BIOSHOCK INFINITE IS NOT OWNED BY ME. HOWEVER, I DON'T THINK THAT ANYONE WOULD MIND IF I NAMED A FLOATING CITY IN THE SKY "COLUMBIA". MOSTLY BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE A FLOATING CITY IN THE SKY, PEOPLE DON'T MESS WITH YOU.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the world of Bioshock Infinite, where racism runs rampant, people have superpowers and yet nobody seems able to kill one aging Pinkerton agent.

Here is my take on the story: Booker DeWitt is an 18-year-old living in the modern era of 2013. He finds himself trapped in the city of Columbia, with only one way out. He must rescue a girl named Elizabeth, and only with her help can he discover the secrets of, and then escape, this hell in the sky.

Note: Booker and Elizabeth are NOT related.

Bioshock Infinite

Hell in Heaven

Chapter 1

The Floatation Devices! They Do Nothing!

People have told me that when things seem to be going right, everything is about to go wrong. I personally think that that's a load of crap; or I did, until my life went to hell. How did my life, the life of the awesome, cool and good-looking Booker DeWitt, go to hell, you ask? Well, shut up and let me tell you, geez.

I was on my way to back to the good ol' US of A, when the strangest thing happened; and by strange, I mean an event that caused many people on board the plane with me to crap their pants. Either that, or it was the in-flight meal. Anyway, I looked out the window to see a city. Now, this would be alarming in any situation, seeing as how we were flying below buildings at cruising speed, and that meant that we were probably going to die anyway; no, the really scary thing was that we were flying below the buildings while over the Atlantic Ocean. And that the city was flying right alongside us.

Now, I've seen weird stuff; I mean, I've seen "Lost in Space". That was one weird-ass movie. But a flying city? That's just awe-inspiring and terrifying at the same time. I would have probably stared at that impossibility of science for a long time, had I not noticed some very large cannons turn in our direction. For some reason, the only thing I could think to do was pull out that pamphlet that has all of the safety directions on it.

Then I heard a loud boom, and then everything went black.

…

"Ow," was the first thing that came out of my mouth as I came to. I slowly opened up my eyes. I was lying on a rather uncomfortable piece of… something. I looked down to see that the something was actually a piece of the plane.

The memories came rushing back to me: the flying city, the cannons and… actually, that's all that happened. Huh. Not much of a flashback; what a rip-off. I stood up, shakily at first, then brushed myself off. Remarkably, I was unharmed, which was weird; you'd think getting blown up and crashing onto a very hard island, albeit a floating one, would have given me a scratch or something.

I looked around, trying to gauge my surroundings. It was like stepping back in time; everything around me looked… old. Not archaeology-level old, but definitely before my time. I took a few steps forward; I was in some sort of park. It was kind of nice, actually; there was a fountain, lots of flowers, big statues proclaiming the divinity of the Founding Fathers…

Wait, what?

Walking over to them, I could see that the plaques on the statues of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin that said that each one was practically a god.

That's… weird. Don't get me wrong, I'm a patriotic guy, but I don't think that George Washington is God. Call me crazy, but I was beginning to think that something might be wrong with this place.

As I backed up from the statues, my foot caught on something and I fell backwards. Thankfully, no one else was around to see my rather graceless fall. Cursing under my breath, I noticed that I had tripped over a box, which was next to a large paper bag. I blinked. Where had that stuff come from? Curiosity getting the better of me, I took a closer look at the box. Carved in intricate script was my name.

And here I was thinking that shit couldn't get weirder. I opened the box to find a letter, a couple of photographs and some money. Deciding to see if the letter had any useful information, I looked at that first.

Dear Mr. DeWitt,

You have reached the city of Columbia. It will seem strange to you, but do not fear. Do what comes naturally and you will be fine. Or you will be dead. That possibility is just as likely. The clothes in the bag will help you blend in. Find the girl, help her, and you will get home. Or you won't. Welcome to 1912.

Sincerely,

R & R Lutece

…

What the hell? How do these people know me? Why is the only way for me to get home to help some girl? More importantly, what did they mean by "Welcome to 1912"? I looked back in the box and pulled out the photographs. One showed an ornate tower. Maybe that's where the girl was.

The other photo showed the girl in question. She looked about my age, and she looked cute, but other than that, and the fact that the name "Elizabeth" was scribbled on it, I knew nothing about this girl. Well, I suppose that the upside was that she was easy on the eyes.

I opened the bag of clothes to find a pair of brown pants, black shoes and socks, a beige button-up shirt and a brown jacket. Someone really liked earth-tones. I noticed that the clothes were sturdy, probably made for work and not fashion, though the clothes did look good, in a retro sort of way.

Looking around to make sure that I was alone, I quickly changed. I decided that if people were crazy enough to flat-out worship George Washington, it might be in my best interest to trust R & R Lutece, whoever they were, and not stick out like a sore thumb.

…

Luckily, the clothes not only fit, they were comfortable; I'm big on comfort. I could dress like the Joker, purple suit and all, if it was comfortable. Anyway, as I was deciding what to do with my old clothes, I realized that my phone was missing. Well, crap, I could've used that to call for help or something; it was a satellite-phone, after all. It must've fallen out of my pocket as I fell out of the plane.

I pocketed the money and the photographs and headed towards the buildings in the distance. It occurred to me that maybe I should feel something about the other hundred-plus people who had probably died when the plane blew up, and I probably did, in the back of my mind. Right now, however, I was more concerned with my own, still endangered, life.

As I walked down the cobblestone road, I saw the first human beings since getting blown up; they had similar clothes to mine, but seemed a little more, I don't know, formal. Trying my best not to make eye contact, I scanned the area, hoping to see the tower. I did, but it was pretty far away.

Hooray, I love walking.

I strode by a hot-dog vendor, who offered me a free dog, as a treat for it being a festival day, or something. I took it, seeing as how I hadn't eaten in God knows how long. As I ate, I noticed another strange aspect of this place; the horses weren't real. They were machines. That… was different. I mean, if we had mechanical horses in 1912, I think I would have remembered that in history class.

I kept walking, even while staring at the mecha-horse. If a police officer hadn't stopped me, I might have walked off the edge of the "island".

"Whoa, there, friend," he said, "you should be more careful."

"Uh, sorry," I replied. Then a thought came to mind. "Excuse me officer, I didn't sleep much last night and my memory's a little fuzzy; could you tell me the best way to get over there?" I pointed in the general direction of the tower.

The officer frowned, and for a moment I was worried that I'd done something to stand out.

"You'd have to pass through the fair, but I think it might be closed off now; everyone already got their entry ticket, you see."

I nodded in understanding, but inside, I was seething. Well, shit, how was I supposed to get to the tower and off of this crazy-train?

The cop wasn't done talking. "You might be able to get into part of the fair, but the only way to get all the way through is to pass the raffle area, and I know that that part is closed off."

I sighed; it was better than nothing. I decided to wait where I was for now. There wasn't any other way to cross to the "island" in front of me without the bridge extending, and I had to wait for what looked like a convoy of floating boxcars with signs attached to them. They had speakers that spouted religious gibberish, something about a "Lamb" and a "False Shepherd", but I didn't pay attention.

When it passed, the bridge extended and I crossed it as quickly, but casually, as I could. I really didn't want to look down, seeing as if I fell, it would be game over. Instead, I looked up. It was actually kind of cool to see the giant balloons under the various buildings and "islands", and seeing them move up and down ever-so-slightly.

I kept going in the direction of the fair, stopping every so often when I saw money on the ground; apparently the money here was known as "silver eagles" instead of dollars. Every time I pocketed a coin or a bill, I wondered at the carelessness of people; how could they be so loose with their money? I myself didn't have to worry about money, thanks to my inheritance, but I wasn't stupid; I knew not to waste anything. Oh well, more money for me, right?

For a little while, I got lost in the pleasantness of the area; the people greeted me with honest smiles, which I returned. Too bad my good vibes ended when I saw the sign in front of me. It showed a shadowy hand, with a red, x-shaped scar on the back, and warning people that the mark was the sign of the False Shepherd.

I looked at the back of my own right hand, and saw the same x-shaped scar. Okay, that can't be good. I shoved my right hand into my pocket and kept moving, going back to my "don't make eye contact" mentality.

"Mr. DeWitt!" I jumped when I heard someone shout my name. I whirled around to see a young boy behind me. He held out a letter. "Telegram for you, sir!"

"Uh, thanks." I said, making sure to take the telegram with my left hand. The boy saluted and ran off. I read the telegram.

DeWitt STOP

Do not alert Comstock to your presence STOP

Whatever you do, do not pick #77 STOP

Lutece

"Who the hell is Comstock?" I murmured. Then I remembered; in my meandering through the city so far, I had overheard conversations that praised this Comstock guy as some sort of prophet. In my mind, the only thing more dangerous than a zealot was a zealot's leader.

…

Deciding to err on the side of caution, well, more so than I was already, I kept moving until I got to the fair. It was pretty neat, actually. It had games, attractions and plenty of free food. Why can't fairs back home have more free food?

There were a few things that stood out; like the weird guys in jester outfits that could somehow create tornadoes to levitate people, or shoot fire out of their hands. Did that meant that it was a bad idea to laugh at these jesters? There was also a display for a "Handyman", which looked kind of like an old guy if you gave him a massive mechanical body with seriously oversized hands.

Every time I think that this city couldn't get weirder…

I headed towards the closed-off area, hoping there was a way for me to sneak inside; sadly, there was none. The only way in was through a strange robot/vending machine that wouldn't let me through. While pondering my latest problem, I heard a voice getting my attention.

"Excuse me, sir!" I turned to see a young woman holding a basket of green bottles. "Have you ever lost a penny to a vending machine?" Quarters, maybe; I've yet to find a vending machine that only cost a penny.

"Has a phone ever not connected you to a beloved spouse?" I wouldn't know, I'm not married.

"Well, it's time to take back control from the men of metal!" Right on, power to the people and all that shit.

Deciding to interrupt her shpiel, I asked, "So, what exactly are you selling?"

She smiled at me. "I'm selling the Possession Vigor, sweetie; if you drink it, you'll know how to use it."

What the hell? I figured. "All right, sweetheart, how much for one of those?" I gave her my best smile, which I've been told is quite dazzling.

If anything, her smile grew even bigger when I called her sweetheart. "Normally, I'd charge you; but I just can't bear to separate a man that charming and handsome from his money. This one's on the house."

Wow. That actually worked? I almost felt bad about basically stealing from her; keyword, "almost".

"Thanks," I said, smiling again. I think she swooned.

She handed me a bottle, which I examined; it had a picture of a heart being run through with a sword. That's pleasant. The top was carved to look like a woman swooning on her back, with a stylized heart coming out of her chest.

Popping off the heart, I drank the green liquid. It tasted like a cross between mint and cola, and had a chalky aftertaste. It really wasn't the best drink I ever had. Then everything got blurry; I stumbled for a moment, before looking at the vendor, who was tracing a green heart in the air. Her fingers actually left a green outline as she moved them. Now, I've never done drugs, but this was one serious trip.

The woman leaned close to me. "With just a whisper," she said in a sultry tone, "they're all ears." Then she gave me a deep kiss.

When… whatever-that-was ended and everything lost the green tint, the woman gave me a seductive wink, then walked off, putting an extra sway in her hips.

Okay…

Shaking off the fact that I might have been taken advantage of, I turned to the robot. Instinctively, I held out my left hand, and was surprised to see a green flicker surround the fingers. Again, on instinct, I threw my hand forward; a green ghost-like shape headed towards and then into the robot. I was so surprised that I almost missed the thing opening the gate for me.

So I could control machines now. Cool.

As I sauntered on through, I was met by a man and a woman; both wore beige and brown clothes and had red hair. In fact, they looked like they could be brother and sister, even twins.

Wait… earth-tone clothes, possibly twins… and twins often share the same letter in their first names…

"Lutece?" I asked. Man, this was gonna be awkward if I was wrong.

The woman smiled. "Indeed, Mr. DeWitt; I am Rosalind and this is my brother, Robert." She turned to her brother. "I told you he'd guess right."

Damn, I am good.

"So you did." Said Robert; he seemed disappointed. Had they been betting on me figuring out who they were or something?

"So, why the gifts and the job?" I asked casually, "Not that I'm complaining about the former."

Robert spoke up. "If it gets you what you want, do you really care?"

I raised an eyebrow. I'm not some video game character who just does whatever the other guy tells them too; I'm a curious guy.

"I care if you're trying to play me for a sap," I said, "and if you are, I'll find my own way home."

Now Robert turned to his sister, a smug smile on his lips. "See? I told you he wouldn't be easy to convince."

Rosalind nodded, then turned back to me. "Mr. DeWitt, I assure you that we are on your side; however, we can only offer a modicum of assistance. The choices will all be up to you."

I sighed. "So, I've gotta do all the work, but you're gonna give me a little push every once in a while, is that what you're saying?"

Rosalind beamed. "I knew that we picked a smart one." She and her brother walked off.

Before I could ask them any more questions, a little kid bumped into me, causing me to look down. After the kid apologized and left, I looked up to find the Lutece siblings were gone. I looked around; there wasn't anywhere for them to go, so how did they disappear to?

Oh well, yet another weird piece of the puzzle that was Columbia.

Aaaand… Cut! That's the first chapter of Bioshock Infinite: Hell in Heaven. There wasn't a whole lot of action in this chapter, but this was just an intro. The next chapters will be lengthier, louder and action-ier. For anyone who is reading this, remember: This is M-rated for a reason. There will be blood, violence, gore, SERIOUS language, topics that are uncomfortable for some people, and sexual tension. No, there won't be any lemons, get your mind out of the gutter. Anyway, yeah, it's a story based on an M-rated game, so I'm not going to hold back much. There will be some serious deviations from the original plot, however. Just a warning.

Anyway, I've got to go; my muffin minions are building me a floating city in my name, and I want to make sure that they got my statue right.