Rating: T for teenage antics (snogging, drinking, and sports injuries).

Main Pairing: USUK with Slytherin!Alfred and Gryffindor!Arthur. Yep, you've read that correctly. The whole point of this story is to flip their houses while keeping both (mostly) in-character.

Side Pairing: Franada with fem!Canada.

Chapter I: The Sorting Hat

Alfred F. Jones was going places. In a physical sense, he was on the Hogwarts Express, prepared to start his 6th year of magical studies. In a metaphorical sense, he was on his way to achieving his life-long ambition of becoming a world-renowned Quidditch player.

Ever since his parents bought him his first broomstick at age five, Alfred had dreamed of becoming a professional Quidditch player. As soon as he began his first year at the Salem Institute of Magic he joined the school team, quickly earning the coveted position of seeker (it hadn't been hard since most American students preferred Quodpot). But Alfred knew that his best odds for joining a professional team required playing Quidditch at Hogwarts, so he begged and pleaded with his parents to let him take advantage of the International Overseas Wizard League (O.W.L.) Program and transfer.

The first four years, they said no. He was still too young and his grades weren't good enough.

The fifth year, they finally relented and said he could transfer, but only if he scored an Outstanding in at least four of his classes.

To their great surprise, Alfred met that goal. Although he had always been an indifferent student, he found that he could do well when he really applied himself. Potions and Arithmancy had been easy Os, and he managed to squeak by in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Care of Magical Creatures, mostly because the professors were so impressed by his improvement.

So his sixth year, with much hugging and kissing, he said goodbye to his parents at King's Cross train station as they wished him good luck during the school year. Alfred grabbed his bags, promised to write often, and waved a cheerful goodbye.

"Don't spend all of your time on the Quidditch fields!" his mother admonished.

"And remember they fly on the left side here!" was his father's advice.

After finding Platform 9¾ exactly where he expected it (three-quarters between Platforms 9 and 10), Alfred weaved his way through the crowds and boarded the Hogwarts Express. A little too late, he realized that if he wanted an empty compartment, he should have arrived earlier. As the train wound its way through the countryside just north of London, he found himself walking past each compartment, finding that most were completely full or occupied by younger students. (He was not about to start his awesome 6th Year with a bunch of hyper 11-year-olds).

Finally, Alfred spotted one with only two students. They both had their noses buried in a book, but at least they looked to be his age or older. Based on school colors, he could tell that the dark-haired Asian student was in Ravenclaw and the sandy blond one was in Gryffindor. Alfred opened the door and smiled widely. "Got room for one more?"

The Ravenclaw student looked up from his book and nodded.

"Thanks, man!" Alfred beamed and stored his luggage on the racks above the seats. He plopped down next to the dark-haired student and spent a few minutes gazing out the window as the English countryside rolled past. He grew bored after a few minutes, and leaned over to see what the Asian boy was reading so intently. It looked a bit like a comic book, but the student slammed it shut and pulled away.

"Kiku doesn't like it when people invade his personal space," the Gryffindor sitting across from them explained, his eyes briefly flickering up before returning to his own book.

"Sorry, dude." Alfred grinned apologetically and scooched to the edge of the seat to give the shy Ravenclaw more space. Kiku nodded in thanks. At that point, Alfred realized he had forgotten introductions. "My name's Alfred, by the way."

"Arthur," the Gryffindor crisply replied as he finally looked up from his book. Shocked, Alfred couldn't stop staring. He had never seen such monstrous eyebrows before in his life. Because of the way the boy had been hunched over as he read his book, Arthur's bangs had covered most of his forehead, hiding his eyebrows. It was like caterpillars were devouring the poor boy's forehead.

"Dude, do you need help removing that jinx?" Alfred exclaimed, pointing at Arthur's face. Arthur was a stranger, but it would be cruel to let anyone walk into Hogwarts with those eyebrows. Someone was clearly playing a cruel prank on the other boy.

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "What jinx?" he asked suspiciously.

"Your eyebrows! They're jinxed... aren't they?"

The Gryffindor flushed and then glared. "There's nothing wrong with my eyebrows!" he replied hotly, his face a mask of embarrassment and irritation.

"Seriously?" Alfred stared in disbelief. He found it hard to believe that giant eyebrows could be the work of anything other than magic. The idea of large eyebrows tugged at his memory from something he'd seen in the Quidditch articles, but it had been only a passing reference, and he couldn't quite remember what it had said. He pulled himself back to the present just in time to hear the sputtering denial from the other blond student.

"Yes! They're perfectly normal. Now kindly shut up and stop being such a prat."

"Oh, okay," Alfred replied, since he didn't want to get kicked out of the compartment; he was tired of lugging around his bags. In fact, he was kind of hungry. He patted his pockets and pulled out a packet of Skittles, then opened the package noisily and started munching the rainbow-colored candies. He watched the countryside for a few more minutes, but it hadn't changed much in the past few minutes. Yep, England was still really green. After another few minutes, he broke the silence. "Hey, what's a prat?"

"You are," Arthur retorted.

"Well, if I'm a prat, then why do you have the little badge with a 'P' on it?"

Arthur looked at Alfred like he was an idiot. "This is a prefect badge," he explained, speaking very slowly. "It means that I monitor student behavior. I can even deduct points from Houses." At Alfred's blank look, he sighed in exasperation. "Please tell me you understand the House system."

"Yeah, yeah. Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and... that other one. Whats-its-name. So, Prefect, huh? Basically you're a teacher's pet?"

Arthur returned to his book and refused to dignify Alfred's comment with a response.

Recognizing that he wasn't going to be able to draw Arthur and Kiku into a conversation, Alfred pulled his 3DS out of his luggage. If nothing else, at least he could finish a few more battles in Star Fox 64. He spent minutes poring over one of the battles, completely unable to finish it. He looked up in surprise when Kiku tapped the screen.

"Wanna give it a try?" Alfred asked. He handed over the console. Within seconds, Kiku beat the boss. Alfred watched in amazement as Kiku blazed his way through the game. He'd heard of a Star Fox speed run, but he'd never seen one before, and this boy would definitely set the record. The only problem was that Alfred was bored again and now he didn't have a video game for entertainment. He turned to look at Arthur and caught the Gryffindor boy staring at him from over the top of his book. Arthur's eyes quickly flickered back to his book and he pretended that he hadn't been caught staring. Alfred smiled and shifted seats so that he was sitting next to Arthur. He leaned over to read the book. It looked like the potions textbook he had used last year. "So, you're a fifth year, huh?" he asked.

Arthur frowned. "No."

"But that's a fifth-year book."

Kiku tapped the wall to catch Alfred's attention. He held up seven fingers then gestured to himself and Arthur.

Alfred frowned as he tried to reason why a seventh year would use a fifth year book. Suddenly, he realized the answer and laughed. "Dude! You've had to repeat the class… twice! You're officially the worst teacher's pet ever."

"God, you're such a prat," Arthur grumbled.

"How can I be a prat if I don't know that means?" Alfred countered.

"Quite easily," Arthur said as he flipped to the next page, continuing to frown as he read about aging potions (which made a person appear years older than their true age—very handy for underage drinking). Alfred remembered those as being easy-peasy (and very useful for underage wizards in the United States, with its stupid drinking age of 21). He wondered why the other student was having trouble with potions.

"Want any help?" the American offered, recognizing a potential way to alleviate his boredom. Although Arthur initially declined, he relented when Alfred pouted, pointed out that he received an Outstanding in Potions, and otherwise made it clear that accepting his help would be the only way to get him to stop prattling on.

They placed the book between them and covered the main potions. Alfred scribbled notes in the margins, pointing out places where you had to add an extra step to get the best result or ignore part of the instructions. It turned out that Arthur was a little too meticulous in following the text, ignoring warning signs like a bubbling pot because he believed following the text was the only correct approach.

They happily passed an hour with their heads leaned together over the book. Alfred couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun studying. Arthur was a quick learner (and kinda cute, Alfred had to admit, even with the eyebrows); he just needed a nudge or two in the right direction.

They flipped the page to love potions and Alfred waggled his eyebrows. "The girls in my school were obsessed with these. The professor locked up the ingredients because they can be pretty dangerous. She always said 'It's bad enough having teenage hormones filling the air without extra potions to make it worse!'"

Arthur chuckled. "Our professors do the same thing."

Although they were called love potions, they couldn't actually create love—just very strong lust. And the only cure for a love potion was a hate potion. Hate potions reminded you of all the things you disliked about the other person, making it easier to get over ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends. They were brewed with the same ingredients as love potions, but in opposite order.

"Amortentia is the strongest one. It's pretty cool," Alfred explained. "Its aroma is different for everyone, and it changes based on what you find attractive." He laughed, remembering a funny story. "You know, I actually thought I mixed it wrong the first time because it smelled like something burnt."

Kiku dropped the video game console into his lap. The noise made Arthur and Alfred look up.

"Everything all right, Kiku?" Arthur asked.

Kiku quickly nodded. He pulled out his own Prefect badge and arched an eyebrow at Arthur.

"Oh, of course. Just a second." Arthur turned back to Alfred. "Kiku and I are in charge of patrolling the train corridors for the next hour," he explained with a touch of reject as he carefully stored his wand in his pocket. Alfred accepted the return of his video game console from the Ravenclaw student and waved goodbye. It was a long ride to Hogwarts, so he knew they'd have more time to chat later.

Munching on some of his snacks, Alfred returned to his last saved game and spent another half hour metaphorically banging his head against flight battles. He really needed to figure out Kiku's secret to playing the Fox character. About ready to give up on the game for the day, Alfred paused and looked up when he heard whispers outside the door.

"Yes, I'm sure this is the right compartment!" one voice whispered loudly.

Another voice replied, too quietly for Alfred to hear.

Alfred looked up at the door, not quite sure what to expect. As it opened, he saw three Slytherin students: an albino, a brunet, and a blond. He wondered if they sometimes walked into bars in order to set up the punch line for a joke. They were tall and handsome and their cocky grins and confident stride told the world that they were ready for mischief.

"Mmm, looks like we have some fresh meat," the blond purred with a French accent

"Kesesese, I think we should have some fun," added the albino.

"Si, I love fun!" the brunet cheerfully agreed.

Alfred gaped at the three Slytherin students as they took the empty seats. The albino and the dark-haired student sat together, while the Frenchman sat down next to Alfred and casually slung his arm across Alfred's shoulders. Alfred probably wouldn't have noticed it if he had met them one at a time, but taken together, he could easily identify the trio.

"Wow, you're on the Slytherin Quidditch team!" Alfred gushed. "Oh man, it's so cool to meet you guys. That was an awesome game you played last spring against Ravenclaw. It's pretty awesome to see a team win the game without catching the snitch."

The three shared a look. If Alfred was more perceptive, he would have realized that he had suddenly been reclassified from "prey" to "potential ally."

The albino grinned. "Finally, someone that recognizes my awesomeness!"

They introduced themselves as Francis, Antonio, and the awesome Gilbert and proceeded to brag about their Quidditch prowess and all of their glorious antics terrorizing Hogwarts. For the first time in centuries, their house had succeeding in accumulating more than a thousand negative points in the competition for the House Cup. They hadn't had a Prefect in years because the Professors trusted none of them with a Prefect's powers. Alfred was suitably impressed. He lost track of time and didn't realize that an hour had passed until Arthur and Kiku returned.

Arthur glared furiously at the Slytherins. "What are you doing in my compartment?" he growled dangerously.

"Hey Arthur, meet Antonio, Gilbert, and Francis!" Alfred introduced his new friends.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I know who they are. For your information, they've spent years being absolute pests. And they have ten seconds to leave or I will hex them so thoroughly that they won't be able to sit for the next week."

The three stood up and casually exited the compartment. Francis winked. "Oh, Arthur, you know that if I had my way, you would be the one left unable to sit on your adorable derriere."

"Out!" Arthur sputtered and shoved Francis, showing a surprising amount of strength for his lean, short body.

"Arthur, mon cher, it is always a pleasure," Francis called as he stumbled out of the train cabin.

"The feeling is completely one-sided, I assure you." Arthur tried to slam the door shut, but Francis succeeded in wedging his foot into the gap.

Francis peeked in. "Alfred, you're welcome to come join us, if you would like."

Alfred glanced between the two, torn between his desire to get to know the Slytherin Quidditch team members and the powerful desire to continue tutoring Arthur in potions. But he knew that only one of those options would help him become a great Quidditch player, which was the whole point of coming to Hogwarts. He stood up and grabbed his luggage.

Arthur frowned, his scrunched eyebrows darkening his forehead as he watched Alfred leave. "Let me give you a bit of advice: your life will be much easier if you stay away from those three clowns."

"I like them. But, hey, it was nice to meet you two! Hopefully I'll see you again later."

"Don't count on it. I'm sure you'll be very happy with your new friends," Arthur said as he crossed his arms across his chest and scowled.

Alfred smiled apologetically and trailed behind Francis. He heard the door slam shut behind them.

Arthur stared at the empty seat next to him, trying to not feel upset that the younger blond student had so blatantly rejected him in favor of his arch-rivals. Alfred was attractive, friendly, and surprisingly good at potions. Arthur didn't understand why the young man would want to associate with the Slytherin pranksters. And for the life of him, he didn't know how Francis had managed to hook his claws into the lad so quickly.

Arthur contemplated returning to his study of potions (he really needed to finish the class this year or he would never graduate), but he decided to take a break for lunch; his mind was in too much of a muddle to manage to study at the moment. He ate his (delicious!) ham sandwich as he gazed out the window. Kiku resumed reading a book on the other side of the compartment, perfectly content to keep the silence. Their shared love of silent studying was one of the reasons Arthur liked spending time with Kiku. But for some reason, the compartment seemed even quieter now than usual.

Gentle hills and sparkling streams rolled past as Arthur leaned his forehead against the window and resisted the urge to sigh. He wasn't going to act like a lovesick fool because a handsome young man showed him some attention and then just as quickly deserted him. He had barely spent an hour with the boy! It would be ridiculous to be infatuated already. He just needed to get Alfred out of his head. Arthur reached for his potions book, but his hands met only thin air. He glanced under the seat to see if his book had fallen on the floor, finding nothing. He pulled out his wand and cast a summoning charm, then frowned when the book still didn't appear.

His frown turned to a glare as he realized that the book wasn't appearing because it had been stolen. And he knew who stole it. He had been wondering what the Slytherins were doing in his compartment.

Arthur stalked out of his compartment and followed the sound of annoying French laughter to his goal. Those three were the reason that Arthur hated the International O.W.L. Program. He didn't care about building an "international wizarding community." As far as Arthur was concerned, frogs were only useful as ingredients in a boiling pot.

Arthur pushed opened the compartment door. "Give it back," he demanded.

"Oh? You want what back, mon cher?" Francis smirked and draped his arm around Alfred's shoulders. The American looked somewhat surprised by the gesture, but he didn't push Francis off.

Arthur glared, refusing to be baited. "You are going to return my potions textbook this minute or I swear I will find a way to have you all kicked off your Quidditch team."

"If you need a book, I think I still have my fifth-year potions book around somewhere," Antonio suggested helpfully.

"Your potions book was a bunch of tomato recipes," Gilbert corrected.

"Por supuesto! Who needs potions when you have tomatoes?"

"Kesesese, mine was awesome beer recipes!"

Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Oh, Arthur. There is no need for such hostility. Would you care to join us?" Francis offered. He pulled to the edge of the seat and gestured at the small gap between him and Alfred.

Alfred gave Arthur his most welcoming smile and patted the seat. He wanted nothing better than to talk with the awesome Slytherin Quidditch players, but it had been fun spending time with Arthur too. It would be better if they got along. Alfred honestly didn't understand why Hogwarts students put so much emphasis on the house system. The Salem Institute didn't even have "houses," just dorms named after wealthy donors.

Francis winked. "Ménage à trois means that there's always room for one more, mon lapin."

Arthur flushed red, turned on his heels, and walked away.

"Moan the pan?" Alfred asked, trying to translate Francis's random French interjections. The older boy seemed to speak English just fine, but still sprinkled French into his conversations. Probably to annoy the non-Francophones.

Francis chuckled. "Non, 'lapin' means rabbit."

The three explained how a mistake with a polyjuice potion in their third-year had given Arthur rabbit ears for the rest of the day—a mistake they planned to let him never forget. Francis sighed wistfully as he described Arthur's adorably cute appearance, with flopping ears matching the color of his sandy hair. The French boy gave Alfred a sly look. "If I'm not mistaken, and I rarely am, I think our little rabbit is a bit taken with you."

Alfred laughed. "Why would you say that?"

Francis lifted up Arthur's textbook. "Because he left without his potions book."

Although the Hogwarts staff didn't make Alfred ride the boats with the first-years, he still had to line up for sorting. Alfred felt a little silly walking up to the Sorting Hat, since he was five years older and a good foot taller than the other students being sorted. Some of the girls giggled as he sat down on the too-short stool and placed the Hat on his head.

'I want to be in Slytherin!' Alfred told the Hat as soon as it touched his golden hair. He'd read that students had some choice in the sorting, but they had to think fast.

Alfred had studied the Hogwarts Quidditch teams very carefully over the past year, reading every story he could find about the different teams and games. Unfortunately, the school didn't broadcast its games on television, but Alfred could piece together a lot of information from reading news articles. The Ravenclaw team had some decent chasers, and Hufflepuff had the best keeper, but Gryffindor was the best overall team. Most importantly, they had the best seeker: Arthur Kirkland, who had led his team to Quidditch Cup victory for three years in a row.

Alfred could probably win a spot on the Gryffindor team, but he knew he wouldn't be able to replace Kirkland as seeker and he wasn't willing to sit on the sidelines if he couldn't have the most important role on the team. He decided that since he couldn't join him, he'd have to beat him. Slytherin had an excellent group of chasers and beaters (three of whom he had already met and liked), but a terrible seeker. Alfred could take the team to victory as its new seeker, and then he would definitely secure a professional Quidditch position when the scouts came to watch the cup match at Hogwarts. Nothing packed the seats like a Slytherin vs. Gryffindor match.

The Hat hesitated. 'Are you sure? Your bravery would be better placed in Gryffindor.'

Alfred shook his head. 'I'm going to become a professional Quidditch player, but I can only do that in Slytherin.'

He felt the Hat relax. 'Ah, ambition. A true Slytherin virtue.'

"Slytherin!" The Hat made its announcement, drawing a number of surprised stares. Alfred's happy smile and loud whoop of joy drew even more shock. In the two decades since the Second Wizarding War, Slytherin had suffered a huge loss of reputation. Very few wanted to be associated with Voldemort's house or its pure-blooded bigotry. Now, fewer than one in ten children joined that house, throwing off the school's usual system for dividing students into classes. Many Slytherins transferred to other schools to avoid the guilt by association. The house had moved into a small tower, so that its former location under the lake could be used to house the additional Gryffindor students, who had gleefully changed the greens to reds. No one sitting in the room had ever seen someone debate with the Hat in order to get into Slytherin.

"Kesesese, join the awesome table!" Gilbert called.

As Alfred sat down, he could see Arthur glaring at him from across the room.

"Peter Kirkland… Gryffindor!" the Hat said as it resumed sorting. Arthur shifted his glare from Alfred to the short blond running up to the Gryffindor table. Alfred jerked his head when he heard the last name. Was Peter Kirkland related to Arthur Kirkland? He saw the boy approach Arthur and the pieces clicked together. He knew he had read about giant eyebrows somewhere! One of the earlier Quidditch articles briefly described Arthur's eyebrows but that person mysteriously stopped writing stories afterward and no one ever mentioned the eyebrows again.

He had met Arthur Kirkland. He had actually met Arthur Kirkland. Damn, he should have asked for a signature. No, that would have been awkward. Still, it explained why the Gryffindor boy didn't like his Slytherin rivals. He couldn't believe that he had failed to connect Arthur in Gryffindor with Arthur Kirkland, amazing Gryffindor Seeker. For some reason, he had expected Arthur to be taller.

Even though they would be rivals on the Quidditch field, Alfred wasn't going to let silly things like different houses stand between him and the Gryffindor seeker. They could be rivals and still become friends, right? Alfred squared his shoulders. He always loved a good challenge. And he bet he knew one way to get on Arthur's good side—by returning his potions textbook and offering more one-on-one tutoring.

"Artie! Artie! So when can I try out for the Quidditch team?" Peter asked, nearly treading on his cousin Arthur's heels as the Gryffindor Prefect led the First Years to the Gryffindor common room.

"Next year. First years aren't allowed broomsticks."

"But I want to fly now! I bet I'm better than you, and you're just scared to let me prove it."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "The headmaster makes the rules, not me. So take it up with him."

Unfortunately, that didn't stop Peter from whining and moaning about the stupid and unfair rules as they climbed up to the Gryffindor dorm. Arthur sighed. He could feel a headache coming on, and that headache was called 'having to live in the same house as Peter for a year.'

Arthur had never been so grateful to see the Fat Lady's portrait. He gave her the password and hung back as the First Years eagerly raced into the common room. Just before he stepped into the room himself, Arthur noticed a familiar book lying near the wall.

It was his potions book. Arthur frowned, instantly on guard. He cast a few spells to check for curses and suspiciously prodded his potions book with his wand. Eventually, he shrugged and picked it up. Inside he found a short note.

Hey Arthur,

I figured you might want your potions book back. They doodled a bit in the margins, but it looks mostly okay. I've added a few more notes on some of the trickier potions. If you ever want more tutoring, I'm happy to help!

AFJ

P.S. Always remember rabbit fur for your polyjuice potion :)

Arthur scowled and tossed the note into the rubbish bin. Of course it would turn out to be just another joke at his expense. Arthur should have known that the young man's handsome face hid a cruel mind. He carefully buried his disappointment as he stepped into the Gryffindor lounge. Walking past the loud group of gossiping students, he climbed the staircase to the seventh year's room. Arthur was supposed to help the newly sorted Gryffindor students settle in, but after his hectic day, he was ready to let Peter and the other students muddle along on their own.

The room for seventh year students was blessedly quiet since his roommates were still catching up with old friends down in the lounge. Arthur began to unpack his belongings from their neatly folded position in a trunk next to his bed. He set out clothes for tomorrow and books for his classes. Charms and potions. He stared at the potions book and pondered whether he dared use any of the tips from the American transfer student. He needed all of the help he could get, but relying on a Slytherin could easily blow up in his face.

Arthur set aside the book and resolved to forget about the Slytherin student. Sure, the young man had a pretty face, but as the sorting proved, it almost certainly concealed a devious mind. Arthur was prepared to take his own advice: life would be much easier if he stayed away from the handsome American. Little did he realize... ignoring Alfred would be much more difficult than he expected.

Author's Notes

Yep, the USUK brother phase happened in one hour on the Hogwarts Express. Which means delicious, delicious tension from here on out. Mwahaha.

Gryffindor vs. Slytherin

Alfred acts like the Gryffindor posterboy most of the time, but I think there are elements of his personality that would fit well within Slytherin House. For example: I see Alfred as being competitive, ambitious, and a prankster. So expect him to spend less time talking about being a hero and more time talking about being a Quidditch star. Likewise, Arthur gets slotted into Slytherin fairly often, mostly to create delicious tension through an inter-house romance. Or possibly because he looks good in green. Yet he has a lot of great Gryffindor traits: he's brave, determined, and aspires to be a gentleman. (Plus, the house animal is a lion, how is that not perfect for Arthur?)

And that's why I decided to flip the houses.

Update / Revision Plans

The original version of this story (Quidditch House Rules) was taken down. Fortunately, I have backups! As I've read through it again, I saw some portions that I wanted to flesh out and plot holes that I wanted to fill in, and I realized that this might be a good opportunity to make the story even better and maybe hit 100k words :)

The previous version is available on my A03 page (linked at the top of my profile).

Faves/Follows/Reviews greatly appreciated since I lost those in the deletion!