Arrancar Weekly Gin-show Part One

A/N: This whole quarantine is pretty crazy, so I reckon I'll try and write a few chapters and not just binge Netflix like usual...

"Level One cle-...Level Two clea...Level Th-...Level Four..."

"Um..." Grimmjow started, shielding his face from the debris of yet another rooms worth of destroyed defences, "Is he...ok?"

Szayel shot him a worried look. "On all accounts...no."

"Bring me the silver demon's head." Ulquiorra growled, staring into the fading light of the few remaining camera's left in las Noches before diverting his attention to carving his path of destruction deeper towards Gin.

Nnoitora shuddered. "On all accounts he's fucking pissed it seems!"

The trio watched as their teammate's figure once again blink out of view from multiple small explosions and bits of arrancar flesh. "I don't think I've ever seen him this angry before."

Grimmjow paused as a muffled scream of a gin-corrupted arrancar servant filled the air. "And I used to think I pissed him off with my stupid shit."

"Should we...say something?" Nnoitora asked, and the duo looked at him. "What; guy's having a fucking breakdown?!"

"Gin does have that effect on people." Szayel noted thoughtfully, then rubbed his chin. "Makes me wonder why Aizen hasn't just killed him by now."

"Captain Aizen wouldn't be that mean!" Gin's voice crackled through from a speaker. "You sayin' that means batsy has lost his..."

The wall the noise was coming from disintegrated as Ulquiorra's reiatsu flooded the remnants of the room. "I will become his death."

"You'll be all our deaths!" Szayel cried out, shaking a bit under the pressure. "Keep this up and Aizen will notice in no time, if he hasn't already!"

Ulquiorra's eyes flickered to the octava espada and his pressure spiked. "Then I shall be his death for bring this locust up-…"

Grimmjow flashed behind him and smacked him on the back of the head. "Quit it! At this rate we'll never get Orihime back!"

"Yeah man you're supposed to be the calm boring one!" Nnoitora joined in, standing between the raging espada and his pink haired comrade. "Keep this up and you'll be taking my gig you asshole!"

"I..." Ulquiorra started, but thought for a second. He was strong, very strong. Probably one of the strongest espadas ever. But Gin was the incarnation of chaos, and Aizen a literal god. "You are...correct." He told the others, lowering his reiatsu and sighing softly. "Apologies for my outburst, it shall not happen again. Now, I believe we should be close to her. However, if I cannot break through the remaining doors with my power then..."

"It's time to start the games!" Gin's recording happily announced, and the remaining door at the far end of the corridor sprung open. "C'mon, took ya long enough! Step up my lil contestants! Its time to play everyone's favourite gameshow; Gin of Fortunes!"

"I don't know what's worse," Szayel shuddered for the hundreth time in the past hour, "The fact we're going up against the incarnation of evil or the fact that that shitty pun will probably be one of the last things I ever hear."

"Yeah..." Nnoitora spat disgustedly, "Never thought I'd die side by side with a faggot."

"What about side by side with a friend?" Szayel asked, shooting him a sideways smirk.

"Aye...I can do that." Nnoitora grinned back at him. "Soon as one shows up."

"You ready for this Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow asked, preparing himself for what seemed to be a boss encounter in a game Orihime showed him. Except this game had a lot less cute cats and a lot more imminent doom.

The curator inclined his head slightly. "Indeed I am. Thank you for your assistance but you all may leave now; I shall handle this."

The trio spun round and gaped at him. "THE HELL ID YOU JUST SAY?!"

"I said that you may..."

"You thanked me?!" Grimmjow's mouth hit the floor. "Fuck me this really is the end isn't it?!"

"Focusing on the wrong point." Szayel told him, "We're going too."

"You are too weak and will more than likely be destroyed." Ulquiorra explained rationally, "In fact, I am more than likely to be destroyed. There is no sense risking the rest of your lives too."

"Um, at what point did you give a fuck about our lives?!" Nnoitora roared, pointing a finger at his superior, "And who the hell are you calling weak!? I'm the strongest arrancar ever made and don't you forget that bat freak! Besides; if that idiot woman's got herself in trouble then there's not a fat fucking chance I'm going to leave her stuck in it without laughing my ass off at her!"

"Agreed!" Szayel piped in. "Though...with less laughing and more helping. I owe her a lot and I'm not backing down now. Plus, its Gin we're dealing with here; he's not going to kill us. Just humiliate us repeatedly and annoy us beyond belief, and out of all the arrancar here you know I've got the best chance of seeing through his dumbass schemes."

"Yeah!" Grimmjow added, finally shaking off his disbelief." Uh...and I guess I'm...an extra body or something? I've got...skills and shit. So I mightn't be as tough as Nnoitora or as nerdy as you guys, but I'm pretty fucking rounded."

"More like round you furry fatass." Nnoitora quipped but Szayel shot him a glare that silenced him.

"Plus I know ten times more about Orihime's shit than the rest of you guys, and we know this is probably going to be some dumbass elaborate quiz on that. I'll carry you fuckers with that; just carry me with the rest."

Ulquiorra considered it for a moment then spoke. "All valid points, which is especially surprising coming from you Grimmjow. Congrat-…"

"D-DON'T FINISH THAT!" The sexta espada erupted, covering his friend's mouth. "I don't think I can take you complimenting me again."

"Very well." Ulquiorra said, removing the claw from his mouth, "Shall we get this over with?"

"Yeah." They said in unison, walking towards the door like a quartet of badasses.

-Inside the room-

The room itself was surprisingly normal, aside from everything inside it. The four walls were plastered with enlarged pictures of all of the arrancar in Las Noches at their most vulnerable moments, and the single light socket in the centre of the room had been replaced by an ominous luminous tube. In the middle of the room there were four podiums titled "Batsy", "Bug Boy", "Good Kitty", and "Yaoi Fan".

"M-Maybe he was expecting Zommari..." Szayel blushed as the others' eyes bored into his soul. "...don't judge my passions."

"Too late for that sicko." Nnoitora muttered, taking his place on the podium and facing the giant screen in front of them. "Alright let's just get this done."

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Gin's voice screamed, destroying their ear drums as an image of his face appeared on the screen before them. "Ahem, sorry 'bout that; new sound system."

"YOU MUST HAVE BOUGHT THEM AND SET THEM UP!" Szayel yelled, his hands still covering his ears. "FUCK!"

"So ladies 'n' gents, on tonight's special episode of Gin of Fortune we have a few very special guests! These guys need no introduction as you probably see 'em every day, but give it up for my good pals Ulqui, Nori, Grimmy and 'lil Szayzy!"

The four of them could hear the distant cheers of several arrancar in the building, and the camera panned to a mock studio who's audience consisted entirely of Rudbornn clones clapping and cheering.

Grimmjow and Nnoitora shared a worried glance. "This...is a regular thing?"

"I suppose that explains the mass disappearance of the lower tiers." Ulquiorra stated, his gaze never leaving the screen. "Where is Orihime?"

"Ya 'woman' is in another castle." The recording told him, its eyes opening slightly, "Her name's Orhime by the way, and lucky for you I was kiddin' just there. She's right here with me, safe and sound from your evil selves."

Szayel blinked. "It...really is a recording. For a while there it had me worried, but there's no way Gin would miss a chance to dig you on calling her by her name."

Grimmjow nodded hopefully. "Then we've got a chance."

"Less of that about chances there kitty." The silver fox laughed and Grimmjow nearly jumped out of his skin, "Since ya new I'll explain it to you nice and simply. Game's got five stages; complete the last stage and I'll give ya whatever you want." The recording paused for a moment, appearing to look down at its notes before continuing. "But don't worry ya heads too much; noone's got passed the third round. Thought for a second we had had a winner but I guess even I make mistakes!"

The cheesy grin shot at them was almost enough to make Nnoitora cero the screen into oblivion, but he somehow kept his cool. "Just hurry up so I can kick your vegetated ass."

"Before we begin though, how about a word from our sponsors?" The camera flickered to a recording of Tousen folding his arms in disgust. "S-...Sajin sticks. They are...great..."

"The fuck's a Sajin stick?!" Grimmjow asked, noticing the wall opening up beside him too late. "Wait what in th-…"

"The best doggy treats around!" Gin's recording sang over a cute image of little Sajin with his tongue out while the wall dispensed several kilos of dog treats over the unsuspecting espada. "Woof woof!"

The screen flicked back to the silver fox smiling as angelically as only Lucifer could. "Let's begin round one; the diary round!"

All four faces instantly went pale, which was especially impressive for the suffocating Grimmjow. "D-Diary?!"

"Now since the star of the show's a girl it'd be a bit rude to read her diary to the world, right?" Gin's smile widened maliciously. "Luckily we have these four nice guys to fill in for her! Give them a hand everyone!"

"I don't have a diary..." Nnoitora started before it dawned on him, "My shower confessions. THAT ASSHOLE TAPED THEM?!"

"Only from since you've been born." Gin cackled, shooting the raging espada a crippling wink, "Let's see; four contestants four entries to guess. Get 'em all right and ya through to the next round. For each one you get wrong..." The luminous tube flashed red and whirred menacingly. "Oh, and don't even think about cheating on any o' these rounds or the alarms go off and poor gingy here goes away forever. Got it? I'll read 'em from the top.."

"This is level one..." Ulquiorra's pale face somehow managed to drain of any semblance of colour, "Truly we fight with our souls on the line."

"Number one; 'So glad that I managed to find that stupid mouse in the walls! It's been squeaking for days and I was starting to lose sleep. Ulquiorra is clearly out of his mind not noticing it, not that that asshole notices anything besides the inside of Aizen's asshole these da-…"

"THAT'S ME!" Grimmjow announced and the lights flashed green. His eyes slowly drifted over to the curator looking at him intently. "What; that shit was from last month?! I wasn't wrong was I?"

"No..." Ulquiorra admitted, internally reflecting on his previous outlook prior to the chaos of this day, "But regardless such a vulgar picture is not one I wish associated with myself."

The sexta espada breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank fuck he's back to insulting me."

"Strong start!" Gin told them, clapping his hands sarcastically, "Let's see ya keep it up! Number two; 'I just don't know why I bother sometimes? You'd think Nnoitora would at least throw me a bone after building all that equipment for him, but I suppose you can't win them all. Least I can still wank to those cameras installed in his..."

"THAT'S MINE PLEASE STOP!" Szayel cried out, his face regaining all of its colour in an instant. His hands shot up to over his face, and through the cracks in his fingers he peeked out tentatively at his crush, "Can we...pretend you never heard that?"

"Nah, see I want to hear the rest now so I can record myself killing your perverted ass!" Nnoitora growled, glaring daggers at his teammate.

"Ah ah, no fighting!" Gin chided them with a grin, "Not yet at least. Halfway there guys, doin' well! Number three 'Shitting hell that fruit's got my head messed up. First the porn thing with the guys, now my wet dream about..."

"THAT ONE'S MINE YOU SPYING PRICK!" Nnoitora roared, his knuckles white and his fangs bared, "YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO SPREAD THAT SHIT AROUND?!"

"...I want to hear more..." Szayel said quietly but yelped as Nnoitora shot him a glare.

"We win then, as the next will be mine." Ulquiorra's voice cut through the tension. A ghost of a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. Indeed, it lifted a whole millimetre from its resting line, a new record. "One down, four remaining."

"True true, but let's read it just 'cos." Gin clapped and rubbed his hands together. "Final one; 'The tea shipment arrived as expected today, which pleased Commander Tousen and Lord Aizen. Though they seemed to be distracted by the upcoming movie night, I suppose I am content with their approval. After all, I am created to serve them and I am merely an extension of their will. The woman, however, continues to trouble me. Her and the idiot," Grimmjow bristled, "had developed, it seems, a system of strings connecting their rooms and allowing for primitive communication. She seemed very displeased when I produced the strings in front of her, and her reluctance to communicate with me afterwards filled me with a strange sensation in the bottom of my stomach. Upon returning to my room and removing the organ in question I discovered no anomalies, yet the feeling remained for quite some time until that evening when she smiled at me and it was replaced by a lighter, more pleasant sensation. I shall have to acquire some of Szayel's medical journals and study this discrepancy further before it affects my work. That said...I am unsure that I want these sensations to leave. Once I discover their source and meaning I suppose I shall decide. Until then I shall continue to proceed as normal."

The recording cut off abruptly and the three other espadas remained in silence, shifting awkwardly on their podiums. "Ulquiorra I..."

"What?" The fourth espada looked at them, his voice puzzled, "Are you insulted by my assertion of you being an idiot? Because it is quite true."

"No man! I mean...well yeah fuck you I'm not an idiot." Grimmjow's eyes hit the floor, "It's just that...seemed a bit...private."

"Of course." Ulquiorra told him, "It was a diary entry after all. It is where I record all of my work over a cup of tea."

Szayel coughed awkwardly. "I don't think those 'sensations' are a physical persay, more of an... emotional...feeling..."

"Yeah that's some sissy shit there!" Nnoitora laughed half-heartedly, surprised at how uncomfortable it was for him hearing his normally stoic colleague's private proto-feelings were.

"I shall consult with you after this then." Ulquiorra told them, turning his eyes back to the screen. "Now, round two I believe?"

"Yeah round two it is!" Gin announced, claxons blaring in the distance as the room was pulled backwards by a giant conveyor belt. "The fail compilation round! Now, I've spent ages compiling only my favourite fails of all these contestants, and by god there's some good 'uns! Now, since there's a lot to get through, let's say we double the round number? Sound good everyone?"

The look of realisation crept onto all of their faces as they realised that they were in for a very long, painful ride. Sharing a glance, they took a deep breath and nodded as one. "Bring it!"

-Several rooms away-

"Gin?" Orihime asked, her platform finally stopping moving at the side of the not-so-asleep Silver Fox's bedside. "You're awake?"

The soul reaper nodded slowly, sitting up in his bed and looking at her with unnaturally piercing eyes. His trademark smirk was missing, and though he still looked on death's door he appeared more dangerous now than ever.

"Now Orihime, let's get down to business."

A/N: Hope you're all keeping well in the quarantine and keep safe!