Please, before you proceed to the story, read the author's notes and warnings.

A/N (1): First of all, for those who read my other story Checkmate: Don't worry, I haven't abandoned it. I even finished the tenth chapter and sent it to my beta, so it's just a matter of a few days before you get to read it :)

A/N (2): This fanfiction deals with some very sensitive topics (check out the warnings) and is slash (Dean/Castiel as a main pairing plus secondary Dean/OMC in the past). If any of those warnings are going to be a problem, don't continue.

The story isn't meant to offend, and the events are going to be described as sensitively as possible.

Warnings: Non-con and a suicide attempt are the main warnings. Please, PM me if you want any specifics.

A/N (3): I want to thank Skalidra for beta reading the story.

CHAPTER ONE

Three insistent knocks startled them, effectively cutting off their planning. Dean reached for his pistol, right hand quick and practiced. He caught Sam's eyes. With a shake of head from his brother, signifying he also had no idea who the late night visitor might be, Dean gripped his gun tighter. It wouldn't help against demons but it was the first thing he had in reach, and the familiarity soothed his very soul. Ivory grips and engraved slide, seven-round magazine. He knew his Colt through and through. He'd had it disassembled many times. Also, it was a gift from his dad. It meant family.

Outside on the parking lot, a car pulled over to their motel. Its headlights sent golden flickers through a narrow gap between the hastily closed curtains, illuminating Sam's tense posture—prepared for a fight—together with Castiel's form hovering above them and the table they were sitting at. The angel hadn't said much for the last couple of hours, content with pacing across the room in a slow motion that could only be registered by a practiced eye.

Cas did that a lot since he'd returned from his retirement with Fred Jones.

For anyone who didn't know Castiel that well, he would appear balanced and settled; yin and yang in one angelic package. Anyone else would say nothing bothered the angel. Anyone but Dean. He knew his friend, and could tell that something was troubling him. The angel may have deceived Sam with his mask of absolute calmness, but there was no way in hell he could pull the same trick with Dean.

Inside, Cas was anything but peaceful. Emotions briefly flashing over his features, turning them angry, confused, and impatient before the tranquil mask would be set firmly back in its place. The exchange was quick and so subtle that even Dean praised himself for noticing it.

The knocks resounded in the quiet room again. This time, it was followed by a gruff voice, "Come on, brother. It's freezing out here."

Dean immediately tossed away his Colt, and was on the way toward the door, when he hesitated. He was glad to hear Benny after so long, even despite the fact he'd shut him out of his life. He missed his friend, and would be happy to open the door and invite the vampire over the threshold. Only the circumstances weren't exactly in favor of a friendly chit-chat. No, because Dean was not alone.

Sending a glance at his brother, who was clutching Ruby's knife determinedly in his big hand, Dean called through the door, "Wait up."

Benny answered with a noncommittal grumble, whereas Sam put on his best bitchface and opened his mouth to protest, or most likely demand a death sentence for the vampire who had done them no wrong. Of course Sam would never trust Benny or take him at his word the way Dean did. And really, Dean didn't hold this against his brother. He'd do the same. However, regarding Dean's experience with Sammy's demonic friends, he was right to be a little—a lot—vigilant. It wasn't Sam's place to question Dean's sanity and ability to willingly trust a vampire.

"He killed Martin," Sam spat, just as he saw Dean's resolve to protect Benny from him. It may have looked like a sound argument for Sam's case, but it only served to piss Dean off even more.

"Martin threatened to kill his great-granddaughter and was a psycho. He had it coming," he retorted back.

Castiel shuffled slightly on his spot beside the cheap plastic table. He said nothing though, and Dean was glad the angel wasn't trying to offer his own opinion for the disagreement. It was no secret that Cas didn't like Benny either. Aside from the obvious angels and vampires don't get along policy the two were like water and fire. They solved everything differently, with completely opposite approaches. They even argued in their own ways. Cas, almost discreetly, with a hint of mockery he so masterly hid beneath an innocent disguise. Benny, openly, frankly insulting his opponent then watching them lose the fight with shameless amusement.

And that was only the start of a long list. When in Purgatory Benny decided to go left, Cas insisted on aiming right. When Benny wanted to resume walking through the night, Cas argued to wait and set a camp, because "Dean needs his rest." However, when the angel suggested on moving, Benny got all concerned with Dean's well-being and demanded a pause. Looking at it in retrospect, the only time they'd agreed on something was when Dean refused to take a break. He was told off by both of them and was forced to rest, eat, or sleep like a damn four year old.

And the days went on in that pattern; they argued, they fought and they pretended the other didn't exist if the matter didn't involve Dean.

Dean stood in the middle, helpless and feeling lost.

The Purgatory trip with the duo vampire and angel had reminded him so much of Sammy and dad, he'd experienced flashbacks and restless sleeps since then. Almost a whole year with wannabes Sam and dad in Purgatory… who wouldn't be excited?

"He didn't have to kill him," Sam hissed, but judging by the followed wince, even he understood how unconvincing it sounded.

Dean narrowed his eyes. This was their life now; endless arguing, throwing the same faults and grudges against each other, repeating and repeating. "You know damn well that if some psycho got in his head to kill you, I'd waste him right where he stood. Wanna call me a murdering freak too, Sammy?"

Sam grimaced. No, he evidently didn't, but it still did nothing to improve his opinion on a vampire dancing freely around. Dean sighed. They would never resolve this because it wasn't about Benny. Sam had never had problems letting monsters off of the leash. He'd begged Dean not to kill Lenore. He hadn't insisted on pursuing Kate either. Benny wasn't the issue here.

It was Dean admitting to trusting a vampire, indirectly choosing him over Sam. It was Dean never forgiving his brother for not looking for him the whole year in Purgatory. It was Dean saying those things aloud, making them real and aiming to hurt. It was also the fake text Dean had sent.

He'd just be happier if Sam took it out on Dean instead of Benny, who had nothing to do with their problems. It was him for whom Sam had left Amelia. It was his fault and Dean knew it, but rather than Sam blaming Dean, here he stood, ready to kill a vampire who did nothing more than help Dean get out of the monster-land.

Dean reached for the door handle. "I'm gonna let him in and if he doesn't jump you, you won't bring out that fancy present from Ruby. Do we have a deal?"

Sam's eyes hardened at the reminder of his screw up with a demon, but he sat down reluctantly, though he didn't hide the knife. He displayed it on the table, since his machete was in the trunk of Dean's baby, and it was his only weapon. Sam needed Benny to know who the one with a weapon was.

Dean rolled his eyes then turned to Cas. "You got any problems?" he asked.

While the angel's face screamed a loud "Yes!" he merely shook his head, replying, "No." At least Cas hadn't forgotten that Benny had saved his life more than once.

Not really satisfied with the tense atmosphere, but at a loss about how to lighten it, Dean opened the door. Benny looked kind of disheveled, and like he hadn't slept in days, but he grinned widely at Dean.

"Dean," he chirped, and his smile grew wider when he noticed the rest of the occupants. Dean let him in hesitantly, keeping a careful eye on Sam. The vampire simply didn't know what was good for him, and wouldn't hesitate to taunt Sam, just to see his reactions. If he did it with Dean, it would end with a truce like they'd just been bickering. With Sam though, it could turn bloody really quickly. Benny strongly underestimated Dean's little brother, and Dean could only hope the vampire wouldn't pay for that mistake in the future.

"Hey, aunt," Benny said to Castiel as he stepped forward, and Dean had to refocus his attention from Sam to Cas, sensing a new threat.

"For one last time," Castiel all but growled, and wow, Dean didn't hear that a lot from his friend. It was a bit frightening. "I am not your aunt."

Benny, again, pretended he noticed no immediate danger and turned his back leisurely to the angel. "Funny as always I gather."

Cas' expression was stricken, like someone ignoring his ready to smite state had never happened to him before. But spending so much time with Benny in Purgatory, Cas should have got used to it already.

The angel turned to Dean and glared at him like it was all his fault, which, okay, it probably was. He was the one to invite Benny inside, even when he'd told him a goodbye over the phone, and he was the one who'd protected the vampire from the angel's wrath on their journey out of the monsterland.

Dean had to redirect his attention again, to the other side of the motel room, when he heard Benny making buddies with Sam, who seemed prepared to decapitate him any second, considering he was gripping Ruby's knife so tightly his knuckles were turning white. Dean was between his brother and friend in two swift steps, and tugged Benny to sit down as far away as possible from Sam and Cas. That meant the bed on the other side of the room. Dean lowered onto the covers first, pulling Benny to follow his lead.

He saw Cas' lips twitch in displeasure. Well, screw him. Benny was his friend, and it was not like Dean could get tainted—or whatever the hell Cas thought—just by sitting close to a vampire. He glared at the angel, satisfied when Cas averted his eyes first.

"What're you doing here, Benny?" Dean asked when the vampire finally sat down, seemingly at ease. Dean knew better. Benny was master of portraying a laid-back behavior while being ready to strike any moment, his eyes darting alternately between exit, potential weapons, Sam, and Cas, whilst he managed a conversation with Dean. It made Dean realize how damn good the man was. He never wanted to find out who would win, if it came down to Sammy and Benny fighting each other.

"I know you cut me off," Benny said defensively, in his thick accent, "I got into trouble and had no idea who else'd be willing to help someone like me… if you know what I mean." He gestured to his mouth where the fangs were hiding.

Sam snorted. "Sure, what can we do for you?" His eyes sparkled dangerously, daring Benny to stand up to him.

"How did you find Dean?" Castiel asked, before Benny could get into a real fight with Sam. Dean didn't confuse it for a desire to help Benny. It was more of a deadly warning that if Cas didn't like the answer, painful consequences would follow.

"Relax, angel," Benny drawled, "I ain't stalking your boyfriend. I got your cellphone tracked," he turned to Dean, smiling in victory at his own achievement.

"You didn't even know what a cell is, and now you can track them?" Dean let out incredulously, his voice interlaced with amusement. He should have probably been at least a little disturbed that he had a stalking vampire on his tail, but this was Benny they were talking about. What did matter the most in this situation, was the presented opportunity to tease his friend for a hidden geeky side afterward.

"Nah," Benny confessed, "I got someone to do it for a few dead presidents."

Sam shot up from his chair. "Are you nuts?" he exclaimed, "Every possible demon is after us. What if they followed you?"

Dean had to give it to his brother. He was right. This was too dangerous, and not just their lives were at stake. Crowley was still searching for Kevin, and together with Mistress Tran and Garth they were the only ones to know his location. But Benny didn't know this, and he had to assume that if he'd called, Dean wouldn't answer his cell. Besides, if Benny was desperate enough to come to him, even over his pride and surely half the continent, it had to be serious.

"Did someone follow you?" Dean asked, he had to be sure before Benny started telling them his story.

Benny looked him in the eye, aggrieved hurt at Dean questioning his skills leaking through the stoic expression. "No," he said firmly. And Dean believed him. Benny was good, and if he was confident no one had tracked him, then no one had tracked him.

"Okay," he replied more softly, happy to see the sparkle return to his friend's eyes. Benny had to be glad that the earned trust hadn't evaporated since they'd split up.

"Dean!" Sam's voice carried an apparent disapproval at the ease with which Dean had accepted Benny's word for truth. Castiel's tight expression, hands behind back, body rolling off waves of barely suppressed energy, indicated the same discomfort. Fortunately though, Cas didn't voice his irritation. One bitching Dean could handle. Two would be too much.

"I know what I'm doing, Sam. Trust me," Dean waved off his brother. He didn't expect Sam's demeanor to change, he truly didn't trust Dean with Benny, but it managed to shut his brother up for a few seconds.

Dean returned to Benny. "So what is it?"

"Well…" The vampire looked actually embarrassed. What the hell happened? "Better to let it out all at once, huh?" He joked, suddenly dodging offering an explanation.

"Benny," Dean warned, before Sam came up with a conspiratorial theory of Benny buying time for a squat of demons heading to their motel.

Benny sighed. "This lady came on to me and I told her off." It was said fast and curtly, sounding more like a joke than an actual issue.

Dean raised an eyebrow, a grin spreading his lips. "You told her off?" After years in Purgatory, Benny declined a chick. That was the urgent problem?

The vampire shot him a glare. "She reminded me of someone close."

"Who?"

"Elizabeth."

"Oh." Dean felt like an idiot. And who was he to judge, anyway? He'd been on that godforsaken place for a year and hadn't still banged someone since his return. He should definitely fix that one. "So what happened?" he prompted.

"She turned out to be a witch."

Dean started laughing, couldn't help himself, and it seemed to help brighten the air in the room. Cas' lips twitched for the briefest moment. He probably did it more in reaction to Dean's outburst than to the story, but the smile was there nonetheless, and the angel couldn't deny it. Sammy finally released the knife and left it abandoned on the table. He wasn't smiling, but he finally stopped looking like Benny was gonna try to suck out all his blood any second.

Benny wasn't offended by the laughter, though he didn't join. "She threw a little tantrum and then she cursed me and I don't know what the hell she did—said I'd find out in seven days, the bitch. So I came here. I got no idea what it's gonna be, and I don't want to know."

"Crabs, maybe?" Dean offered, earning himself a nasty glare. "Sorry, man, but this is seriously hilarious." He started chuckling again, which made Benny smile a little despite his situation. With all that was going on these days, it made Dean incredibly grateful to deal with something that wasn't demons or tablets. This one was a good old witch and even though Dean totally hated those bitches, Benny needed his help, and he would get it. He cleared his throat. "So, did you find any hex bags or weird coins on you?" Probably not, otherwise Benny wouldn't have come here seeking for help, but he had to ask.

"Wait a minute, Dean," Sam interrupted. "Are we doing this? I mean—what about Kevin? The tablet?" He said the last words in a low, hushed tone as if it was a secret not meant for Benny's ears. Like the vampire would bolt any second, and go and tell on them to Crowley.

"I'm doing this, Sam," Dean retorted, getting angry. "Benny needs help and the last time I checked, not many hunters were eager to help a vampire."

"Exactly!" Sam cut him off. "They're not stupid enough to—"

Cas inclined his head like something had ticked him off. Well, something had definitely ticked Dean off. "You calling me stupid?"

Sam's eyes were wide with surprise. "What? No! I'm just saying we can't abandon everything here just for… him." For a vampire, for a monster, for an intruder who was corrupting Dean… these were the implications he stuffed into a one-syllable word with brute force.

Dean crossed his arms over the chest. "Well, you don't have to. I can handle it." The second he spoke, he could see the determination forming on Sam's face. He wouldn't let Dean go by himself, however much he disliked Benny.

"No, I'm coming with you. And so is Castiel. Right, Cas?"

Dean would roll his eyes if he wasn't so angry with his brother. This was ridiculous. He didn't need to be babysat to prevent him from turning all monster, or whatever the hell Sam expected to happen.

He wanted to vocalize his irritation, when Cas stepped directly into his line of sight, suddenly appearing too close for comfort. Dean had to tip his head back so he could look the angel in the eyes from his sitting position. He would stand up but that meant bringing him into his friend's face. Although it was probably better than what he had now nearly in his face.

"I agree," Cas said simply, making Benny grin maniacally. The vampire was taking it all like a huge pile of fun.

Dean turned to Sam, then Benny, then Cas, then Sam again. Their faces only confirmed what he thought was happening. They were not kidding. Just like that, it had rapidly changed from a vacation from the tablet, and closing the gates of Hell, to an unpredictable journey with three asshats growling at each other—with the exception of Sam and Castiel of course, who were making an unspoken gentlemanly agreement to go after Benny together. Suddenly, Dean had a feeling he'd have a much better time being locked up with Crowley for a whole week. Not more, because even he wouldn't make it with his mind intact.

"Yahtzee!" Dean exclaimed, aiming for a fake cheerfulness. Seeing Sammy's shaking head in exasperation, he succeeded. "A road trip with you guys. That's gonna be brilliant."

"Dean, can I have a word?" Benny asked while Sam and his brother were packing all kinds of things scattered over the room, stuffing them into the duffels. Notes, and newspapers were being nearly crumpled in Dean's hands, whereas all the weapons got special treatment, carefully put in place like a newborn baby into a crib.

Sam shot the vampire a glare, silently disapproving the suggestion. Dean, of course, nodded and left immediately. Before Sam realized his brother had just left him, and Cas, without hesitation to take a walk with a freaking monster, both of them were long gone.

Sam rolled his shoulders to ease the tension building there. It didn't help. How could Dean trust a vampire after everything that went down with Ruby?

"It doesn't disturb you?" he asked the angel, who shuffled closer to the window, looking sharply through the curtains—avoiding the gap between so he wouldn't get spotted—like he could see outside onto the parking lot despite them, which come to think of it, he probably could.

"Yes," Castiel replied absently, "but it is not my place to… judge. The vampire saved Dean many times in Purgatory, and he did the same for me." His eyes roved, certainly following Dean and Benny's moves. How he was able to do that was beyond Sam.

"Yeah," he huffed, "'cause Dean would kill him if Benny failed to protect you."

Castiel kept hypnotizing the parking lot behind the curtains. His eyes narrowed as if he didn't like what he was seeing outside. "Perhaps," he admitted. "Although I think it was more of his loyalty to Dean rather than a fear of him."

Being with Cas alone for the first time made Sam remember a question he wanted to find an answer to. Dean had told him, but shortly and subjectively. Sam would like to hear a different point of view. "How was it there… in Purgatory?"

Castiel let out a small sigh. He had to have been awaiting this. "It was… defined," he said finally, eyes never leaving the parking lot. Sam wasn't sure he understood, but let the angel continue without interrupting him. "For me, it was hard. Leviathans pursued me wherever I hid. I perceived it as a punishment set upon me. For Dean…" Cas paused, a haunted shadow crossing his eyes. "It was worse for Dean. He was alone and he was a human. It was difficult for him to protect himself, and not only Leviathans were attempting to kill him. His soul shined within many miles. He was a perfect prey for the creatures which hadn't tasted a human in decades, centuries."

Sam shivered, guilt eating at him. He should have searched for his brother. He should have been there when Dean needed him. But he hadn't, and Dean had to rescue himself. Whatever Sam let on display when they'd talked about Purgatory, it wasn't the immense guilt he felt for abandoning his brother. True, Sam had been alone. He didn't know what to do, everyone dead or gone, and he'd been… scared. Yes, he'd been scared, and instead of helping Dean or Kevin, he fled. He'd run and hadn't looked back.

"I left Dean the minute we ended up in that unholy place, to protect him from the Leviathans. Only now I can see it for the mistake it was." Cas turned away from the curtains and was now looking at Sam with pleading eyes, like he was asking for forgiveness. Sam would gladly give him it, was he not the last person who was eligible to do so, given the fact that he himself had left Dean.

"If it wasn't for the vampire, Dean would have been dead," Castiel continued. "So even if I don't approve of the friendship, it is not my place to say it."

Dean leaned against the boot of his baby. It was dark outside, and only a street lamp and the motel's neon sign announcing "Skyline Motel" to the world with blinking intensity were sending colorful lights over the parking lot. Benny's features were hidden in the shadows, edges of his beard and cap tinged with green and red slivers painted by the sign's lights. He looked like a dark version of a clown; not Joker yet but getting there.

"I'm sorry I barged in here," Benny said honestly, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"And I'm sorry for ditching you over a cell," Dean countered with a small apologetic smile. The decision not to stay in touch with Benny when Sam was involved was the right thing to do. Dean, however, regretted severing all ties with him—the guy who'd saved Dean countless times.

Benny smirked. "Yeah, broke my heart," he replied with a hint of a playful sarcasm.

Dean grinned. He truly missed his friend. "It's good to see you again." He pulled Benny into his arms, hugging him tightly. Benny reciprocated the action with the same amount of enthusiasm, although he held him more gently. He'd always handled Dean with care, like something that could break easily. Even when they fought—which was a lot in the beginning—he'd never used his full vampire strength on him. Dean was both grateful and pissed at Benny for it. Dean Winchester was not going to break if some vampire fought him with all he had. On the other hand, he was glad he didn't have to nurse any broken bones or bruises after their fights. And thinking about it, every monster, demon or angel had to be taking humans as weaklings made of ceramic. So it was nothing personal, merely a power dynamic in practice.

When he released Benny, the vampire patted his shoulder, squeezing lightly. "You look tired," he commented.

Dean tilted his head back, thinking through his answer. He looked at the winking stars above. They made him feel so small. "Remember when I told you about Crowley?" They'd had a lot of silent time in Purgatory that they'd filled with telling each other some of their stories.

Benny's lips twitched up. "You mean the 'arrogant asshole who thinks he's funny when he really isn't'?"

"Yep, that one," Dean confirmed with a smile of his own. "He's making problems again." He paused, before continuing hesitantly, "And then there's Sammy…" At that, Dean stopped altogether. It was hard to think about it, let alone talk, make it more real than it was in his head.

Benny frowned. "You know you can tell me anything."

Dean glanced toward the motel's windows, quickly finding the one belonging to their room. He felt someone watching him, but decided not to dwell on it. It was just a feeling. He was on edge 24/7 since he'd returned from Purgatory. "I know," he sighed, "it's just... complicated."

"Family always is," Benny said.

Dean laughed quietly, trying in vain to mask the bitterness in his voice. "Amen to that."

Thank you for reading the first chapter :)

Please review and tell me if it's worth continuing. Constructive criticism is welcomed but don't flame.