Title: What's in Our Heart's

Author: Ashley

Summary: "Top notch ninja should be able to read what is in one another's heart simply by exchanging blows with their fists." Because when they just can't find the words, they let their fists say it for them.

Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort

Disclaimer: I don't own the sandbox, I am just playing in it.

Warning: Unbeta'd, Yaoi, mild violence.

Pairing/Characters: Kakashi/Iruka

Rating: T

Author's notes: Sasuke had to get what he told Naruto at valley end from somewhere, right? I'm thinking it is probably an old Shinobi saying. So here it is! My take on two lovers, two Shinobi, reading one another's hearts through exchanging blows.

It always came to this for them: Having been alone almost their whole lives, they always found themselves unable to say what they needed to say. The feelings, pain, love, and things they needed to say to one another residing in their hearts were impossible for either of them to articulate after walling themselves off out of protection against losing loved ones for so many years.

It wasn't unusual for Shinobi lovers to be seen training together, or even exchanging blows – when things got to be too much, sometimes a Shinobi needed a comrade to kick their asses back into shape, and who better to do that than their own lover? It was just one of the many reason's Shinobi rarely took civilian lovers. It was only normal to be with someone who could understand the sometimes unavoidable need and desperation to speak with ones fists.

Even though it wasn't unusual to see lovers fighting, Iruka and Kakashi always drew a crowd when they went at it and this certainly was one of their most desperate fights yet. After three years of struggling to make their relationship work, it was slowly falling apart because of things they couldn't say, and they were both trying to salvage their unspoken love that meant more to them than their own individual lives. Their lives together depended on their fierce and deadly dance around each other.

Iruka dropped into a crouching spin, narrowly avoiding a kick to the side of his head, and threw his leg out. Kakashi fell to the ground with a thump, but used the momentum of his fall to flip backwards and to his feet before Iruka could regain his stance. Iruka swore, directing Chakra to his feet and leaping through the air, once again narrowly missing a direct his to the side of his head. He flipped gracefully before landing in a fighting stance behind his lover. "Don't you see me fighting for you? For us, Kakashi?" His stance and steadfast determination said for him.

Kakashi charged, hooking his ankle around Iruka's and pulling the younger man's feet out from under him. This time his fist connected solidly with his lover's stomach. "I do see damn it," the hit said, "and I am fighting too. I am trying to let you in, love. I don't know how." Iruka coughed, but placed his hands on the arm that had connected with him and used it as leverage to propel himself over Kakashi's head again.

Iruka didn't let go of Kakashi's arm, he used his own body weight and momentum and threw the taller man in an arc across the field. "I know, I know you are. I'm trying to help you and you won't let me." Dropping his torso to lower his center of gravity, Iruka sprinted across the field, his fist meeting Kakashi's jaw sharply before he hit the ground. "I know we can work through this, if you just let me show you how." Kakashi flew into a tree, and poofed out of existence. Iruka swore again, and turned quickly sensing his lover behind him.

It was all he could do to bring his arms up to brace his head when Kakashi kicked him hard in the chest, and he flew through the air. "I'm scared Iruka, please see that." Iruka wiped his bleeding lip, and spit a glob of blood onto the ground. Neither of them were holding back, and this fight was turning dangerous for real. Iruka wasn't sure either of them would be able to stop pounding each other on their own, not until they solved this problem between them.

The brunette scowled and stared across the distance to glare at his silver haired love. Iruka reached up and yanked his Hitai-ate off. His hair had already came loose, and when he threw the forehead protector onto ground the wind blew his long brown hair across his face. It almost hid the tear making its way down his face as he blinked. "I would forsake it all for you, because I have faith in you, and I trust you to catch me when I fall." Kakashi could hear the words that action spoken as clearly as if Iruka had whispered them in his ear. "All I asked was that you return the favor, and you couldn't even do that." The accusation in Iruka's gaze, and the fact that he knew, in his heart of hearts, that he was in the wrong almost brought Kakashi to his knees. He knew he should have told Iruka about being reinstated into ANBU, not waited until he walked into the bedroom and saw him returning from a mission in full ANBU gear.

He blinked, and Iruka was gone. He did a quick check around his immediate perimeter, and almost rubbed the back of his head in confusion. Where the hell had the feisty brunette gone?! He didn't have to think for long, a hand grabbed his wrist, twisting it hard behind his back. Kakashi growled and brought his heel into Iruka's shin, the hiss of pain from the younger man directing his movements and he slammed his head back. Iruka swore once again, and his grip loosened enough for Kakashi to break it.

Kakashi sighed and jumped a distance away, "I'm sorry," is what that said to Iruka. Iruka nodded, stopping in the process of wiping his bleeding nose.

Tan hands quickly flew through seals, and before Kakashi could react hundreds of senbon were flying through the air toward him. This was serious, they had never used any jutsu against each other before. Iruka was clearly more furious than he had originally thought. Flying through hand seals too fast to see, a wall of earth erupted between Kakashi and the deadly needles. They embedded themselves in the stone wall instead, and then disappeared into little splashes of water. Iruka's eyes narrowed as a blue light appeared behind the wall, and the air was filled with the sound of screeching birds. Was Kakashi really that unapologetic about his actions that he was going to retaliate against his pathetic water jutsu with Chidori of all things?

Before he could formulate a plan, the wall exploded in a flash of blue light and Kakashi was charging toward him. The meaning was painfully clear to him, "Please help me take down these walls." Kakashi allowed his Chidori to dissipate as he dashed closer to Iruka, and suddenly spun, whipping a Kunai in the stunned brunette's direction. All that chakra for that? Iruka caught the Kunai by its grip and glanced down at it. It was the one Minato had given Kakashi when he'd become a Jounin. Iruka frowned at the weapon and looked back up at his lover, still standing a distance away. "If you leave me, you might as well kill me," the Jounin screamed at him, without even opening his mouth.

Iruka grimaced and threw the Kunai, embedding it deep in a nearby tree. He charged Kakashi as soon as his glanced after the blade. He gathered his chakra in his fist as he ran, and slammed his fist into Kakashi's diaphragm. Kakashi landed with a hard thump on his back, all the air forced from his lungs at the impact of Iruka's chakra charged fist. Before he could even think, Iruka was straddling him awkwardly. Iruka's knees dug into the tender flesh of his upper arms, and he winced when he tried to wriggle free. He glared up into determined eyes, almost black in their anger, and spotted the tears gathering at the edges. "I might as well kill myself without you."

Knuckles met his cheekbone, and Kakashi could feel the skin split. A trickle of blood seeped from the cut and was soaked up by the edge of his mask. He glowered up at his lover, who made a potentially fatal error by raising his ass off Kakashi's hips to put more pressure on Kakashi's arms. Kakashi brought a knee up and slammed it into Iruka's back with as much strength he could muster in his awkward position. It was enough to send the shorter man toppling over his silver head. Kakashi pushed off ground, his bruised arms protesting the action, launching himself through the air to land on his feet a short distance away. "Baka!"

Iruka scrambled to his feet, breathing heavily. His shoulders heaved, and blood trickled down the side of his face from a gash above his temple. It was a good thing that Sakura wasn't on a mission, because Tsunade swore she'd never heal them after one of their brawls after the last time when Iruka dislocated Kakashi's shoulder and fractured his wrist, and Kakashi had broken Iruka's cheekbone and nose. Iruka's eyes pleaded with Kakashi's, begging him to say the three words they'd never allowed themselves to stay and to apologize for lying to him. When Kakashi's eye hardened, Iruka assumed a perfect kata stance. He cocked his head to the side coyly, his own eyes narrowing. "Bring it on then, bastard."

They met in the middle, exchanging, dodging, and landing a few blows here and there. Kakashi stopped the side of Iruka's hand with his forearm, and grabbed Iruka's other wrist as it came up to catch him on his blindside. "Show me how," he pulled Iruka closer by a fraction of a centimeter. "Teach me how to say it, I don't know how." Iruka bit his bruised lip contemplatively, but instead of speaking he twisted fluidly, breaking free of the pale hands grasping his wrists.

Iruka caught a flash of pink and yellow in the corner of his eye at the edge of the field as he spun around to face Kakashi again. The crowd had apparently thinned since their fight began over an hour ago. The couple squared off again, both bleeding and struggling to catch their breath. They knew it was time to end this, that this would be the last round either of them could take. Iruka steeled his reserve, determined to make Kakashi finally see what they'd been dancing around for years. They loved each other too much to lose each other, but if they didn't find the words to say it to each other, than this was it for them. Iruka could feel the tears falling from his eyes to mix with the blood and dirt on his face, but he didn't have the heart left to try and stop them.

It was a gut wrenching feeling, knowing he was so close to losing Iruka, but Kakashi knew if he couldn't find the words, than he needed to find a way for his actions to say it for him. All Iruka wanted to hear was that Kakashi loved him, the younger man already knew it but he needed to hear it the same way Kakashi needed to hear it from him. Bracing himself for the final chance he would have to salvage to his relationship, Kakashi broke into a sprint.

Iruka was ready for the kick Kakashi aimed at his midsection, and he caught it easily. Kakashi grunted as a chakra charged palm connected with his shin and he was sure he heard something crack. Grimacing, he brought his other leg up only to be stopped by Iruka's grip this time. Kakashi dodged to the side as Iruka aimed for his jaw again, only to be caught by the shoulders and forced down into a knee. The older man coughed, blood catching in his mask. This was it, if he didn't figure it out now, it was over. He reached up and caught Iruka's wrist in a bruising hold, and dragged the man down with him. "Please forgive me, Iruka, I need you."

Kakashi managed to get the struggling chuunin face down on the unforgiving ground. Iruka turned his abused face to the side and tried to catch his breath, tears rolling freely down his cheeks. "I need to hear it, this time this stupid game isn't enough." Iruka twisted and pulled, trying desperately to free his wrists that were being held tightly by one hand behind his back.

A calloused touch on his bruised cheek stopped his struggling though, "I want to say it, just show me how to word it right." Iruka sighed and pressed his other cheek against the cool ground. Kakashi was trying, he'd come this far on his own, he just needed a little help.

"I love you, Kakashi." Iruka swallowed thickly after words left his mouth, his voice horse and breathless. "And I forgive you," he whispered softly, even more breathlessly. Kakashi released his wrists and the weight on his back, and before he even had a chance to try and get up strong hands were pulling him against a solid chest. A clothed nose nuzzled into his tangled hair, and encouraged him to tuck his face into the arch of a covered neck.

"I love you, Iruka." Iruka's heart might have stopped beating for a second, and he could hear blood rushing through his ears. "I'm trying, but I'm still learning." "Please keep teaching me, and being patient while I fuck up. I'll do this right someday."

"I know, Kashi." Iruka winced as Kakashi's arms tightened around him. "I know." And he did know.

As they sat on their couch through Sakura's lecture while she healed them, they never let go of each other's hands. They knew they would be back on that field eventually, probably sooner than either of them would like, and definitely sooner than Sakura's plea of never. They were both idiots when it came to sharing their feelings with each other, and sex and physical affection weren't always enough. Their fights were as inevitable as Kakashi going on missions and Iruka teaching at the academy.

They would always overcome their hang ups, though. Because when they just can't find the words, they let their fists say it for them. It wasn't just a Shinobi thing, it was a part of their relationship. The things they couldn't find the words for were finally understood, and the things that they finally did manage to say were cherished by both men.

Well, I hope you liked it!