A/N: After seeing a few of these 4kids edits it got me thinking about how anyone could make a show as er... violent... as SNK into a kids show and thus this stupid thing was born. Also, please don't take this down, the 3rd for 4th chapter will be when the story begins- I promise!

Contains a few Spoilers. Yee be warned, all who enter.

I also do not own 4kids or SNK.

Attack on Titan

Edited by 4kids.

Survey Corps will be renamed the Happy Team.

The training camps will be called the Kool Korner (because K's are cool).

Instead of swords, they will fight with balloon ones.

All blood will be replaced with sparkles.

Scratch that. Sparkles are too sharp and promote violence. All sparkles will be replaced with glitter.

Everyone eats off of Zoo-Pals plates because they encourage color, friendship and happiness.

There will be a Narrator with a kind but deep voice. He will often narrate what just happened, even though we just saw what happened because we want to make sure nobody missed what happened.

Eren will not turn into a titan by biting his thumb, but by tickling his armpit with a feather.

Mikasa will no longer be Asian- she will be a stereo-typical white girl hipster, who always shows up late with a Starbucks.

Instead of being overly protective of Eren she will be overprotective of her iPhone.

Mikasa did not cut her hair, because she had to have used something sharp and there will be no sharp objects in this show.

The beginning scene with the men protecting the walls will be removed because the men were lazy. We do not support laziness.

There will be no swearing. Only substitutes like: "Oh Jim-Jams!" And "You Sneech Spiller!"

Everyone will speak enthusiastically, causing the amount of exclamation point usage to rise drastically!11!

Titans will no longer be naked. They will wear sweat pants and suspenders.

All chapters that have titans with no skin will be removed, because it is unnatural to have no skin.

Titans are too scary for children, so titans are now gigantic moles.

Instead of titans eating humans- they will crave the crops from your garden.

The titan moles will speak, because we don't want to promote unintelligence.

They will speak in highly recognizable American accents.

Mikasa's name will be pronounced Mih-ka-sa.

Armin will have shorter hair because we don't want him to be confused with a girl.

Armin's name is too uncommon so his new name will be John.

In fact, he was rude to the bullies so we are removing him completely.

Jean will be a villain because he is arrogant and arrogant people are bad. He will oppose friendship, making it Eren's duty to perfect him.

Jean will not be sad over Marco's death because there is no emotion except happiness.

Marco will not have died- but have been turned into a puppy.

No characters will die because dying promotes death.

Any characters who have died will be turned into puppies.

Marco will be removed completely because he has freckles and freckles promote skin cancer.

Annie will have a normal nose.

Instead of fighting well, Annie will be very arrogant and talk a lot.

Actually, arrogance is bad. Annie will just be in the background smiling. She will also oppose friendship.

There will be no varying facial features. Everyone will look reasonably attractive.

Pixis will be removed because he is old and old people promote... age?

Everyone will be 13-16 years old except for young children and wise mentors.

Any wise mentors (that are of the male gender) will speak in a 1940's mid Atlantic actor voice.

Hanji Zoe will not be creepy and obsess over titan-moles.

Hanji will no longer wear glasses because bad eyesight is bad and children should not have bad eyesight.

Hanji's name is not American enough so her new name is Zoe Smith.

Levi's name is a stupid name so his name is now Drake Ravioli.

Drake will no longer be expressionless. He will always have a smile on his face.

Drake's catchphrase will be "Aw, noodles!"

Eren will always agree with Drake's decisions and without persuasion.

Anyone over the age of 35 will be removed. Actually, any chapter with someone over the age of 35 will be removed.

Eren asked his dad to turn him into a titan-mole because he wanted to be a superhero.

In fact, that's what the entire plot will be about. No other distracting sub-plots.

Instead of stabbing a titan in the back of the neck, you have to tickle it and it will fall asleep- comically.

SNK needs a comic relief character that doesn't get traumatized. Jean will have a unintelligent female companion who always messes things up for Eren and makes bad puns while doing it.

Her name will be Starr.

Unintelligence is bad. Starr will have a 4.0 in school.

Connie will be named Josh because Connie can also be a girl's name and that does not fit for a boy.

Josh will be completely removed because he is bald.

Sasha is always happy and makes puns while giving out flowers.

Everyone will constantly make stupid puns.

Instead of stealing, Sasha will ask politely for a potato.

Children will be afraid of one mole being larger than the other moles so the Colossal titan will be known as the Somewhat-More-Colossal-Than-The-Other-Titan-Moles- Titan-Mole.

All uniforms will be modified to orange vests, long yellow T-shirts and blue shorts.

The shorts will go past their knees because short shorts are too short- especially for short people. (What)

Everyone will wear crocs because boots could give children blisters.

Fuel that propels them will be changed to bubbles. When they soar across the

sky there will be a trail of bubbles behind them.

Instead of wires, they will use red vines.

The cloaks will not be green because green is not a creative color.

The cloaks will be tie dyed.

Cloaks are too ominous. All cloaks will be changed to snuggies