Like Diamonds

i. Fourth Year

Lily covertly peeked at one of the many Quidditch magazines scattered around her. "You know," she said, careful to keep her tone light and conversational, "I'm not really a bad flyer myself, but I don't think I could ever try out. I mean, what position could I play?"

Next to her, Mary Macdonald giggled. "Well, tryouts start in a bit. Why don't you go down there and volunteer for every position, Lils?"

"You? Trying out for Quidditch?" asked a third voice incredulously. Lily whipped around, scowling at the newcomer's tone. James Potter had been on the team for two years now, and he did not let anyone forget it.

"I'm sorry we can't all be flying prodigies, Potter," she snapped; unfortunately, her comment only made his smile grow. "Besides, I was just talking about it. It's not like I even like Quidditch anyway. It's a stupid game. Really." She ignored Mary's surprised glance at her.

James - no, Potter; he was rude to Severus and she couldn't be nice to him - looked slightly taken aback by the ferocity of her statement, but quickly rearranged his features back into a smile. "To each his own, Evans, but you're seriously missing out. Quidditch is-"

"-your entire life. I know. I got it," Lily said rudely. "Strange as it seems, other people might like different things."

"Like what?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He was still smiling, but not like he usually did, cocky and arrogant. This was an interested smile, a slightly bemused one. It only made her more irritated.

"Like reading," she said, picking up the nearest magazine for emphasis, momentarily forgetting what it was.

"That's a Quidditch magazine," he said, and he laughed, the sound filling the Common Room. Lily wanted to scream. She dropped the magazine and gave him the full force of her glare.

"Go take your amazing Quidditch skills and big mouth somewhere else, Potter!" And his stupid smile. Why was he smiling like that?

His smile faded, and he looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Lily, I wasn't-"

"Could you just leave?" Mary interrupted. "You don't want to be late for the tryouts anyway."

"Oh, no, Mary, he doesn't even need to show up. He's so wonderful, no one would ever replace him," said Lily, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

James glanced at the two of them and shook his head. "All right," he said, "I'm going." He sounded uncharacteristically humble.

"Then go," Lily said. Mary elbowed her and gave her a look.

"Good luck for your tryouts!" Mary called after his retreating figure.

He turned around at the portrait hole and flashed them a grin. "Luck? Ha. That spot on the team is mine, Macdonald, and I won't be giving that up easily."

Mary snorted at his confidence. Lily rolled her eyes. When the portrait swung shut behind him, Mary turned to her, eyes wide. "Why did you just tell him you hate Quidditch?"

"I don't know," Lily said.

"Because you don't." Mary gestured to the magazines around them. "Lily, you can't say things like that to prove a point, it only gets you back in the long run!"

"All right, Mary, all right." But Lily knew her friend was right. For as long as she wanted to maintain her dignity, she would have to hate Quidditch, and she hated Potter for it. Even though it wasn't his fault. Sighing, she gathered the magazines into a pile, fantasising about running onto the pitch, trying out for Chaser, and snatching Potter's spot away. But she'd seen him play and though she was loath to admit it, beating him would've been a real feat. "Stupid Potter," she muttered. And her own stupid pride.

ii. Fifth Year

"Lily-"

"Just leave me alone, Dorcas!" Lily snaps, choking back a sob. She has to get inside before anyone sees her, she can't cry in front of all of them. It takes all of her willpower to walk steadily as though nothing is wrong. She breaks into a run as soon as she enters the castle, and she runs and runs, the tears blinding her and finally spilling down her cheeks. She stops finally and leans against a wall in some corridor, Merlin knows where, sinking to the ground and covering her face with her hands.
Mudblood. So that is what he thinks. After all this time, after thinking they were best friends - this is the truth. She feels like she's woken up from a dream and found herself in the middle of a nightmare.

She can't face her friends, her housemates, not after the years of the whispers, the frowns, the phrase "what does she see in him?" following them both around everywhere. Not Mary's comforting smile, Marlene's promises of revenge, Remus's pitying looks, Black's loud, brash "I told you so", and his face. What will he say? Will he put on that arrogant grin and laugh along with Black? Surely he isn't that cruel. But maybe he is - "Go out with me, Evans!" - maybe he heard from someone or noticed that she has been staring lately, that she could never quite bring herself to hate him, that she shouted his name from the Quidditch stands when he had lost his hold on his broom. That is cruelty.

Both of those boys, she'd rather liked them. They'd toyed with her.

Mudblood.

She wipes the tears away and brushes her hair back from her face. There will be no more space for those boys in her life, she decides. Ever.

Footsteps echo through the silent corridors; Lily freezing, thinking it's Severus. He can't see her crying, not if she wants to push him away.

"Evans!" a voice calls. Maybe if she stays there, he'll go away. Maybe if she wishes for it hard enough, she would melt through the floor. "I know you're here. I just want to-"

"Go away, Potter!" she says back, putting all the steel in her heart into her voice. "Just - just fuck off, okay?" The word gives her a funny kind of thrill through the heartache.

He is silent for a moment. "Yeah, fine, I'm going. Just -" Lily wonders if he's going to apologise. A part of her wants him to, hopes he will, because she wants to see the best in him like she did in Severus. She really does.

"What?" she says, unable to hold back.

"Nothing. You'll miss dinner if you're here any longer," he replies.

She laughs bitterly. So much for hoping. "Yeah, whatever, Potter. Go find someone else to break, okay?" She claps her hand over her mouth, horrified at her own words. But maybe it's true; maybe the combined force of those two boys has finally broken her.

"You're not broken," he says with conviction. She wants to show him the shards of her to prove him wrong. "You're a diamond, Lily, you can't be broken."

She has no reply to that. After a while, she hears his footsteps again, getting further and further away. He is wrong, because diamonds can be broken by other diamonds.

iii. Sixth Year

"I'm pleased with your marks, of course, but-" Lily and Marlene exchanged glances. There had to be a 'but' in that sentence somewhere. Marlene shrugged and they both turned to face McGonagall again. "But," she was saying, "I'm disappointed that only one of you managed an O in my subject."

Only one? Lily had scored an Exceeds Expectations herself, and had spent the entire summer moping because part of her felt she didn't deserve it and the other part was horribly disappointed. The Transfiguration exam had been the hardest, without a doubt, but Lily had still expected several others to triumph where she'd messed up. Murmurs filled the classroom and students turned to ask their neighbours whether they were the one.

"It wasn't either of you, was it?" she said to Mary and Marlene.

"No," Marlene said, scowling.

"Me? Are you joking?" Mary muttered.

"Then who-" Lily began, but McGonagall cut her off.

"Mr Potter, congratulations, your paper was nothing short of excellent."

"What?!" Lily said, ignoring the curious glances she got for the outburst.

"He was always good at Transfiguration, I suppose," Marlene said.

"Yeah, but not this good!" Lily gestured at McGonagall, who was now talking about the NEWT syllabus, but was still wearing a proud smile. A compliment like that from her didn't come easily. She scanned the class and found Potter slouching in his seat, looking quite embarrassed.

"I can't believe it!" she hissed.

"Lily, it's only Transfiguration. Relax. I mean, you got O's in Potions and Charms, remember? And not to mention all those other subjects where you did fantastically," Marlene said.

But Lily had gone the whole summer training herself to hate those boys with a singular cruelty, and she certainly wasn't ready to give that up. "This is war," she declared through gritted teeth.

"That it may be," said Mary, "but are you sure you know who the enemy is?"

Lily chose to ignore her, and stewed in her anger for the rest of McGonagall's class. She was ready to pack up her things and storm out of the room by the end, but almost as soon as she rose from her seat, Potter was there.

She quickened her pace despite the fact that Mary and Marlene weren't following her. He matched her step for step. "All right, Evans?" he asked, but the question didn't carry the usual attitude. "How was your summer?"

"Good. It was wonderfully lacking in arrogant prats. Unfortunately, I've got to deal with those again now that we're back at Hogwarts."

"That was harsh," he commented. He sounded more good-natured than she'd expected him to.

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily asked, stopping and turning to face him. He wasn't smiling at all, but staring thoughtfully at her.

"To say sorry," he said finally. "I was - I am an idiot."

"It's a bit too late for that," she said.

He met her eyes, and she quickly looked away. "It's never too late." But he sounded like he was asking, not telling.

It takes work to fix a broken diamond. To put the pieces back together, to seal the cracks, to make the wounds invisible. But it doesn't take as much work to fix a diamond that was never really broken.

iv. Seventh Year

"Hi, Lily!"

"Hello, Lily!"

"How was your summer, Evans?"

"Head Girl, now who saw that coming?" Sirius Black said over the noise of the platform.

"Black," Lily smiled.

"Evans, my man," he said, ruffling her hair.

"Shut up," she laughed. "So, since you're supposed to be well-informed, can you tell me who's Head Boy?" To her surprise, he doubled over with laughter. "What?" she said, prodding him in the side. "What's so funny?!"

"Nothing!" He straightened up, holding his stomach. "You know what, Moony's headed to the Prefects' compartment. The two of us will walk you there. How does that sound?"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "It sounds like you're keeping something important from me."

"I'd never. Come along, Evans." He seized her wrist and pulled her into the train. "You're going to be late, and that would make a very bad impression on all those Prefects."

"The horror," she said dryly. "But honestly, who's Head Boy?"

"We don't know," Remus chimed in, falling into step behind them. "Hello, Lily. Congratulations."

"Hi, Remus! Oh, thanks. But what do you mean, you don't know? Sirius seemed to find it very funny."

"Yeah, about that, he took a nasty fall over the summer. I don't think he'll ever be the same again. He's battier than usual."

"I'm right here," said Sirius, rolling his eyes. "Aaaaaand, here we are! After you, milady." He bowed ridiculously. Lily punched his shoulder lightly and moved past him into the compartment. The Prefects were already assembled inside, nodding eagerly and listening to the boy standing and addressing them.

"James?" Lily said incredulously.

"Oh, hello," James said, breaking off in the middle of his speech. "I mean, all right, Evans?" She laughed. The phrase had become something of a joke between the two of them, and so had the deep tone he said it in.

"I was doing great until I caught sight of your ugly mug, Potter," she said, taking a seat beside him. "What're you doing here, lecturing the Prefects on the ten best ways to avoid teachers at night?"

Sirius said, "James here was just holding up the fort for you, isn't that right?"

"James was being a disciplinarian? Really?"

"Actually, the Head Boy was reminding us of our powers as Prefects," a Ravenclaw piped up.

"The - what?!" Lily looked from James to Sirius to Remus to the Prefects. "No way."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," James joked, but she could see the tiny frown he was wearing. Her gaze rested on the gleaming badge on his chest, one that matched hers. Maybe two years ago she'd have been outraged, but now she was nothing but happy for her friend.

"Merlin's beard," she laughed, "congratulations!"

James looked relieved. "Thanks. It took a lot of sweets to talk Dumbledore into giving this to me."

"Very funny," she said. "By all means, finish your speech, Head Boy."

"You know," Lily says to James, "I'm glad it was you. I could've done a lot worse when it came to partners." Severus's face flashes in her mind; she doesn't think she could handle that.
"Are you joking? It doesn't get any better than this," James says, gesturing to himself and puffing his chest out with mock pride. "Now, who's up for a celebratory Pumpkin Pasty?"
"You're on, Potter."
Lily has no idea how much harder it is to hide old obsessions with a partner.

"There's a Quidditch match today!" she said suddenly, startling the Gryffindors seated around her. In the hum of activity of the Great Hall, her voice sounded shrill and overexcited. She winced inwardly.

"Quick to catch on, aren't you?" laughed James, a few seats away. She laughed as well, realising how silly she sounded considering that the team had just returned from an early practice, and the entire House had turned up in their scarlet and gold scarves.

"Why do you sound so pleased anyway? I thought you loathed flying?" Sirius said, raising his eyebrows.

"No, Quidditch is a great game."

Her half of the breakfast table fell silent and stared at her in shock. Lily suddenly realised her mistake. "Er - ah - it's great for house spirit!" she offered.

"And that has nothing to do with the Gryffindor Captain?" Sirius said quietly.

She shot him a glare. "Sirius Black, I will hex you into the next century if you even imply such a thing."

"Implications? Ha. You think you're so subtle, Lily, but the fact remains that the only reason Prongs himself hasn't seen through your act is that he's a dunce."

"He's not a dunce," she said almost reflexively, making Sirius laugh.

"Whatever, Evans. If he were to be hit by a Bludger in the game today, would you or would you not hurry down to make sure he's all right?"

"Well, yeah, but that's a friendly concern," she frowned.

"Right," Sirius scoffed. "Friendly concern."

"He'd do the same for me," she pointed out.

"Exactly," said Sirius enigmatically.

"Whatever," she mumbled, turning back to her breakfast.

James isn't hurt, but she is still the first of her housemates to run onto the pitch after the win. She is the first one he hugs after jumping dramatically from his broom. He picks her up and spins her around, making her scream. She feels ridiculously light-headed afterwards, but she tells herself that it's probably because of the spinning. Or maybe dehydration.

"It's almost past curfew," Lily said, glancing at her watch.

"There's still some work left," James pointed out, picking up the unfilled rounds schedules. Lily looked at them guiltily. Maybe if she and James hadn't wasted so much time laughing they'd have been done by now.

"I say we call it a night," she said, pushing away the guilt. She rose from her chair and headed to the door, feeling oddly reckless. "You coming?"

"All right," he said, "where exactly are we going?"

"How about... the Astronomy Tower?" He raised an eyebrow, and she blushed. "I mean, to look at the stars. We're awake, so we might as well take advantage of it, right?"

"Who are you, and what have you done with Lily Evans?" he joked, but he followed her out. It was only a short stroll from the classroom to the winding staircase, and the two of them walked in contented silence.

When they finally reach the top, Lily sits down by the edge to catch her breath.

"Living dangerously," comments James.

She grins. "Gotta do it sometimes." She glances upwards; the sky is not quite black, but rather a deep inky blue, the stars like small jewels embedded in it. "James?"
"Yeah?"

"Why did you ask me out that day? After... the Defence OWL?"

He chuckles sheepishly. "That was really badly timed, wasn't it? God, I was so stupid."

"You were," she agrees with a smile. "But you didn't answer the question. Why did you do it?"

"I meant it," is all he says, looking pointedly away from her. She leans back on her palms, letting that sink in. The past tense does not escape her notice.

"You know, if you hadn't been such a prat, I might've said yes."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I had a silly crush on you, sort of, in fourth year." She also had a crush on Remus in third year, but somehow she doesn't think she should mention that.

"If fifth-year me had known, I'd probably have been a complete dick about it."

"But fifth-year you meant it anyway."

"Yeah. I did." They lapse into silence again. "When I said you were a diamond, Lily... d'you remember that?"

She smiles shakily. How could she even forget that day? "Yeah, I do. I thought you were off your rocker. Well-meaning, but a bit mad."

"I was serious then."

She looks at him, and her smile grows wider at his sombre, slightly awkward expression. "You know, James Potter, you're no pebble on the pavement yourself."

"Thanks," he says, smiling back. The nice smile, slightly bemused, intrigued, the smile that she hated back in fourth year because she could never bring herself to hate it. Or him, for that matter. "Did I ever properly apologise for being a twat?"

"You did, in sixth year. After you stopped acting like a twat."

"After I stopped being a - what was it, again? An arrogant, bullying toerag?"

She shakes her head, smiling. "Yeah, that was it. We both changed."

"You?"

"Yeah. I always had this weird grudge when it came to you, that's why I snapped at you so often. Possibly because I fancied you. Or maybe because of your smile."

"You liked my smile?" He grins at her.

"That's the one. I still like it." They both laugh, and she places her hand over his. "That was a very embarrassing phase for me."

"Oi, I'm offended!"

"Even more embarrassing considering I'm repeating it right now." She holds her breath, waiting to see his reaction.

"You're-" He stares at her. "You're repeating it."

"Yeah. And I don't think I'll be out of it any time soon." She meets his gaze, raising an eyebrow.

"Good."

"Good?"

"Good, because I never grew out of mine."

She smiles, looking at the grounds stretched out before them, and each blade of grass seems like a masterpiece, each grain of soil exquisite. They are sitting in a painting, and she isn't Evans or Head Girl or Muggleborn or a girl. He isn't Potter or Marauder or pureblood or a boy. They are both gems, heroes of their own stories. They are like diamonds.

It doesn't matter when we get back
To doing what we do
'Cause right now could last forever
Just as long as I'm with you

- All Time Low, 'A Daydream Away'