A/N: This is just so therapeutic and fun to write, and I might add chapters in the future because of it.

Regarding this universe – well, I know I have a Pokéspe/HP fic already, but it's probably completely unrelated to this one (aka "The Potterspe Universe Where All Drama is School-Related One", because I am so self-indulgent).

RGBY – year six, GSC – year five, RSE – year four. I haven't got a grasp on DPPt's and BW's personalities, so I haven't written them in (though I did make one tiny little reference to Diamond and Pearl, as well as this one other pairing ...).

.

.

Gold,

Silver asked me to tell you not to bother him for details about his sister's life and will "knock your teeth out without magic" if you proceed to do so.

Compliments,
Crystal
Prefect for Ravenclaw

—

Crystal,

Do you really find it necessary to sign with "prefect"? Is there really anyone in the school who hasn't heard you barking orders and shoving your badge into other people's faces?

Gold
Renowned Hottie for Gryffindor

—

Silver,

TELL ME, WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR (hot) SISTER'S MIND? I MEAN, REALLY – BUGSY? I thought he was a girl the first time I saw him! What does he have that I don't?

Deeply depressed but still willing to give her a go,
Gold

—

Gold,

I'd say a brain. Also, weren't you the one who hit on him the first time you two met?

Ruby

PS: I advise you to properly charm your notes. They keep losing altitude after a few minutes. I'll send yours to Silver, though; you're welcome.

—

Ms. Crystal,

As I understand, you are quite close with Mr. Gold, and as such I ask of you to please keep him in place. I am aware you are from different Houses, but I do believe that, apart from Mr. Red, you are the only student who remotely impresses him enough (and his behavior thus far doesn't, regrettably, warrant a detention).

As of now, he is under Ms. Whitney's care, but I'm sure that, as soon as he is discharged, he will attempt to duel Mr. Silver.

Respectfully,
Prof. Blaine
Head of Gryffindor

—

Gold,

I told you so. And I do not shove my badge onto other people's faces!

Crystal

—

Silv,

Though that was a really good Hurling Hex (you really are my baby brother), please use it when there are no witnesses! I know Gold was probably being a dick, but come on, you can do better than that!

Love,
Blue

—

Blue,

You're right. I'll be more careful next time.

Silver

—

Gold,

Anabel's really angry that you missed practice. Tread with caution.

Red

—

Red,

Come on! Like that was my fault! What did she expect? That I somehow use my puke to help me get the snitch? Yeah, that should work, I can see the headlines already: Handsome Boy Casts Snitch-Grabbing Charm on Vomit, Wins Hearts Throughout Britain!

Still sick,
Gold

P.S.: Yellow's our reserve Seeker, why didn't Anabel ask her to replace me?

—

Crystal,

He totally overreacted! I just asked—politely—if the rumors were true. How should I have known that Silver would flip out like that? I haven't been able to have a decent meal since yesterday.

Gold

P.S.: Can you bring me some Pumpkin Pasties the next time you come by?

—

Gold,

I know what you wrote, and it wasn't polite in the least. You should be ashamed of yourself for writing that stuff, and you probably will—Silver's posted the contents on his Common Room board, so I expect the Slytherins to make your life a living hell when you're discharged.

Crystal

P.S.: No, I shan't bring you anything to eat. Ms. Whitney told me you're only to take her potions.

—

Red,

When's Gold coming out of the ward? I kind of need to tell him that I actually wasn't snogging anyone—Bugsy felt faint and I had to bring him all the way to the ward. It's not that it really bothers me, but I don't want Silver to cost us any more points for cursing Gold (it's our House Cup this year, I can feel it).

Love,
Blue

—

Blue,

Wrong person.

Green

—

Green,

Oh, well, that sure was embarrassing! I must've cast that charm the wrong way. Anyway, since you've read that already, I guess it's up to you to tell Gold to behave himself! We both know Crystal's only really intimidating when it's exams' time, and it's still November … And I'm thinking Gold won't let the matter drop this easily.

Plus, you are just as intimidating as Exams-Crystal, so …

Lots of love,
Blue

—

Blue,

We both know you sent that to me on purpose. Charms is your best subject.

I'll see what I can do, if it's not too time-consuming. Which, knowing Gold, will probably be.

Green

—

Ruby,

Hey, man, look—I know we're not best friends, or anything, but I kind of need you to do me a favor. I know Silver's posted up that letter I sent him on your board, and I just wanted to ask you if you could – pretty please – take it off?

Kind of in a tight spot,
Gold

—

Gold,

I shouldn't even dignify that with a reply. I'm not getting involved.

Ruby

—

Sapphire,

I know you are – regrettably – in the same House as Gold, which means you're probably on his side, but please don't let him corrupt you with pleas about posted-up letters or whatever. He'll try to use you.

By the way, I heard you broke your nose during practice. What happened?

Ruby

—

Ruby,

He hasn't talked to me since he was sent to the hospital ward (he was puking pretty bad). What's that about a letter? What's going on? Red just laughed and changed subjects when I asked him. And he won't use me! Just 'cause you don't like him doesn't mean he's not really cool!

Just a bludger, no big deal. How did you know?

Sapph

—

Gold,

It's been a single day since you left the ward and you're already knee-deep into mischief? What is wrong with you? Did you know Blue's talked to Green concerning your stupidity? He told me to keep you in line, how embarrassing was that? They're in sixth year, Gold, they have more important matters to take care of!

And so do we! Our O.W.L. are just months away! Do I need to bring you along with me to make sure you study? Remember – your mother personally asked me to help you pass, and you want to be an auror, so don't slack off!

Crystal

—

My most favorite, gorgeous, fabulous underclassman,

I heard Gold was pissing his pants over that stupid letter Silver's posted! Thanks for telling him, but please don't take it down; he needs to learn how obnoxious his skill to needle into other people's affairs is.

We still up for Hogsmeade this weekend?

Love,
Blue

—

Blue,

I wasn't planning on taking it down. He needs to suffer just a little more – I heard he was turned down by Caitlin again, and this time Darach didn't even do anything (granted, he graduated two years ago, but still). This might just do wonders for his inflated ego.

Love,
Ruby

—

Super serious girl,

Our O.W.L.s are months away, dude. Plus, I've had so much homework I can't even find a day off – don't you dare make me stay with you this weekend, I want to go to Hogsmeade. I might even go with Rita – how cool would that be, huh?

Gold

P.S.: Relax, I'm going to get like six Outstandings, easy as pie.

—

Ruby,

Since you obviously forgot to reply my last letter, here is a polite reminder that I am quite interested in knowing what is going on. Red refuses to talk about it, while looking very amused, and Gold just goes into a tirade about the unfairness of hot girls. Last time, he even looked at me and sighed!

ANSWER ME, YOU GLITTERING TOILET SEAT!

Sapph

—

Sapphire,

What do you mean, he looked at you and sighed?

Ruby

—

Gold,

When you are crying over your dead-end career as Hogwarts' caretaker, I will be there. And I will tell you: I told you so.

Crystal

P.S.: Rita told me to keep you away from her. Those singing love notes you keep sending her are starting to stress her out.

—

Blue,

Gold has finally started avoiding me. Manipulate someone else into scaring him for you.

Green

—

Sapphire,

Why are you not answering?

Signed,
An increasingly worried Ruby

—

To all students:

It seems that a reminder is due. Wizarding duels are strictly forbidden in the hallways, as well as any magical joke items prejudicial to health. Anyone found charming, hexing, or cursing another student will attend detention with Professor Giovanni. Unneeded charm-casting will also be punishable by point-docking, if needed. Mr. Carr, our caretaker, is allowed to admonish you and will do so.

Fifth and seventh-year students should be aware of their upcoming O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, and thus behave properly, or they will risk losing study time.

Prof. Agatha
Deputy Headmistress and History of Magic Professor

—

Silver,

At least you're as screwed as I am. See you in detention, dumbass!

Superiorly,
Gold

—

Ruby,

It's irritating not to be answered to, isn't it?

About Prof. Agatha's post at the Great Hall—what do you know about it? Professor Blaine won't tell us anything, and when I tried asking Emerald he just shrugged and said he wasn't interested on it (I bet if his precious Crystal was in on it he would've been on top of the whole thing, ugh).

I think it's because Gold and Silver were dueling on what they thought was a subtle location (the secret passage that goes from the seventh floor to the fourth), but, from what I've heard, Ms. Whitney was getting back from the Divination Tower and ran into them. Is it true her ears flew off?

Sapph

—

Silver,

While I understand I am not in your House, I think it's my duty as a Prefect to tell you that this situation could have been averted if you had simply ignored Gold. I know it is a nigh-impossible feat, but you are, probably, the best of us at it (apart from Green, but he really is an outstanding student, after all). As it stands, now we are expected to answer to Mr. Carr's exhausting inquiries as to why we feel the need to use charms to help us with the considerable weight of our bags when we can simply suffer through.

As a student who is taking four optative classes (all of them requiring a long list of books), I am quite frustrated with this update.

Crystal

—

Blue,

I wasn't expecting Ms. Whitney to be around. She came running out of nowhere, too—what the hell was she doing coming down from the seventh floor through a secret passage, anyway?

Silver

—

Gold,

Okay, okay, I give in. This has gone too far – and you're causing Silver to lose us House points! Is this just a ploy for Gryffindor to win the House Cup? If so, well, I'm surprised by your attempts, but also pitiful for such an obvious, transparent plan. Anyway …

Look, no one is snogging anyone. I know you only started asking that around so you had an opportunity to bother Silver (since we both know you no longer really care about my irresistible self), but knock it off! I propose a truce be developed between you two, and we can all keep on having a regular student life instead of being worried about you two being at each other's throats.

If this doesn't convince you, then I should add that there is a bet running regarding your sexualities because of your latent, unresolved tension. Silver doesn't care, of course, but since you have always liked female attention, then this will probably hamper your dating choices.

Cheers,
Blue

P.S.: I will be taking measures to assure you stop being immature. At least take it somewhere private, for crying out loud.

—

Yellow,

I know you've applied for Elm's T.A. and you need to get a really good grade at C.M.C. to keep it up (which you probably will, since you're so good with animals – seriously, how do you do that?), but I need to ask you to keep an eye on Gold and Silver during their class. Elm told me you would start assisting him with the fifth years' Gryffindor-Slytherin time slot, since it was the only one you had free, so …

Sorry, but this is really important. Anabel is starting to get really annoyed by the fact Gold's detentions are during Friday night's practice hours, and I'd really rather she didn't blow up at me.

Red

—

Red,

I don't mind at all! Sure, Gold can crack a few indecent jokes once in a while, and Silver might be a little intimidating, but they both behave when I'm around! That makes me feel like a true teacher's aide, too.

How is Quidditch coming along? I'll be there to cheer for you—er, for you all, I mean! Gryffindor's going to win this year, I'm sure!

Yellow

—

Crystal,

Blue asked me to tell you that she'd like you to keep Gold and Silver in place during Herbology, since you're Erika's aide. I'm only telling you this because it'll save us both more time than if I'd refused.

Green

—

Blue,

I don't care about the House Cup. Stop telling me to ask Crystal to "bone Gold once and for all". She doesn't even care about him that much.

Emerald

—

Red,

I promise never to crack an indecent joke around Yellow again.

Genuinely sorry,
Gold

—

Gryffindor Students
Common Room Board

Professor Agatha's patience regarding the tense mood between Slytherin and Gryffindor is starting to run quite thin. As an optative class teacher, I am not present in some of your timetables, but I would like for you to understand that Prof. Agatha is, and she is not as lenient as I am.

Detentions regarding dueling and forbidden items are still being applied, but if this is not enough to put some sense into your heads, then I will personally make sure you act like the responsible students you should be.

Prof. Blaine
Head of Gryffindor House and Ancient Runes Professor

—

Gold,

That is it. From now on, you'll be studying with me in the library instead of horsing around. Unless you would rather I keep on docking points for your senseless attitude, I expect you to meet me whenever you are free.

Crystal

—

Crystal,

Are you asking me out on a date? And in the library? God, that's kinky.

Gold

—

Gold,

I don't know if you were distracted when you charmed your note, but it hit Emerald right on the head. Since he got all red and angry, I'm guessing you either insulted him, or you weren't plannin' on writing to him at all. I'd try and calm him down, but Prof. Erika has her eye on me and these tangela are really hard to handle – and, either way, I guess you kinda brought this on yourself.

Best of luck,
Sapphire

—

Mr. Emerald,

Since you have apparently forgotten about the no-jinxing rule, I will expect you to serve detention with me for the next week. Please meet me in Greenhouse Three at six o'clock, where you will be dealing with the bellsprout – they have just matured into weepinbell and are being rather whiny, so please bring your own pair of earmuffs.

Prof. Erika
Herbology Professor

—

Sapphire,

Sorry, I totally forgot to write you back. Can you start talking to me again? It wasn't my fault – Prof. Koga sent us to get some jumpluff seeds from the greenhouses and it totally slipped my mind.

Regarding Ms. Whitney's ears: no, I don't think they flew. But the jinxes did miss her by inches – she had a bruise the side of a quaffle on her neck. I think it's gone now, but whenever I saw her after that she was wearing a scarf.

Hey, did you hear about Emerald getting a detention? What was that about? Blue doesn't know, or she would've told me.

I swear I forgot to write back,
Ruby

—

Green,

Crystal doesn't know and I doubt Emerald would ever tell, but why did he get detention? We're all wondering what it is, but no one has the guts to ask Emerald and I'm too important—er, busy—to get the answer myself.

Lots of love,
Blue

—

Blue,

While I know you expect me to "intimidate some Ravenclaw first-year, because that's the best thing I can do, and I get those funky-weird eyes when I get all serious" (yes, I heard you), that won't happen. I've been busy with homework and Daisy has written me a letter asking me into giving the Ravenclaw team some strategic pointers during their practices.

By which I mean: do it yourself.

Green

P.S.: If you complain about my cold-heartedness to Daisy – as you often do, when I refuse to participate in your schemes – I'll tell Grandpa you were the one who charmed Prof. Sabrina's goblet into spilling all over her.

—

Mr. I Have Amnesia When It's Convenient,

I don't know about why Em got detention, and he won't tell me. I think it's over some note he got from Gold, though – I could see his signature, but I couldn't read the rest of the letter, 'cause Emerald just stuffed it in his pocket and practically choked the tangela he was holding.

And I know you really wanted me to reply, but for fuck's sake, don't send me owls during class, you idiot! Prof. Giovanni looked murderous and I really have to pass this stupid class. It's bad enough I can't read these protective charms the right way.

Sapph

—

Ms. Crystal,

I would never ban such an esteemed student from the library, but I believe your companion would be better off out of it for a pair of weeks. Please refrain from allowing him to tag along before he treats the books and the desks—which he has been scribbling upon—with their due respect.

Regretfully,
Ms. Roxanne
Hogwarts' Librarian

—

Gold,

I heard Crystal was snogging Silver – is that true?

Love,
Blue

—

Blue,

You are, of course, aware, that sending this note to me is the most idiotic thing you did all year. I know you expect me to convince you not to send the previous note to Gold – that is, you expect me to give in and waste time trying to know why Emerald was sent off to detention when he is a model student – but that won't happen.

However, feel free to pit Silver and Gold against each other. I will feel free to tell Silver it was his sister's fault.

Green

—

Green,

Ugh. I hope Daisy sends me the baby pictures of you I asked for last year.

Less love than usual,
Blue

—

Gold,

Since you have gotten yourself banished out of the library, I expect you to find some other person willing to tutor you. Good luck; I doubt you will find one.

Crystal

—

Blue,

I fucked up and got thrown out of the library. Help? I can't pass Muggle Studies without Crys.

Beggingly,
Gold

—

Gold,

Um, first of all, good luck trying to pass Muggle Studies; I would help you, but I've never attended. Secondly, I know you and Blue get along pretty well, but I would suggest that you try and beg someone else for help. Blue's been kind of moody, lately, though I don't really know why. Thirdly, I don't think "beggingly" is a word …

Wishing you the best,
Yellow

P.S.: Your notes are often intercepted – you do know that, right? I'd suggest you work on the charm you are using. Try mitteret ad recipiens. Blue taught me that one. It's a bit long, but better safe than sorry!

—

Mr. Red,

As it has come to my attention you have failed to grasp the Riddikulus Charm (it is third-year material; how you passed your Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. with an "Exceeds Expectations", I do not know), I am awarding you with extra lessons.

Be at my office at six-thirty in the afternoon.

Prof. Giovanni
Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor

—

Red,

Heard about your D.A.D.A. extra lesson. If you need a hand, just ask.

Green

—

Green,

Blue told you, didn't she? I should know better than to share D.A.D.A with the Slytherins and expect some privacy. Yeah, Giovanni screwed me over because I couldn't get rid of it, but I don't really mind having extra lessons; I know they'll help me out! My problem is Anabel – she's going to blow a fuse when she realizes I won't make it to practice …

Red

—

Red,

The Ravenclaw team has been helpless ever since Darach graduated. A skipped practice won't harm Gryffindor – it's Hufflepuff you have to watch out for (they have a new pair of Beaters, two third-year boys). Plus, Misty can always cover for you. She's not as good at Keeping as you are, but she's not bad, either.

Green

—

Coolest guy in school (after me),

Heard you are pretty good at Muggle Studies. How about we study together?

Owl me,
Gold

P.S.: Don't actually owl me, it's just an expression.

—

Crystal,

Gold is attempting to leech off me because of Muggle Studies. Do something about it. I know he got you in trouble with Ms. Roxanne, but—come on, it's Gold, what were you expecting?

Just – please, okay?

Silver

—

Silver,

Fine. But I'm not going to help him out with Potions – you do that.

Crystal

—

Gold,

Friday, six o'clock, by the Rowena Ravenclaw portrait. Don't be late.

Crystal

—

Silver,

Nice job, man. I owe you.

Only kind of grudgingly,
Gold

—

Gold,

Learn how to properly charm a note, or I swear to god I will post this up on the Great Hall for everyone to see. It's the fourth time your stupid note has hit me in the head.

Misty

—

To third-years and older students:

Visits to Hogsmeade have been temporarily suspended on account of weather. Christmas Holidays begin in two weeks, so it is advised that students utilize the weekend off to study or partake in some other non-disruptive activity.

Prof. Agatha
Deputy Headmistress and History of Magic Professor

—

Yellow,

I know you were planning on going to Hogsmeade with your House (by which I mean, with Red, finally) this weekend, but since we can't go – on account of weather? I smell something fishy, that hasn't stopped us before, not even when Keane sneezed and his snot froze mid-air – how would you like to do your homework with me?

It's been a while since we were together!

Missing you,
Blue

—

Gold,

While I understand you are having a date with yet another girl (honestly! Get your face in the books!), I'll be spending my Saturday afternoon (five days from now, in case you get "confused") working on our Muggle Studies' essay. It's due Tuesday, and I doubt you've learned what you need concerning what electricity is and how it works.

If you'd like to have some help, I'll be doing mine in the library – I gave Ms. Roxanne my word that you wouldn't be loud, so if you do show up, please do so as quietly as you are capable of.

Crystal

P.S.: If you don't plan on showing up, please tell me so, because I'd much rather work in my Common Room.

—

Silver,

Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you've done our Potions' homework yet? If you haven't, can I ask you if we can do it together? You're quite good at Potions, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping me out with my assignment … It's just – your Draught of Living Dead impressed even Prof. Koga, and I'm supposed to work out my own.

Sincerely,
Jasmine

—

Green,

Anabel's still mad at me, but I think she'll forgive me if I find a way to get us a practice against Ravenclaw. Can you pull some strings for me? This Saturday would be fine.

Thanks,
Red

—

Ms. Crystal,

I am deeply disappointed in you. Such an excellent student should know better than to associate herself with troublemakers! While your impeccable academic track (and my personal fondness for your voluntary work here in the library) will not allow for a ban, I was given your word that no other incidents would occur in the library.

As such, this is your final warning regarding Mr. Gold – he has been officially banned until next year, so do not attempt to bring him once more.

Once more regretfully,
Ms. Roxanne
Hogwarts' Librarian

—

Mr. Gold,

Upon Ms. Roxanne's request, you are to begin manual work on the shelf you "besmirched" (is this correct? Ms. Roxanne was too upset to describe your misconducts to me) today. Immediately after dinner, please present yourself in the library, where Ms. Roxanne will give you further details.

Prof. Blaine
Head of Gryffindor and Ancient Runes Professor

—

Red,

I sure am glad I asked Yellow to spend the day with me, because you were clearly too busy hanging around with your Quidditch team (and Misty, though I'm not sure what she was doing there)! Next time you decide to change plans, at least warn the girl, okay?

Cheers,
Blue

P.S.: I don't think I can transmit how pissed off I am at you, so you should probably reread this note with an extraordinarily sarcastic tone in mind.

—

Silver,

How the hell did you do it? Man, what the fuck! I spend five years in this school working my gorgeous ass off and the best I get is Valerie Jennings, and you scowl at everyone and you start dating Jasmine? And you don't even tell me? Man, fuck you.

Piss off,
Gold

—

Gold,

We're not dating. She needed help with her Potions' assignment.

And maybe you should stop butting into other people's business and work out your own.

Silver

—

Silver,

Low blow, dude. Low blow.

Gold

—

Yellow,

I'm really sorry. I forgot to tell you – Green convinced the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain to hold practice matches with us. I'm really sorry, I should've told you, but it completely slipped my mind. But it's not like we could've gone to Hogsmeade anyway, right?

Red

—

Gold,

I've convinced Thorton to tutor you in Muggle Studies, so next time you're in a bind, please refer to him.

Crystal

—

Ruby,

Have your seniors been as moody as mine?

Gold snaps at anyone who tells him good-day, Red just looks like he's been kissed by a Dementor, and Yellow hasn't smile once since Saturday. It's been days since then! Our Common Room is so quiet it's kind of scary (I hadn't realized Gold was so loud…).

Ravenclaw hasn't had it better: Em told me Crystal has been so stressed out she actually answered Prof. Koga back – I dunno what she said exactly, but he docked her ten points! Ten points! This is Crystal we're talking about! Ask Silver what she said – he was in class with her, he knows!

Eagerly,
Sapph

—

Crystal,

Gold has been rather annoying in his quest to find you. Please tell him to stop bothering me.

Green

—

Green,

I'm really sorry! Don't tell him where I am, though.

Thank you,
Crystal

—

Sapphire,

When I asked Blue, she looked like Prof. Koga had asked her out on a date; her face was so sour, I didn't have the guts to press on. Silver didn't tell me what Crystal said to Prof. Koga, either, which means it was probably a really good comeback.

Signed,
A confused Ruby

—

Blue,

The mood in our common room is so heavy it could knock out a dragonite. Help is needed. I'm not even that upset anymore, honest, but Red's been avoiding me and – something's wrong with Gold, too, though I'm not that close to him that I can ask what it is.

Kind of desperate,
Yellow

—

Yellow,

This isn't just affecting you, and I'm tired of it. Silver is really moody, too, though I think it's more about Crystal and Gold's stupid row than it is about that pretty little Hufflepuff he's been studying with. And Green has been impossible lately, all he talks about is Red and how stupid he's being – and it makes it kind of hard to flirt when your target only groans about another boy.

I'm on it, don't worry – just go along, mmkay?

Love,
Blue

—

Emerald,

Me and Ruby are going to practice our charms tomorrow afternoon. Wanna come, too? It's been ages since the three of us were together! And, let's face it, you and I could use a tutoring from Ruby …

Sapphire

—

Dearest underclassman,

When Emerald squeals (which he will – I read Sapphire's note and I know you two are going to gang up on him), I want to know what he says, too. If you tell me what happened with Crystal, I'll tell you what happened with Red! Deal?

Love,
Blue

—

Green,

Can I ask you a favor? Yellow's really behind on her Ancient Runes' homework, and you're really good at it, so can you please help her out? It'll only take like, one afternoon! She'll be at in the classroom next to the Transfiguration one.

Lots of love,
Blue

—

Red,

Wanna get together and practice the Riddikulus charm? Prof. Giovanni told me there was a gengar hiding in the classroom next to the girls' bathroom (the one on the first floor). It's just – you've been having extra lessons a month now, and I'm getting sorry for you.

Love,
Blue

—

Gold,

You are basically a shithead and I'm not really in the mood to write you, but I owe Crystal and this is how it's going to go down: you are going to apologize for whatever you did and you will be honest and you will owe me big time for it.

Third door on the left, fourth floor, tomorrow at five o'clock. I won't even bother with a cunning plan, just be there.

No love,
Blue

—

Fabulous upperclassman,

Are you ready for the gossip? This is a rather long note, be warned.

Emerald told us everything. Apparently, Crystal waited the whole afternoon for Gold to get to the library, and she got understandably angry when he didn't show up, because – and this part has to be kept secret, because Sapphire was the one who intercepted this information – she told him that she didn't mind if he didn't want to go, because she would stay warm and happy in her Common Room instead of working in the library, which has always been rather drafty. It's draftier still, now – why, you ask? Well, here's the dramatic conclusion of the Dreaded Saturday (word-by-word, courtesy of a quick-quotes charm):

E: Maisy was there—
S: Who's Maisy?
R: That doesn't matter, Sapphire—
E: She's a second year, in Hufflepuff. She's alright.
R: …
S: Huh.
R: Anyway—go on.
E: Maisy told me Crys was about to leave – looking righteously angry, because, I mean, it's Gold, and he's always been such an idiot, and I've told Crys she should just stop—
S: Em', we know. Movin' on.
E: Right. And Gold showed up just as Crys was leaving. Maisy said he looked like he'd run a marathon through a crowd of lipstick-wearing women.
R: Wow. Maisy sure seems—ow—
S: Did he look like he'd just snogged someone?
E: Maisy says so. And Crys just pulled her wand out and threw him against the nearest shelf before she walked out. The shelf fell against a window, and all the books fell out. There's still glass on the floor, too, I reckon.
S: Wow. Crystal has freakin' style.
R: But Gold was the one who got detention for it, wasn't he?
E: Yes. I don't think Ms. Roxanne saw it happen—
S: 'Course she didn't, that blind bat—
R: Shh!
E: And Gold didn't tell the truth about it.
S: Well, he's still an ass.
R: I guess …
S: What do you mean, you guess!? He showed up hours late looking like he'd been snogging—

That's basically the gist of it. Sapphire and I started arguing, and Emerald eventually got tired and left.

Yours,
Ruby

P.S.: If Prof. Koga asks about a shortage in Veriseratum, act nonplussed. I took the liberty of erasing Emerald's memory, too. Just in case.

—

Ruby,

Yeah, about the Gold "being snogged" situation – that happened because Prof. Elm asked him to help him out with the two jinx the school got a week or so ago. Apparently Gold is a hit with the humanoid creatures, huh. If only his popularity extended to the rest of the actual human population.

I'll tell you about Red this evening – it's too much to write down and – oh, shit, Koga's looking right at me!

Love,
Blue

—

To all students:

I remind you that those who wish to remain in school during the Christmas Holidays should sign up with their Head of House as soon as they can!

Merry Holidays,
Prof. Oak
Headmaster

—

Gryffindor Students
Common Room Board

It has come to my attention that several students of my House have been participating in less-than-adequate activities. However, since most of you will leave Hogwarts after tomorrow, I will let it pass without giving out detentions or docking points – consider it an early Christmas gift. Nevertheless, I must admonish you in some way, and I believe public embarrassment will be enough.

Mr. Red: I'm very proud you were able to overcome your difficulty regarding gengars and the Ridikkulus Charm (as was Prof. Giovanni), but I must insist that running out of a classroom while buckling your belt isn't appropriate in the least. Much less while chasing after a red-faced classmate, shouting that you are sorry.

Mr. Gold: I am glad you were able to make peace with the Ravenclaw House once more, but incinerating a table because you are unable to contain yourself is not proper behavior. Please refer to Ms. Whitney if you are having hormonal issues; I'm sure she'll be glad to help.

Happy Holidays,
Prof. Blaine
House of Gryffindor and Ancient Runes Professor

P.S.: Prof. Lenora wishes to remind you that a course on Muggle Music will be available to the students who will spend their Christmas Holidays in Hogwarts.

—

Ravenclaw Students
Common Room Board

Remember to sign up if you wish to stay behind; a course on Muggle Music will be available to the students who wish to do so.

I leave you with a riddle: what flies without wings?

Merry Christmas,
Prof. Lenora
House of Ravenclaw and Muggle Studies' Professor

—

Hufflepuff Students
Common Room Board

There is a lost and found item box in my office – please remember to check it if you've lost anything in the Common Room.

Happy Holidays,
Prof. Elm
Head of Hufflepuff and Care of Magical Creatures Professor

—

Slytherin Students
Common Room Board

Students who fail to sign up will be shipped home despite complaints.

Prof. Koga has noticed a shortage of his Veriseratum potion; it seems to have vanished mysteriously. Any students who know who the culprit is should go to Prof. Koga.

Once more, I remind you that any mischief among students that results in physical damage to the school – a classroom in the fourth floor was used for … licentious purposes – will be dealt with swiftly and strictly.

Prof. Agatha
Deputy Headmistress, Head of Slytherin and History of Magic Professor

—

Gold,

If you ever come near Crys again I will find a way to ruin your reproductive organ forever.

Emerald

—

Emerald,

I think she'll tire it out before you manage to.

Gold

—

Red,

Please explain why my underclassmen think they saw you chasing after Yellow while buckling your belt.

Green

—

Green,

Gengar have a sick sense of humor.

Red

—

Red,

So … apricorn-themed boxers? Really?

Love,
Blue

—

Gold,

Stop telling Emerald we are romantically involved.

Crystal

—

Crystal,

… Aren't we, though?

Gold

—

Gold,

Well, he doesn't need to know that, does he?

Love,
Crystal

P.S.: If you want to drop by during Christmas Holidays, my fireplace is connected to the Floo Powder Network. Just – you know – if you don't have anything else to do.

—

Gold,

Congratulations on your romantic advances!

We'll discuss my fees in January.

Love,
Blue

—

Gold,

I told you not to trust Blue too much.

Green

—

Green,

At least I have a girlfriend.

Suck on that,
Gold

—

Gold,

I've been dating Blue since fifth year.

Nice try,
Green