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This is the last chapter! I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 4
Everything was red. Blood everywhere. His eyes searching hers. The pain in them, the fear, making her throat close up and then he slipped away. His eyes fluttered close. They were carrying him away, into the ambulance, and she climbed in after him, her hand wrapped firmly around his, silently pleading with him to not leave her.
And then came the waiting, everything around her just a blur, the smell of disinfectant, the sterility of her surroundings, the harsh light of the lamps, the red stains on her clothes and then the doctor came out of the operating area and one look at his face and she knew. She knew he was gone. She knew she would never see him again.
He is dead. We did everything we could but he didn't make it.
Andy shot up in bed, her face wet with tears, her chest heaving as she struggled for the next breath and then she turned her head, looking at him lying beside her and she let out a strangled sob, her hand shaking as she reached for him, her fingers ghosting over his skin as she assured herself that he was really there, that it had just been a nightmare. He wasn't dead. He was here. With her.
She took in a shaky breath, slipping out of the bed quietly and reaching for the blanket on the chair, she wrapped it around her body and stepped into the living room, sliding the door to the porch open and walking outside.
It was chilly and she shivered slightly, walking to the rocking chair in the corner and sitting down, drawing her feet under the blanket and staring into the darkness. She could see the faint line on the horizon, the sun would come up soon and she forced herself to take in deep breaths, her heart still beating wildly in her chest.
Would it ever go away? The nightmares? The fear?
~S&A~
When he woke up the first thing he did was reaching for her. But she wasn't there. He propped himself up on one elbow, searching the room, rubbing one hand over his face to fully wake up. He got out of bed and reached for his sweat pants and shirt, pulling the shirt over his head as he walked into the living room. He spotted her almost immediately, crouched into the rocking chair on the porch and even though he couldn't see her face because it was too dark outside, he knew something was wrong from the way she was sitting there. He walked towards the door, sliding it open quietly and stepping out on the porch.
"Hey." He pulled a chair next to her, sitting down slowly, not sure what to say next.
"You should go, Sam." Andy said softly, barely above a whisper, her gaze still fixated on the horizon.
"No, you are not gonna get rid of me without a fight." His voice was harsh, the words coming out louder than he intended to and her head snapped around, her eyes wide with shock and he added softly. "Not this time."
"Sam, please!" Andy pleaded, the remnants of her nightmare still haunting her. She couldn't do it. She couldn't be with him. It was just too much.
"I was awake, Andy." His hands closed around the arm rests of the chair as he leaned forward.
"What do you mean?"
"I heard your speech and I'm sorry that I didn't fight, that I just let you walk out of my life, that I practically shoved you away. But damn it, Andy. I've never said those words to anyone before in my whole life and then you just left to go on an undercover mission without a second thought, minutes after you've given me hope that we could still be together. I thought you would give us another chance." He gulped hard before he continued. "I never loved Marlo. I like her. A lot. But it isn't love. Because my heart belongs to someone else. It belongs to you. I think the moment I fell in love with you was even before you told me you weren't scared because I was there but the moment when you stood in the locker room and lectured me about getting my shit together and acting like a cop for five minutes. You were showing major guts and you didn't even blink an eye when I stripped in front of you. I couldn't provoke you."
"Oh believe me, I've enjoyed the show. You know, the whole abs, boxer briefs, scruff thing you had going. I liked it." Andy shot him a shaky smile, letting out a chuckle as he raised one eyebrow, his mouth turning up into a cocky grin. "What? I'm only a woman."
He pulled her up then, sitting down on the rocking chair himself and drew her back onto his lap and she snuggled into his embrace both watching the sun rise, enjoying the quietness of the early morning but Andy knew they weren't done talking and when the horizon turned red and golden she leaned back, looking up into his face.
"I'm scared." Andy whispered.
"I know." Sam replied quietly, his lips brushing over her forehead. "Me too."
"I've almost lost you. I was convinced you wouldn't make it and I was angry. Angry that you would just leave me again. I know it wasn't rational. You didn't get shot on purpose. But I was sitting in the waiting area and ..." Andy inhaled a shaky breath, biting her lip for one second as the memories of these dreadful hours rushed back, her voice quivering slightly as she continued. "I'm not strong enough to lose you again, Sam."
"You are not gonna lose me. No more running away, okay? This time no one is leaving the other."
"Okay." Andy said, her voice still shaky. "But I need you to promise me something."
"What?"
"You'll let me in. Completely."
"Okay." Sam replied softly after only a second of hesitation. "But the same goes for you."
"Okay."
Andy snuggled back into his embrace, feeling the first rays of the sun warming her back and her eyes threatened to fall shut but she didn't want to fall asleep, too scared the nightmare would come back.
"Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think it will work this time? That we will work?"
"I can't give you any guarantees, Andy." His hand trailed up and down her spine, his voice low and slightly husky as he added. "You know that. Life doesn't work that way. But I think we deserve another chance. Because I can't live without you. I need you by my side, Andy. I love you. It's as simple as that."
"Simple, huh?" Andy let out a chuckle, leaning back to beam up at him. "Since when is anything between us simple. Since the day we met our relationship is one wild rollercoaster ride."
"True." Sam said, grinning back. "But every relationship has it ups and downs."
Her smile broadened as she looked up at him and she lifted her hand, her fingers skimming over his cheek, her expression suddenly turning serious as she said quietly. "Sam, did you ever cry? I mean after Jerry's death."
"Andy, no!" The words came out sharp, his whole body going rigid, his arms tightening around her. "Please don't go there."
"No!" She leaned back further, her voice turning firm. "You promised. All in!"
"I didn't know you would jump right in."
"We've wasted enough time."
She suddenly stood up and Sam furrowed his brows, confused. Where was she going?
A few minutes later she appeared again, stretching out her hand and dropping something into his. "Here."
He stared down at the object she'd just put there, his throat closing up, like every time he looked at the pocket watch Jerry gave him.
"He was your best friend and I know you still blame yourself for his death. But you should forgive yourself. It wasn't your fault."
"I ... I'm scared to let the grief out. What if I can't pick myself up again when I let myself break down?"
"Then I'll pick you up." Andy told him. "He was your best friend, Sam. And you lost him. Let yourself grieve."
He didn't look up but Andy could see his fingers closing around the pocket watch, the knuckles turning white as he gripped it so hard that the metal was probably leaving marks on his skin, his other hand began to shake and he balled it into a fist.
"It's okay, Sam." Andy slipped back into his lap and she reached for his hand, wrapping hers around his. "It's just me. Let go!"
Frank's words popped up in his brain and knocked the breath out of him.
You know it's real when she makes you better. Even so it's tough sometimes but you are grateful.
And then her arm was around him, pulling him into her embrace and he finally let out the grief, gave up holding back, a strangled sob escaping him as he wrapped his arms around her and let it all out.
He didn't know how long he cried and when he finally stopped he wanted to pull back but she didn't let him. Her hands cupped his face and she pulled his head up, pressing her lips softly against his and he relaxed again. He didn't need to hold back anything. It was just Andy.
"I guess I'm actually a wimp, huh?" Sam joked, his voice still hoarse.
"Stop being ridiculous." Andy scoffed. "You are not a wimp because you're showing feelings, Sam. Don't make me hit you."
A smile spread out on his face and he leaned his head against hers, his voice turning low as he spoke. "I love you, Andy McNally."
"And I love you, Sam Swarek."
They would be okay. They had to. Because he was right. They couldn't live without each other in their lives. They still had to talk about a lot of things. But they would make it work this time. They were meant to be together. It was as simple as that.
Thank you to everyone who joined me on this journey. I loved writing this story and I hope you enjoyed reading it! Until the next time!
