A/N:this is the first of a series of missing scenes from the episode Past, present and future. GG said they were going to spend some "real time" together, and this is my interpretation of his statement. Here is my headcanon for what we didn't get to see.

"Maybe I can help you with that"

She just looks at him, at a loss of what to say. His presence there, his patience, his words, overwhelm her, because even if she knew it already, it's always a shock to see how much he loves her, how much he understands her and respects her.
In the end, she nods and manages to deliver a grateful smile to him.

She takes a book and a pen from the coffee table, and he gives her the list back as they sit down on the couch.

"So, what do you wish?"

She thinks about it for a moment, staring at the blank back of the sheet, and then she rises her eyes to meet his again.

"I want to make up for all the pain I caused. I want to stop grieving all the time." She sighs and closes her eyes. "I have been grieving all my losses for years, and it has stopped me from -"
She stops abruptly, realizing what she was about to say. Her pain had made her fear to get too involved with him, to allow herself to love him openly, to let him (and everyone else she cared about) in, to build a future with him. After a pause, she finds a milder way to say it all, and continues: "- getting… attached."

"But you did get attached, Ziva." He objects. "We are your family, we know you love us, and you let us love you. It took a while, but you did. Maybe you didn't let us take care of you most of the times, but you took care of us."

He notices that she's not going to fight this point, and his suspicions get confirmed. It wasn't the NCIS family she was talking about.

"Unless… you're talking about building a family?", he suggests, as softly as possible.

The telltale dimple under her lower lip appears anyway, as he feared. She just looks at him, struggling for control, for a few seconds, and the urge to reach out and hold her tight makes his chest ache, but he doesn't want to risk interrupting this moment of openness, so he just waits for her to get herself together and say what she needs to say.

"How can I be a good… partner, or even a mother, how can I make my family happy if I don't know how to be okay myself?"

Her voice fades on her last words, and the look in her eyes is so uncertain that she looks like a scared little girl, and this sight sends his concern through the roof, because this is a Ziva he has never seen before.
This makes him give in, and he finally surrounds her shoulders with his arm, and she leans into him willingly. He wishes he had some convincing words of comfort to say, but he knows that he can't reach her where she is right now, that even telling her that he loves her the way she is won't help.
She needs to feel better, she needs to learn how to love herself and accept who she is first, and he understands that and wants her to get there. So he just kisses her hair and leans his head on hers, and they stay immobile for a while, until she pulls away.
Her expression is fiercely determined now, she looks more like herself, and this makes him feel better.

"So, first point of the list?" he asks her with a smile.

"I will let go of the badge."

He expected this, but he feels a pang of pain anyway.

"Yeah, that makes sense, I guess." He twitches his lower lip as he adds "It'll be very hard though, not having you around all day every day."

She looks away, clearly uncomfortable. He knows she's probably holding something back, but he doesn't insist. They're focused on an important task.

"I will make someone smile everyday" she writes as a second point.

"So you're not going to keep travelling alone, are you?"

"No. I want to do something useful, something good." She says, resolutely. "And this requires by definition being around people", she smiles.

Then she turns back to the sheet and writes:
- I will let go of the pain and the guilt.
- I will let friends in.

"That's good, 'cause I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there for you every step, Ziva."

She's uncomfortable again, and suddenly he knows she's going to do all this by herself. But he cannot surrender to the realization, so he calls her softly.

"Ziva?"

"I…"

"Tell me you're not shutting me out again. Please."

"This is something I have to do, Tony. On my own. I appreciate your support, but this is not something you can help me with."

"Then what's the whole 'let friends in' about?"

"I am letting you in! What do you think I am doing right now?" she yells, and she's standing up to storm out of the room again, but this time he stops her.

"Hey" he shouts, as he jumps up and follows her.

"Hey" he repeats, in a much softer voice, as he reaches her. "I see it. And I treasure it. I'm just… I just don't want you to walk away from me because you're scared. I'm on your side, Ziva, not matter how dark it gets over there. And if you really want to let me in you have to accept that I'll never, ever, abandon you. Okay?"

"I have. I have accepted that."

"Then why -?"

"It's just different this time. I'm not running from you, Tony, I promise. I just need to… start over. To feel whole. I wrote that I will let people in because I want to be able to do it all the time, and not just once in a while. You know better than anyone that when I'm hurting I push everyone away. I want to stop doing this, and to be able to do that I need to work on myself first."

He's still not entirely convinced, or maybe he's just reluctant to let her go, but she sounds very sure of her plan, so once again he decides not to argue further. When they sit down again, though, he decides to take a little risk.

"Can I suggest a point?"

"Sure."

"Two actually, but only one is mine: accept love. The other…" Tony continued pointing at the last line of the original list, "have a boy and a girl."

A sharp intake of breath is her only answer, so he adds "I'm serious, Ziva. You shouldn't let go of your desire of motherhood. I know what you meant before, but once you start 'feeling whole again', as you said, once you find the key to be okay, I see no reason not to pursue it."

He knows this is her deepest desire, and the most difficult subject at the moment, so he's not surprised when he doesn't get a verbal answer, again.

"And about the previous point" he adds, stroking her hair and cupping her cheek, "you have to accept that you're worthy of love. You hear me? You are worthy of love."

Tears start streaming down her face, and he knows he's hit a nerve again. He knows her too well, he read the signs for what they were. She had disappeared, she had sought isolation, she had pushed him away after Gibbs' call, and he knew that her guilt trip had brought her too far, had made her feel inadequate and unworthy. He's afraid she's feeling like she felt after Somalia, after her father abandoned her in the desert to die, and her earlier choice of words confirms his fears.
He wipes her tears away with his thumb, and tries to smile encouragingly at her, to confirm his words. She leans into his touch and covers his hand with hers.
She opens her mouth to reply, but he's faster.

"Don't you dare thanking me. You don't thank for the love."

"Is this some kind of Gibbs rule?"

"No, that's just how it works."

She finally smiles affectionately, and the sight melts his heart.

Once she's gotten some composure back, she takes the list and adds the last two points. Then she reads them all, and looks satisfied.

"I think that's enough."

"Okay. Let's get it buried."

A/N Coming up: the scene that follows the one in the orchard.
(As I wrote, this is the first chapter of a series. The other missing scenes are in progress. Thank you, Guest, for your review and for pointing it out!)