Haruka swimming, I wasn't fascinated by how he moved and how he glided through the water or how he seemed as if he was one with the water. He just looked like he was swimming like any normal person would swim. It was boring. It was dull. It wasn't the same. It was amazing how someone's death could change everything for you.

"Rei, how are you coping?" Makoto asked softly, sitting next to me as we watched Haruka swim. I blinked myself into reality and looked at him. I found it inspiring how strong he was being for all of us, trying to lighten the mood and trying to cheer us up. He was looking at me with comforting eyes, as if trying to console me in silence. But I was confused to why they were more concerned about me than anyone else.

"Why are you asking me this? You knew him much longer than I did-" I started in a low tone.

"You haven't spoken to anyone for days now." Gou said in a soft tone. I looked at her. She seemed to be effected by Nagisa's death greatly. There were times where she would just stare off into space, looking lost and confused. She was a lot less organized with us. I remembered how Rin had decided to visit her when school was finished and stay with her to keep her company. According to Makoto, Rin says that all Gou did was either sleep or suddenly start crying.

"Gou's right, Rei. We're just worried for you, that's all." Makoto said kindly, putting a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I looked at him in surprise. I didn't understand why they were so worried about me.

"But, you shouldn't be worried about me; you and Haruka knew Nagisa better than me anyway, so it would be obvious to be concerned about you-" I started in a matter of fact tone, pushing my glasses up further towards my face.

"You got that wrong." Haruka said from behind me. I turned my head to see him drying his hair with his towel, his usual blank expression portraying a hint of either sympathy or pity as he looked down at me. Makoto looked at him with a slightly nervous expression on his face.

"H-Haru?" Makoto asked. Haruka sat down next to me, looking at me with his piercing eyes. He looked as if he was trying his best to comfort me.

"We knew who Nagisa was. But we didn't know Nagisa like you did." Haruka said in a soft tone, his eyes softening drastically. He looked as if he was trying to tell me that he understood my pain even though he was going through a completely different pain that I was feeling. To be honest, it threw me off guard, but it made me feel a lot better.

"H-Haruka..." I said in surprise. Haruka's gaze became sharp again as he looked at me expectantly.

"The best question to ask would be this: how much did Nagisa mean to you?" He asked. My eyes widened in surprise. The question wasn't what I was expecting from him.

"How much he meant to me? He... he..." I felt my voice trail away as I looked down. On my wrist was a plain gold bracelet with Nagisa's name engraved into it on the inside. I remembered how I bought one for him with my own name, how the woman cooed at me for getting such a thoughtful gift; and then I remembered dropping it on the floor to hold Nagisa in my arms.

"He meant everything to me." I replied softly. Makoto and Gou frowned at me, probably because they didn't hear what I had said. But Haruka simply nodded at me, patted my shoulder comfortingly, and stood up before making a running dive into the pool with Makoto telling him that practise was over.

And that was all.

At the end of the day, I felt that it was necessary to visit Miss Hazuki. I thought that it was only proper to see her through her dark moments. On the way to her home, I felt myself grow nervous, worried if she would turn me away, and then decided that it wasn't bad to just check up on her. I knocked on the front door a few times and waited for a few minutes. But after ten minutes, I found myself knocking again, harder and louder than the first time.

"Miss Hazuki? Are you here? It's me, Rei." I added in a loud tone. After a few moments, the door opened to reveal Miss Hazuki all in black, pale faced with dull blonde hair and hollow pink eyes. She looked up at me, slightly alarmed and surprised at the sight of me.

"Rei?" She asked in shock. I cleared my throat nervously.

"I-I hope I'm not intruding or anything-" I started babbling. She shook her head at me, and opened the door wide to let me in.

"No, no, it's fine, don't worry. Please, come in." She said in a distant voice, stepping to the side. I hesitated for a moment, but then nodded at her in thanks. I entered the house and took off my shoes at the front door.

"I just need to do something upstairs." Miss Hazuki said, heading up the stairs slowly. I nodded at her respectfully as she left me in the hallway. I noticed that there was a photo of her and Nagisa when Nagisa was a lot younger, roughly five or six years old. They were at the beach, playing in the sand building a sand castle. It was then I realised that Nagisa looked just like his mother. Next to that photo there was another photo of just Nagisa, sitting on his bed with a beaming smile on his and his hair ruffled and reddened cheeks. He looked healthy. He looked alive.

I found myself picking up the photo frame of Nagisa and looking at it more closely. I saw my reflection in the glass of the frame. I found myself smiling at the photo. It made me happy, seeing him happy and healthy in that photo. It would have been a nice way to remember him by. I checked my watched, and was surprised that I was staring that I was staring at that photo for a good twenty minutes. Suddenly, I heard soft thuds coming from upstairs. I looked up to the ceiling with a frown.

"Miss Hazuki?" I asked loudly, heading up the stairs. At first I was wondering if she was just getting something out of her room and that it would have been best to leave her on her own. But I turned my head to the side. It didn't take me long to realise that Nagisa's bedroom door was open. I approached the doorway slowly and caught a glimpse of her in his room.

"Miss Hazuki...?" I called out to her nervously. She didn't reply to me at all, but just simply stared into space as she sat at the end of Nagisa's bed. I took a deep breath and entered the room. The last time I had been in there was that night where we actually had gone over the borderline between friends and lovers. I sat on the bed next to her and saw her holding a small penguin in her arms, which she stroked with her thumb tenderly.

"Flippers came to say hello, but he doesn't understand why Nagisa isn't here anymore. He wanted to make Nagisa feel better, b-but he just couldn't do it." Miss Hazuki choked, before suddenly breaking down into tears. I was a little bit thrown off guard, but then I found myself putting an arm around her shoulder as she started crying into mine.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see me like this." She hiccupped. I patted her on the shoulder comfortingly.

"It's alright, Miss Hazuki. There's nothing wrong with crying. This is normal." I added in a soft tone. Miss Hazuki let out a shuddering breath as I felt her tears seep through my sleeve.

"H-He was my baby, m-my little boy. I remember holding him in my arms. He was so small too, but he was my little angel, and I loved him so much. He was my world. And now he's gone, and I feel so lost without him." He whimpered softly, clutching my sleeve tightly. I sighed softly.

"I know, ma'am. I know how you feel." I murmured quietly. I felt her body tense up suddenly. He raised her head to me slightly, her eyes dark and thunderous.

"How?" She asked coldly. I frowned at her.

"Huh?" I asked in return. She stood up suddenly, glaring down at me with a sharp glare, her grip on the stuffed penguin tightening.

"How could you even understand what I'm going through? He was my son!" She added in a loud tone, furious tears rolling down her cheeks. I felt suddenly scared by her gaze.

"I understand that-" I started nervously.

"HOW?! HOW COULD YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO LOSE A CHILD?! HOW?!" She shrieked. I was stunned silent. I was expecting her to be as calm as she could. I didn't expect her to react so harshly towards me. She pointed a finger at me and pointed at me acidly.

"You don't do you? You could never understand losing someone so precious to you-" She snarled, her voice getting louder with every stressed word. I felt my temper boil. I didn't understand? I didn't know what it was like to lose a precious person? Didn't I? As soon as I thought of Nagisa, I saw his smile light up my thoughts, hear his bubbly laugh. I loved him.

"I loved him." I said softly, my eyes on the ground. There was a sudden silence between the two of us.

"... I'm sorry?" Miss Hazuki asked in a slightly shocked tone. I looked up at her darkly. She looked mildly surprised by my bold statement. I took a deep breath in.

"I loved him, ma'am. He meant everything to me. It's funny, I... I thought that it was wrong to love him, that it was... ugly. I thought that there was something wrong with me. But Nagisa, he... he made it beautiful; he made it feel right." I said in a shaky voice, my hands trembling as I felt my anger increase. Miss Hazuki's expression suddenly looked reproachful.

"R-Rei-" She stammered. I stood up slowly which silenced her immediately.

"I know what you feel is different; I know that he was your son, your pride and joy, the one thing in your life that can't be replaced. I know. But when the one that you love more than anything dies in your arms-" I found myself in a cold looking room, holding a cold looking Nagisa in my arms as he clung onto me weakly. I remembered how he told me that he loved me with his dying breath, how after that he gave up and left us. Left me. I took off my glasses and started rubbing the tears away from my eyes.

"Rei, I-" Miss Hazuki started.

"Don't say that you understand what it's like for that to happen, you didn't see him let go and you didn't have to see him slip away. But do you think that you're the only one who's suffering? Have you ever thought about considering Makoto's feelings about this? Haruka's? Gou's? Mine?" I added with a torn voice, jabbing at my chest where my heart was. Miss Hazuki didn't reply.

"I-I died, Miss Hazuki. I know I did; hell, I even remembered drowning! If it was fate, then I was meant to die. And yet, God decides to bring me back and take Nagisa instead?! You think that I don't feel like I've been robbed, that I've been conned?! Do you?!" I asked in a loud and furious voice. Miss Hazuki reached out to me, as if worried if I was going to bite her.

"Rei, please, you need to-" Miss Hazuki started pleadingly. I let out a broken howl.

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" I screamed, throwing my glasses against the wall. I watched the glass shatter as it scratched my cheek and my hand. I heard Miss Hazuki let out a surprised yelp. There was silence after that. I felt a breeze on my shoulder, as if someone was placing their hand on it. But as the tears rolled down my cheeks and as I sat back down on Nagisa's bed slowly, it hit me again that I would never see Nagisa again.

"I just... I don't want to be here anymore. He made me promise to move on with my life and be happy and just get over like it was nothing and ... I can't do that... I just… I can't..." I whimpered, my head in my hands as I found myself sobbing. I felt someone pulling me downwards, and realised that it was Miss Hazuki pulling me into an embrace.

"Come here." She said softly. I clung onto her tightly, crying into her shirt as I felt my heart ache me again.

"I didn't mean to yell at you-" I started in an apologetic tone. Miss Hazuki hushed me softly, holding me tighter.

"You just needed to get it off of your chest is all. It's alright, Rei." She cooed, stroking my hair softly. The way she did that made me think of how Nagisa had once stroked my hair.

"The fact that I'll never be able to hold him again… it kills me. I don't want to wait to see him. I just want end it all." I said softly.

"Don't you dare say that. You made a promise to Nagisa to like. I know my son. If you break a promise to him, he'd never forgive you, no matter who you were. He made me promise to move on, and it's going to be hard. I don't think I will. But… I just need to be strong. It's what he wanted." Miss Hazuki said in a calm but stern voice, still stroking my hair. I think I cried for a good hour. I looked up slightly and whilst rubbing my eyes, I noticed a white envelope tucked underneath the pillow. I reached towards it with a confused frown.

"What's this?" I asked, grabbing the envelope. Miss Hazuki looked at the envelope with a slightly pained expression.

"The nurse gave it to me before Nagisa... before he left us. She said that he wanted you to have it." Miss Hazuki said in a soft tone, looking at me with a pained smile. I nodded at her and slipped it into my bag.

"I-I have to go." I said numbly, standing up slowly. I made my way towards the door, picking up my shattered glasses and placing them in my shirt pocket.

"Text Nagisa when you get home." Miss Hazuki commanded firmly. I frowned at her.

"But, Nagisa's-" I started. She pulled out Nagisa's phone from her pocket slowly and magically.

"I've read your texts to him. I want you to text his number when you get home, and only when you get hone. At least then I'll know that you wouldn't have done anything stupid on the way." She added in a stern tone. I found myself laughing at her remark.

"I won't do anything stupid. I promise." I added reassuringly.

My parents didn't ask me why I had come home so late, nor did they ask about my cut cheek or my broken glasses. Although, I didn't give them a chance to ask me any questions, seeing that I slipped my shoes off quickly and rushed up the stairs to my room. I could hear my father calling my name, but I had already closed the bedroom door behind me loudly, signalling that I wasn't in the mood to talk to them. I texted Nagisa's number saying that I was at home safe and sound. I flung myself onto my bed heavily and found myself drifting off to sleep.

Then I found myself dreaming, sitting in a field of white flowers and the sun beaming down on my face but not blinding. I heard a soft giggle beside me. I turned my head. My heart stopped. Nagisa was sitting next to me, all in white looking at something on his wrist, until I realised that it was the bracelet that I had bought for him. He was looking at it fondly, his smile dazzling.

"Nagisa?" I said in shock, reaching towards him. I felt his skin under my touch. He looked startled by me. He turned his head to me with wide and curious eyes. He gave me a wider smile. He reached up to touch my cheek.

And then I woke up.

I groaned into my pillow, annoyed at the fact that I was so close to him, only to have been taken away from me again. But in all fairness, I felt better. I sat up slowly and realised that it was dark outside, rolled off of my bed and closed my bedroom curtains. When I turned around, I saw the envelope on top of my school bag. I froze for a moment, and then reached out for it and opened it carefully. Seeing Nagisa's surprisingly neat handwriting almost had me crying again. But instead I took a deep breath, and started reading the letter.

Once upon a time, there were two boys, who were in love with each other very much. The two of them didn't really know, but they cared for each other deeply. They were happy in each other's company. One day however, the one of the boys died. The other boy felt lost, heartbroken, confused. He missed his loved one very much. And so he decided to sell his life for his loved one, and had seven days with him until he had to meet his end. The boys fell deeper in love. They were happy again. But then the doomed boy died. The other was left all alone.

And now I guess I have to start the actual letter.

Dear Rei,

I'm so sorry for everything that you're going through. But seeing that you're reading this, I can guess that you're still alive and well, and that all that matters to me. I didn't want to leave you so soon, but when you gamble with life, you have to pay the forfeit.

I just want you to keep your promise to me. You remember, don't you? To move on and be happy without me. I know that it's hard to do that. I know that you don't really want to move on. I know that you think it'll be hard to do that. And it will be. It will be hard to move on. It will hurt. But just know that no matter what you do, as long as it helps you move on, then I will be happy regardless.

Also, I wanted to say one thing that I had been planning to say for a while: I love you. I love you so much, Rei. You mean the world to me. I wanted to tell you about what I had done. But I knew that you wouldn't have believed me. I wouldn't have believed me.

Now you have no excuse to not want to move on. You know what I did for you. You know that if you ended it all now, my death would have been in vain. Promise me that it wasn't a pointless death. Make it worthwhile.

I wanted to make sure that you didn't have to be left alone thinking that it was life being cruel. I was in a lot of pain. I felt like I was going to die at different times. In a way, life was good to me. I probably died with you by my side. And if I did, then I regret nothing.

It was weird, knowing that I was dying and not telling anyone. I never even told my mom, and, I don't think I ever want her to know. I already left a scar on both you and mom. I know you can cope with this. My mom can't. I hurt the both of you, even Makoto and Haruka, and even Gou and Rin. But I only want you to know the truth. That way there's no secret between us.

I don't regret making my choice. And I don't regret falling in love with you. I just hope that you love me as much as I love you, Rei. Just promise me to live on. And promise me, as selfish as I sound, that you won't stop loving me. Promise me now, Rei. Promise me that I'll always be yours.

I'll always love you, Nagisa.

I will.

The End

A/N: And that's the end of this surprisingly long fanfiction! I was having troubles writing this chapter, mainly because I didn't know what to write. But what's here is what happens, and I'm just happy that it's finally complete. I was considering writing an accompanying fanfiction in Rei's point of view from the beginning with Nagisa ending the epilogue, but I'll let you decide. Thank you very much for liking this fanfiction, adding it to your favourites and following it and reviewing it!

- B.A.