Chapter Twenty-Five

Jim couldn't help the blinding grin on her face as she watched her best friend twirl his new wife across the dance floor. Bones looked years younger and Uhura positively glowed! It had taken some begging and what was left of her favors from the Admiralty but they'd been granted a forty-eight hour stopover at Starbase VII and Jim had used it to her advantage to finally do what she'd promised her friend over a year ago, to officiate their wedding...and orchestrate Bones's bachelor party, both duties she took very seriously.

She'd had thought Uhura was going to murder her when she'd seen her husband-to-be looking positively green at the alter next to her. Hey, it wasn't her fault his tolerance had lowered in her absence!

Jim's brights blue eyes surveyed the rest of the partygoers and found her daughter standing next to Bones's little girl who wasn't so little anymore. She'd just turned ten and was attending school on Cerberus where Jocelyn was teaching with her husband Clay. Things between him and his ex had calmed to the point of her being willing to allow their daughter to be aboard for her winter break while the Enterprise was still stuck doing simple milk runs to give Jim time to "readjust" to being captain again after such a long period of absence.

Elizabeth looked so cute in her blue flower-girl dress. She'd done an...interesting job when was more interested in throwing the petals up in the air and twirling under them as they fell rather than moving up the aisle as they'd practiced. Thankfully, Spock was quick with both a holocamera and help to encourage their daughter to finish her duty of scattering the petals so Uhura could walk up to marry Jim's best friend.

Jim sipped at her flute of champagne, enjoying the happy atmosphere in the rec room. It was an amazing thing to be here again and among her friends and family.

She still couldn't believe that she was on her ship again. It was surreal. Jim had come to terms with the likelihood of spending her days on the Beta Sigma colony only to have it literally ripped away and her life with Elizabeth upended to wind up on her ship all over again and to now share her life, daughter, and career with Spock once more.

As she watched the dance floor, couples dancing, she felt a wave of loneliness wash over her. She was a very independent woman in her own rights but sometimes it was just nice to have someone there in a capacity as more than a friend.

"Captain, are you alright?"

Spock's voice broke through her melancholy thoughts and she turned to her first who was clad in his own dress uniform, the lines showing off his broad shoulders and trim body. She had to hide her appreciative glance with another sip of her drink.

"Jim." She corrected. "Or Jamie. We're off duty, Spock."

A hint of a smile made his lips twitch. "Jim." His features became serious once more. "You did not answer my question, though."

Shrugging, the blonde's eyes trailed back to the dance floor again. "I'm ok. I was just thinking." Finishing her drink, she placed it on the tray of a passing waiter.

Spock shifted next to her and moved closer. She could tell he was hesitating, as if he was trying to solve a puzzling equation.

"Would you-" He cleared his throat and that caught Jim's attention. Spock never hesitated in speech.

She faced him and Spock held out his hand. "Would you care to dance?"

Jamie flushed red. She wasn't sure. They had only recently become closer in a friend capacity and something as simple as a dance would, to her, mean more.

Spock looked crushed at her non-response and Jim quickly came to the conclusion that he was offering her the choice. That it was a small olive branch to maybe mean more, one he had fully expected her to refuse if his expression was anything to go by.

As his arm fell, she smiled and reached out to accept it. She could do this. Elation swept through her and Jim knew that it had been from Spock; that his happiness had been too great to be contained behind his tightly kept shields.

"I'd love to."

He pulled her into his arms and Jim let him carry her away to the dance floor. One of his arms wound around her waist, the hand settling in the small of her back and he cradled her as he gracefully moved across the floor. This close she could could smell the spicy, subtle scent of the incense he used and it made her sigh into his shoulder as he hugged her closer.

"Where'd you learn to dance? I thought Vulcans didn't. That it was illogical."

He seamlessly wove around the other couples as they moved and Jim relaxed further into his embrace.

"My mother taught me. It was a logical thing to learn as I was, and am, an ambassador's son. It was a strong possibility that I would attend diplomatic functions where this skill would be necessary." He paused. "I stepped on her toes a lot."

Jamie's bright laughter at the addendum filled the young Vulcan with a sense of happiness and peace that he had never felt before.

"So Vulcans aren't always graceful." Jim joked.

"No. We are not. I believe it took many years before my mother was willing to risk bruised toes again."

She leant forward, her head resting on his shoulder and Spock felt her sorrow and guilt at the loss of the most important woman to Spock, unknowing that Jamie resided next to her in his heart.

"She must have been an amazing woman." Jamie murmured him and, had Spock not been gifted with Vulcan hearing he likely would never have heard her.

He squeezed her tighter against him and it was moment...or perhaps hours later before she released him, assuming the role of "best man" and going to dance with Nyota.

xXx

It was a month later and Spock had made little progress in his efforts to change the relationship between them to more than platonic. Currently, he was unsure that it would.

"How dare you! Both of you!"

Jamie's-no. The captain's eyes were a cobalt blue and full of barely suppressed rage directed at himself and Dr. McCoy. The both stood at attention on one side of her ready room desk while she stood behind the other. McCoy sported bruises on his wrists while Spock had a vivid green black eye courtesy of the hospitality of their captors. Jim, herself, had some cracked or broken ribs, her own collection of bruises and a swollen cheekbone (maybe broken) and had an impressive boot print on her back over her right kidney. It had taken her and a large security team (and one pissed off communications officer) to get them back from the terrorist faction on the planet.

The pair of them remained silent in the face of her fury. This wasn't Jamie Kirk, Jim Kirk, or the friend of the two men in front of her and Elizabeth's mother. This was Captain Kirk.

"Commander Spock, Lieutenant-Commander McCoy, you both disobeyed direct orders to allow the Seliuans to take me as prisoner when I was given the choice between us three as to which of us was to remain behind as prisoner. I was, not only, relying on your skills to assist in my recovery but I also trusted you both to respect my orders. You do not have the right or rank of privilege to make decisions on my behalf." She snapped.

Placing both palms flat on her desk and leaning forward, she fixed both men with a glare that had sent many a crew member scurrying. Spock opened his mouth to protest and the captain made a sharp slashing motion with her hand. "I did not give you leave to speak frankly, Mr. Spock."

She sighed tiredly and ran a hand down her face. "I didn't want to do this. It's one of those times when it comes down to professional duty coming above personal relationships." Jim grit her teeth. "Both of you are on report until further notice and a note will be placed in your files."

If it was possible, both men looked surprised, but fortunately, they hid it well under an air of professionalism that was impressive. "Insubordination is unacceptable in any way, shape, or form. Just because I am both of your friend and the mother of your child, Spock, does not mean my orders are condition based or open to individual interpretation when you feel like it especially when they are very specific. I am your captain first and foremost. You both abused my trust in you when you did this and I'm not even sure I can have either of you with me on landing parties. Until further notice you both are grounded on board." Straightening, she crossed her arms across her chest. She'd never had to discipline a member of her senior staff before and she knew that she had no choice in the matter. She'd learned how to be a better captain and leader from her time away from the Enterprise. She would never allow her personal life to affect her professional again. They had to remain separate for her to properly function.

Spock and McCoy stiffened, likely not expecting this. "Permission to speak freely, captain?" Spock asked.

"Granted."

"Our function is to protect the captain at all costs, up to and including sacrificing our lives to protect them. What we did was following that duty."

Jim ground her teeth in frustration. "That may be, Commander however, a captain's orders supersede that responsibility. It also does not, in any way, allow you to render the captain unconscious."

Captain Kirk turned her back on them, clenching her jaw to keep herself from crack in under the immense guilt at her hand being forced.

"Understood, captain." They replied.

"Dismissed and report to sickbay now." She ground out.

She didn't turn until she heard the pneumatic hiss of the ready room door. When she turned she sighed and sat down heavily, wanting this day to end, but she had to write up the reports on the failed mission as well as the disciplinary actions that were to be taken. What they did was easily a court martial offense and she hoped they damn well realized it.

Right now she couldn't be in the same room as the pair and report to sickbay. She needed to calm herself and regain her center. She'd been forced to partially block her parental bond to Elizabeth to not flood her with her negative emotions.

Checking the time, she set to work.

xXx

It was a further six hours before Jim finished her work and had been able to report to the medbay. She headed to her quarters exhausted and M'Benga had given her a dose of pain meds to ensure she wasn't in agony when having to deal with an almost two year old.

She felt slightly floaty and very tired. She was glad it was gamma shift and Liz was asleep thanks to yeoman Rand's volunteering to care for her in her absence.

The sight of Spock chained to a wall in a cell being hit by a large blue, insectoid Seliuan played behind her eyes. Despite her training she'd taken a small amount of pleasure when she'd snapped one of his wings in their fight. What if she'd been too late? Shaking her head, Jim cringed at the thought of having to tell their daughter that she had failed; that she hadn't been able to save her father and that he was dead. Not only that but Nyota...to become a widow after only a month of marriage? That would have killed her.

Jamie stepped into her shared quarters and relaxed at the feeling of increased warmth and the smell of Spock's incense permeating their home. She knew he was meditating in his room and she went to her own to check on her daughter to see that she was curled up tight around her stuffed sehlat, too tense to be asleep and Jim carefully lowered herself onto the bed, cautious with her injuries.

At the feeling of the bed dipping, the small blond child spun around and immediately flung herself at her mother, gripping her around her middle with her almost-Vulcan strength and caused Jim to hold in a hiss of pain. She was shaking with sobs.

"Hey, sweetheart. I'm fine. It's ok."

She rolled on her side to meet Liz and hugged her back, kissing her on the top of her head and shushing her as she cried. Jim sat up and pulled her onto her lap. She rocked her as she had done when she was so small and Elizabeth just pressed herself further into Jim's body as if she was trying to become one with her.

Jamie carefully lowered her shields and rested her hands on the bare neck of her little girl. Immediately she was assaulted with such strong emotions that it took her breath away.

"I'm fine. It's ok." She whispered and pushed soothing thoughts to her.

"Mama hurt so bad!" She cried harder and Jim cursed herself. Her shields had faltered when Spock had knocked her out with that damn nerve pinch. Her small hand reached upwards and touched her still swollen cheek. Technology was amazing in repairing most injuries but they could only do so much. It'd be another day or two before her injuries were fully healed. They were still decades away from it.

Liz hiccuped another sob. "Felt it."

"Oh, sweetheart. Mama's ok. I promise." Fear hit her full force from her link and Jim shushed her as tiny hands grasped her uniform. She continued to send calming thoughts and rocked her until she stopped shaking, her confused thoughts calming slowly.

Jamie put a finger under her small chin and met beautiful brown eyes, so much like Spock's. "Why didn't you go to sa-mekh?"

Liz's brows came down and another tear slid down her cheek. Jim's thumb wiped it away.

"You mad at sa-mekh."

Damn it! Poor Elizabeth.

She pressed the small head to her chest and tried to convey that she still cared about her father. "Yes. Mama was mad but it was because I was scared he would be hurt, not because I don't like him. It's ok. He loves you and I.." She wasn't sure if it was love but it definitely was like. "...care about him a lot. You can go to him any time when you need him. Just because I get mad at him doesn't mean you should be, too. He's your father."

She felt her nod and Jim continued to hold her, sliding down to a lying position and holding her tight until the small body stilled, even breaths puffing against her neck as she finally fell asleep.

Despite her exhaustion, pain, and the foggy sensation caused by the medication from M'Benga, Jim slid away from Liz who turned and cuddled with Selly under the blankets.

With a final look at the sleeping child, she went into the living room portion of her quarters and waited for Spock to come out. She wasn't sure if he would but they needed to talk.

It was a further three hours before Spock decided to show himself. Jim was tired, irritated, and worried. If Spock couldn't separate his professional and personal life then things will never work for them.

Jim took one look at him and she knew he was struggling. His shoulders were tense, his eyes were wary and concerned as he looked at Jim. He just looked so ashamed and it hurt Jim like a physical blow to the gut, far more painful than her injuries from the away mission.

"Spock, we need to talk." She shifted on the couch and patted the space next to her.

The brunette glided towards her and sat down, looking for all the world like a wet stray cat that was inside just waiting to be tossed back into the rain. He knew that Jim was angry at him but he didn't realize the entire reason why. Jamie sighed and ran a hand over her face, wanting nothing more than to curl up around her daughter and just sleep for the next twenty-four hours. She hurt, was exhausted, but needed to set the record straight.

"I know you're still new to the whole parenting thing but you need to learn to separate duty and your professional life better. You know I'm mad at you but, right now? Right now I'm disappointed in you as well."

His eyebrows drew down in confusion and Jamie wanted nothing more to run her thumb over them to smooth out the wrinkles, to help him to be rid of these negative emotions. She forced those feelings to the side and waved a finger between them. "This? This thing between us? It is weird and I understand the difficulties associated with it. I struggled severely when we first started our five year mission and when I was pregnant with Elizabeth but I learned how to separate these conflicting behaviors and feelings during my time away. It helped me to mature into a better mother and captain."

Spock tensed at the blunt reminder of their time before. She knew it was a low blow but she needed him to have a context to use for comparison.

"Outside of these quarters, when we're on duty and in inform, we are Captain Kirk and Commander Spock. In here when, we are Jim Kirk and S'Chn T'Gai Spock. We're also known as Mom and dad to that little girl in my room." She continued. "Whatever problems there are when we're out there stay out there. When we're in here, those issues stay in here. Understood?"

Spock nodded dumbly and she could see the surprise in those brown eyes as he processed this new information.

She laid a hand on his arm, careful to not make skin-to-skin contact. "Spock, I won't lie. I am extremely disappointed in you with the fact that you don't seem to understand this concept and, as a result, our daughter suffered for it."

Spock's head shot up in shock and she could see the horror in his body language and minute facial expressions. "Explain."

Jim's heart clenched at the memory of her daughter's unchained emotions ripping through her mind and the way she had desperately clung to her mother. "She was devastated and confused. She needed support and you were the first on scene. That child in there-" She indicated where the tiny blond was sleeping. "-was so confused that it had threatened your relationship with her."

Spock cringed away from her in guilt. "I attempted to speak with her when I arrived and she stated she wanted her mother."

Shaking her head, Jamie shifted to sit closer and force this emotionally constipated idiot to understand. She pressed two fingers to his pulse point on the inside of his wrist and projected understanding and empathy for his situation. "She may have said that but a toddler does not know what she really needs."

Spock's hand twisted and gripped hers. "She did not want me to even be in the same room with her and she requested you specifically." Inadequacy and heartbreak bled through their contact and she fought the urge to pull away from the painful emotional transference and Jim realized that this was the first time they had touched outside of duty and when he had cared for her since their first meeting when she had arrived.

"Of course she's going to ask for me." Hurt hit her full force and she fought against the punishing waves to project understanding. "She knows me better and is still developing a relationship with you. She needs to do this and you are gonna have to work on it with you and sometimes that means breaking through her barriers and going outside of both of your comfort zones."

She gave him a sad smile. "Look, I screwed up, too. My shields failed and my own anger and frustration with you bled through my parental link with you. I'm not very good at shielding and I should have realized sooner that it would affect her reactions towards you." She squeezed his hand and a feeling of warmth, camaraderie flowed between them. "I'm not perfect either, Spock, so you're not alone in this. Parents screw up but it's the after that matters and we have to accept it and learn from it."

"I..." He relaxed and moved closer at her admission and Jamie laid her head on his shoulder, so very tired from the events of the day. "I thank thee." He whispered.

Jamie yawned. "Fix it. I know you can."

"I will."

Her eyes closed. The emotional upheavals and stress from the past two days finally caught up with her and she fell asleep. She wondered vaguely if the gentle kiss on her forehead was a dream. It was a nice one.