It's 3 AM, was the first thing McVries thought when he opened his eyes. It's 3 AM and I'm still as fucked up as I was when I woke up the last time two hours ago.

The Walk seemed to have slowed nearly to a halt; the grey sky of the morning made everything look as though it was in slow motion, and there was a heaviness in the air that was almost like humidity, but there was also a certain coldness to it that reminded McVries that it was still early May. Then again, that might have just been the heaviness in his feet.

He turned slowly, like an old man who'd forgotten how to use his joints, and nearly jumped when he realized the half-slumped over shape of Ray Garraty, head lolling on his shoulder and eyes closed with an expression of peace across his features. McVries noticed that he was just dozing and relaxed a bit; he probably hadn't even noticed that he'd fallen asleep on him. It was just coincidence, he told himself. There was no way in hell someone like Ray Garraty would voluntarily touch trash like him.

Garraty was drooling a little, and in sleep he was beautiful (At least no more beautiful than he was when he was awake, Garraty was most beautiful when he was looking at McVries curiously and smiling-Oh, Garraty, you're flawless, you're so beautiful, you make me want to die.) and McVries found himself smiling. Smiling a smile he'd never let Garraty see while they were awake, because the only smile he could ever muster then was the cynical, broken one.

He wrapped his arm around Garraty, enough to support him but not enough to jostle him so much that he'd wake up, and he could feel the other boy's steady heartbeat through his beaten up green sweatshirt. Human. Not an angel fallen to earth like McVries would have suggested, but human. Human and very, very fragile.

McVries sighed, and it hit him that he'd never wanted to kiss anybody so bad before as he wanted to kiss Garraty right now.

"You know, Ray," he started, keeping his voice whisper soft so as not to wake Garraty or startle any of the other Walkers. "You know, there are three ways to say 'I love you' in Japanese, and I love you in every single one of them." He chuckled, recalling the usage of that line on Priscilla. She'd practically thrown herself on him. But had she loved him? No. Not ever.

"Talkin' to yourself?" Somebody, he figured it was Barkovitch, turned back to give him a menacing look.

"Shut up, killer." It didn't matter if it was Barkovitch. The only thing that mattered was Ray, naive, incompetent, perfect Ray who was the only person he'd ever really love in his whole sickly existence.

Garraty jerked awake, groaning quietly (McVries would have loved to hear that in a different setting, for a moment he imagined waking up beside Garraty after a night of lord knows what and hearing that soft little awakening sound.) and blinking sleepily. "Who were you talking to, Pete?"

"No one, hon, go back to sleep," Pete said, his voice practically saccharine.

"Shut up," Garraty responded tiredly. "What time's it?"

"Three in the morning. Told you, go back to sleep, you goddamn moron, you wanna be able to walk, don't you?"

"You go sleep," Garraty said, a strange amount of compassion in his voice. "I'll make sure you don't fall."

"That's sweet, but no thanks," McVries said cynically, though he would have very much liked to take him up on that offer. God, he was fucked up. He was fucked up and this whole thing was fucked up and the only thing that wasn't fucked up was Ray Garraty.

"You were saying some stuff earlier...were you just talking to Barkovitch?" Garraty's brown eyes were still half-lidded from sleep and his voice was laced with exhaustion.

"Yeah. Nothing important. Get s'more rest, Ray. You sound like you need it."

"Whatever you say, Mom."

McVries chuckled. "Hilarious." Garraty slumped back onto his shoulder, and within minutes it seemed he'd gone almost limp.

The Walk provided an awful lot of time for hypothetical thinking, and by five AM McVries was wishing he'd told Garraty he loved him while he was awake.

i'd forgotten how much i love these two o h gosh i love them please have a happy ending my poor angsty walking babies