I... I have no idea what this is. I guess I've just always had this fascination with Gaia and always thought, 'what if she was, I don't know? Always... There. With Percy, I mean."

And so, when he was sent away for school, I think that would have been a perfect time to start speaking with him. Sprinkling inklings of doubt everywhere. And I love me some Percy angst, so... Yah. It's so very fascinating to me.

I don't know if I'll continue this, it's just a one shot at the moment, so no promises.

*The title is based on one of my favorite songs, which I think matches this perfectly.

"You know I don't want to do this." My mother Sally Jackson sighs.

I just give her a small smile and nod, knowing what she's saying is true, but there's a little voice in the back of my head saying, 'is she really?'

She takes this as a 'yeah' and gives me a tight, loving hug that lasts for a minute before she's pushing me on the bus. Even when I'm on the bus and she's just a tiny little speck in the distance, I see her still waving.

This is the first time I'll be going to a boarding school. 'Why?' you may ask. Well, that's because I'm a 'troubled' student. Which I am not, might I add. I've only gotten kicked out of four different schools...

I take that back. Yes, yes I am troubled.

But it's okay, I suppose. I don't have to be anywhere near Smelly Gabe for a while; don't have to trip over empty beer bottles and smell his terrible odor or take in his ghastly sight. I don't have to watch as his greasy, meaty fist comes down and...

But I'll miss my mother. Her tender, loving smile and blue chocolate chip cookies. Warm hugs and her lingering smell of sweets. The fact that she seemed to be the only one who actually wanted me.

You see, I'm not capable of keeping friends or pleasing adults. No matter how hard I try, how nice I am, no one likes me. Maybe it's because I'm the freaky little kid who has an obsession with water and knows every little detail about fish; or the fact that I'm dyslexic, and have ADHD, and live in a rotting apartment, or that my real father left me and my mother before I was even born...

I never really believed my mother when she said my father was lost at sea. I believe that he just didn't want me or the responsibility of being my father. (Or is that what everyone else thinks?)

But I know he loved my mother. I can just see it on my mothers face when she talks about him. They were in love. And I'm happy for her. She got to be happy and carefree and in love before she was pregnant with little ole messed up me.

But I'm grateful. I truly am. I could have been stuck with a horrible witch, but I was blessed with magnificent angel.

So if I take a beating for my mother, I would say it's absolutely worth it. Because I don't want something to happen to her; I don't want her to see me as everyone else does and leave me just like my father did.

'It's what you deserve', a little voice tells me, and I can't help but absolutely agree with it.

That's my biggest fear. Finding someone that loves and accepts me for me, then losing them. I don't think I could go on. If they left me... If they died...

Then there's not much point living, I think

'When the time comes, you'll be the reason they're all dead' the little voice is back, but it doesn't seem so little anymore. It sounds stronger. And it's louder.

(am I starting to believe it?)

'You'll be my little puppet.' It's saying again, and it sounds like it's sneering. 'Ill pull the strings and watch as you swing your sword and try to be a hero, but in the end you will fail. You'll use that pretty little sword that you swore you'd use to protect your family and end up slicing all of them to pieces.'

I don't understand what it's talking about. Puppet? Sword? Hero? It's all very confusing. But of course, I'm not that smart. Or at least, that's what everyone says, and judging by my grades, I suppose they're right.

I'm at the boarding school now. I don't want to be here, and looking at everyone else, they don't want me here either. But I have to stay here; at least until I'm kicked out. But I want to make my mother happy, so I'll try to behave.

'Please.' It's cooing now, but I can hear the contempt underneath it. 'No matter how hard you try, she'll never be happy with you. Never be proud. No one will. Who would be proud of a worthless disgrace like you?'

It feels like it's screaming now.

(Maybe I do believe it)