Never Let Me Go: Chapter 1

Looking Out from Underneath

Looking out from underneath

Fractured moonlight on the sea

Reflections still look the same to me

As before I went under

Bloodshot hazel orbs shot open and darted their focus up to the pattern of the white ceiling, sweat and tears occupying the space beneath the lids that covered them. They were screaming for help and crying out in agony. The eyes blinked rapidly, trying to shut out the pain of ripping loins. The pupils were enlarging with each passing moment. Another excruciating spasm swept through the formerly petite young woman to which they borne the face of, causing her to grit her teeth as a reflex to numb the numbing in her pelvic area.

She called out her boyfriend's name, hope rising in her that they would be able to get to the hospital, get that damn needle in her back, and then meet their bundle of joy for the first time. However, as she looked around her bedroom, which was strangely a ghostly white with no furniture other than the bed she lied in. The flicker of hope vanished and turned into terror. Where was Ezra? Where was anyone? Did no one care that she was in the middle of childbirth and needed people to support her through it? Especially the man who had helped her make the little human inside of her?

It's happening. She thought as the tissues calmed after a few moments, My baby is coming. Our baby is coming right now. Where is Ezra? Doesn't he want to be here for the birth of his child?

"Ezra!" She wailed at the top her lungs, burning her throat. Her hoarse voice echoed through the ghastly room, tears making more of a home rolling down her cheeks and falling upon her sweaty nightgown, "Ezra, please don't let me go through this without you! You promised me that you'd always be there for me, every step along the way! Please come for me now!"

However, no matter how much she screamed for his presence at her side, he never came to her rescue. No one did. Her cries fell to deaf ears and she found herself whimpering, choking on the sobs in her throat. She struggled to regain her stature, looking for something to grip, but there was nothing. She was utterly alone in this dismal white chamber. She felt like she was falling, finding it hard to breathe. More spasms swept through her, bringing along with it a bloodcurdling scream from her mouth, her hazel eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Somebody, please! Please help me!"

No one came. Not Ezra, not her friends, not her family. She was left there in the white room in excruciating solitude, wails escaping her mouth.

No one was going to come to help her now.

Aria gasped as she awoke from the nightmare as a chill swept through her body. She fought to regain her bearing, inhaling and exhaling as if she was hyperventilating. She glanced around and relief poured into her veins as she realized she was in her condo in Boston on the couch curled up in a blanket. Her baggy Hollis sweatshirt hid her small baby bump from the sight of the world and a blanket covered her long and thick flannel pajama pants. She saw the sun high in the blue sky, crimson red and flaming orange leaves floating in the chilly late-fall New England wind.

It wasn't the first time that she had had that nightmare; waking up and finding her water had broken and no matter how many times she had called for someone, no one came. It was always ended the same way. She was left alone to bear her childbirth without Ezra at her side. It was probably her mind reflecting and making possible scenarios on the fact that ever since she had told her recovering-from-being-shot boyfriend about him becoming a father, he had barely spoken three words to her, which was awkward since he was staying at her loft with her until he was well enough to go back to Rosewood. And that wasn't going to be until the end of November.

Funny how the logistics of honesty is the best policy bit her in the ass on that one. Ezra had been released from the hospital three days before, sleeping in her bedroom. He had wanted to go and stay with his mother in New York or with his brother in Philly, but his doctor had forbidden him to go anywhere further than fifteen miles. Any strenuous activity could affect his physical well-being such as infection and bleeding after the surgery that had removed the bullets and their fragments. There was the choice of staying nearby in his father, Bill's small house about seven minutes from Massachusetts General, but since their relationship was strained, he hadn't been comfortable with that. So, they were stuck there in the condo together, silence and hostility in the atmosphere.

Aria had no idea why Ezra was so angry with her. Was it because she didn't tell him when she first found out? Was it because she had lied to him about being regular on her birth control pill? Or was it because he was dreading the idea of being a father to her child? He'd always talked about having kids with her after they were married, but couldn't he switch the order a little bit? They could still get married and they would already have their baby. It may not be perfect, but it would have to be what they got used to. They could make it work. They'd already survived two months of being apart. After that, everything would seem like a piece of cake.

Ezra's denial wasn't the only matter on her mind. She was still worried about the shooter being out there, waiting to make her his next target. Her boyfriend had told police that the gunman who shot him was someone who seemed to know him and after rambling words off to him, he shot him in the shoulder. His memory was still dim and he got migraines sometimes, but he was determined to put the pieces together. Or so his father had told her the morning after she had told Ezra that she was pregnant.

Bill had said with a smile, "The kid is making tremendous strides. He's still not getting the answers he wants, but it's the progress that counts and it's also something the police can work with to find the bastard who did this to him."

The older man who only seemed to wear plaid never seemed to be in a foul mood, despite the fact that he had to go out of his way to avoid Dianne while she was still in Boston and would have to when she returned later in the week. He had brought over dinner for them the previous night and had never stopped talking to his estranged son, who nodded and replied in short. He obviously was furious at the world for everything bad happening to him. First he was shot and couldn't remember hardly anything about it, then his dad who had missed half of his life showed back in his life, and to top off all of those milestones in his life, he was going to be a daddy himself.

Aria sighed and rolled off of the couch, glancing at the clock that sat on the wall beside the opening to the kitchen. It was around ten in the morning on a Sunday. She wasn't due to go to campus until tomorrow, but she was itching to leave the cold air that sagged in her condo. She had to catch up on all the work she missed, even though she knew that Haley and Katrin had taken care of it. She had lesson plans to go over and review before presenting them to the English class of over one hundred students.

Before she could move from the couch, though, she heard the bedroom door open followed by heavy footsteps and a large yawn. She barely turned her head to see Ezra trudging into the living room, his navy blue sling already supporting his right shoulder. He wasn't allowed to sleep with it on since there was a possibility of choking while he was out like a light and snoring. His brace supported his torso, making sure that his broken ribs would stay set. The bandages around his head were off, revealing the long, shallow laceration that was visual proof of his concussion as well as yellowing bruises around his temple. He was healing well physically, beginning rehabilitation the following week, but the doctors who treated him also were concerned about his emotional and mental wellbeing. After all, it's not every day you get shot. They were worried that he may fall into a depression or have post-traumatic stress disorder in the many weeks of recovery to come.

Their gazes locked for a moment before Ezra looked and turned away toward the kitchen. That was what they'd grown used to, walking on eggshells around each other and barely making eye contact. She huffed longingly and he glanced at her again, but said nothing and started to make coffee with his one good arm. He was ambidextrous in some ways, but relying on his left hand for the next four months was going to make everything difficult for him. Every time she tried to help him with something, he got stubborn and tried to do it himself. He was trying to stay afloat by his own accord; however, the weight of subjects on his shoulders, he often sunk and drowned in the process.

Aria made herself busy with straightening up the living room and while she was throwing empty Chinese takeout containers into the garbage bag in right hand, she spotted the old photo from when Ezra had moved into her apartment back in Rosewood at the beginning of August. They'd looked so content, just in their own little world. She didn't want their relationship to continue the way that they were

All of a sudden, there was a clutter on the kitchen floor and Aria heard Ezra curse underneath his breath, "Shit." She stood and walked over to one of the two entrances to the kitchen. There were coffee grounds all over the tiled floor and he glanced up at her, his eyes becoming hard as they always seemed to be nowadays; she had never seen his eyes smolder with so much distaste and anger. However, underneath the guard that he was putting up, she could see the love he had once shown openly to her, "Would you mind helping me out?" His voice was glazed over with an Artic temperature that sent chills down her spine, "I'm kind of limited in my sweeping-of-the-broom skills right now."

She was taken aback by the flint in his voice, but shook it off after a few moments, complying with helping him clean up the mess he'd made. When she squatted down beside him with a paper towel, their arms brushed and they locked eyes again as the usual electric shock rocked through them. This time it was held longer than a few moments and Ezra's gaze softened the slightest bit. His smoldering cobalt depths drowned her, his irises cultivating every fiber in her being. It reminded her of all the times they'd look at each other back in Rosewood, when words weren't enough and kisses were meaningless. She felt herself fighting the urge to lean forward and kiss him. Being so near him moved her, like a gravitational pull. She didn't know if it was the baby, the pregnancy hormones, or the amount of feelings she felt for this man in front of her. All she knew is that she saw the night skies and the sunrise molding together, making the skies fade into the cotton candy pink.

\He let out a heavy exhalation of air, breaking the intimate moment they were having, "I guess this mess isn't going take care of itself. How about you sweep it and I'll run the Swiffer over it when you're done?"

"Sounds like a plan." Aria said in short, not letting him see that she was flustered, pushing herself to her feet and grabbing the broom. She glanced at her boyfriend who was staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face, "What are you looking at?" Is he actually going to have a conversation with me?

"I'm just trying figure out why you kept something so important from me for weeks. For over a month, actually" The muscles in his jaw tightened and his shoulders tensed, "I've been trying to figure that out for four days. And I am still coming up short on explanations for you. So, why don't you tell me? Make sure that it's the truth, too." He smirked darkly, "I know that honesty isn't your forte but it'd be nice to hear."

His jibe felt someone had sucker punched her in the gut, but Aria managed to keep her cool gaze on him, mindlessly sweeping up the coffee grounds into a small pile, "We've all been lied to, Ezra. And we've all been liars." She swallowed before sweeping the last of the grounds into the dustpan and poured them into the garbage can in the kitchen, turning back to him, "I found about out I was pregnant almost a month ago. It was mid-October when I-"

He shook his head and put his good hand up to stop her midsentence, "Wait, wasn't that when you kept getting sick and throwing up? I thought it was a stomach bug…" His eyes grew angry again and he rushed up to her, their bodies almost touching and his breath hot on her face. His whole stature screamed rage, "You let me believe you were sick when you are pregnant and have morning sickness. You lied to me! Has our whole relationship been a lie? Are you still sleeping with Hayden?" He rolled his indigo irises in fury and pain, "Is he still pissed that I stole his girl? For all I know, you are knocked up Hayden's spawn, not mine!"

"What did you just say?" Horror and anger arose in her bloodstream, wondering what in the hell he was talking about as she followed him out of the kitchen and into the living room, "Do you even realize what you're saying? You're saying that I would sleep with my ex who emotionally abused meand cheated on me? That I would have a child with him? Are you really that delusional?" She plopped down on the couch in tears; this stress was not good for her or the baby, but what was she supposed to do? Let him say these God awful things about her and her credibility when it came to the paternity of her firstborn child? , "I would never cheat on you! Especially with Hayden! I know I'm not in your best graces right now but please believe that!"

Ezra didn't drop the subject. He intensified it, pacing back and forth around the living room, his voice rising in a wild temper, "You cheated on him with me! Once a cheater, always a cheater! I was willing to cut my brother off for you and he helped raise me after my dad left, being there for me whenever I needed him; he was the one who stitched me up after you left to be with Hayden and marry him last year. He wasn't my dad, but he might as well have been." He bit the inside of his mouth, "You know, my actual dad showed up for the first time in fifteen years and you knew about that earlier than I did and didn't tell me about for days. This is becoming a pattern with you, isn't it? Keep a man's child and father away from him. How great!"

"Would you have wanted me to tell you over Skype? Over text? Over a phone call?"

"It's better than knowing that I was late to the party." He hissed through gritted teeth, finally sitting down in the loveseat across from him, "I would have borrowed money to make the trip. Hell, I would have driven to make sure that you were okay. But instead you kept the truth from me." He clenched his jaw and looked away from her, salt water beginning to brim in the corners of his eyes, trying to finding his face from her, "I would have bought you saltines and ginger ale to help you with morning sickness. I would have held your hair. I would have told you were beautiful even with your hair in a ponytail and you wearing baggy sweatpants." He choked on a sob and tried to talk through it, "Your friends knew before me. Friends that you've known for two months. You told them afore you told me. Did Nicholas Marino know beforehand, since you two seem to be so close?"

She didn't meet his gaze and he answered the question on his own, "Great. That's just freaking great." He bit down on his tongue before glancing in her direction, "What reason do you have to give to make up for the fact that you told him before me, the baby's daddy? Hell, if I am the father." Aria couldn't help but reel her eyes. Nicky had been trying to get into contact with her since he'd kissed her, thus resulting with a laceration on the Italian's face. Sure, the professor was pushy and flirtatious, but she would never sleep with him. She would never have sex with anyone but Ezra after their first time in his apartment in August, "Is he the daddy to your bundle of joy?" He huffed in anger and pain from the soreness in his shoulder; he wasn't supposed to be stressing out like this, "He is handsome and has an accent, not to mention rich as hell. I'm guessing that's your weak spot."

"When will you get it through your thick skull that I am not cheating on you? God, you're hearing me, but you're not listening." She inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to calm herself, "Ezra, I didn't tell you about our-emphasis on our- baby because I knew how complicated it would be; making trips you can't afford to be with me while juggling your job at Hollis and finding a place to live as well as doctor's appointments and ultrasounds. Would you have wanted to go broke over a baby born out of wedlock?" She screamed back at him, tears streaming down her cheeks, plopping off her chin onto her pajama pants and Hollis hoodie, "I was trying to put your wellbeing over my own. I was going to tell you on our anniversary."

He shook his head, a sneer curling at his lips, "I would give up the world for my child and for you. I would become a father whether born out of wedlock or being married to you after five years. But knowing that you lied to me for weeks and never even thought of mentioning it to me makes me think that maybe my brother was right about you."

She gasped; did he really just agree with his older brother's former stance on a slut who ruined his life? Was he really saying that about her?, "What did you just say?"

"He told me when you came back into my life that you were going to hurt me again. He said to not risk my heart with you and to just move on. And now what am I supposed to do? You're having my child. I can't abandon you because of my morals. I told myself a long time ago that I was going to be a better father than mine was to me. Whether I like it or not, we're tied together forever!" He swallowed hard, "I may have to be there for my kid, but don't even think for a second that I'm going to marry you after all of this mess!"

"You're going to let me deal with this without you at my side? You told me we were forever!" Aria slipped the plastic ring he had given her barely three months before and threw it at him. The object bounced off of his t-shirt and fell into his hand and Ezra looked at it for a brief second, running his fingers over the material, before looking up at her again, his jawline tense with hurt and a fury that she had never wanted to see on his face, especially not directed at her, "When we became a couple, you told me that you never going to let me go anywhere without you!"

"I was in a different place then." He rolled his eyes, then narrowed them into flint filled slits, "I wasn't in Boston with a sling and two holes in my body without knowing who put them in me! I wasn't meeting my father for the first time in fifteen years. I wasn't being faced with a pregnant woman, claiming I am the one who impregnated her, after lying about it since the month before." He shook his head, glancing away to the picture on the table, chuckling through a sob in his throat, chewing a fingernail on his left hand, "Those people aren't us. They were a lie, a faux, a couple with blinders over their eyes. No, I can't feel bad for you. I won't. You kept me in the dark for over a month. You told people you have known for a couple weeks before you told me, the father of your baby!" Finally, Aria saw the first tear fall from Ezra's eyes, following the scruffy pattern of his cheeks, "We tell each other everything. You're the one I'm spending my life with. You're the one I'm supposed to trust! That's what love is supposed to be about!"

She huffed and puffed for a moment, gently running through her hand over her tiny baby bump, "Why does the rain suddenly seem to be on us? All I know is that what we had-what we have- is a one in a million kind of story. We met on a freaking bus. We met when we were set for two very different destinations in our lives and we felt something when we touched hands, when we kissed, when we said goodbye, when we reunited in July and became something that no writer could ever put on paper, that no artist could paint, that no musician could ever play." Without thinking, her hand shot out and clasped his, crawling on her knees toward him, putting his palm on where their child was calling home.

She held his hand there, watching as he slightly relaxed and his smoldering eyes calmed down into a sweet honeysuckle indigo. She pressed a kiss to his thumb and surprisingly, he didn't pull away, "And out of that crazy passion that night before I left, we made someone. A human being is going to depend on us for everything in six months. We're going to be parents and I want us to be together to experience every moment that our baby has. Please think about that, Ezra. Please." She leaned up to him just as he moved forward and their lips collided.

Aria tasted salt from both of their sets of tears and although the kiss was not long or passionate, she still felt every spark that she'd always felt with him. She had to wonder if he still felt them, if he still felt the magic between them. When he didn't remove his mouth from hers, she thought that they had a chance to make this work. My nightmare is going to stay exactly that. He's going to calm down and straighten up about all of this. He's going to forgive me for leaving him in the dark. He's going to hold my hand and be at my side during this part of our lives together.

Those hopes plummeted into an infinite abyss as he pulled away, shaking his head and looking at her with tear-filled eyes. He pulled his hand from her and her stomach, "I need time to think about all of this. I'm going to go and stay with my dad. Then once I'm cleared to travel, I'm heading to New York to sojourn with my mom until my vacation is over and I go back to work. I just really need my space right now."

"And what about what I need, Ezra?"

"We both need things, Aria and what I need right now is fresh air to clear my head." With a seemingly permanently tightened jaw, he stood to his feet and after a moment of hesitance, he helped her stand up with one easy pull of his toned left arm and pressed a kiss to her forehead, his hand over her baby bump, "I'm going to be here for my baby. Keep me posted on doctors' appointments." His voice was raw as he leaned away and murmured, almost too low for her to hear, "We'll talk soon, okay?" With that, he grabbed his jacket and duffel bag which was still sitting at the front door and headed out of the condo, the Bostonian wind slamming it behind him.

Aria found her former place on the couch, taking the old photo of the two of them into her hands and holding it tightly to her chest, at last letting her tears fall from her cheeks. She shoved her wet face into the black t-shirt that Ezra had worn the morning he'd shown up at her door, soaked with rain. She didn't dare wash it. It smelled like his cheap cologne and his musky, boy-next-door scent. It caused the tabs of her fingers collapse against her baby bump, still feeling Ezra's hands there.

She choked through her blubbers after a few moments of melancholy, "It's okay, sweetie. Daddy will be home soon." She hoped that she wasn't making an empty promise to her unborn child, for she was fearing the worst and imagining single motherhood in the near future. However, her main concern had to be her child. Not the man who helped her make it, but the tiny human being depending on her for its everyday need for a happy and fulfilling life.

An idea popped in Aria's head and for once, she didn't push it away. She didn't need the people in Boston supporting her and telling her that everything was going to work out for the better. There were three people in Rosewood waiting for her to return. They had hardly spoken since she'd moved to Massachusetts, thus them not knowing about her baby. She knew where she was going and why, needing her best friends' support. Ezra had been right when he said that they both needed things. And what she needed right now was her closest gal pals.

She quickly scribbled a note for Ezra for when-or if- he came back to the apartment, a few of her last few tear drops falling on the lined paper, hoping that he would understand why she was doing what she was doing. She planned to give it to Haley or Florence to hand it off to Ezra when they next saw him. She also dialed and left a message for her dean to let her know that she wouldn't be in for a week or so because of a family emergency back in her hometown. And technically, that wasn't an entire lie. She promised she'd make up her hours when she got to the office on the following Monday and even work overtime for the next semester as well as Christmas and New Years.

It took her two minutes to shove clothes in her suitcase along with her pre-natal vitamins that her gynecologist had prescribed to her, a hairbrush, and a toothbrush with some paste and mouthwash. Without a second thought, she also packed the photo of her and Ezra from all those weeks ago and his tear-soaked black t-shirt, slipping his Hollis hoodie over her head. Excitement filled her stomach, despite a tiny voice in the back of her mind telling her that she was making the wrong decision by running away after that fight with her baby's father. She shut it out in milliseconds, grabbing her car keys and locked the condo door behind her. She slipped the note underneath Haley's doormat before she headed downstairs and straight for Toyota Corolla in the parking lot.

"Daddy will always return to us."

"You told me we were forever!"

The six words chilled Ezra to the core as he fidgeted in his jacket against the gale of the chilly Boston November air as he trudged in the direction of his father's small house, which was about fifteen minutes away on foot. He regretted not taking his rental car. His beanie didn't cover his already red dipped tips of his ears. He gulped down saliva, swallowing deeply in his throat. He was desperately yearning for the warmth of a steaming cup of coffee and a fuzzy blanket. His respectable hand was shoved in his left side pocket and his injured arm was shielded with his jacket, the sleeve hanging loosely by his side as it was supported by the annoying navy blue sling. He bared himself against the wind, but that wasn't even close to being equal to the freezing words that kept repeating in his mind, over and over again.

He had no idea what he was going to do. Just a week and three days ago, he was coming down to visit the girl he had missed so much for so long. Now he was facing fatherhood and a woman who lied to him, a woman who had told him that she was fine. A woman who didn't tell him about his own dad being back in his life. What was he supposed to do? Abandon her and their child like he had been abandoned? Take her back and forgive her for all the lies? He had always told himself that he was going to be a better husband and father than his was to him and his family, but at this time, he was facing it in the mirror and he had to admit to himself that he didn't like what he saw.

He didn't know if he was ready to make the commitment to Aria and another human being for the rest of his life. He had once thought that he had a few more years to prepare. Now those few years were there and now and he had no idea how to think or act, especially after being lied to about it. However, Ezra couldn't deny what he had felt when the tabs of his fingers had met the baby bump sitting on Aria's stomach. It was as if the connection had been made right then and there between father and child. Aria had had more time more time to process that they were going to be parents while he was feeling like he was about to be hit with a semi-truck. It was the first time that he'd realized that what was happening was real, and that's what terrified him the most.

He debated whether or not to tell anyone. He felt like he needed to, just to voice his words with someone else besides Aria who seemed to be angry every time she saw him since she told him. However, he still felt that protectiveness to shield the secret from everyone and anyone who may ask. Maybe he would tell Laura. She knew how to keep a secret, as he'd learned when they were nine and he'd snuck out of her house and hitchhiked to get home because they had gotten into a huge argument that he couldn't even remember what was about. He grinned at the memory, his teeth glinting in the arctic sunlight. She was still the only one who knew because she had sworn with a spit shake that she would never tell anyone. So, if his seemingly only adult friend could keep a secret for eighteen years, she could keep one for a couple months, right?

By the time he'd made his decision about telling Laura, Ezra saw his father's rusted rubicund 1977 Chevy truck parked along the curb, sitting in the presence of a small brick house. It was built in the oldest part of Boston, but the flannel wearing man seemed to keep it up well enough. It had been in their family for generations, since the settlement of the city in 1630. Somehow, even with all of the family's involvement in the Irish Mafia since the 1920's, this still seemed to be invisible to the eye of the public and William Fitz was going to keep it that way; for him and the safety of what was left of his kin.

Of course, Bill was wearing a long-sleeved flannel shirt and a pair of worn out carpenter jeans with dirty boots guarding his calloused feet. He was fixing something underneath the hood of his truck, his sleeves rolled up above his elbows. He must have heard or seen his youngest son approaching because he turned just as Ezra arrived at the truck. He glanced in his direction, but soon returned to his toil, speaking around the usual toothpick that sat between his lips, "You're obviously insane. First, you're running out of a hospital room after being shot and now you're walking over a mile in thirty degree weather instead of driving in a heated rental car."

Ezra chuckled and looked underneath the hood where Bill's gloved hands were working, "What's wrong with this old thing this time around?"

His father huffed at him with a roll of his icy blue eyes as he played with the roll of duct tape in his mouth. Every time someone insulted his precious rust-on-wheels, he would lecture them on how much he and the truck had been through together since he was given it when he was sixteen by his uncle in North Carolina; such as his first job, first date, and –much to Ezra and Kenneth's distaste- his first time with their mother. As a former diesel mechanic, he could fix anything with an engine.

However, instead of lecturing his youngest son, he just shrugged without looking up, "The transmission fluid was low, so I decided to put some in, but then I realized that the tranny was about to rust out." He pointed out to Ezra the duct tape and glue keeping it there, "Until the new one comes in next Friday, this will have to work."

Ezra shook his head with a sarcastic grin on his face, "Dad, I think it's time that you-"

Bill held up his hand to stop him from speaking, "Son, don't even think about saying it. I don't need a new truck. Do you realize what this truck and I have-"

"Yes, you've told Kenneth and me that for our entire lives."

"Good, so shut up and come with me inside. You're as white as a ghost. I haven't seen you this pale since you fell in that pond and I had to fish you out because you didn't know how to swim." He slightly raised his eyebrow at his father, surprised that he remembered all those years ago on the old farm in Pennsylvania, "I feel like there's something you need to tell your old pa over a cup of hot chocolate with two marshmallows. "That had been his favorite drink when he was a kid, another thing that he was shocked that William Fitz, a man who had been in prison in Wisconsin for twelve years, would remember a trivial thing like his son's favorite drink when he was twelve years old. It looked like the forty-two year old had noticed Ezra's surprise and he rolled his eyes as he slammed the hood shut, "Of course I would remember the day that my kid almost drowned or his favorite drink before he discovered coffee and soda."

"I'm just surprised, Dad. I wasn't expecting you to. Sorry for underestimating you and your memory." Ezra helped Bill clean up the scrap pieces of duct tape with his left hand, glad to have the distraction from Aria and the baby, and who to tell about that entire thing. Maybe he ought to tell his father before Laura…"Dad, there is something I need to tell you though. Something that I have been wrestling with for four days."

"I had a feeling that this was going to happen. Wednesday night after I came back with Emma and your brother from the bookstore, you had looked like you were going to bust a vein. Something between Aria and you had changed within the ten minutes that we had been gone. So, let's bring this inside so I can talk you out of doing anything rash and stupid." Bill slapped his child on the left shoulder gently, leaving his arm around him as he led him into the small home, "Sorry for the mess. I have hardly cleaned up the place since coming up to Boston."

The house smelled like musky firewood and burning cinnamon candles. It was dark other than an oven lamp in the box of a kitchen on the other side of the living room wall. It was a toasty kind of warm, the kind that felt like a never-ending hug that constricted the human body and soul. It was quite tidy, even though Bill hardly ever resided there. If Ezra wanted to, he probably could eat a meal off of the carpeted floor. So, he had no idea as to why the man in the flannel had called his place messy.

"Have you run into any of the old guys that you used to run with?" Ezra asked curiously, watching as his father hung up his jacket in the coat closet, "The mafia, I mean?"

"You're kidding me right, boy?" Bill rolled his eyes at him, just as he had done about the truck. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets as he trudged into the kitchen, his youngest son following on his heels, "Ezra, I haven't seen anything from that group of ruffians since I was a prepubescent kid at the age of fourteen. My Pop said in the letter he wrote to me, the last time I heard from him in '99 that the group he ran with had broken up when the man above my father was arrested, as he was the one to snitch resulting in his death. This house is the only thing left to remind me of my and our ancestors' past. So, to answer your question, no. When I got out, I planned to stay out, in which I have."

He shrugged, changing the subject as he fired up the wood stove to heat up the water for their drinks, "Anyway, what is it that you wanted to tell me, son? I can practically feel you boring holes into my neck." He turned around and locked gazes with Ezra, who stared back with a tense jaw, "What's going on with you and Aria? Wednesday before I left the room, you two were happy and in love, but when I walked back in, Aria was asleep next to you and you had this look…I can't explain it, boy. You have this great girl and now you're screwing it up."

"It's not my fault, Dad!" Ezra snapped harshly, his whole being tense, "None of this is my fault!"

"Okay, okay, relax, Hulk." He propelled his youngest son into the living room, watching him sit on the couch and put his face in his hands. He remained standing, arms crossing his chest, "Then what's wrong with you? You've been walking on eggshells for almost a week and you're bursting with apprehension so tell your old man what in the hell is going on with you. You're acting like a maniac and I don't want to see you leaping off a bridge because you're going into a depression."

He rolled his almost identical cobalt eyes at that statement, "Dad, I'm not going to kill myself. I'm going to-"He stopped mid-sentence, trying to find the words through the knot in his throat, "I'm going to…"

Bill quickly sat beside him and in an uncharacteristic gesture of character, he took his hands into his calloused palms, as if to comfort Ezra, "Buddy, whatever you are about to tell me, please know that it will get better." He almost seemed to be crying, but through a smile, he continued, "I should have known that this day was coming. With your sweater vests and your tight jeans. Even that hair that Hugh Grant has is almost identical to yours. No matter what, kiddo, I will accept you, whatever you might be. No wonder why things are so awkward for you and Aria."

"Dad…what in the hell are you talking about?"

"You're coming out of the closet, right? You're gay. I've known for years."

Ezra blinked in shock, trying to figure out how in the hell Bill had come up with that conclusion, "No, no, no. I'm not gay. I am as straight as an arrow. I'm trying to tell you the exact opposite. I am in love with a woman who lied to me for weeks about someone."

"What? Aria lied to you about something?" His father blinked, nodding slowly before asking once more, "Are you sure you're not gay? Because I've connected the dots and I may not like it, but I'll love you no matter what. I mean you're my kid and-"

"I'm not gay, okay?" He raised his voice in frustration, his eyes dribbling down huge tears, "You hear my voice, but you're not listening." He grabbed his father by the shoulder with his good hand, "Listen to me carefully: I-am-not-gay."

He shook the hand off of his body, his own voice rising, "Then what in the hell is going on with you?"

"Aria told me that I'm going to be a father!"

Silence filled the toasty atmosphere. Bill pulled his hands away from his son and stood to his feet. Ezra could hear the pressure of the steaming teapot popping, letting the two men know that the hot water was ready to be poured into a cup with the added chocolate. He heard his dad pouring the hazy liquid into two coffee mugs that were about fifty years old. He remained on the couch, his knee jumping up and down. All of a sudden, the pain he felt in his shoulder was gone. Now the only kind he felt was in his heart. It felt like someone had ripped a hole in it.

No, make that multiple holes.

The man in flannel returned a minute or so later with the mugs firmly in his hand, still as silent as a mime. He returned to his place beside Ezra and took a sip from his own mug, handing one to the rigid man alongside him. He couldn't tell what the older man was feeling or thinking. All he knew was that his expression was masked with a mixed emotion of excitement and sympathy. They listened to the faucet drop in the kitchen, the tick of the clock on the wall, the sound of cars outside on their daily errands. They remained there in silence for at least five minutes.

At last, Bill broke the silence with a chuckle, the humor rolling through his tough exterior, "So, you're going to be a father?" He shook his head in amusement, "What's with all of this petty junior high drama? You and Aria are going to be parents! You should be celebrating with her instead of spending time with your old man, sipping hot chocolate and arguing about your sexuality." He clonked his glass against Ezra's, who was becoming more irritated by the second, "Congrats, kid. You're going to be an amazing dad."

"Dad, you don't get it." He gritted his teeth, taking a swig of his drink, swallowing as it burned the interior of his throat, "Aria lied to me about it. She told me that everything was fine. She told me that after she knew that she was having my child. She told her fucking colleagues before she told the father of her child, including that fucking Italian guy with the huge house and full wallet."

"Whoa, language! I don't want those kinds of words in my house." Bill winked at him and slapped him on his left shoulder, hard enough to make his son wince, "Ez, you love this woman more than you've loved anyone or anything else in the world. And so what if she told people before you? Your mother communicated to everyone but me when she pregnant with both you and Kenny. I found out through the announcements in the papers. I was enthusiastic, though. I didn't give a shit if she didn't tell me first. She at least gave me a heads up before she came home one day with a blue blanket, saying, " Hey look what I had!"

Ezra blinked at his father before putting his face in his hand, rubbing his eyes in confusion and fatigue, "Are you serious?"

Bill nodded, still laughing at his child's stupidity, "That's just how women are. They gossip! I'll never understand their state of mind, and neither will you. But at least get it through your head that Aria wouldn't keep her pregnancy away from you if she'd thought that it would hurt you like this. She told her friends and that fucking Italian guy because they were there and she was scared. I bet she's terrified right now since you seemed to have thrown her under of the bus over this."

He shook his head in defeat, "I'm such an idiot."

"That's what being a man is about. We make the hard decisions when the women can't figure them out and we usually need their help while making them. It's our job to have the answers, even if we don't understand the questions." The man in flannel shot him a smile that Ezra recognized. He had the exact same one that made the ladies faint whenever he flashed it, "Kid, go and get your woman. Tell her that you were wrong and that you're going to be there for every step of the way. Because if you leave her with this mess on her own, I promise you that I will not hesitate to finish the gunman's job." Something in William Fitz's icy cerulean irises told Ezra that he was not kidding.

Not at all.

Bill was courteous enough to drive Ezra back to the condo just off of the Boston University campus in his rumbling-environmental disaster-diesel burning truck. Dread filled his sneakers as he hopped out of the cab and rushed up the outside stairs. He knew that something was wrong when he reached the third floor, his father's heavy breathing behind him. Maybe it was the clouds in the sky, promising rain, despite the sun that had been shining high in the sky an hour before.

He tried to open the door, expecting it to swing into the condo so he could rush in. However, his hand could not get past the lock that blocked his entrance. He pounded on the ingress, shouting on the top of his lungs, "Aria! It's me! Please let me in!" When the mother of his child didn't come to the entrance, he continued to knock and call out, "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. About needing things, needing my space. Truth is, the only two things I need are you and the baby. I'll take care of you and him-or her! Just please let me in so I can apologize face to face."

The thunder cracked and the drops broke loose as it began to drizzle. Luckily, the overhang of the next floor above them saved them from getting soaked. Bill touched his son's shoulder gently, his rough and deep voice in a murmur, "Son, maybe she's asleep. Pregnant women sleep, eat, cry, and complain. Maybe you ought to come back to place with me and wait a while. After all, from what you told me on the way here, she probably needed time to cool down just like you needed to."

Ezra shook his head in denial, continuing to pound on the entry, "Aria, please come to the door."

Maybe she had gone to one of her friend's lofts down the hall. He knew that at least one of them lived on that floor. He rushed down to apartment 3I and began knocking, "Aria, are you in there? Please answer the door. I need to talk to you. Please, Ar. I love you so much. I'm sorry about what I said."

"Will you just shut up already?" The door opened, but, to his disappointment, the person behind it was not the woman he was hoping for. It was Haley Russet, Aria's colleague from the university; the loft to whom the condo belonged. She was wearing sweatpants and an Amaryllis hoodie that was way too big for her, "Oh, geez. It's you." For some reason, Haley had gone from liking him to hating him in a week and a half. He had to wonder if Aria had been talking to her about how he reacted about their baby, "You know, you're going to wake the dead with all of that pounding and shouting. God damn." She looked over Ezra's shoulder and her hazel eyes lit up at the sight of Bill, "Hey there, Mr. Fitz."

"Phish posh, Miss Russet. Mr. Fitz was my father. Just call me Bill."

She blushed, tucking a loose lock of her light brown hair behind her ear, "Sounds good to me." She glanced over her shoulder as if she had company; Ezra was hoping it was his girlfriend, but when no one else came to greet them, he assumed that Haley had her secret boyfriend in there with her.

The teacher's assistant closed the door behind her as Ezra frantically asked her, "Have you seen Aria?"

She shook her head, "Nope." She shrugged and looked at him sarcastically, "Maybe you could try using the spare key underneath the mat. It's the one I always use when she's too sick to get it."

"Great idea!" He bounded back to his girlfriend's condo, grabbing the key underneath the Welcome to My Home doormat and unlocking the door.

Bill called after him as he and Haley followed close behind, "Ezra, what in the hell are you doing? Calm down and think rationally!"

He ignored him, looking around the condo in hen frenzy, rushing into Aria's bedroom; the one that he had been sleeping in for four days. Bill had said that pregnant women slept a lot. However, when he opened the door to the room, the bed was just as he had left it. Aria wasn't in there asleep. In fact, some of her clothes and her suitcase was gone. Fear clenched his stomach. Had his pregnant girlfriend left Boston? Where would she have gone?

Haley shut the door behind her as she shook her head and muttered, "He didn't even ask to enter this messy place. Then again this is where the two ravenous rabbits made love, so I guess he doesn't need any." She sighed heavily, "Did I mention that there was no food in the fridge?" She curled her lip at Ezra, "Before you came along to Boston, there was always food in there and now I'm left here with a rumbling stomach." She gestured to the kitchen as she and Bill entered it, eyes not leaving the curly haired man who seemed to be freaking out more and more by the second, pacing up and down the hallway, "Is he high or drunk or something like that? I wish I had brought my phone to put this on YouTube."

Ezra joined them after he calmed down; he was still heavily breathing, his cobalt orbs filled with guilt and fear, "Where is Aria? She's not in her room. She's not in the condo at all! Her suitcase is gone and so are a lot of her clothes." He glared back at Haley and Bill stepped protectively in front of her, as if he thought his son was going to hurt her, "Where is she, Haley? Is she at campus? Is she at Katrin's? I just need to know where she is."

"Oh, so you can apologize for being an ass to her about her pregnancy?" She snapped at him, confirming his thoughts from earlier.

"I was a total dick, okay? I was extremely out of line and now I just need to tell her that I'm sorry. I love her, Haley. You know that."

Haley sighed heavily, serious for the first time since that night in the hospital when Aria had told him about the baby, "I know." She hesitantly took a wrinkled and folded piece of paper from the pocket of her hoodie, "She left this for me to give to you. It should explain everything. Or at least that's what she expressed to me on the phone about an hour ago."

He tensed up as he opened the letter, his eyes racing over the words encrypted into the lines of the notebook paper. He had to read the words over and over again before he finally recollected what they meant, hearing his heart inside of his chest. He wiped the tears that had finally managed to fall from his sapphire eyes as he read the letter again:

My dearest Ezra,

You were right. We both need things right now. I am going to be away for a while to clear my head and figure this out on my own. Please don't come after me. I'll come back, but I just don't know when. I'm so sorry for lying to you about the baby. I never intended to hurt you. I wanted the exact opposite. I had thought that you would be excited to prove yourself to yourself about being a father, a better one than yours was to you. I know that you'll come around one day, but right now I'm going to focus on me and the baby in the only place I know how to.

I love you.

Aria

Ezra's fingers ran over her neat cursive writing, feeling the tears she had shed when writing this letter. He felt his own emerging from his ducts as he tore the paper into little tiny pieces, falling to the floor with the pieces. He felt his father and Haley coming around to calm him, but it was to no avail. He continued to sob like a child with a cut on their leg. He had promised Aria that he was going to fight for her, that what they had was forever. He broken his promise to her, thus breaking him, bone by bone. Without her, he was nothing but a heap of skin and bone, yearning for the warmth of her company.

"You told me we were forever!"

I hope to update as soon as I have the time. Thank all y'all for being so patient for so long. I know that this has been long awaited. I'm crossing my fingers to know if it was worth the wait.

You guys are amazing. Please remember to review. Constructive criticism no burning! And all my twitter friends: you know the drill. I love the tweets, but review so my OCD about having things all in one organized place doesn't drive me in insane!

Thank you again and see you soon!