Chapter 30

As I step to the foot of the bed everything fades away. The machines, the tubes, the bandages, the sound of the ventilator, the steady beeping. I rest my hands on the rail near his feet. Most of his face is covered with gauze. The parts that aren't obscured are purple and red. One big bruise.

An uneasy breath shutters past my lips. I realize I'm shaking. As horribly as things have ended between us, I can't help but see him as the Gale I knew from before. Before the reaping that sent me into my first Hunger Games. Before Peeta and I came home victors and "lovers". Before the uprising and my second Games. Before I really loved and then lost Peeta. I saw my first friend. My hunting partner. My escape from 12. In another life it would have been our baby in my womb right now. His ring on my finger. My name would be Hawthorne, not Abernathy.

But my world doesn't work that way. We were ripped apart, never to be the same again. I wonder if he would have turned out the same if Prim hadn't been reaped. Would he have been the same terrifying man that lay before me? Would he have still been a deviant with sadistic tendencies? Or would he have been loving and gentle and kind?

Slowly, I walk to his side. I gingerly reach out to touch his face, pausing at the last moment. Then I do. I hold his broken and lifeless face in my hand as a single tear slides down my cheek. After a moment I pull back, resting my hands on my substantial bump. No more tears will be shed for him. No more of my thoughts will be dedicated to him. He is gone. He has been gone for some time now, only now it's final. Permanent.

I turn and walk to the door, pausing but not looking back. No more looking back, only forward. As I walk out of the ICU the nurse tries to talk to me.

"Miss Everdeen, are you ok? Can I ..."

Her voice trails off as the doors close behind me. I didn't bother to acknowledge her. I walked down the hall straight into Haymitch's room. I closed the door behind me and walked to his bedside. He's slightly propped up with a cup of juice with a straw on the rolling table that's over his lap.

For a moment we just look at each other. He searches my face for anything he can find. Any clue as to what I am thinking.

I pick up the cup and bring the straw to his mouth. He takes a drink, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Gale has died." I say, my voice void of any emotion.

Haymitch inclines his head and I know he'd be raising an eyebrow if they weren't both wrapped up in bandages. He's waiting for me to elaborate, I know it, but there's nothing more to say. "Well sweetheart, how do you feel about that?" He finally asks.

I shrug my shoulders and look around the room, sighing. "I don't feel anything about that. He was no longer the Gale I knew before my first Hunger Games. He was someone else entirely. A monster. I don't want to dwell on the past Haymitch. It's done and gone. I just want to focus on you and me and our future with Prue."

He thinks to himself for a moment before he speaks. "That sounds like a wonderful idea my wife."

As I grab the glass to give him another drink someone knocks on the door. I tell whoever it is to come in and it's my mom. I can tell by the look on her face that she's just found out about Gale. She looks at me tentivly, gauging my demeanor to determine how to proceed.

"We know mom. We know and we've moved on. We'd rather not discuss him or anything related to him ever again." I say calmly.

She gives us a curt nod saying "Very well." I see a slight sense of relief flash through her eyes. She holds a grudge longer than I do. She's probably very glad he is dead. "And how are you doing Haymitch?" She changes the subject.

"Doctor says I'll heal up just fine. I'm feeling like I got hit by a truck, but I've had worse." He says and everyone remembers his injuries from him Games.

"Katniss, how are you feeling? Have you eaten anything yet?" When I avoid her gaze she gets her answer. "Katniss!" She scolds. "I'm going to get you some dinner, I'll be back soon." And with that she turns and walks out the door.

I go to lay down beside Haymitch on the bed. "How are my girls doing?" He asks, rubbing is hand in light circles on my belly.

"We're good. Just happy that daddy is ok." I say quietly. I lay my head back on his good shoulder and close my eyes.

"I love you Katniss." He whispers in my ear.

I turn to give him a sarcastic look. "Well, I sure hope so after what you did to yourself." I say, then smile at him and give him a gentle kiss.

My mom comes back with food and I'm so hungry that I don't even care how bad the hospital food tastes and I scarf down every last bite. I promptly feel exhausted and lay back against the pillow to sleep.

Before sleep comes, but after my mom and Haymitch think I'm asleep, I hear them talk.

"What were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed. You have a family to think of now. You can't be so careless with our life anymore. Don't you understand?" My mother scolds him.

His arm tightens around me as she's talking and then when she's done he tells her "I know, you're right. I was stupid to go to him. But you didn't see her after... She was... And he..." I feel him tense up under my hand that's resting on his chest.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I just don't want her to be left to raise Prue alone. She loves you so much. I had a love like that once. When he was taken from me I was not the same. I'm sure she's told you about it. If she had been younger, she'd be dead. Starved. Her and her sister. As different from me as she is, she sadly got one trait from me. When we're broken hearted we retreat within ourselves. I don't need to go on. You've witnessed it yourself. So please Haymitch, for Prue, don't do anything like that ever again." She finishes solemnly.

"You have my word." He replies.