So Link was swagging in the Skyview Temple when he tripped on a pebble and face-planted the ground, busting up his nose.

"Owww..." Link whined. Within the Goddess Sword, Fi said to Link, "Master, there is an 86 percent chance that you're being a total loser right now. I suggest actually manning up so we can get the f*ck out of here."

After 10 minutes of Link crying, and 20 more minutes of bad puzzle-solving, Link finally made it into the boss room.

"Oh hai Link." The not-so-explained character in this story called Ghirahim said.

"Oh hai Ghira." Link said. "Wait, how do we know each others' names?"

"lol I dunno," the Demon Lord said. "Anyway, let's fight nao."

"Sure, why not?" Link shrugged. Then after Link cried even more about Ghirahim blocking him and taking his sword, they finally fought with both of their swords. But the fight was so lame, I'm not even going to describe it, it's that sad.

So anyway, after about 15 minutes of lazily swatting at each other Link finally bonked Ghirahim on the head.

"Owww, my gorgeous head!" he cried. "Just you wait, punk! I am sooooo getting my hands on Helda."

"Zelda," Link corrected.

"Yeah, her."

2 minutes of awkward silence later, Ghirahim said, "Welp...bye bye," then exploded into fabulous diamonds.

"Master Link," Fi began, "I can conclude with 100% accuracy that I am going to be annoyed throughout this whole journey."

Link smirked. "U mad, bro?"

Our (not so brave) hero walked to the golden door, and cowered for a minute after it startled him from vanishing.

The f*cking end.