As the sun broke over the horizon, the occupants of Tracy Island began their morning routines. The family gathered at the breakfast table and began to dish up their plates when they noticed the youngest member of the family was missing. They heard the front door open and close before they heard the sounds of feet running up the stairs to the bedrooms. Again they heard the front door open and close before they heard a voice calling out.

"Alan! Please wait! Come back here!" It was Tin-Tin and Fermat.

"Leave me alone! Please!" Alan called back. However, it was Scott who picked up the sound of his brother's voice cracking and sniffle.

Sighing deeply, Scott looked at the calendar before he stood up and went to go pull Fermat and Tin-Tin into the kitchen. After he got their attention he knelt down to their level. Looking into their eyes, he sighed again. It was a painful day today, and he had forgotten. He knew why Alan was acting so distant.

"Okay guys. I know you won't like hearing this, but you need to leave Alan alone for today." Scott looked at the 12 and 11 year old kids.

"But why Scott, Alan was been distancing himself from us all morning. He wouldn't even let me join him in his jog on the beach." Tin-Tin said forlornly.

"W-When T-T-Tin-T-T-Tin t-tried-d t-t-to run w-with h-h-him, h-he s-s-snapped a-at us a-a-and s-said h-he d-didn't w-want t-to s-s-see a-any-b-body t-t-today." Fermat managed to choke out with his stutter.

"You guys…today is a very painful day for Alan. It is the anniversary of our mother's death and he has done this every year. He prefers to be alone on days like today. It is his way of coping with the guilt he still carries over surviving alone without our mother." Scott cast his gaze down at his feet the moment he mentioned his mother.

Alan was not the only one still affected by their mother's passing. All the boys were, but Alan more so than the other boys because he had been lying in his dying mother's arms when rescuers pulled him from the snow and rushed a catatonic Alan to the trauma bay. Scott remembers the glassy stare present on a 3 year old Alan's face. Blood seeping from the snowsuit he wore. How Alan never spoke for a year. For the longest time all he would manage were hand gestures. It was not long until John and Scott began trying to teach Alan sign language so they could communicate with him.

Fermat and Tin-Tin's worried looks changed to looks of sorrow and pain. They had never known what day the accident had taken place, but felt bad because their best friend was hurting and there was nothing they could do to ease the ache. Tears welled in Tin-Tin's eyes and she turned and ran from the kitchen. Fermat ran after her to offer some form of comfort. Scott stood from his kneel and turned back to his family. Sad looks were on the family's faces as they realized the weight of the words that Scott spoke. Alan had survivor's guilt and they always thought he was just upset about the day their mother died.

"I had no idea that what he was feeling was survivor's guilt. All these years and I have never seen the clues. What kind of brother am I?" Virgil said, while casting a sorrowful gaze down at the table.

"Hey I just found out about it a few months ago. It was when he woke up screaming from a nightmare. I never told any of you because he begged me not to." Scott said. He felt like he had betrayed his family in more ways than one.

"What was the nightmare? Where were we at?" Jeff asked. He had a feeling he didn't want to know.

"You guys were on a mission. I offered to stay home with Alan because he was running a low-grade fever and he was too young to stay by himself. Brain's and Fermat were up on Thunderbird 5 and Tin-Tin and her family had already turned in for the evening. He woke me up from a sound sleep screaming "I'm sorry!" He kept screaming it over and over. I ran in to his room and tried to wake him up and he just kept screaming. I realized he was apologizing to mom when he started screaming "I'm so sorry mommy. I'm sorry I am here and you are not." That was why he had that shiner when you guys got home. The only way that I was able to wake him was to hit him." Scott ran his fingers through his hair sighing deeply.

"But why…" Gordon began to ask before Scott interrupted him to continue explaining.

"After I woke him he began sobbing. It was like he was still in the dream. I held him and rocked him like I used to when he was little. He kept up the crying and apologizing for an hour before I managed to get anything useful from him. He finally told me that he had always felt he should have died that day in the avalanche and not mom. His reasoning was that he was a small child, mom and dad could always have another. His brothers needed a mother and our dad needed his wife. He kept say that he should have died that day and not mom. I quickly dispelled the idea that he would have been better off dead. I reminded him that it was him who kept the family going after mom died. I told him that mom and dad would have died at the thought of their little surprise dying. I told him that his brothers would have stopped their hobbies that they loved because he wasn't there to cherish those moments. It seemed to offer some comfort to him. I told him that his survival was what brought meaning back into our lives. I had a reason to step up to the plate and become something of a role model to my younger brothers. John had a reason to pursue his dream of becoming an astronaut. Virgil had a reason to pursue a career in medicine and to revel in his love of music. Gordon had a reason to be his happy go lucky self and be the prankster that we know and love. And that his survival is what offered comfort to our dad. Even though we all were unable to see mom, we could all look at Alan and see her in his face and mannerisms."

The entire family held their breath in the realization that Scott was right in his explanation of his family to the scarred boy. They all thought that Alan had coped with the death of their mother. He seemed to be growing well. He never appeared depressed, or manic. Sure he had a temper, but who in the Tracy family didn't? They realized they didn't know their little brother as well as thought they did. All the family felt guilty for not realizing the pain and weight that had been sitting on this 12 year olds shoulder for 9 years. Virgil pushed back his half finished plate of breakfast. He felt sick to his stomach at the realization that his family had neglected to find out how their youngest family member might have felt. Standing from the table, he said he was going to go up to the lounge. He wanted to play on the piano to help him sort out his feelings.

Scott said he was going to go work on Thunderbird 1 and get it cleaned up. Gordon said he was going to go out for a swim and John said he was going to go out for a jog. They all thought that Alan was up in his bedroom and they didn't want to disturb him.

It was around 3 in the afternoon, when the brothers all gathered for a late lunch. They looked around when they noticed that Alan still wasn't present. John thought it was unusual for Alan to skip both breakfast and lunch. Every year was the same, except in the past years Alan had made attempts at eating with the family on this day of pain. He stood up and made his way to Alan's room. Knocking lightly, he opened the door and stuck his head in the room. He was shocked to find that Alan was not present. Looking around he noticed Alan's room appeared to be untouched. There were no wrinkles on the bed that might signify that Alan had been lying on his bed. His clothes were picked up from the floor and it appeared that he had not gone swimming as his swim trunks were in the basket of clean clothes. He realized that a pre-pubescent boy would never have a clean bedroom. So Alan had not even been in his bedroom after he had woken up. Checking all the other boy's rooms as well as the lounge he realized that Alan was not even present in the house.

Going back out to the patio he told his dad and brothers that Alan was somewhere on the island and nowhere near the house. Concerned looks crossed the faces of the family members and they all stood to help look for Alan. All the boys searched the house and it wasn't long before something spoke volumes to Virgil. He had entered the lounge and took notice of one of his guitars missing. It was an acoustic that Alan had always gazed at, but had never asked to play. Virgil wasn't even sure his brother knew how to read sheet music. Turning from the lounge he went off in search of his brothers to tell them of his recent finding.