new one. unlike 'Begin Again' I actually have some ideas for this one!
hope you all like it, please leave your comments, good or bad!
set after 'Her Negotiation'

song lyrics: Stand Back Up - Sugarland

I own nothing.

I've been beaten up and bruised,

I've been kicked right off my shoes,

Been down on my knees more times than you'd believe,

When the darkness tries to get me,

There's a light that just won't let me,

It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,

But I'll stand back up

/

Olivia Benson stood in the middle of her once beautifully furnished apartment, now turned broken, beaten and trashed. CSU had been and combed every scrap of evidence they could find, and with Lewis being the professional psychopath he was, he barely left a thing.

She had been found however, beaten, burned, scarred and passed out, but she had been found.

Alive

That was all she could focus on now was the fact that she was alive, she had made it through that ordeal and come out with her life, which was the most important thing. But that didn't stop her from breaking down in her own home, staring at the upturned chair she had been tied to for what felt like years. She could still feel the rope tearing into her wrists and ankles, she could still smell the taste of whiskey on Lewis's breath, she could still hear his evil, sadistic laughter as he let her listen to the voicemail her boyfriend had left her, telling her he was pulling a double and wouldn't be able to meet her. Or come find her, as she had hoped.

She had come back to pick up some things, staying at Brian's place had been the best idea for her, never wanting to step foot in her home again, fearful of the memories and images that would come flooding back into her mind, but it had to be done. Now three weeks after the attack, Olivia stood, tears streaming from her eyes, her hands covering her mouth as she tried hard not to scream out. She had to be strong. She had made it this far, she had managed to unlock her door and step inside all by herself before turning to Brian and pleading with him to come in. She couldn't turn that corner, not again. Not with the image of a gun being thrust into her face. Once she made it to the middle of the room, she quietly asked if Brian would give her a moment, standing here, taking it all in, was something she had to do on her own.

She took a deep breath and easy steps as she made her way into her bedroom, it had also been trashed. She took and look around and focused on the window, where Lewis had pushed her through before dragging her down the fire escape. Olivia could feel her heart racing, her breathing coming in fast, short pants. She grabbed her bag and stuffed as much as she could into it before racing back through to the front door.

Opening the door she found Brian on the other side, waiting patiently, playing with his phone.

"You okay, babe?" He asked, stepping closer, but not too close. He knew she still had an issue with boundaries. "That was Fin…" He said, holding his phone up "Just checking on you, asking how you were."

"I'm fine." Olivia replied, her voice quiet, her breathing slowing down "Can we go now?"

"Of course, you get everything you need…Do you want me to go in?" He asked, stepping a little closer and taking her empty hand in his. She gripped his hand tight, afraid to let go.

"I think so….can we just get out of here?" She pleaded "Please?"

"Sure, wanna go get some coffee before home? You have therapy today right? 3 o clock? "

Her heart skipped a beat, home, his home, which he kept referring to as home, their home. Olivia smiled, she didn't know if he realised he was saying like he was, even if he didn't, it sure made her happy to hear it.

"Sure. And yes, at 3."

/

"I'm terrified of being dependent."

"Dependent on who, or what?"

Olivia sat in her therapist's office for the second time since the attack. She had been living with Brian she had been released from the hospital and was becoming a little too attached to him being there at every moment of the day.

"Brian, I guess." She told her doctor, staring at her hands.

"Why is that?" Dr Roberts asked.

"He has been there for everything since this whole thing happened, I'm so used to having him around, even just knowing he's home makes me feel safe, we don't even have to be in the same room but I know I'm okay because he's there." Olivia stated. "I've been independent since childhood, everything with my mother meant I had to fend for myself, I got so used to it and set in my ways that now…I'm afraid to need someone. I know I need him, and I don't want to."

"You don't want him in your life? Or you don't…."

"What the hell does that mean!? Of course I want him in my life!" Olivia shouted

"Olivia, let me finish." Olivia sighed and nodded

"Sorry." She whispered "I'm just on edge, with everything."

"I know, and it's completely understandable. I'll move on. Why are you afraid to be dependent on Brian?"

"I don't want him to get sick of me." She replied, she could feel the tears prick behind her eyes "He has been amazing through all of this so far, he never asked for this. I sort of just assumed he would be there, assumed he would let me stay with him, I never really asked." She grabbed a tissue from the table in front of her and dabbed her eyes "I don't want him to leave me alone."

"Do you think he would?"

"I really hope not"

/

Olivia stepped out of her therapist's office to see Brian leaning on the door of the car, watching the world go by. She couldn't help but smile when she saw his face light up when she walked towards him.

"Hey beautiful." He said quietly. "How'd it go?"

She stood in front of him, so sure of her next move. She leaned forward and pulled him in, her arms wrapped tight around his body.

"Thank you." She whispered, her face pressed against his chest.

Brian wrapped his own arms around her back, hugging tight when he realised she wasn't letting go. He savoured the moment, this was one the closet moments there been between them since the ordeal.

"For what?" He asked, kissing the top of her head.

"Everything." Olivia replied "You've been amazing through this…"

"So have you." He smiled "I'm so proud of you." He kissed her forehead.

"I've got a long way to go." She warned him.

"I know, I'm not going anywhere, Liv. I'll be here, always."

"You sure?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, Liv."

what do you think? please comment/follow/fav or whatever! :)

- JADE