Undoubtable and Unchangeably Broken

Warning: Contains self-harm (cutting).

She was so angry with him, so angry. Jo held her arms tightly around her legs while hot and angry tears made their way down her cheeks turning the world into one blurry mess. She had been angry with them both when they turned up at her house, barging in to explain they said. Jo Masterson was angry, she had already made up her mind about staying angry. Staying mad at Lacey weren't as hard as she thought it would be, Danny however.

Oh Danny, no matter what he did she could never truly stay mad at him, ever. Maybe it was the way he looked at her. There was no one else in Jo's world that looked at her that way. His dark brown eyes reached into the deepest, parts of herself, the parts she could easily keep hidden from everyone else. And he saw, he saw the real her. Not the person she was trying so hard to become, the person everyone wanted her to become.

I'm protecting you, I was just trying to protect you.

As a eleven-year old, Jo had loved hearing that from him. From Lacey, from her father, she used to adore the fact that these people in her life cared so much about her that they would protect her. Being told that they were just trying to protect her at this age, in this situation only made her angry. Rico, Danny, Lacey, her parents, every person in this world. None of them had the right to protect her, to do anything that they thought would keep her safe. She was sick of it, sick of being told daily what she was to do. Sick of fighting for Danny, which only lead to heart-ache.

Jo had heard the lyrics, she had just like everyone else seen the silly teenage movies where the girls cried their eyes out about being heartbroken. She never thought that she would experience the kind of pain that they obviously felt. Jo was certain of that she would never cry for a boy. She never thought that she would be one of those sad girls. Yet there she was, unable to feel anything but the shattering and constantly growing pain that she for some reason couldn't seem to deal with. Wasn't crying supposed to make things better, wasn't getting your emotions out supposed to make the pain decrease? Well it wasn't, the pain felt as present as it had since seeing the video. Truth be told, she wasn't sure what hurt the most. Was it Danny, not loving her? Or was it that Lacey had lied to her? Or maybe the reason was that she had in merely a day lost all her friends as well as having made the biggest mistake of her life. She didn't love him; Tyler. He was cute, he was fun, he was charming, but at the end of the day, he wasn't Danny.

He didn't see her.

The house was surprisingly quiet, with only the sound of Jo's crying being heard. But then again, when Jo was hurting she suddenly noticed how everything grew bigger. Her room was no longer made for her, she no longer belonged there. The house with all the decorations no longer felt as if placed there for the same girl to use, to create a life in. Since five years ago, she had trouble expressing and dealing with her emotions. At first she was sad, people told her that being sad was okay. Then Lacey happened, and in some way she began removing the emotions she felt. Never had they gotten too powerful for her to handle. But sitting there on the bed, Jo suddenly felt a part of her snap. The emotions inside of her pressed against different parts of her body as if trying to press its way out. Breathing hard and rapidly, Jo got up from the bed. The world around her still blurry, which was strangely right. She walked quickly, her earlier numb legs now tingling. Standing in front of the mirror she could hardly recognize the girl in front of her. The curly, blond mop of hair were a mess, her eyes red as was her face. Placing her hands on each side of the sink, she couldn't help but notice how vigorously they trembled. She had no control, she hated not having any control. Jo hated being at the mercy of her feelings, she hated the fact that Danny, Lacey, Rico, her father, Tyler, had pushed her over the edge. Despite not even knowing that they had done it.

"Oh god," she whimpered, just speaking caused the pain to double, making her slide down to the floor. Her head leaned against the cold wall behind her felt strangely comfortable.

Jo, couldn't think of anything more painful than emotional hurt. Physical she could deal with, this kind of pain however was not something she could deal with. It wasn't anything she wanted to deal with. She glanced at the razorblade, it had happened before. A few times after Danny had killed his aunt Tara, Jo had felt so much pain. Too much pain, almost, for her to handle. She had thought about doing it, but she had never gone as far as to actually do it. She could feel the same desire pull her towards it this time. Just one cut, she thought, just a tiny one to get something to focus on. Another kind of pain, a more bearable kind of pain. Her tears still ran down her cheeks, but now much slower. Her breathing had steadied as she moved towards the other end of the bathroom. She had already made up her mind as she took the blade. Jo did not want to die, she just wanted a more bearable pain to handle. That was the only reason she would do it, because everything was better than this. Everything. She placed the blade on her wrist, then further down, and then she made the cut. It didn't bleed a lot, it didn't hurt to bad. Just bad enough to make the emotional pain less strong for only a moment. The next cut, made it easier to cope with the fact that Rico probably hated her now. The third cut, made it easier to understand why Lacey had lied to her. And so it continued, each and every cut made it easier to understand something about this screwed up thing which she called her life. But no matter how many cuts she made, her heart wouldn't mend itself. It was still undoubtable, unchangeably broken by Danny Desai.

I got this idea after having watched episode ten and eleven. Jo is without doubt my favorite-character and I ship her and Danny so hard. This is probably very out of character, and it is also very short but .. to explain the first one I love angst and the way I see it with the things that Jo had gone through I'd say that she wold probably have a very hard time dealing with certain things. And as for how short this is, I am very sorry, unless you hated it because then you are very welcome that this is so short! :)