The Politics of. . . Politics
by Tinselcat
Summary: Rincewind tries, unsuccessfully, to avoid Brian, and has another. . . ahem. . . close encounter with Vetinari.
Rated: R for sexual situations
Disclaimer: Rincewind, The Luggage, Ankh-Morpork, Samuel Vimes, Angua Von Uberwald, Drumknott Death and his horse Binky are all creations and property of Terry Pratchett. No profit is being obtained from use of these characters. Brian and Osten are my creations and property.
Notes: okay, I confess that I've been neglecting this story as of late, and I feet terrible about it. it's just that I got halfway through the. . .er. . . "intimate" scene and BOOM!! Writer's block sneaks up behind me and whacks me over the head with a sledgehammer. I just sort of lost my ability to write this story, it was the strangest thing. So today, I just sat down, it's freezing in my dorm room because, surprise surprise, the heating is broken (for some reason, this occurs, like, every year, always when it gets cold!), and I just sat down and started writing, and found that I had my mojo back!! it's a really good feeling to be able to sit down and start writing again, and have something come out that your pleased with. Anyway, I'll stop boring you with the details of my crazy life. Do enjoy.
***************** *****************
Rincewind's eyes fluttered open to the warm yellow light of early morning. Gods, he was comfortable. Very. This was all at once unnatural and baffling. He closed his eyes, and the memory hit him. Slowly, as if afraid of what he might see, he looked down. He immediately averted his eyes to the ceiling. Had all that really happened? Just the way he remembered it? Did the scrawny, cowardly wizard really have the patrician of Ankh-Morpork curled up beside him, head on his shoulder, sleeping calmly, his warm breath caressing the wizard's bare collarbone? Rincewind looked down again. Vetinari's hair was tousled, hanging over his eyes, seeming to shave years off of his age. Vetinari's lips were slightly parted. Rincewind realized how pink they were, thin but delicate. Cute. Very cute.
*CUTE?!?! What in all the hells am I thinking?!*
*you're thinking you'd like to bonk him. or the other way around. Both are equally appetizing, don't you think?*
*go away, you! I'm not listening to you! you got me into this mess!*
*I got you blown, in a good way!*
*but then what? I'll tell you what: he'll wake up, with a massive headache, due to all the wine he consumed, who knows how many bottles he went through before I got here! and then, and then, he'll see me! he'll see that we're. . . we're. . .*
*scrumtuously unclothed?*
*buck naked! What'll he think then? I'll tell you what he'll think: 'this wizard chap, he's in bed with me, he must have taken advantage of me in my drunken state! I think I'll have him tortured, then I'll have his head sawed off with a dull kitchen knife, and impale it on a pole as an example to the general public!' THAT's what he'll think!*
*whoa, calm down there, tiger! You're blood pressure is off the charts. Just take a deep breath. . . slowly. . . there. Look on the bright side: if he is upset, maybe he'll let us off with a spanking!*
*you. . . you. . . you're sick!*
*sick is in the mind's eye of the beholder. I am YOUR libido, after all. . .*
*don't you dare blame this on me! I'm leaving!*
*already? But we haven't made it to home base yet!*
*WE are going to do nothing of the sort! I am going to get out of here as inconspicuously as possible!*
*okay, fine, just one thing before you leave,*
*what is it. . .?*
*just touch it, just once, for me. . .*
Rincewind rubbed the heel of his free hand into his eyes. *why me?*
*because-*
*shut up.*
he looked down at Vetinari again, ignoring the twangs of hesitation. Very slowly, he raised his arm which had previously been around Vetinari's shoulders, taking care that the patrician's head hit the pillow lightly. He gave a small grunt of difficulty. He hadn't noticed that Vetinari's arms were wound securely around his waist. He gave them a small, experimental shove. He then tried to work them apart, but for all his soft curses and tactical shifts, Vetinari's arms only seemed to hold him tighter. It was when he began to feel the breath leaving his lungs that he realized they *were* getting tighter.
"what,"
Rincewind gave a jerk.
"on this great disc gave you the idea that you could leave? I certainly don't recall giving you permission." Vetinari opened his eyes and stared into Rincewind's.
"er. . . well, I. . . you see. . ." he suddenly clasped his hands together over his heart, "please don't kill me!"
the patrician let go of Rincewind's waist and levered himself up on his elbows, leaning his face close to the wizard's, "the very thought could not be further from my mind. Perhaps you take me for a fool that would stumble blindly into something he would later regret?"
"n-no, of course not, it's just that-"
Vetinari silenced him with a kiss, sucking lightly on Rincewind's lips. He kissed him again at the corner of his mouth and raised his head, "it may not be a terribly good idea to underestimate me." the patrician sat up and swung his legs over the bed. Rincewind tried not to let his eyes gravitate to Vetinari's anatomy. "or yourself." Vetinari added. He stood up, "now, I truly regret to have to leave, but there are, as always, pressing matters for me to attend to. I'm sure you understand."
Rincewind lay back and nodded dumbly. At that moment, a curious tabby cat with bent whiskers and ears covered with blue fur jumped onto the bed, clawing at the covers and yawning. Rincewind's voice caught in his throat. He pointed at the animal, his mouth working in shock. "n-no!" was the only word he could manage.
Vetinari looked over his shoulder, "oh, yes, her. I'd rather forgot to inquire if you knew about her curious little. . . characteristic."
"no. . ."
"I admit, it did strike me when I first found out."
"no?"
"it is rather an interesting, though long and involved story involving her mother, her father, a bucket of blue dye, the family cat and a rather nearsighted old witch. I believe a mackerel was involved somehow." Vetinari's eyes turned thoughtfully upward for a moment as he buttoned up his shirt.
"no."
"mrrow?"
"no."
"mrrt?"
"no."
"well, I see you two have plenty to talk about, and I do have a full schedule, so if you will excuse me," Vetinari finished buttoning his high- collared robe, which hung on him in shapeless folds, "I will have the servants deliver breakfast to you. I do hope we will convene again this evening, if you feel so inclined."
"no."
"enjoy your day."
"no."
Vetinari left, closing the door behind him.
Rincewind lay prone on the mattress, staring at the ceiling. He wondered if he was perpetually in shock, or if he just thought he was, but got used to it after such hectic adventures as he was always being thrust into. He looked down at Brian, who was currently wandering among the mussed blankets, probing them for a good place to lay down. "I suppose you feel smug about all this. . ." he scowled at her.
He couldn't be sure, but he could almost say that she had looked at him and grinned. She then flopped down, between his feet, leaning her back against his calf.
Suddenly, the door swung open and a portly maid came in, bearing a tray piled high with toast, fruit, bacon, sausages, eggs and assorted condiments.
With a squeak and impressive speed, Rincewind grabbed the hem of the nearest blanket and pulled it up to his neck, sending Brian head-over-paws in the process.
"oh don't mind me, dear." Said the maid, gray strands of hair escaping from her cap, her face bearing good-natured lines, "it's so nice to see someone in the Lord's bed aside from himself. I imagine it's been *quite* awhile since our patrician's had a good tussle!"
"b-but we didn't. . . I never. . ."
"well, someone was, or were those sounds coming from the other room?"
"s-sounds?"
"indeed. Why, when I came to find out where all the staff had gotten to, they were clustered around that there door," she said, indicating the one she had come through, "giggling and gossiping, they were. Ah, young people, so enthusiastic!"
Rincewind groaned and pulled the blanket over his head, causing Brian to tumble over the edge of the bed, landing on the floor with a 'thunk!'.
"there, there, no need to get upset, we're all very proud of you," the maid patted blanket fondly in the approximate area of his head, "I do hope you stay with us longer. Oh, what am I doing, chit-chatting like this, must get going. Do have a nice day Mr. . . I don't believe I caught your name. . ."
"rrnnwnn. . ."
"pardon?"
"rrrnswnnd. . ."
"very well, Mr. Swin. Do enjoy yourself." She backed out of the room and closed the door behind her.
Rincewind stayed under the covers, somehow hoping that it would make all the horrors of the world outside be less real. Of course, there was once such horror that really wasn't all that horrible. . . not at all in fact. . . Rincewind shook his head, trying to ban all thoughts of the patrician from his head.
*denial is an ugly thing. . .*
*bite me.*
YOU KNOW, DENIAL REALLY IS AN UGLY THING.
"you can bite me as well!"
ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT?
"yes! Go away!"
FINE, AS YOU WISH. Death floated sulkily though the wall.
Rincewind sighed, stood up and pulled on his trousers, which had been hanging from the mantle-piece. Despite his efforts, he couldn't prevent a wry smile from touching his lips.
********************
"were you *ever* planning on telling me you could turn into a cat?"
Brian sniffed, "you never asked." She finished buckling the saddlebag onto Ostentatious's flank.
Rincewind scuffed the hay-strewn stable floor with his foot, "oh, well, pardon me, I should have just come right up and asked 'oh, by the way, you wouldn't happen to be able to turn into a scruffy-looking tabby cat with crooked whiskers, would you?' must have slipped my mind."
The short young woman threw him a sly look over her shoulder, "as I understand, that's not the only thing of yours that's rather slippery. . ."
"what. . . what. . . what the bloody hell does that mean?!" his voice cracked with panic.
"oh, nothing." She snickered, pulling herself onto her horse's back, narrowly avoiding falling over the other side into a pile of manure.
Rincewind grumbled to himself, eyeing her bags, bulging and hanging with odd items, "I say, where's the Sapient Pear-dragon, or whatever it is you call him?" he asked out of purely morbid curiosity.
"oh, I leave him here with Lucky when I travel abroad. That way, if he or anyone else ever needs to reach me, they can send the dragon. The little bugger could find me in the darkest, deepest dungeons of the dwarves!" she crowed proudly.
"oh. Well, I imagine he'd have to, wouldn't he?"
she leaned down toward him, "sarcasm will get you nowhere."
She overbalanced and fell off.
Sighing, Rincewind turned and stalked out of the stables, Brian's curses echoing in her ears.
His footsteps, matched by his guard, echoed hollowly through the corridors. The early evening light stretched through the windows, just beginning to take on an orange tinge. He leaned on the sill of one of them, looking out over the sprawl of Ankh-Morpork. It really wasn't so ugly, from here. Of course, it would have to be ugly from anywhere, but less so from the palace, looking down on the richer neighborhoods, and toward the larger city where torches were just beginning to be lit on storefronts and restaurant windows.
Blowing a raspberry at the whole scene, he continued wandering aimlessly down the corridor, taking twists and turns at random. He came to a set of double doors, open wide to the richly furnished corridor. Rincewind tossed a look inside as he walked past. Then stopped, turned around, and peered in again.
"ah, Mr. Rincewind. How thoughtful of you to think to visit me." Vetinari stood up behind his desk and beckoned the wizard inside.
Rincewind shuffled in and looked about him at what could only be the Oblong Office. "nice office."
"thank you. It does well to suit my purposes." Vetinari picked up a sheaf of papers he had been examining, tapped them on the desktop to even them out, and placed them carefully in an impeccably organized drawer. He gestured toward Rincewind's guard with a hand, and the wizard soon found himself alone in the oblong office with the patrician of Ankh-Morpork, with the doors closed.
"ummm, nice view from the windows, here." said Rincewind, trying to ignore the feeling of Vetinari's eyes on his back, and the subsequent stirring in his breeches.
"really? I seldom take the time to appreciate it. perhaps I should take more time out of my day in order to. . . appreciate the circumstances under which I often find myself."
Rincewind felt the slightest brush of fingers across his behind. His knuckles went white gripping the window sill, trying to maintain some sense of control over his impulses, all of which told him to turn around, fling his arms around the skinny, dark-haired man that stood behind him, and fondle him like there was no tomorrow.
*why ever not? it's not like he'd object. . .*
*but. . . but this is his office! It would be. . . it would be. . .*
*terribly exciting! And that desk. . . dark cherry-wood, isn't it? A fine grain, too. I wonder what it would be like to be-*
*GAAAAH! Shut up! now!*
*ok, fine, I'll just go and entertain myself by stimulating your genitals, how would that be?*
*why you. . .*
before Rincewind could come up with a fitting insult for his libido, Vetinari slipped his arms around his waist and rested his chin upon his bony shoulder. "I find it continually difficult to put into words this strange. . . magnetism you seem to hold."
"er, well, no offense, but you seem to be the only person who thinks so."
"I see no problems with. . . selective charisma." Vetinari slid his hand into the front of Rincewind's robe and grasped the wizard's shirt, pulling it up and running his cool fingers over Rincewind's warm flesh, playing idly with the sparse brown hair on the wizard's chest.
Rincewind let out a small groan and leaned his head back, pressing the side of his face against Vetinari's neck, his hat flopping to the floor.
************ *A little while later. . .* Groaning at the necessity for motion, Rincewind stood up and located his pants, pulling them on. Vetinari found his drawers and trousers and straightened his robe. Giving each other a look-over to see that nothing had been neglected, they headed toward the door, Vetinari opening it.
standing outside were several guards and about half the castle staff, blushing and looking at the floor.
Scarcely batting an eyelid, Vetinari asked, "is there something I can do to help you?"
exchanging guilty looks, the mass attempted to slink away without being noticed, muttering excuses.
"er, just thought you might want. . . er. . . some hot towels."
"just, um, making sure you didn't need anything."
"well, you never know when someone will make an assassination attempt, sir, just guarding the door. . ."
"I was. . . um. . . keeping 'im company."
Vetinari nodded to the dispersing company, "well, thank you for your concern. I shall retire now, if there are no more pressing matters?"
". . ."
"very good. Come, Mr. Rincewind."
His face beet-red, Rincewind followed him down the hall.
*************
Rincewind sighed, blinking his eyes open at the morning light. He found that a long-fingered hand was slowly stroking the side of his face. He looked over to see Vetinari staring at him.
"er, good morning. . ."
"you left a mark, you know."
"I. . . I what?"
Vetinari tapped the side of his neck where the red bite mark was still visible with a slender forefinger.
"oh, er, sorry about that. I. . . erm. . . I sort of lost control for a moment there. . ."
"that's all right."
"oh. Good." Rincewind studied Vetinari's eyes for a moment, "um . . . is everything. . . is everything all right?"
"you're free to go."
Rincewind blinked as the thought settled in. free? To go where? Was he *supposed* to want to go somewhere?
Vetinari's eyes shifted toward the ceiling, "I straightened out the details yesterday afternoon. We've located the merchants responsible for putting out the various contracts out on your life. They've all been arrested for conspiracy to murder. Which means it's safe for your to leave."
"no offense, but I don't believe this world likes it if I'm ever 'safe'."
Vetinari gave a small smile and nodded. "will you leave?"
"uh. . . well, that is. . . um. . . will I?"
"I won't stop you. If you wish to stay, however. . ." Vetinari trailed off, turning to look at Rincewind once more.
The wizard turned away, his eyes drawn to the window, beyond which he could just see the rooftops of the city. What would his life be like if he stayed? He would have comfortable accommodations, to be sure. . . he would be protected, and have the company of the patrician every night. it would be delightfully boring. . . but. . . what would his value be other than the patrician's pleasure object? Would that be his sole purpose? To dwell by himself during the day, and wait in the 'master's' bed at night?
"I think. . . I think I shall return to the Unseen University. Take up my job as assistant librarian again."
Vetinari nodded. He sighed once and sat up, throwing the covers from his legs and standing.
"well, I can arrange for a carriage to take you there. If you would like any monetary compensation for the inconvenience of being waylaid here. . ."
Rincewind shuddered involuntarily, "no, no money, please. . ." he suddenly felt that he was in a room with a stranger, someone he hardly knew at all. Who was Vetinari anyway? Who could possibly get close to someone that secretive? Gods, was he really considering 'getting close' to him? *I really do need to get out of here. . .* he thought to himself.
"of course." Vetinari dressed and paused with his hand on the door handle, "well, I would like to. . . express my thanks for. . ." Vetinari faltered, staring at the floor. He abruptly straightened, looking Rincewind in the eye, his face closed off, the face of a politician, "goodbye, Mr. Rincewind." He left, closing the door quietly behind him.
the luggage creaked speculatively.
"oh, shut up, you."
*he's got a point.*
"you can shut up too."
*fine.*
"fine."
*fine*
"fine."
*fine.*
"I wonder how much doctors charge for castration."
*you wouldn't dare!*
"just don't push it."
*fine.*
"fine." Rincewind stood up and got dressed, gathering the few belongings that had been in his pockets. He thrust his hat on his head and gestured toward the luggage, "come on, you, it's time to go."
**************
"is that it?" you ask, "are you going to just *leave* them like that?!" you ask, "how could you, you stupid bitch!" well, before you get your dander up (PUT that torch and pitchfork down, RIGHT NOW!) I should inform you that no, I'm not going to just leave our boys all unhappy like this. I can't really do unhappy endings, they make me depressed. So, ANY-way, I will be writing another romance involving these two, that takes place after this story. It will not be a humor story, however, and will be much more serious and dark than this story. However, it will resolve the issues set forth by "the politics of. . .", and will feature the return of Brian the Annoying. (sorry, for those of you who don't like her, I just find that annoying characters are fun to write for! Hell, take a look at Nobby. . .)
sooooooo, the unabridged version of the fic will be up soon, now that it's completed, and I must warn you, I got myself laughing while writing the sex scenes, and had waaaaaay too much fun doing it! I hope y'all aren't disappointed. And I hope you enjoyed the story!
by Tinselcat
Summary: Rincewind tries, unsuccessfully, to avoid Brian, and has another. . . ahem. . . close encounter with Vetinari.
Rated: R for sexual situations
Disclaimer: Rincewind, The Luggage, Ankh-Morpork, Samuel Vimes, Angua Von Uberwald, Drumknott Death and his horse Binky are all creations and property of Terry Pratchett. No profit is being obtained from use of these characters. Brian and Osten are my creations and property.
Notes: okay, I confess that I've been neglecting this story as of late, and I feet terrible about it. it's just that I got halfway through the. . .er. . . "intimate" scene and BOOM!! Writer's block sneaks up behind me and whacks me over the head with a sledgehammer. I just sort of lost my ability to write this story, it was the strangest thing. So today, I just sat down, it's freezing in my dorm room because, surprise surprise, the heating is broken (for some reason, this occurs, like, every year, always when it gets cold!), and I just sat down and started writing, and found that I had my mojo back!! it's a really good feeling to be able to sit down and start writing again, and have something come out that your pleased with. Anyway, I'll stop boring you with the details of my crazy life. Do enjoy.
***************** *****************
Rincewind's eyes fluttered open to the warm yellow light of early morning. Gods, he was comfortable. Very. This was all at once unnatural and baffling. He closed his eyes, and the memory hit him. Slowly, as if afraid of what he might see, he looked down. He immediately averted his eyes to the ceiling. Had all that really happened? Just the way he remembered it? Did the scrawny, cowardly wizard really have the patrician of Ankh-Morpork curled up beside him, head on his shoulder, sleeping calmly, his warm breath caressing the wizard's bare collarbone? Rincewind looked down again. Vetinari's hair was tousled, hanging over his eyes, seeming to shave years off of his age. Vetinari's lips were slightly parted. Rincewind realized how pink they were, thin but delicate. Cute. Very cute.
*CUTE?!?! What in all the hells am I thinking?!*
*you're thinking you'd like to bonk him. or the other way around. Both are equally appetizing, don't you think?*
*go away, you! I'm not listening to you! you got me into this mess!*
*I got you blown, in a good way!*
*but then what? I'll tell you what: he'll wake up, with a massive headache, due to all the wine he consumed, who knows how many bottles he went through before I got here! and then, and then, he'll see me! he'll see that we're. . . we're. . .*
*scrumtuously unclothed?*
*buck naked! What'll he think then? I'll tell you what he'll think: 'this wizard chap, he's in bed with me, he must have taken advantage of me in my drunken state! I think I'll have him tortured, then I'll have his head sawed off with a dull kitchen knife, and impale it on a pole as an example to the general public!' THAT's what he'll think!*
*whoa, calm down there, tiger! You're blood pressure is off the charts. Just take a deep breath. . . slowly. . . there. Look on the bright side: if he is upset, maybe he'll let us off with a spanking!*
*you. . . you. . . you're sick!*
*sick is in the mind's eye of the beholder. I am YOUR libido, after all. . .*
*don't you dare blame this on me! I'm leaving!*
*already? But we haven't made it to home base yet!*
*WE are going to do nothing of the sort! I am going to get out of here as inconspicuously as possible!*
*okay, fine, just one thing before you leave,*
*what is it. . .?*
*just touch it, just once, for me. . .*
Rincewind rubbed the heel of his free hand into his eyes. *why me?*
*because-*
*shut up.*
he looked down at Vetinari again, ignoring the twangs of hesitation. Very slowly, he raised his arm which had previously been around Vetinari's shoulders, taking care that the patrician's head hit the pillow lightly. He gave a small grunt of difficulty. He hadn't noticed that Vetinari's arms were wound securely around his waist. He gave them a small, experimental shove. He then tried to work them apart, but for all his soft curses and tactical shifts, Vetinari's arms only seemed to hold him tighter. It was when he began to feel the breath leaving his lungs that he realized they *were* getting tighter.
"what,"
Rincewind gave a jerk.
"on this great disc gave you the idea that you could leave? I certainly don't recall giving you permission." Vetinari opened his eyes and stared into Rincewind's.
"er. . . well, I. . . you see. . ." he suddenly clasped his hands together over his heart, "please don't kill me!"
the patrician let go of Rincewind's waist and levered himself up on his elbows, leaning his face close to the wizard's, "the very thought could not be further from my mind. Perhaps you take me for a fool that would stumble blindly into something he would later regret?"
"n-no, of course not, it's just that-"
Vetinari silenced him with a kiss, sucking lightly on Rincewind's lips. He kissed him again at the corner of his mouth and raised his head, "it may not be a terribly good idea to underestimate me." the patrician sat up and swung his legs over the bed. Rincewind tried not to let his eyes gravitate to Vetinari's anatomy. "or yourself." Vetinari added. He stood up, "now, I truly regret to have to leave, but there are, as always, pressing matters for me to attend to. I'm sure you understand."
Rincewind lay back and nodded dumbly. At that moment, a curious tabby cat with bent whiskers and ears covered with blue fur jumped onto the bed, clawing at the covers and yawning. Rincewind's voice caught in his throat. He pointed at the animal, his mouth working in shock. "n-no!" was the only word he could manage.
Vetinari looked over his shoulder, "oh, yes, her. I'd rather forgot to inquire if you knew about her curious little. . . characteristic."
"no. . ."
"I admit, it did strike me when I first found out."
"no?"
"it is rather an interesting, though long and involved story involving her mother, her father, a bucket of blue dye, the family cat and a rather nearsighted old witch. I believe a mackerel was involved somehow." Vetinari's eyes turned thoughtfully upward for a moment as he buttoned up his shirt.
"no."
"mrrow?"
"no."
"mrrt?"
"no."
"well, I see you two have plenty to talk about, and I do have a full schedule, so if you will excuse me," Vetinari finished buttoning his high- collared robe, which hung on him in shapeless folds, "I will have the servants deliver breakfast to you. I do hope we will convene again this evening, if you feel so inclined."
"no."
"enjoy your day."
"no."
Vetinari left, closing the door behind him.
Rincewind lay prone on the mattress, staring at the ceiling. He wondered if he was perpetually in shock, or if he just thought he was, but got used to it after such hectic adventures as he was always being thrust into. He looked down at Brian, who was currently wandering among the mussed blankets, probing them for a good place to lay down. "I suppose you feel smug about all this. . ." he scowled at her.
He couldn't be sure, but he could almost say that she had looked at him and grinned. She then flopped down, between his feet, leaning her back against his calf.
Suddenly, the door swung open and a portly maid came in, bearing a tray piled high with toast, fruit, bacon, sausages, eggs and assorted condiments.
With a squeak and impressive speed, Rincewind grabbed the hem of the nearest blanket and pulled it up to his neck, sending Brian head-over-paws in the process.
"oh don't mind me, dear." Said the maid, gray strands of hair escaping from her cap, her face bearing good-natured lines, "it's so nice to see someone in the Lord's bed aside from himself. I imagine it's been *quite* awhile since our patrician's had a good tussle!"
"b-but we didn't. . . I never. . ."
"well, someone was, or were those sounds coming from the other room?"
"s-sounds?"
"indeed. Why, when I came to find out where all the staff had gotten to, they were clustered around that there door," she said, indicating the one she had come through, "giggling and gossiping, they were. Ah, young people, so enthusiastic!"
Rincewind groaned and pulled the blanket over his head, causing Brian to tumble over the edge of the bed, landing on the floor with a 'thunk!'.
"there, there, no need to get upset, we're all very proud of you," the maid patted blanket fondly in the approximate area of his head, "I do hope you stay with us longer. Oh, what am I doing, chit-chatting like this, must get going. Do have a nice day Mr. . . I don't believe I caught your name. . ."
"rrnnwnn. . ."
"pardon?"
"rrrnswnnd. . ."
"very well, Mr. Swin. Do enjoy yourself." She backed out of the room and closed the door behind her.
Rincewind stayed under the covers, somehow hoping that it would make all the horrors of the world outside be less real. Of course, there was once such horror that really wasn't all that horrible. . . not at all in fact. . . Rincewind shook his head, trying to ban all thoughts of the patrician from his head.
*denial is an ugly thing. . .*
*bite me.*
YOU KNOW, DENIAL REALLY IS AN UGLY THING.
"you can bite me as well!"
ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT?
"yes! Go away!"
FINE, AS YOU WISH. Death floated sulkily though the wall.
Rincewind sighed, stood up and pulled on his trousers, which had been hanging from the mantle-piece. Despite his efforts, he couldn't prevent a wry smile from touching his lips.
********************
"were you *ever* planning on telling me you could turn into a cat?"
Brian sniffed, "you never asked." She finished buckling the saddlebag onto Ostentatious's flank.
Rincewind scuffed the hay-strewn stable floor with his foot, "oh, well, pardon me, I should have just come right up and asked 'oh, by the way, you wouldn't happen to be able to turn into a scruffy-looking tabby cat with crooked whiskers, would you?' must have slipped my mind."
The short young woman threw him a sly look over her shoulder, "as I understand, that's not the only thing of yours that's rather slippery. . ."
"what. . . what. . . what the bloody hell does that mean?!" his voice cracked with panic.
"oh, nothing." She snickered, pulling herself onto her horse's back, narrowly avoiding falling over the other side into a pile of manure.
Rincewind grumbled to himself, eyeing her bags, bulging and hanging with odd items, "I say, where's the Sapient Pear-dragon, or whatever it is you call him?" he asked out of purely morbid curiosity.
"oh, I leave him here with Lucky when I travel abroad. That way, if he or anyone else ever needs to reach me, they can send the dragon. The little bugger could find me in the darkest, deepest dungeons of the dwarves!" she crowed proudly.
"oh. Well, I imagine he'd have to, wouldn't he?"
she leaned down toward him, "sarcasm will get you nowhere."
She overbalanced and fell off.
Sighing, Rincewind turned and stalked out of the stables, Brian's curses echoing in her ears.
His footsteps, matched by his guard, echoed hollowly through the corridors. The early evening light stretched through the windows, just beginning to take on an orange tinge. He leaned on the sill of one of them, looking out over the sprawl of Ankh-Morpork. It really wasn't so ugly, from here. Of course, it would have to be ugly from anywhere, but less so from the palace, looking down on the richer neighborhoods, and toward the larger city where torches were just beginning to be lit on storefronts and restaurant windows.
Blowing a raspberry at the whole scene, he continued wandering aimlessly down the corridor, taking twists and turns at random. He came to a set of double doors, open wide to the richly furnished corridor. Rincewind tossed a look inside as he walked past. Then stopped, turned around, and peered in again.
"ah, Mr. Rincewind. How thoughtful of you to think to visit me." Vetinari stood up behind his desk and beckoned the wizard inside.
Rincewind shuffled in and looked about him at what could only be the Oblong Office. "nice office."
"thank you. It does well to suit my purposes." Vetinari picked up a sheaf of papers he had been examining, tapped them on the desktop to even them out, and placed them carefully in an impeccably organized drawer. He gestured toward Rincewind's guard with a hand, and the wizard soon found himself alone in the oblong office with the patrician of Ankh-Morpork, with the doors closed.
"ummm, nice view from the windows, here." said Rincewind, trying to ignore the feeling of Vetinari's eyes on his back, and the subsequent stirring in his breeches.
"really? I seldom take the time to appreciate it. perhaps I should take more time out of my day in order to. . . appreciate the circumstances under which I often find myself."
Rincewind felt the slightest brush of fingers across his behind. His knuckles went white gripping the window sill, trying to maintain some sense of control over his impulses, all of which told him to turn around, fling his arms around the skinny, dark-haired man that stood behind him, and fondle him like there was no tomorrow.
*why ever not? it's not like he'd object. . .*
*but. . . but this is his office! It would be. . . it would be. . .*
*terribly exciting! And that desk. . . dark cherry-wood, isn't it? A fine grain, too. I wonder what it would be like to be-*
*GAAAAH! Shut up! now!*
*ok, fine, I'll just go and entertain myself by stimulating your genitals, how would that be?*
*why you. . .*
before Rincewind could come up with a fitting insult for his libido, Vetinari slipped his arms around his waist and rested his chin upon his bony shoulder. "I find it continually difficult to put into words this strange. . . magnetism you seem to hold."
"er, well, no offense, but you seem to be the only person who thinks so."
"I see no problems with. . . selective charisma." Vetinari slid his hand into the front of Rincewind's robe and grasped the wizard's shirt, pulling it up and running his cool fingers over Rincewind's warm flesh, playing idly with the sparse brown hair on the wizard's chest.
Rincewind let out a small groan and leaned his head back, pressing the side of his face against Vetinari's neck, his hat flopping to the floor.
************ *A little while later. . .* Groaning at the necessity for motion, Rincewind stood up and located his pants, pulling them on. Vetinari found his drawers and trousers and straightened his robe. Giving each other a look-over to see that nothing had been neglected, they headed toward the door, Vetinari opening it.
standing outside were several guards and about half the castle staff, blushing and looking at the floor.
Scarcely batting an eyelid, Vetinari asked, "is there something I can do to help you?"
exchanging guilty looks, the mass attempted to slink away without being noticed, muttering excuses.
"er, just thought you might want. . . er. . . some hot towels."
"just, um, making sure you didn't need anything."
"well, you never know when someone will make an assassination attempt, sir, just guarding the door. . ."
"I was. . . um. . . keeping 'im company."
Vetinari nodded to the dispersing company, "well, thank you for your concern. I shall retire now, if there are no more pressing matters?"
". . ."
"very good. Come, Mr. Rincewind."
His face beet-red, Rincewind followed him down the hall.
*************
Rincewind sighed, blinking his eyes open at the morning light. He found that a long-fingered hand was slowly stroking the side of his face. He looked over to see Vetinari staring at him.
"er, good morning. . ."
"you left a mark, you know."
"I. . . I what?"
Vetinari tapped the side of his neck where the red bite mark was still visible with a slender forefinger.
"oh, er, sorry about that. I. . . erm. . . I sort of lost control for a moment there. . ."
"that's all right."
"oh. Good." Rincewind studied Vetinari's eyes for a moment, "um . . . is everything. . . is everything all right?"
"you're free to go."
Rincewind blinked as the thought settled in. free? To go where? Was he *supposed* to want to go somewhere?
Vetinari's eyes shifted toward the ceiling, "I straightened out the details yesterday afternoon. We've located the merchants responsible for putting out the various contracts out on your life. They've all been arrested for conspiracy to murder. Which means it's safe for your to leave."
"no offense, but I don't believe this world likes it if I'm ever 'safe'."
Vetinari gave a small smile and nodded. "will you leave?"
"uh. . . well, that is. . . um. . . will I?"
"I won't stop you. If you wish to stay, however. . ." Vetinari trailed off, turning to look at Rincewind once more.
The wizard turned away, his eyes drawn to the window, beyond which he could just see the rooftops of the city. What would his life be like if he stayed? He would have comfortable accommodations, to be sure. . . he would be protected, and have the company of the patrician every night. it would be delightfully boring. . . but. . . what would his value be other than the patrician's pleasure object? Would that be his sole purpose? To dwell by himself during the day, and wait in the 'master's' bed at night?
"I think. . . I think I shall return to the Unseen University. Take up my job as assistant librarian again."
Vetinari nodded. He sighed once and sat up, throwing the covers from his legs and standing.
"well, I can arrange for a carriage to take you there. If you would like any monetary compensation for the inconvenience of being waylaid here. . ."
Rincewind shuddered involuntarily, "no, no money, please. . ." he suddenly felt that he was in a room with a stranger, someone he hardly knew at all. Who was Vetinari anyway? Who could possibly get close to someone that secretive? Gods, was he really considering 'getting close' to him? *I really do need to get out of here. . .* he thought to himself.
"of course." Vetinari dressed and paused with his hand on the door handle, "well, I would like to. . . express my thanks for. . ." Vetinari faltered, staring at the floor. He abruptly straightened, looking Rincewind in the eye, his face closed off, the face of a politician, "goodbye, Mr. Rincewind." He left, closing the door quietly behind him.
the luggage creaked speculatively.
"oh, shut up, you."
*he's got a point.*
"you can shut up too."
*fine.*
"fine."
*fine*
"fine."
*fine.*
"I wonder how much doctors charge for castration."
*you wouldn't dare!*
"just don't push it."
*fine.*
"fine." Rincewind stood up and got dressed, gathering the few belongings that had been in his pockets. He thrust his hat on his head and gestured toward the luggage, "come on, you, it's time to go."
**************
"is that it?" you ask, "are you going to just *leave* them like that?!" you ask, "how could you, you stupid bitch!" well, before you get your dander up (PUT that torch and pitchfork down, RIGHT NOW!) I should inform you that no, I'm not going to just leave our boys all unhappy like this. I can't really do unhappy endings, they make me depressed. So, ANY-way, I will be writing another romance involving these two, that takes place after this story. It will not be a humor story, however, and will be much more serious and dark than this story. However, it will resolve the issues set forth by "the politics of. . .", and will feature the return of Brian the Annoying. (sorry, for those of you who don't like her, I just find that annoying characters are fun to write for! Hell, take a look at Nobby. . .)
sooooooo, the unabridged version of the fic will be up soon, now that it's completed, and I must warn you, I got myself laughing while writing the sex scenes, and had waaaaaay too much fun doing it! I hope y'all aren't disappointed. And I hope you enjoyed the story!