SORRY.

A/N : Not gonna tell you when it takes place, hopefully it's clear enough ...

The noise of the train on the rail along with the few voices of people chatting in the subway are the only background sound. Few people are in that wagon and that's probably better that way.

She is seated alone.

At each station a cold breeze hits her, freezing her blood even more. As if it wasn't enough to feel cold hearted.

She looks down, gazing at the floor, her heart as empty as her stare.

Her face is dry, no more tears, but her red eyes and her pale skin show she has been crying. She cried all the tears of her body. Though the pain is still here, she ran out of tears. She is completely empty.

How could she let that happened ? How ?

She can still feel his cold lips on her right cheek, her trembling fingers touching her face as she remembers it as if to make the memory more vivid. She could never forget that instant, she never will. His eyes full of love, regret and fear. He sacrificed himself, he saved her life, but he paid with his own and he shouldn't have had to.

If only she had been honest with him, if only she had not lied. Ironically she thought she was protecting him when she actually made him dig his own grave.

She should have trusted him, he deserved it.

Breathing is close to impossible and her heart hurts. A pain she can't get rid of even though she tries : rubbing herself on the chest hoping to chase away that giant pair of tongs squeezing her heart painfully. She takes a deep breath but the air is not reaching her lungs and she sobs, without a tear, she suffocates.

Her head fall in her hands, heavy with remorse.

People passing in the wagon barely look at her with her elbows resting on her knees and her face hidden in her hands. Nobody seems to care and she is like a ghost, all alone with her guilt and her pain. She has no tears to wipe from her face but still she does the gesture since she feels as if she was drowning in them.

When she closes her eyes, just for a second, she sees his smile, that charming smile. She can also hear his seducing British accent. She lift her head back up a bit and lightly smiles at the memories. But soon those nice memories are replace with the image of his sad smile right after he kissed her goodbye, and the sound of his voice is replaced by the sound of Muirfield's bullets piercing through his body, taking his life away. That makes her suddenly open her eyes wide again.

His beautiful smile and his adorable accent, that was before. Before her lies cost him his life. Before her selfishness killed him. Before he sacrificed himself to protect both her and Vincent.

She doesn't know what to do with her hands : she passes them through her hair, stroke them on her jeans, pulls on the collar of her blouse as if to help her breath better. But nothing can shake away the guilt that is eating her from the inside. Nothing can take the pain in her heart away. Nothing.

I killed him. She thinks to herself.

She didn't pull the trigger but it feels as if she had.

She can't help but think back at all the opportunities she had to tell him everything. That would have saved his life, but she kept lying until it was too late, until he was caught in Muirfield's net.

Her minds can't stop replaying the scenes, in slow motion. His body being hit by all those bullets and slowly falling to the ground. She doesn't want to relive it, she doesn't want to feel all that guilt, she doesn't want any of this. But she can't control it.

In her head it's a mess. Images of Evan, everywhere, and still that sharp pain in her heart. She is overwhelmed with a mix of guilt and memories, both positive and negative. The cocktail making everything worse.

Why can't she go back in time to fix it ? Why ?

Why couldn't Evan survive ?

Why couldn't they escape, all three of them ?

Why must she live with the responsibility of Evan's death ?

Why?

The train stops again. A while ago she should have gotten out, but she doesn't have the strength to. She doesn't want to be alone with her thoughts but she can't go home. She is too afraid to remember the good times she had there with Evan at her birthday. So she remains seated and look at the doors closing.

A/N : ... And next station V comes in !

I had a hard time writing it down even though I could feel the pain. I wonder if you managed to feel it too. Please review ⌒.⌒