Special thanks to freedom is the greatest lie, hanon, Boogaloo, GracesLongbottom,Bharm, VsWife,lunak10, Lucile loo, Naruhina1519,RIOSHO, Aegis-BTM, anand891996, Bumblebee3230, lipglossandcigarettes,Malfoy Mouth James- MMJ, omgitsfranklin, AnnyJackson19, and sam for their reviews! And Denarii for editing/ reassuring me to keep this chapter. I considered tossing it out completely.

Chapter 101

"You can't seriously still be mad," Graces deadpanned, looking at Neville across the table with a mixture of irritation and exasperation.

Neville flushed slightly around his collar and muttered that he would rather have this conversation in private.

McGonagall took another spoonful of stew and thought about how interesting her dinners were going to be for the rest of the term. Neville and Graces were probably better than muggle television for entertainment.

"When are we ever alone to have a private conversation?" Graces muttered irritatedly, pushing her food around.

"I give you two plenty of time to be alone," McGonagall pointed out.

"You're still around here, just in another room. Neville won't fight if you're able to hear us."

Neville shifted uncomfortably and it was obvious that he was grinding his teeth to keep himself from saying something unfortunate.

"You two can put up silencing charms. I wouldn't mind," McGonagall suggested. "Though I am interested in why you're upset, Mr. Longbottom."

"He's not upset. He's rather furious," Graces supplied, taking a bite of her food when she noticed McGonagall's pointed look.

Neville didn't at all seem happy with Graces' new found openness and for a brief moment she wondered if Neville was going to remain tight lipped just to spite her.

"Fine. You want to have this out now, here. Fine." Neville put down his spoon and crossed his arms sullenly. "You shouldn't have told Professor Sprout."

"I explained why I did. I—"

"I don't care," Neville snapped. "You shouldn't have told her. We shouldn't be telling anyone. It's not safe, Graces. You know it isn't safe."

"Are you worried Sprout is going to get me killed? Seriously?"

"We shouldn't trust anyone," Neville stressed.

Graces cocked her head over to McGonagall. "You don't seem to have a problem with Professor McGonagall knowing."

Neville opened his mouth to say something and then closed it abruptly. Minerva felt bad for him as he seemed to be trying to figure out what to say regarding this.

"Do you have a problem with my knowledge, Neville?" She asked simply, curious herself to the answer.

"No."

"But you don't like Sprout knowing?"

"I don't."

"Why?"

Neville ran his fingers through his hair. "She didn't need to know, so I would have rathered that she didn't."

"But she knows now," Graces shrugged. "So why is it so horrible that she knows? Do you not trust her? Think she's working for the Dark Lord?" Graces teased, rolling her eyes at how ridiculous that idea was.

"I really hate when you do that," Neville warned, giving Graces a meaningful look. "You don't have to be condescending to make your point."

Graces raised an eyebrow. "You're being ridiculous. You can't get mad at me for being bored with this discussion when you can't explain to me why it is that you're so upset."

"I have explained."

Graces snorted and took another bite of her stew. "Then your reasoning is dumb and you need to get over yourself."

"Graces," McGonagall cut in before Neville could reply. "Can we agree that how you're talking to Neville right now isn't appropriate?"

Neville stared at her from where he was seated. His face blank and body still as he seemed to be trying to decide if he wanted this conversation to move in this direction. He glanced over at Graces and the older woman realized that he was not happy. Neville apparently did not want Graces scolded for this. Minerva considered for a second if that was because Neville wanted to fight his own battles, or if it was because he didn't like her taking this role in their relationship. She decided she didn't care.

"Belittling Neville's feelings and concerns is not only wrong, it's not healthy in a romantic relationship. You don't get to say that he's being ridiculous or that he's dumb."

"I didn't say he was dumb," Graces pointed out quickly. "I said his reasoning was."

"Calling his reasoning dumb is basically calling him dumb."

"No it's—"

"Miss Malfoy, I will not argue this with you," Professor McGonagall stated firmly. "I am telling you. Now, couples fight, and I can already tell you and Mr. Longbottom will have many grand fights to come, but you cannot belittle him to win an argument."

Graces pursed her lips and glanced over at Neville before glaring back at her.

"Now, I am not going to make you apologize, because you're not five, but I will say if we continue this conversation it will be with more respect."

"I don't want to continue this conversation," Neville said, not looking at either of them.

"No, you just want to continue to be angry," Graces scoffed.

"Graces," McGonagall warned.

The blonde flushed, but offered no apology.

"I want to talk about this," Graces said, being very careful to make her tone more inviting.

Neville shook his head and became very focused on eating his dinner.

"You're upset because you think I acted impulsive and put myself in danger, but I really didn't, Nev. I thought about it—I did!" Graces exclaimed when Neville looked up at her with a look that said he didn't believe her.

"If you thought about it why couldn't it have waited 'til later, after class when you could talk with me about your decision? Why did you just tell her? That's impulsive to me."

"I thought it out and made a decision. I knew you wouldn't agree to the decision, because you're way too self sacrificing and—"

"I am not self-sacrificing," Neville argued.

"Yes, you are. And you know it."

"Fine, you want to talk about this so badly. Let's talk about it," Neville said, letting his spoon clatter into the bowl. "I think you're being self destructive."

"Excuse me?" Graces asked, her tone deadly.

"You heard me. You have this tendency to act impulsively and when you do that it's always at the risk of yourself. Who we tell, Graces, is who we are trusting with your life. Your life!"

"So you don't trust Professor Sprout?" Graces asked incredulously.

"Not with your life! Absolutely not! There is only one person that I trust right now knowing and she is sitting at this table," Neville said savagely. "I don't want anyone else knowing."

"You were fine telling Luna," Graces pointed out. "You were trying to argue that I should trust her that—"

"Don't," Neville cautioned, his finger pointed out at Graces. "That is different and you know it. I didn't know the stakes, if I had known from the beginning I would have felt very differently about Luna knowing and you know it. And before you bring it up, no, I don't approve of Harry knowing. Especially when he seems to want to talk to me about my relationship with you," Neville griped, as though having a friend who wanted to talk to him about his life was such a trial. McGonagall made a note of that regarding Neville, she hadn't realized to what degree he liked his privacy.

Graces shifted slightly in her seat and McGonagall was happy to see some restraint put on herself before she spoke. "Neville," Graces began with practiced calm. "Have you considered that I'm not doing this out of self destruction, but out of exhaustion?"

Neville stared at her for a moment before admitting that he didn't understand what that meant.

"Aren't you tired of the secrets? Of not being able to just—I don't know—be?"

"No, I'm not. Because being tired and giving up caution is risking your life. And I really hate that you don't seem to care for your life as much as I do," Neville pointed out angrily.

"That's not true," Graces said.

"Do you want me to list all the ways you have been careless with your life?"

Graces eyes narrowed and McGonagall wondered how quickly this was going to turn uncivil.

"May I remind you that you were the one who forgot to talk with McGonagall in the first place?"

Neville's cheeks flushed. "I know, I'm sorry. I am. But that doesn't mean you should have told Sprout. I—"

"You would rather her think you crossed a line?"

"Yes, I would have."

"She would not want to—"

"Graces, who knows where we would be come graduation. I could have explained it later. We—"

"The way I see this is you created a mess by forgetting, something which I didn't even chastise you for," Graces pointed out. "Then you made it worse by getting too emotional in public and I took care of it. It wasn't about self destruction, it was about cleaning up your mess."

"No. You took it on yourself to clean things up. We could have discussed it. You didn't need to take care of it right then," Neville argued, shaking his head. "We could have talked and then went to Sprout. Together. A day wouldn't have mattered."

Graces opened her mouth and the older woman could tell another excuse was coming.

"Graces," McGonagall said gently. "Take a moment and think about what Neville is saying, on what he is asking of you."

"I—we don't need a therapist. This isn't supposed to be some sort of couples therapy or whatever," Neville blurted out. "I-I'm really uncomfortable with this. And I'm a little surprised that you are, to be honest," he stated, looking across the table at Graces.

A saddened look came over Graces at Neville's words. She didn't say anything, just stared down into her bowl.

"She's okay with it because if you two had courted properly, by her family's standards, her brother, parents and even your family members would have taken on this role," McGonagall supplied.

"And you would be okay with that? With your family and my family not allowing us to be alone together? With them making the decision of if we are well suited for one another?" Neville asked, scandalized by the idea.

"There's more to it than that," Graces muttered uncomfortably. "That's all just a small part of it and it's not really like that. It just seems like it is on the outside. Draco—" Graces paused and swallowed some emotion. "Draco was always really good about it. He wasn't overbearing, I didn't mind him being involved."

Neville stilled and a moment later his face softened considerably. "Okay," he whispered. "I need more of an explanation I suppose."

"Purebloods—the ones that still adhere to such strict courting—believe that children need to be chaperoned in dating, not just to ensure appropriate behavior, but to teach them how to be in a romantic relationship," McGonagall offered. "They are involved with everything from ensuring dates are appropriate, conversations are being had, no one is being taken advantage of and arguments are handled properly. As well as resolved properly. The thought being that hormonal teenagers don't know how to emotionally handle such relationships without guidance."

"And you think we need that?" Neville asked, clearly trying not to allow any of his thoughts on that show.

Graces shrugged. "I mean it seems we need someone now for this conversation."

"I think we could resolve this just the two of us."

Graces bit her lip and seemed to be trying to decide if she wanted to add more to all of this. "Do our arguments ever really resolve themselves? Or does something just always seem to happen that makes them seem small and we let them go?"

"I can be better," Neville offered. "I—"

"Is it so weird? I mean," she paused and bit her lip. "When we were little our playdates were supervised. To teach us how to behave with our friends, when to apologize, when to share and how to work out disagreements. Why is this so different?"

Neville ran a hand through his hair and his exhaustion on this subject was evident. He looked over at Graces and shook his head with weariness that was far beyond his years. He couldn't. McGonagall realized that while Neville did trust her and wanted her help he didn't want her help here. Graces did and she made a note that she should talk with Graces more regarding her relationship with Neville, but Neville wasn't someone who would want her openly involved. He may confide this or that to her, but he didn't want her role prominent.

"Graces," she said gently. "I am going to leave and give you two some privacy. I'll be back soon, but you both need to talk."

"You can stay," Neville declared, holding his head in his hands. "It's fine."

She sat for a moment and considered the two teenagers sitting next to her. It wasn't a normal relationship for their age and when she thought about the emotions they both must be feeling she was overwhelmed herself.

"Graces," she started gently, but firm. "Neville wants you two to make these decisions together. And frankly he's right to want to have a say in who knows about the two of you, just as you wouldn't want him to tell people you don't want to. I think that's fair. Do you not?"

Graces looked over at Neville who was just shaking his head and looking down at the table, hating every moment of this.

"Yes," she admitted begrudgingly. "But I don't think it's fair that he says I'm self destructive and decides any decision I make is against my own self interest."

"Neville," McGonagall began, only to be cut off as Neville found his own voice.

"You are self destructive," he countered tightly, folding his arms around himself. "What do you want me to do, Graces? Ignore it?"

"I am not—"

"Yes you are!"

Neville swallowed a few times and defiant tears escaped him as he angrily rubbed his eyes. The older woman was thankful that Graces seemed to recognize that now was not the time to continue to argue the matter. She sat quietly waiting for Neville to regain himself.

"Neville, maybe you could list some of the things that are concerning you," McGonagall instructed. "Calmly," she added.

Neville shook his head. "Is there really a need? She knows what I'm talking about."

"Hearing it may be helpful," McGonagall insisted. "Is there a particular reason why you don't want to list these incidents?" McGonagall asked, now wondering if there were more sinister things she wasn't aware of.

"No," Neville swore quietly.

"You want things to be a discussion. You have to be willing to talk too."

"You don't eat," Neville started simply, after a few moments of silence. "You don't eat and what you do eat I don't think is enough and-and I know for a fact that you throw it up."

"Not on purpose," Graces cut in.

"I know that," Neville nodded. "But it doesn't change the fact that you don't even seem to try to eat."

"I'm eating now," Graces pointed out, as though the problem was fixed.

"Under watchful eyes," Neville stated, his stare piercing as Graces sat across from him. "I don't think you do things on purpose," Neville continued. "But it's almost like you lack this certain self-awareness. And- and I've just ignored so much of it. I try not to think about it and then when I do, when I sit down and lay it all out, I-I can't breathe," Neville admitted. "When I think about it all I feel like my chest is caving in and I get so overwhelmed that I can't even function."

"But I need to look at it, because ignoring it was doing nothing to help you. Ignoring it all lead to-to terrible things," Neville finished, apparently unable to bring himself to say it. "Merlin, Graces, even sleeping with me was impulsive. What were you thinking? You knew you could be killed for it and you just decided that was a worthwhile cost?"

"We love each other."

"We love each other now," Neville corrected. "You didn't love me then, nor I you."

"So you regret it?"

"You know I don't," Neville swore. "But it was still impulsive and self destructive."

Graces stared at him from across the table. "We can't keep having this discussion, Neville. It won't work. Every time you're mad at me we can't go back to this."

"Then I need you to address it," Neville demanded. "I need you to address all of this. Because… because it is all I think about."

Graces' brows furrowed delicately. "For the first time in our relationship we have possibilities. A future we can work towards and this is what you're thinking about?" she whispered, in awe of what she was hearing.

"The past few months aren't magically erased for me now that we have help," Neville admitted, not willing to look at either woman. "I can't think of a future because I still wake up in the middle of the night and forget where I am. I find it odd to not be woken up by screaming. And then I can't sleep the rest of the night because I'm terrified something is happening to you. When I do get a moment with you—to embrace you—the first thing my hands do after is linger on your ribs to see if you've lost more weight. I keep thinking about your eye and how you didn't tell me and how stupid I was for not realizing—"

"You couldn't have known," Graces whispered.

"You were always bumping into things," Neville pointed out, his anger and disgust with himself evident. "Always. Spells you were good at you struggled with. I knew something was wrong, but I always looked away."

"Because I pointed you away."

"And there's my point again," Neville said tightly. "Why? Why point me away? Because you knew I would have made you see a healer."

Graces took a shaking breath. "We've discussed this too."

"We never finished that conversation," Neville pointed out tearfully.

Graces wiped away her own tears. "What do you want me to do, Neville? What do you want me to say?"

"I need you to acknowledge this," Neville sniffed. "And stop making me feel like I'm crazy for thinking about it. I need you to admit this about yourself so I can breathe easier. Because if you acknowledge this about yourself then you can be mindful of it, get help for it."

Graces held both her lips tightly by her front teeth and stared up at the ceiling before nodding in agreement. "Okay," she rasped.

"Okay," she repeated, taking in a shuddering breath. "You're right. But I don't know how to stop myself because I don't even realize what I'm doing. You want me to get help, but how am I going to do that?"

"I have connections," McGonagall said quietly, she had wanted to bring this up at some point, but had planned to wait for more of both students' trust. "I won't use your names or even say that you are students of mine. But I have quite a few friends and students that have graduated that went on to become healers. One of which works in Germany specializing in mental health. If you two would allow it I would like to to speak with them regarding both of your situations."

"Both?" Neville asked.

"Neville, do you think it's normal to be so worried that you can't sleep through the night? Or to be so overcome with emotion you can't breath? There are also some things that I think should be addressed that you don't seem to want to talk about yourself. I remember after I first experienced the Cruciatus curse I—"

"I'm fine," Neville stated firmly.

"You were tortured," McGonagall pointed out. "That is not something that people easily forget. You also stabbed a man in the eye and stabbed a peer all in a year. Do you have no feelings regarding that?"

"You think I'm violent?" Neville asked, taken aback.

"No, I know you're not. You've always been a bit more sensitive," McGonagall pointed out, ignoring the way Neville flushed. "I'm just wondering how you really are and how much you're hiding."

Neville ran his hand through his hair and looked over at Graces. "If I agree will you agree?"

Graces eyes widened slightly in shock, before nodding.

"Okay then," Neville murmured.

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Neville had been exceptionally quiet the rest of the dinner and he remained just as quiet as they left McGonagall's living quarters. She wasn't sure if she should break the silence, not when Neville seemed to be so absorbed in his own thoughts. She wondered what he was thinking about her or himself. Considering their night it could very well be both.

"Do-do you think I'm unwell?" Neville finally asked, just before they were at the point where they needed to walk separately.

Graces shrugged. "I honestly don't know," she said quietly. "You don't talk to me about those things. Not really."

Neville nodded and went back in his head leaving Graces standing in the hall wondering if she should just leave the night like this.

"I didn't know you were that—" she paused and searched for words, "—affected by everything. I didn't know you weren't sleeping and that you were having panic attacks."

Neville's eyes shifted and he squirmed uncomfortably as she continued to look at him.

"We need to talk to each other, Neville."

"I know we do," he whispered.

"You seem to have a lot of stuff pent up and not just about us…"

Neville blinked and a small frown appeared on his face. He seemed as though he wanted to dismiss what she said, but in the end he reluctantly nodded.

"I appreciate you talking with McGonagall present," Graces said, reaching out for his hand and noting the way Neville checked to make sure no one was around. Confirming just how anxious he was about them now that he knew. "Maybe we could talk privately tonight?"

"I-I don't want to go behind McGonagall's back," Neville muttered. "She doesn't want us sneaking about and—"

"Neville," Graces said patiently. "It's one night. Just to talk and an hour or so each night at dinner will not let us resolve anything. Meet with me, please."

Neville met her eyes and she realized just how much he wanted to meet with her and how much this past week had been a struggle for him. He nodded and a weight seemed to be lifted off of him.

"Grand," Graces smiled, brushing a soft kiss on his cheek and humming happily as Neville turned and kissed her lips.

"Not mad anymore?" she grinned, moving away.

"No," Neville sighed. "Not mad anymore."

"Tonight? After lights out?"

Neville nodded. "You're in for a long night, Miss Malfoy," he warned, giving her a pointed look.

"I know," Graces sighed. "But no fighting. I don't want to fight."

"No fighting," Neville agreed.

"And you have to tell me about how you're feeling," Graces stipulated. "Including how you felt after the Ministry and other things."

"Okay."

"I wish you were happy, Neville," she whispered, her heart sinking as she took in the sadness in him.. "I wanted you so badly to be happy. You were happy it seemed for just a moment, but it faded quickly."

"I am happy," Neville said, moving closer. Graces looked up and gave him a look that told him just how much she believed that.

"I am," Neville swore again, pulling her closer. "I just—" He leaned his head down to touch hers. "You couldn't believe that I wasn't thinking of a future about all our possibilities. I want to, Graces. But when I do, when I lay down at night and try, my thoughts immediately go to how quickly I could lose you."

She closed her eyes as his hands wound through her hair.

"One wrong move. If we trust one wrong person, if I'm careless—much like I'm being now—I could lose you. I could lose you and all those possibilities of our future. Violently," Neville shuddered. "I can't lose you, Graces. Not like that," Neville shook his head against hers and pulled her closer to him so she was tucked underneath his chin. "I couldn't bear it, to have you ripped away from me."

Graces felt his chest shudder with tears and closed her eyes. She had been foolish to tell Sprout and even more foolish to discount how Neville felt regarding it. He was right, he deserved to be involved in every decision regarding them and probably some other ones as well.

"You were right to be angry with me for the past few days," Graces murmured. "I was careless and I'm not going to be careless again, Neville, I swear. We'll make decisions regarding us together."

"Good. I hate being cross with you," Neville sighed.

"I hate when you're cross with me," Graces smiled, not moving from where she was nuzzled against his chest.

Neville gently pushed her away after a few moments. "Go meet with Draco," he ordered sorrowfully. "I'll see you tonight."

Graces nodded and moved to leave, but Neville gently pulled her back. "Since we're already breaking rules maybe you could spend the night with me? After our talk," he suggested hopefully.

"Oh?"

"Not like that," Neville said, shaking his head and flushing. "I just—I don't sleep well without you now."

Graces smiled. "I don't sleep well without you either," she said, though she knew Neville was aware of that. "I was planning on convincing you to stay."

Neville let out a small breathy laugh. "Tonight then."

"Tonight then."

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I hope you all enjoyed the chapter!

Also, I don't know if any of you like fanart and comics, but I found this girl on instagram that has the cutest little Neville/OC comic. It's all really light hearted and fluffy-anyways definitely go check it and comment. Neville centric stuff is a rare find, so definitely give her some love. Her handle is drewwinchester.