Warnings: for basic warnings, se chapter one. Additional warnings for this chapter:

xXx xXx xXx

They went back to Tyson's house, and found Grandpa G waiting for them. Or, well, waiting for Kai. The old man ran straight up to the phoenix as soon as he stepped out of the car, and was going to give him a good hug, but Kai dodged it – as he always did, and snorted.

"Yo, my favorite little Russian dude!" the elderly man exclaimed.

"Hn," was the stoic answer.

The other teens more or less fell over in an out of control laughing fit. This did not discourage the overexcited kendo sensei. He managed to lock an arm around Kai's neck and held on to him as they walked in – totally ignoring the death threats coming from the half-choked teen. Mr. Dickinson had informed him that Kai was back, but had not allowed him back to the house before the others were informed as well. Grampa had in a fit of excitement prepared a celebration meal large enough to feed a lesser army. The whole kitchen table was loaded with different dishes, and they all stared at it. Tyson's mouth dropped to the floor.

"What the hell is this?" he cried. "Why have you cooked all this food?"

"We're celebrating, little dude!" his grandfather explained. "Our missing guy is back in the game!"

The Demolition Boyz noticed that Kai looked a little uncomfortable when he looked at the overcrowded table. He took a deep breath, as if to gather strength to deal with something unpleasant. They sat down around the table, and immediately Tyson and Ian started battling for the best pieces. Kai helped himself to some noodles, and a few slices of beef. That was it. Out of at least ten dishes, he only took the noodles and maybe four slices of fried meat. Bryan looked at him with an arched brow.

"That's all you're eating?" he asked sceptically. That made the others turn their attention to the phoenix and the falcon. Said phoenix sighed.

"Hn."

"That's nothing!" Tyson stated.

"What's the matter, little dude?" grandpa G asked. "Don't like my cooking?"

"Your cooking is fine, Mr. Granger," Kai said.

"Then what's wrong?" Max asked.

"Nothing."

"Come on, Kai," Rei tried to reason. "You can't seriously be saying that you don't want any more food."

"Rei."

"What?"

"Back off."

"But, Kai," Max said. "You've gotten so thin. You gotta eat something."

Kai got up from the table, eyes burning.

"I'm trying!" he snapped. "But it's really fucking hard to eat ten freaking dishes when you have hardly eaten anything in two weeks!" With that, he stormed out of the kitchen.

The others stared at each other.

"Two weeks?" Rei said, a bit shocked. "How can you even survive that?"

"There are ways, kitten," Spencer said. "And we're kinda used to starvation."

"But shouldn't he be really hungry now?" Max asked.

"The thing about starvation," Ian said. "Is that after a while the hunger disappears, which makes it all the more dangerous."

"And," Bryan said. "It makes your stomach shrink. So you have to make it get used to food again."

Tala got up from the table and headed in the direction in which the phoenix had disappeared. He found him out on the terrace at the back of the house. Kai was sitting on the edge, arms around one knee and the other leg dangling, with a cigarette between his lips. He didn't even look up as Tala sat down next to him. He just took the white stick out of his mouth and exhaled a cloud of smoke.

"I didn't know you smoked," Tala said.

"I do now," Kai said. "It tastes like shit, and it's a murder to my asthma, but it actually calms my nerves. I prefer vodka, but Mr. D doesn't allow me to drink it here." He took another puff of the cigarette, and looked at Tala. "How are the other morons? Upset that I don't eat?"

"A little," Tala said, took the cigarette and put it out. "But Bry and Ian explained it to them."

Kai smirked, and took out a new cigarette and lit it.

"In their usual pedagogic way, I take it?"

"Of course." Tala took the new cigarette away, and put a hand on Kai's. "How are you feeling? Honestly?"

Kai sighed.

"The same as last time," he said. "The only fucking reason I'm even standing is because Dr. Evans more or less shoved all my pills down my throat, both last night and this morning. My PTSD is still out of control, and I don't sleep any more now than I did before. I'm on a ton of medicines, and I see and hear a lot of funny things. But I'm still alive, somehow. Sorry I gave you such a scare though."

"Yeah, you really scared the shit out of me," Tala chuckled. "That part about a needle in my neck, wow. The scariest thing is that I know you can." Then he got serious again. "Why did you come back? Did you do it for the team or for me?"

"I came back for me." He looked at the wolf, who could see that darkness in his eyes still – only well hidden. "I need to figure things out. I had been meaning to do it back in Moscow, but Mr. D called about the press thing. So I had to come back here, and he made me promise to stick around for a while."

"And us?" Tala asked.

"I don't know if there is an 'us' anymore, Tala," he sighed. "That's one of the things I have to figure out."

"But I-" Tala began, but trailed off. "I shouldn't really expect anything else, should I? The mess I managed to create is beyond words. I just hoped – now that you came back – that things could be ok."

"Ok?" the phoenix said. "Things are about as far from ok they can get at the moment. Do you even understand what these two months has been like for me?"

Tala shook his head. Kai lit a new cigarette and sat quiet for a while before he continued.

"I'll begin at the hospital. They treated me like shit. A sixteen-year-old gay guy who tried to kill himself isn't really far up in the pecking order. The only one who treated me with any decency, was Dr. Agostino. But it was he who leaked all the information. Some reliable doctor. I flew back home, to try and make sense of my life again. But that didn't work well. I fought so hard to keep everyone out, so that no one could ever come close enough to hurt me again. I thought that I could forget everything that happened if I just kept myself busy, so I buried myself in work. I couldn't sleep, 'cause every time I closed my eyes I saw you and Rei. Every time, I saw that. The few times when I even dared to go to bed, I had nightmares. About you, about my parents, about Anastasia – and of course, about the Abbey. They gave me this shrink, that I had to go see once a week. And all that idiot ever said was that heartache is something you will recover from, if you just try smiling and be happy. The fuckhead even suggested that I should try to date someone else, to get you off my mind. With some bullshit excuse that 'all cats are gray in the dark'. I almost snapped his neck. And Victor and Feodor wrestled me to the floor and knocked me out with a sedative shot. So I stopped going, and made sure to keep everyone at a safe distance so they wouldn't do that again. I was a monster. What you saw me do to that moron was just the tip of the iceberg.
I didn't give a shit about anyone or anything. They put me on stabilizers and anti-psychotics, new sleeping pills and every fucking vitamin they could find. But I wasn't allowed to take a single pill by myself. No, I had to ask every time, and they would watch me so I took it and didn't spit it out again. I wasn't even trusted to handle my fucking migraine pills on my own. I lost my appetite completely. I would often forget to eat, if someone didn't put the food right in front of me. Even then I would sometimes just push it aside and go on with whatever I was doing. My illness ran amok, and I don't know how many attacks I've had. Not sleeping or eating makes it worse, I know, but I didn't care. And the whole time, I thought about you."

He stopped and took a puff on the white stick between his fingers. He was quiet for a while, before he looked at Tala and continued;

"I tried to understand why the hell you did that to me. Why you threw everything away like that. I thought about what you were doing now. If there was something between the two of you now, or if it was a mistake. But if it was a mistake, then who made it? And I was so angry with you, so fucking furious. And so hurt – it was almost physical. Every breath I took seemed to hurt. So I tried to make myself hate you. Every time I thought about you, I looked at my wrists and got angry again. It was so easy to hate you when you were in one country, and I was in another. Then the hate became as easy as breathing. But when you showed up at my house, everything changed. To hear you speak to me again, to see you actually cry... it made all my feelings clash in my head. It wasn't so easy to feel hate anymore. But I was still hurt, and still angry. That haven't changed now either. But I could no longer paint you out to be a devil. So now I need to figure out what the hell to do."

"Ok, I get that," Tala said. "But what can I do to help you figure this out? I don't want you to suffer, Kai. I love you. That hasn't changed. But it doesn't really seem like you're even thinking of giving this a second chance."

A flash of anger was visible in the phoenix's eyes.

"What the fuck do you know of it? What the hell would you do if you were me in this, Tala?" He got to his feet, but the whole world started spinning, and he had to grab hold of a pillar in order to keep upright. He sank back down to the floor, eyes closed. "Just fuck off, will ya?"

"No, I won't," Tala said and grabbed hold of him when he almost fell of the terrace. "I'm sorry. But I'd do anything you want, to fix this. Things haven't exactly been peachy for me either, you know. I had to live with myself, knowing that you almost died because of me. Knowing that you were falling apart, and I couldn't help you. Just tell me what you want me to do."

Kai managed to sit up, and pried Tala's hands off. He still didn't open his eyes, for fear that everything would still be spinning.

"I don't know what I want you to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"You really hate me now, don't you?"

"I don't hate you, Tala. And that's the problem. I love you more than anything in this world. But I'm scared out of my mind. Can I ever trust you again? Can I ever forgive? And if I do, can I ever forget? Don't you understand, Tal? I'll be scared every time we're out. I'll be scared every minute that something like this will happen again."

"I don't expect you to forgive or forget, Kai. I know you well enough to know how hard that is for you to do. But just let me prove that you can trust me. I will not touch another drop in my life. To see the love of your life almost bleed to death in front of you really helps you stay sober. Just give me one chance."

Kai was quiet for a long time. He opened his eyes and looked out over the garden, biting his lip and frowning. The wolf looked anxiously at him. He couldn't really say anything if Kai decided that he didn't want to give him a second chance. All he wanted at this moment was to pull the thin and weak phoenix close and hold him there forever. But it was probably not at all welcome. And Tala could understand that. If it was Kai who had done this to him, he hadn't wanted him to lay a hand on him.

"I need to think about it," Kai said. "Can you give me a moment?"

Tala nodded and got on his feet. He turned to walk away, but turned back around and looked at the phoenix. He was so pale, and the hand that was trying to light yet another smoke was shaking badly.

"You sure you want to sit here?" he asked. "Shouldn't you go lie down? You really don't look ok."

"If I try to get up now, I'll pass out."

"You weren't kidding with the two weeks, were you?"

"Nyet. I know I need to eat, but I can't get on my feet at the moment. So I'm staying here."

"I'll come back in half an hour with something light to eat. Is that ok? I'm not saying you have to have an answer by then, but I don't want to wait any longer with your food."

"That's fine. Now go tell the others that I'm ok, and not dying from starvation."

Tala nodded and went back in to the house. He walked in to the kitchen, where there wasn't much food left now. Ian and Tyson were almost unconscious, leaned back in their chairs and moaning. Max had gotten a little too much dessert, and was talking in ninety mph with Grandpa G. Rei had started to clear the table, and Kenny had gone back to his room to take a nap after the heavy meal. Spencer and Bryan were waiting for Tala. They looked both relieved and worried, in some sort of weird combination, when he came in and sat down in his chair. The oldest brother looked at him.

"How is he?" he asked.

"Not good," Tala answered. "Can you fucking believe he was just faking being ok at the BBA? He's still a fucking mess, and I'm such a total fuckhead."

"You were out there for a while," Bryan said. "Did you talk it out?"

"Uhm, well, sort of. He needed some time to think. I'll go out there again in thirty. He's gotta eat, but he can't stand up at the moment. He almost passed out and fell off the terrace when he tried."

"You really made a mess of our kid brother, Tal," Spencer stated. "But I hope it works out between you. He needs you, and I think you need him."

"As corny as this will sound, Spence," Tala said. "I don't want to live without him. He is the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me."

"That is kinda corny," Bryan smiled. "But I get what you mean."

Rei came back to the table and poked Tala on the shoulder.

"Does Kai want anything to eat?" he asked. "There is some food left, and I can put something together for him."

The wolf nodded, and got up.

"I'll help you. He needs something that isn't too heavy. It'll just make him sick, and that's not what we need right now."

The feline nodded, and they went to get something together for the weakly phoenix. Spencer and Bryan looked at each other, and sneaked out of the kitchen. They found their little brother where Tala had left him. He was still leaning against the pillar, cigarette in his mouth and his eyes closed. He was playing around with Dranzer's blade – as he always did when he was trying to think of solutions to his problems. They sat down on each side of him, and waited until he opened his eyes and looked at them.

"How's it going, Kai?" Bryan asked.

"Well, that's the question," the phoenix sighed. "I really don't know what the hell to do."

"Let's see if we can give you a hand, then," Spencer said. "Do you love him?"

"Da," he said and tapped the ashes off the cigarette before putting it back in his mouth.

"Do you want to be with him?" Bryan asked.

"Da. I want to, I just don't know if I can."

"You can," Spencer said. "Tal loves you more than anything in this world. He made a huge mistake, yeah. But it was a mistake. He didn't plan it. If he had, we would have killed him. And trust me, he and Rei hasn't touched each other since then. Quite frankly, Rei is about as straight as they come."

"I know it was a mistake, Spence," Kai said. "And I'm not worried about Rei. Tala explained it all in Moscow. But I'm scared out of my fucking mind right now. I'm a fucking mess, and I won't exactly be recovered this week. What if something goes wrong again? I tried to fucking kill myself!" He pulled his gloves off and held out his arms. Both his brothers failed to hold back a gasp. "I will have to live with these for the rest of my life. Scars of this size doesn't go away. I will always be reminded of what happened. That's why I'm so scared. What will my sick fucking mind do next time? I want to trust him again, but it's so goddamned hard!"

"Give him one chance, Kai," Bryan said. "You guys need each other. It's always been like that. What you have, and had even before you fell in love with each other, is an unbreakable fucking bond. You're like that Chinese thingy Kitty-boy has on his bandana. You don't work without each other."

"That was really corny, Bry," Kai said. "But I see what you're trying to say. I feel like such a damned coward, but I don't know what I'll do if something turns bad again. It's myself I trust the least in this."

"One chance, Kai," Spencer said. "If he fucks up, we will kill him for you. We care as much about you as we do about him, ya know. Maybe more, actually. You are our kid brother, after all."

"And I'm also a half starved psychotic wreck, who is scared shitless about getting back together with the love of his life."

"You said it, bro," Bryan smiled. "But we're not saying you should be all cute and cuddly right away. But just let him try. Let him come within that six-feet-safety-perimeter you've got."

"We've got your back," Spencer said. "Come on, Bry, let's give the kid some space. We know he get's cranky if people bugs him when he's trying to think."

They got up and walked back inside. Kai sighed and rubbed his forehead. He looked at his wrist and the horrid scar that covered more than two inches of his forearm lengthways. It made him sick every time he looked at it. He put his gloves back on with a disgusted look. Once again he picked up Dranzer and held the blue blade in one hand. He put out the smoke with the other and looked at the bitchip.

"What do you think, girl?" he asked. "Is it worth a shot?"

The bit glowed a deep scarlet, and he knew that the phoenix bitbeast wasn't too happy with that question. He had felt the burn in his jeans pocket when Tala had spoken to him in Russia.

"I know you wanna kill him," he smiled. "But if you do, you can't play with Wolborg anymore, you know."

The glow lessened somewhat. So, what was really the problem? Tala wanted him back. He wanted Tala back. Spencer and Bry wanted them back together, and probably Ian as well. Probably his team too. Though Rei had stayed well out of his way the whole time, and he sensed that the tiger blader was still a bit ashamed about what had happened. Kai would have to talk to him about that. But was it possible to start over? It was just a kiss. A kiss from a drunk Tala. It wasn't like they had slept with each other. They would have been dead if they had. He cursed his trust issues to hell, ten times over. He loved the wolf so much that he didn't feel whole when he wasn't around. At first, he had questioned that feeling. They hadn't been together for that long, after all. But he had to admit to himself that he had loved Tala all his life. They had always been inseparable, and it was perhaps only natural that this love evolved from it. He had no reason to doubt the wolf's love; he knew that he was the world to him. And that was why it was so hard to wrap his head around that night in Rome. If he hadn't been so stressed and annoyed already, would he have reacted differently? Would he have settled for what everybody else did in such situation? Which was to beat Tala up, and then do the same with Rei, and just generally make a scene. Maybe, maybe not. He knew he was already cracking. That incident was just the final push over the edge. His thoughts were going in circles, and he tried to focus on the main issue again. Take Tala back, and put himself at risk of a heartache beyond comparison, or break up with him and have a piece of himself torn apart?

"Goddamned motherfucking piece of shitting situation!" he growled.

xXx xXx xXx

I like Tyson's grandpa! He is so weird!

And about Kai's difficulties with eating; that's true. The hunger goes away after a while, and so it can be really dangerous. And yes, your stomach shrinks and becomes very sensitive to heavy food. You can be really really sick if you eat too much, or too heavy a dish straight away.

And yeah, our phoenix-boy has picked up the nasty habit of smoking. But, in my defense, there are far worse things I could have made him do...

So, they have had the Talk, but will it really be ok? Will Kai back out of it, or will Tala get another chance? Right now, it could go either way, really..