I'm still disappointed with this season and after this… crap they showed us in episode eight I read a few reviews before I was going to see episode nine. What am I supposed to say? I still haven't seen the episode... I think I will just ignore everything that happened after episode six in mind. However I had some expectation about how Dexter's going to end but they probably won't come true, so I'll write my own ending. Yeah!

This story sets after episode eight and I ignore everything I read about episode nine. In the first chapter is a lot of talking, this will chance in the next ones, but firstly I had to make right what the creators did so horribly wrong. English is still not my first language, so it there will be a few (a lot) grammar mistakes, I hope you can ignore them.

And now have fun. Next chapter will come next week xoxo

"He's really all I have. I can't even imagine what a fucking mess my life would be without him."

It's still quite early when Debra stands in front of Dexter's door, nervous, not sure if this is a good idea. She hasn't seen her brother in a week, not since she followed him and Hannah McCunt and instead of arresting or fucking killing her, she just let her go. Of course she did it for him, because when she was face to face with Hannah, she realized that Dexter may have forgave her for trying to kill him, but probably wouldn't do it, if she slaughtered his beloved girlfriend.(And when she thinks about it that way, who can blame him?) So she did what she did her whole life: forgot about her wishes to make him happy. And it's not like she really expected a 'thank you' or an apology but something, maybe a call, would have been nice. After he followed her around like a dog for nearly six month (even though she clearly didn't want to see him) it's now like there is no room in his life for her anymore. And that is what really hurts; not the fact, that he likes to fuck a killing bitch, but the feeling that she's just good enough for him as long as there isn't anyone better around, is what doesn't let her sleep at night.

Debra knows she should let him go, forget about him, because he isn't good for her anymore, he destroys her and everything else in her life, but it hurts so badly when she even thinks about leaving him, she's sure as hell that she'll never be in the condition to let him go, not by herself at least. Maybe she should go to therapy. But when did this ever anything good on her? The first shrink talked her into being in love with Dexter and the second one nearly made her kill herself, so maybe she should be alone in her pretty little house forever. Not seeing anyone, not hearing from anyone, no TV, no internet, just her and her misery. Maybe that would make her happy.

The door suddenly swings open and Jamie and Harrison stand in front of her. For a moment Jamie shots her a death-glare but then it's gone and she smiles slightly. "Hey, Debra."

"Jamie." She tries to smile like a girl who definitely hasn't sex with your boyfriend, because well, she really hasn't. She crouches down and ruffles Harrison's hair. "Morning."

He giggles and gives her a kiss on the cheek. " Good Morning."

"On your way to school?"

"Yep."

"Well, then have fun and try to learn something important." She gives him a short peek on his forehead before she stands up and Harrisons starts running towards the stairs.

"Dexter's dressing in his room", Jamie says halfheartedly smiling and follows Harrison.

"Yeah, thank you", Debra mumbles and enters the apartment. She just closed the door when she hears footsteps and Dexter is suddenly in front of her.

"Oh, hey." He looks like he's uncomfortable with her being here and she realizes that she didn't even give a thought about what she's going to say to him.

"Hey." They keep some seconds quiet, then: "We have to talk." Well, better than nothing.

"About Hannah?" It sounds kind of annoyed, tired, like they didn't do anything else than talking about Hannah for years.

She wants to say yes, but when she thinks about it she isn't here because of Hannah. "No, about me…. And you. "

"Okay… Wanna sit down?" It's awkward, standing there in his hall/kitchen/living room, but she shakes her head. It's not a conversation she can have while she sits.

"A beer would be nice."

"It's not even eight o'clock." He looks slightly worried what makes her skin prickle. He still cares about her.

"It's not like I didn't take worse things by this time of day a few weeks ago." Now he looks shocked, what makes her feel even better. She knows it's stupid, but she still seeks his attention as much as she did when they were little kids.

She sighs. "I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean?" He looks puzzled.

"All of this. Do all the things I had to do just to make you happy. It's… When dad was still alive I tried everything to make him proud of me, but he didn't even care, because he had enough to do with you."

"Deb…"

Now that she started, it seems like she suddenly knows what to say, that all the things she couldn't explain to herself are clear, like someone flipped a switch in her head. "No, it's alright. It wasn't, sometimes I even hated you for stealing my father, but since I know I get it and it's okay. But when dad died I sort of needed someone else who could be proud of me and there wasn't really anyone besides you, so I tried everything to impress you. But of course you didn't understand it because you're emotional disabled or some shit. Just not when it gets down to her." He opens his mouth to interrupt her, but she doesn't let him. "No, I'm not finished. It didn't work so I tried to find other men who could make me happy… to fill this emptiness and well… Rudy tried to kill me, because he was just after you, Frank died and Anton and Quinn weren't enough. They both really loved me and gave me everything I ever dreamed of, but they weren't you. I know, it's sick and you don't even wanna hear it, but you have to understand."

"I don't think I do."

"Everything I ever did was for dad and when he was gone, everything I did was for you. Do you think I wanted to let Hannah go? That bitch tried to kill me, because she didn't want to share you and even the thought that she talks to– let alone hugs - Harrison makes me wanna fucking puke, but I didn't arrested her, because it wasn't what you wanted. And this last year… Everything I've done was for you or because of you and that's like… I think I'm losing myself."

"I'm sorry." She wishes he would say something else, anything, but like always when she tries to tell him something about her feelings he looks like he doesn't have a fucking clue what language she's talking. The urge to hit him is suddenly so strong that it makes her shake. She just wants to see a reaction on his face; hate, anger, discuss, love, anything.

Then he opens his mouth and she asks herself why she didn't do it years ago; keep quiet until he begins to talk. "You know what's funny? Actually Harry just gave me the code for two reasons: for me, to protect me from the electric chair and for you, to protect you from the truth – from me", he smiles a bit when he says it, "So everything I did the last years was sort of for you… just not in the same way."

Even though she doesn't want, she smiles back. "I sometimes wish dad would have told me what he was doing with you. I probably wouldn't have been so angry all the time, and I would have understood you both and wouldn't have spent the better part of my life questioning myself."

"He just did it, because he thought it was the best for you."

"I know."

"And it nearly destroyed you, when you found out, Deb. What do you think would have happen to you when you knew what I was up to from the beginning?"

"Yeah, you probably right. It's a nice thought, though, a happy family."

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Stop apologizing. It's not your fault, not exactly at least. I know what you are, I know what you can give me, I just have to accept that. When I look at your last decisions I think you're stupid as fuck though, but maybe it's time that I learn that your decisions don't have to affect my life. Maybe I shouldn't see you in a while and I don't mean the 'refuse to talk to you'- but the 'just calling you when it's really important'-way."

"Well, that should be… I think I have to tell you something."

"Spit it out."

"I wanna leave… with Hannah."

And just like that everything crashes down. "What the fuck?! What… When?! Why? Harrison… You are fucking kidding me, aren't you?"

"I wanted to wait until I killed the brain surgeon-"

"Wait a minute. The brain surgeon is dead! We dump him in the ocean together."

"Seems like we had the wrong guy. You remember Zach Hamilton?"

"The boy who was together with you and Hannah?"

"Yes. He's dead. If found him in my apartment the same night. A part of his brain was missing."

"Jesus Christ, Dex, ever thought about giving me a fucking call?"

"It's under control, okay? I think I'll find him soon, just one or two more days…"

"You wanna tell me that you want to leave Miami with Hannah in one or two days and you didn't even plan to say goodbye?"

"Well, I need some more days to take care of everything else…"

"So, you wanted to call me from the airport?"

He looks guilty und she starts shaking her head in disbelieve. "You are such a fucking asshole, Dexter. I can't even believe it. You just wanted to go without giving me the chance to say goodbye to you and… oh fuck, don't tell me you want to take Harrison with you?!"

"What? Of course-"

"Of course? Of course?! Are you fucking shitting me now?! You want to take your little son with you, who lost his mother and sat in her blood for hours when he wasn't even a year old, with this reckless, killing whore to Shitstown on Serialkillerisland?! Please, just say you're joking!"

"He adores Hannah!"

"He adores… How blind are you? I always thought you could look behind the mask or some shit like that and now you want to tell me she would be a good mother for Harrison? She's a killer! Fuck."

"Yeah, and I'm one too, if you didn't recognize it!"

"I did, fuck you very much. But she's not like you! She had two husbands and she killed them both! She tried to kill me, because I didn't fit her expectation of a fucking relationship with you! What do you think she's going to do to you or Harrison?!"

"She's not like that! You don't even know her!"

"And you do? I share a secret with you; sometimes even after nearly forty years you can learn that you didn't even have a fucking clue who the person you love is." She takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself down but it isn't really working, "You know what? When you'll try to leave with Hannah and take Harrison with you, I'll call the cops and I don't care if they'll just arrest her or both of you. I'll make sure Harrison's save, no matter what."

"You wouldn't do that." He almost sounds like he's sure. Almost.

"No? He's my nephew, I would do nearly everything to protect him."

"He doesn't need protection from me, I'm his father!"

"Not from you, but from the decision you make! Why don't you understand it, Dexter? You two, you are my family! The only family I have left! You can't just go and leave me behind without saying a word! Why would you do this to me?"

"Because I thought it was the best for you!"

"I'm old enough, Dex, I can decide what's the best for me all by myself! And the best for me is sure as fuck not losing my whole family."

"Yeah, but you just said it: I'm not good to you, I destroy you! I don't want to leave you Deb, I really, really don't, but it's for the best. Hannah's already destroyed, just like me, but maybe we can fix each other, and even if it doesn't work, I won't do any more harm."

"But I would do it, Dex", her voice sounds suddenly small, harsh from all the screaming, "I would do anything to fix you, you just have to let me."

"What is when it doesn't work? What is if I'm going to make everything just worse?"

"You won't. You can't. The worst thing would be if you left me for good. It would kill me. I wouldn't survive it. Please, just stay with me and let us find a solution. Together." The urge to cry is suddenly over helming. What happened to her? She isn't even in the condition to make one step without her brother. How is it possible that you feel so much for someone that it's nearly like you are the same person, just that you don't share the same body?

She takes a step forward and is now only a few inches away from him. When he stays where he is, she cups his face with her hands. She can feel his hair and beard stubble under her fingers, his breath on her skin. It feels fitting, like her hands belong there. She studies his face, his eyes, cheekbones, nose, lips. Suddenly she's afraid it might be the last time she sees him, that he would be gone in the morning without any trace.

"There was a time you killed your own brother for me. What happened?" It's sick, so sick, but she doesn't care. He isn't in the position to judge, he's the one who did this to her, damaged her for good.

"I don't know." It sounds honest. More honest than everything he said to her in a long time.

And then, without warning, she lays her lips on his. It's warm and sort of rough and feels like home and after a second he kisses her back. There isn't much sexual about this kiss, well, clearly too much for siblings, but there isn't any promise for more in it and still she starts to shiver. He kisses her lazy, what surprises her, because she always thought his kisses would be aggressive and taste like blood somehow, instead they taste like him and herself and a little bit like Rudy.

He breaks the kiss after what feels like an eternity. For a moment she expects him to go away, to let her stand here alone, but he doesn't take a step back. It's awkward, somehow, but probably not as much as it should be.

"Just don't leave quite yet okay. Stay, even if it's just for a few weeks. I… you…" She drops her hands and folds her arms in front of her chest, suddenly feeling vulnerable.

"Until we figured this out." He sighs and doesn't sound too happy but she can't bring herself to care. He put her through so much, he can spend a few weeks with thinking about fucking his sister.

"Yeah."

He nods. "Maybe you should go now."

It hurts to hear it, because for a moment she thought everything between them would suddenly be alright. But there's still the big pink elefant named Hannah with them in the room. "Right. Well, but call me. I wanna know when you killed the brain surgeon and… just don't fucking dare to leave without a word."

"I won't."

"Good." She's about to turn and go out of the door when his hand is on her arm.

He opens his mouth a few times and closes it again like he isn't sure how he's suppose to say whatever is on his mind.

"It's alright", she says, "Take your time."

"I'll call you", he promises.

"Well, I hope so." And with that she's out of his door.

It feels freeing when she leaves his aparment, like she left all her bad thought there with him, still she's sort of confused, because even though she dreamed about kissing Dexter and doing other things to him for over a year now, it's still fucking weird. He's her brother for Christ' sake and there's this little voice in her head saying that she's fucking crazy for giving him so much control over her life. Again.

She sighs when she sits in her car. She wants to talk to someone suddenly so badly that her head swirls. Well, it's not like she has much choices; nearly every friend she had she lost in the last two years, actually only Quinn's left, but he's the last person she would ever talk to about this. So, there's just one person she can call and well... it's not really optimal.

Still she takes her smartphone out and scrolls through her contacts until she finds the name and presses 'call'. A few moments later Vogel picks up her phone. "Debra?" She sounds surprised, probably because the last time they talked they dumped a body together.

"Yes, well, I… I need someone to talk to and you're the only one-"

"Of course. I'm at home, come over."

"Just if-"

"It's alright, Debra. Come over and I'll make us breakfast."

"Okay, thank you."

And with another deep sigh she starts the energy.