Chapter 9: Die With Lips Smiling

(Hey! Happy birthday to mpregloverAIxGIN! Have a blast and I hope you enjoy this chappie. My gratitude to Aizenfan6969 (You want to see dangerous? You won't have to wait long!), Winterheart2000 (That's probably because that false king is a very crafty beast. Gin is pretty vulnerable right now, so Aizen had best stick close to him.), anonymous guest (Yay! I love cherries! I'm also glad you are enjoying the story. And here's more to make you smile!), Charlene Heo (Gin will be surprisingly reluctant to change, but will come to understand just how precarious their position is. Aizen will be Aizen, but he has weaknesses that the false king will seek to exploit. Gin hopes fervently not to be one of them, but it may be a futile wish. We'll see about that!), PlayMyPoisonousGame (I love writing Aizen and Gin because the level of complexity both in their characters and in their emotions is amazing! I wish Kubo would reconsider Gin's fate. Considering he said that Rangiku's past was going to be important, I think Gin could have a place in what happens in the manga before it ends. I could certainly think of a few!), sairakanzaki (You've got it! I will keep the chapters rolling along!), Sariniste (You will get to see more of Aizen's protectiveness as a vulnerable Gin struggles with what's happening around him. The false king will play on his fears and knows exactly what terrorizes Gin the most. This will be intense as the time for the heir's birth nears.), alabirdie (Well, here's something to brighten your day and I will work on getting that next chapter done soon. I am really liking how this one's coming out.), KatsumiYuki (No problem! I'm enjoying this too and will put a rush order on that next chapter!), higitsune84tails (Thank you so very much! You flatter me. And I promise more Aizenlove for our troubled Gin soon!), SnipeHerXD (Sorry for the long wait! I will speed things up now that this one's in the thick of the plot.), S.B.N.O (You've got it! More is coming soon!), PhreshxxxBear (Yup, that's right! Aizen's a real live prince...wicked, but very, very princely!) and Princess Moon Shadow (Thanks! :) You're so sweet!), Whew! Am I all caught up now? Enjoy the new chapter! Love, Spunky)

"Gin?"

There is death in that voice.

Why am I not afraid?

"Gin, are you able to hear me?"

He could barely manage the strength to turn the edges of his lips upward, but it seemed to have the desired effect.

"You can hear me. Good. Listen carefully."

A warm hand slipped into his and squeezed gently.

"Kirinji has explained to me that the reason you are declining is that you are a shinigami who is carrying a transcendent child," Aizen's voice intoned.

Gin felt a trickle of fear run up and down his spine, but couldn't move to object to what he knew must be coming.

"If you are to survive carrying the heir any longer, you must transcend."

The silver-haired shinigami's mind went back to Karakura Town, and the slow evolution Aizen had gone through.

I didn't see the most horrific part, but Rangiku did, and her description only reassured me that, just as I didn't want to be hollowfied before, I didn't want to transcend either. I was born a shinigami. I may not have been born noble or powerful, but I was comfortable being myself. To change who I am that much...would I lose myself like Tousen Kaname did? The way he corrupted himself, I couldn't do that. I could never do that. I'm fine with who I am.

"Gin, your body is showing signs of distress," Aizen's voice spoke softly into his ear, "I know that, of all of us who went to Hueco Mundo, you were the one who did not want to change. While Kaname and I were willing to shed our shinigami skin and grow beyond it, you were comfortable with yourself and didn't want to change. Maybe you still feel that way and this frightens you. There are good reasons why you would not want to transcend, and I accept that. I always have. You fascinate me that way. Most others I knew before could be easily swayed by promises of power or riches. You've always been different. I don't always know what drives you. I've learned what you were willing to do for Rangiku, and it leads me to believe that there are people you care deeply about and would do anything for. You love the child inside you, I know. You want to protect our child and, just as with Rangiku, you would make great sacrifices to do that. This is the sacrifice you must make, Gin. You must give up your shinigami form and transcend. Will you agree to this?"

Gin's mind disappeared into the past for a time, and he felt the return of the thin, quiet boy he had been, one whose young blue eyes peered out from within dark, hidden places and observed the true ugliness in the world. He remembered what it was like to ache from hunger inside, to steal from another hungry person to survive, for his skin to grow numb with cold, to feel the deep down chill of mortal fear at the sound of an approaching hollow.

I wasn't strong then. I had to beg and steal just to stay alive and to keep Rangiku from dying. It wasn't until this man entered our world and took something from her that I really wanted more. I wanted strength to protect her, to fight for her, to get back what he had taken. I thought that entering the academy and becoming a part of the Gotei 13 would accomplish that. But even as I grew stronger, I didn't really change inside. I've always been that too thin boy, reaching beyond his means to survive. But this body can't protect Rangiku, this child I carry or even my own soul. So, even though I've always been terrified of the thing he created, the hougyoku, I have to let it swallow up my weaker self and I have to change.

There's no other answer.

Gin's eyelids fluttered and his eyes slowly opened and focused on the ones looking down at him.

It's terrifying to look into those eyes. It's like falling into oblivion. I used to think that Sousuke's eyes were empty because his soul was empty. But that isn't it at all. Sousuke's eyes are like the things I used to hide behind when I was a kid in the Rukongai, just a barrier he hides within so that people won't see him.

I didn't care before about really seeing him. I just wanted to take back something he stole and I wanted to run away from him. I was ready to let my life be snuffed out just to get what I wanted and some part of me knew that he would kill me. He tried in Karakura Town and he failed.

But he'll do it this time and he'll do so looking into my eyes. I would have hidden them before, but I don't want to now. It's like this doorway we're passing through is one that will bind us together forever. I was scared of being that close to him before, but I want to now. Because all the while I was so afraid of Sousuke and thought he was a monster, I didn't understand. He used to be small too...and he hid in dark places to protect himself. He was trying to survive and hurt other people to do that. He had people he wanted to protect...and now, this kid and I are the ones. Some part of me knows he would step through any doorway to do that...and that same part of me knows I have to be willing to do that too.

Yeah, it's okay.

Whatever happens, it's okay.

I heard them say I might not be strong enough. So, this could be the last time I look into those eyes of his. I wonder what I'll see when I fall into them. I wonder if I'll ever come out again. Whatever happens...if I live or if I die, I'll feel him all around me.

That's not so bad.

"Gin?"

"I understand. Go ahead, Sousuke."

Yeah, there's death in those beautiful eyes.

And there's no escaping them.

He looked in deeper as an icy glow lit the black pupils, then power began to radiate within the hougyoku and Gin's very skin began to burn.

Any change I ever went through was painful.

But this...is a thousand times worse!

He felt a hand take hold of his and Aizen's deep, tranquil voice reached down into the maelstrom inside him, calming him, anchoring him as his body began to die.

It feels like being swallowed alive by flame...watching as it melts your body, breathing in the fire and screaming until your lungs are gone...until everything turns to ash and you haven't time for a last thought. There's just fear, absolute terror.

He thought he might come apart and he could suddenly hear the sound of his own screams of agony.

"His reiatsu is real unstable," Kirinji's voice said from somewhere nearby, "You need to use yours to bring it back into balance."

He's scared.

He should be.

I can feel deep down that I'm just this side of becoming a monster. Worse than a hollow, a demon like the king made them. I feel that awful blackness trying to swallow me whole.

Sousuke...

For a time, Gin's mind went blank and everything around him went silent. Somehow he knew that he was still screaming in pain and that he'd come to his feet and white fire was exploding from his body. Though he couldn't see or hear or feel a thing, he knew the two men in the room were risking their lives just being close to him. The raw power that radiated around him incinerated the things in the room, burned away his clothes and forced Aizen and the demon-bodied guardsman back. He could feel their shocked eyes staring at him as he screamed again and dropped to his knees.

I don't want to be a monster.

Sousuke, I don't want this!

"Sousuke! He's not going to make it!" Kirinji's voice roared, "You have to end it now!"

Gin sucked in a terrified breath and froze as his eyes cleared and he could see again. He found himself naked and singed, kneeling in front of Aizen, whose transcendent body was likewise naked and burned. The contents of the room they had been in laid, tumbled and broken all around them, and the very walls were cracked and scorched.

"No," Aizen's voice said quietly, "I have him. He'll be fine now."

And to Gin's relief, he could, once again, feel the other man's arms around him, could see those brown eyes looking into his and feel that stronger soul anchoring his. He let go of everything then and collapsed entirely, barely aware as he was lifted and carried somewhere else, plunged down into hot water and washed clean, dressed in a fresh yukata and lain in bed again.

Don't go.

I don't know who I am anymore. That person I was is gone and I don't know myself yet. But you haven't changed, Sousuke. Your eyes still look the same. Your hands still feel the same when they touch me and there is affection in your voice when you speak to me. You know me, even though I don't know myself. You love me, even though I became a monster. You're not afraid of monsters, are you? You have them all around you, but you're stronger than they are, so it's the monsters who fear you.

I love you.

He sank down into a deep, restorative sleep, clinging to that other warm body that curled around his like a snake and refused to uncoil. Aizen's fingers laced together with his and his breath tickled Gin's cheek as he drifted in and out of awareness, cognizant of nothing but the continued closeness of that other radiating presence.

Aizen's hand left his to caress his even more rounded abdomen and Gin strained to understand his words.

"When you transcended, your cells changed rapidly, causing the reiatsu within you to mature more quickly. It shouldn't be much longer and our child will be born, Gin."

I want to believe that once our kid's born, he or she'll be safe. But it will be dangerous even then. The false king wants our baby. That's why he keeps trying to lure me to him. That's why he told me he has Rangiku. Because we are trapped in the protected zone, we can't look into that other world and divine whether or not he's telling the truth.

And who am I kidding?

If he has Rangiku, he'll kill her and me and take the baby anyway. I can't do anything but wait right now.

"Try to eat something, Gin," Aizen's voice said quietly.

Strong arms lifted him so that he was sitting and he felt his mind clearing again. He blinked slowly, taking in the new room, the rumble in his stomach as he scented the food in front of him, and Aizen's continued presence.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Well," Gin said, regaining some of his usual humor, "I don't feel dead, so that's something, ne?"

My throat and chest feel sore from screaming.

"You look radiant."

"I feel horrid."

"That's to be expected. You only just transcended."

"Where are we?" Gin asked, looking around, "This place...feels different. Are we...?"

"We had to move as soon as you were stable. He knows what's happened, and he is going to continue to try to lure you away from us. He will attack us if he senses where we are. But don't think about those things, Gin. Let us worry about our protection and you just focus on our child. Our baby is safe inside you and very soon, he or she will be born.

He fed Gin another bite of food and Gin sighed contentedly.

"This is amazing!"

"It was made by Hikifune Kirio," Aizen explained, "It is densely packed with transcendent reiatsu that will fill you and keep you more stable. And don't be surprised if you eat substantially more than usual. You are adjusting to your new form."

"I don't feel so much different," Gin commented, glancing into a mirror across the room, "And I don't look different."

"Your powers are under a limiter. You need some time for your body to align with its new ability, but in a few days, we should be able to remove the limiter and you will feel the difference more profoundly then."

"Did I hurt you?" Gin asked suddenly.

Aizen smiled.

"Why would you be worried about something like that?" he chuckled.

"You were naked and burned too."

"I am fine. Don't think about that."

Gin flinched as something came back to him, a flash of memory of how Aizen had looked, kneeling in front of him. Frowning, he reached out and drew back the edge of Aizen's yukata, gasping as his eyes found no sign of the hougyoku in the other man's unblemished chest.

"Sousuke!"

"Don't panic."

"This means you are...?"

"It doesn't matter anyway," Aizen assured him.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" Gin argued, stiffening, "You were immortal! You could protect our baby!"

"I couldn't protect our baby if you didn't live to give birth, Gin," Aizen said, shaking his head, "And realize that the hougyoku was something that my father inspired me to create. He placed the knowledge into my reiatsu when he created me, so that I would invent the hougyoku and use it to transcend, then I would use it to choose my mate and bring forth my child. It was never meant for us to hide behind it. And this demon that inhabits the palace could have overcome its power and killed me anyway. We are, none of us safe, but we can't think about that."

Gin went silent for several long minutes, staring blindly at the plate in his lap and feeling terrified again.

"It's so odd," Aizen mused, caressing Gin's pale cheek gently, "seeing you this afraid."

"I was always afraid," Gin confessed, "I just hid it behind things...smiling, deceptive words, smoke and mirrors. But I was always afraid. There's just nowhere to hide that anymore. Sorry if that bothers you."

"It doesn't. And it doesn't mean that you don't have courage, Gin. You just sense the danger around you and you have a very human response to it. I don't find that unattractive. It makes me feel different. I didn't let my guard down before. I always protected just myself and trusted no one. But that's changed."

"I don't want it to," Gin whispered, closing his eyes, "because that's what made you stronger and kept you alive. If you start weakening yourself because of us..."

"Don't talk like that."

"It's so strange. Before, I wanted you to die," Gin confessed, "but now, I'm scared to death you will! I'm more scared of that than I am of dying myself. I didn't expect to live!"

"It's going to be fine," Aizen promised, "Now that you have transcended, we can focus on our protection, and on how to bring that demon down."

"He's going to kill you, Sousuke," Gin panted, panic coursing through him and making him shake all over, "He's obsessed with killing you and taking our...!"

"Shh," Aizen hissed softly, embracing him tightly, "Do you really think I will allow that to happen? I'm surprised."

"You let me stab you through the heart and poison you."

"And still, I didn't die. And I won't now. Just don't think about that. Eat, drink, rest and grow strong, Gin. And whatever you do, don't listen to what he says. As much as you think everything rests on my strength, much of it rests with you. Close your mind to him. Don't let him confuse you. His voice will get louder and more insistent as the time for the heir's birth draws closer. He becomes desperate, and he will do anything to legitimate himself. You must not let him reach you. If he possesses you, we are all going to die."

"How does he speak to me? Why do I hear him?" Gin asked numbly.

"Right now, for the moment, he is the reigning monarch, but he does not have his full powers because he has not been legitimated by the king's prism. Only once he is can he fully ascend to kingship. But he needs you to do that, and he needs to capture you before the first day of our child's life has come to a close. If any later, the child's soul will be firmly housed in his or her body and will not be able to be used as sacrifice. So, he must move, must act somehow to capture you before then. It's a dangerous time, Gin."

"I understand."

Aizen's warm lips met his cooler ones for a lingering kiss.

"Don't give it any more thought. Focus on our baby and let that be the most important thing. If he speaks to you, that will be the thing that will best protect you. Focus on our baby and shut everything else out."

Gin nodded silently and turned his attention back to the food in front of him. His body relaxed in stages, gradually losing the feeling of panic and finding comfort in feeling warm and full and, for the moment, safe.

But all feelings of safety left him and cold shafts of ice ran through his heart after Aizen left his side and the false king's voice returned to him.

He is lying to you.

Remember how he did it before? He brought you and the others close to him and lied to you so that he could use you.

You discarded your loved ones and followed him so that you could kill him. And he deserves to die. You know what a monster he is, Gin. He is wicked. That has not changed. And time is growing short. Before the baby is born, he will turn on you. And with those same eyes as before, he will kill you.

You always knew he would.

Come to me, Gin.

Come to me.

Come to me and I will protect you.

"You can't protect me," Gin whispered, laying a hand on his belly and closing his eyes against the tears that threatened, "No one can. I belong to Aizen Sousuke, whatever fate that brings. I let go of everything else and gave myself to him completely. If he is lying to me now, I don't want to know the truth, and if he's going to kill me, I don't want to live."