The poet mentioned is Emily Dickinson. (My favoriiite!)

Thanks to everybody who has chosen to read to the end of this, my longest story to date. I'm honored. Thank you especially to everyone who reviewed and faved. I love you all! Now please enjoy this last installment of Hour by Hour.

Hour by Hour

Epilogue

Hikaru sits beside his brother, and both are silent now. He knows all the words he wants to say, but none of them will come out quite right. He says them anyway.

"I wish I could say that I don't understand why you did it, because I think that would be a little less depressing. But the truth is that I do understand. I may not be able to really understand all the pain you were in, but I know you were hurting. That it became too much for you and you thought that this was the only way to end it all."

A few tears begin to trickle down his face. "I guess you didn't think like I did, that it would get better one day. That we could make it better, together. And I can't even bring myself to be angry with you about this, because the fact is that I didn't know. I didn't know what you were feeling, and I was only hoping that maybe one day you could move past it and really live again. I guess you knew better."

He takes a moment to wipe his tears away before he continues in a falsely steadier voice. "Tono is a wreck after all this. Kyouya-senpai had to shut down the club, probably for good. It's just as well, really; it would never be the same. Honey-senpai is pretty distraught, too, but at least he… he has Mori-senpai to be there for him. He'll be fine eventually. But Haruhi… You know she still blames herself for what happened, even though we both tried to tell her it wasn't her fault. But she still said that she's probably going to drop out and transfer schools at the end of term. None of us want her to go, but we won't try to convince her to stay, either. I can't blame her at all. I've asked Mom and Dad to take me out of school, too, and they hired some private tutors to teach me at home. I don't think I could ever handle going back to Ouran, with all of those memories. Everything's different now. We're all falling apart."

He gives a choked laugh. "This is what you were afraid of, way back then, wasn't it? I never even thought about it until now. But I guess that's just one of the ways that we're different from each other. You always were more perceptive, and you could see into the future so much farther than I could. Maybe that's why you gave up hope."

He idly picks at a loose thread on his pants, worrying it between his fingers as the silence stretches on. "Do you remember that kid Sugita Masuda from our class in middle school? Everything seemed so normal with him and his family, and then one day his older brother killed himself. You were so upset when you found out. You said that suicide is the most selfish thing that a person can do and that all it does is hurt everyone around you. You hated it. That's why I thought that you would never…" Hikaru trails off and his eyebrows draw down into a frown.

"But I guess that's not how they see it, is it? Sometimes it's not about everyone else, because it's all you can do just to keep yourself together. The pain you feel is too much and it's overwhelming and the only way to ever make it stop is just to kill yourself and end it all. I think I'm beginning to understand how someone could feel that way."

He watches idly as his tears drip off the end of his chin, splashing down onto his knees to be soaked into the fabric of his trousers in dark spots. Soon enough they'll be gone, disappeared without a trace left of them.

"I remember how you used to love reading me stories from Greek mythology, years ago when it was just the two of us and we were bored between classes or at home. Sometimes I would be playing a video game and not really listening, but I still remember a few of them. One of the stories that always stood out to me was that of Tantalus. Punished by the gods, what he desired most was always within sight but never within his reach.

"I'm beginning to understand how that feels, too. Every time I see my face in the mirror, it's you I see. You looking back at me, you reaching for me—but then my fingers touch the glass and I remember. Then your face looks unbearably sad and I can't stand it. Your face shouldn't look so sad. I've already broken two of the mirrors in the house. Mom had the servants cover all the rest of them, but it's not enough. I'll always have your face.

"And it's not just me, either. Other people look at me and they only see you. Mom, Dad—they see me and they can only think of you, in so much pain as you were. Some days Mom can't even look at me without bursting into tears. And the rest of our friends in the Host Club are the same way. They see my face and they remember how we were together. How we won't be again. And it hurts.

"I hope you don't get mad at me for saying this, but I've never hated being a twin before like I do now. And yet, if I could go back and change being your twin, I wouldn't trade any of our time together for the world. A whole lifetime of being by your side and it will never be enough."

The wind brushes the treetops, the sun shines brightly down, and the world spins on.

"It will never be enough," he repeats softly to himself. "The one thing I don't think I'll ever be able to understand is why any of this happened. You never did anything to deserve something like this. No one does, but you especially were always so kind, so considerate of others, always putting what you wanted last.

"If anyone deserved this, it should have been me. I've always been the meaner twin, everyone knows it. I'm selfish and inconsiderate and…and I never really appreciated you for what you were, for what I had in you. I guess it's true what the poets say, 'Perception of an object costs precise the object's loss.' It's pretty stupid how it has to be that way. If I could have you back now, back to the way we used to be—even before we met Tono and the rest of the Host Club and it was just the two of us shut up in our little world… If I could have that back now, I would take it in both hands and never let go and never change anything. So long as I had you, I could have been happy forever.

"So why did you have to be taken from me?" He's sobbing now, clutching his head in his hands as the tears pour out freely. "Why did you have to leave me, Kaoru? I don't want to be alone. I don't know how to be alone. I can't live without you. Please, please! You can't leave me here all alone. Why, Kaoru? Why?"

But the cold white marble offers no reply.

oOoOo

The End.

oOoOo

Okay, long but very necessary author's note. First of all, I would like to make it clear that I do not condone the thoughts and actions of some of the characters in this story. I think that rape is one of the worst things that a human being can do to another person. (I think I made that pretty clear in context.) It is solely the fault of the sick person that chooses to perpetrate such an act and is NOT the fault of the victim at all. The victim does not become any less of a person, dirty or tainted or anything like that, because of something that happened to them beyond their control. If you or someone you know has been raped or sexually assaulted, please tell a friend, a relative, or the proper authorities. Do not let any threats or feelings of self-degradation stop you. The only one in the wrong is the person doing it, not the victim.

Secondly, I do not condone suicide. It is not the answer. I wrote this story with this ending only to show that sometimes bad things happen and they don't always get fixed and have a happy ending, and NOT because I wanted people to think that suicide is the only way out. Take it from someone who has personally struggled with suicidal thoughts for many years: it DOES get better. Your life is what you make of it. Even if you see no other way out now or you feel like you have nothing to live for, just give yourself a chance. Once you're dead, it's all over and you'll never know how good and happy life could have been. If you're having suicidal thoughts, please PLEASE talk to someone about it. If you don't have anybody to talk to, I would be more than willing to talk with you about it. I've been there too, and it's a dark place, but just know that you're not alone. Even if you feel like you don't have anyone else, I love you and I think you're beautiful. Just hang in there. It will get better.

But that's all for this story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Thanks for reading!