SAMSARA

A Death Note/Yami No Matsuei crossover

"If I exchange my happiness for the suffering of others, I shall not attain divinity.

And in Samsara I shall have no real joy.

The source of all misery in the world lies in thinking of oneself;

The source of all happiness lies in thinking of others."

― Shantideva (8th Century Buddhist scholar)

Prologue, part i

In matters relating to the world of the dead, there is an institution that judges the souls of the deceased: The Ministry of Hades. The Summons Section of the Judgement Bureau comprises a group supporting the Ministry's operating functions, by guiding the lost souls that wander the mortal world. They are also known as the Shinigami.

"Light Yagami. Never before have I encountered a mortal who has so recklessly and mercilessly meddled with the natural flow of life and death. Through the grossly irresponsible use of several Death Notes, the lives of many hundreds of souls were cut short of their natural duration— not only by your hand, but also by the unfortunate individuals whom you manipulated. I am personally offended and disgusted by the sheer number of my candles that your deeds have illicitly snuffed out."

The Count leant forward in his high backed chair, his crystalline mask pressed far into Light's personal space.

"The Death Notes are not mere toys produced for human amusement. The laws surrounding their usage must be strictly adhered to by all citizens of the Underworld, and to transgress those laws is a deep, deep offense. When I learned that it was but a common human who was flouting these laws, and depriving the great halls of my castle of their candlelight, my fury knew no end. Retribution shall be exacted."

Light did not flinch. He continued staring up at the mask of the Count, at what he supposed were the official's eyes. Though the Count was invisible save for this jewel-like accoutrement, Light fully felt the intensity of his gaze. Wordlessly, filled with his own pride, he urged the Count to metre out whatever judgement was coming.

"If it were my decision, I would condemn you to become a Hungry Ghost, and let you wander the world in eternal, undying misery. But his Royal Highness, the Enma Daioh, has chosen to be merciful."

Here, the Count leant back again, and his mask shifted in a way that suggested he was crossing his invisible legs and hunching his invisible shoulders.

"It is decided, Light Yagami, that you will become a Shinigami yourself."

Through the entire tribunal, Light had not moved a muscle. However, at this moment, a bleak future of decay and futility instantly bloomed in his mind. Eternity spent as one of those haggard, capricious beasts. A wash of feeble anger passed through him, causing his heart to burn and his stomach to sink. And still, he did not move.

"You shall be brought to the Ministry of Hades, where you will be put to work in the Summons Bureau as a Guardian of Death. As you have caused such chaos to the passage of mortal souls, it shall now fall to you tend to its true order and rhythm. Also, the Enma Daioh was quite insistent about one crucial stipulation of this duty. All those who came to possess a Death Note due to your actions have died. However, their current whereabouts are unknown to the Ministry: they are lost souls. We can currently fathom that they are wandering somewhere in the mortal realm, unable to find their way to the afterlife. It shall be your task to not only find these lost souls, but to resolve their suffering so they can progress from their current circumstances, which must surely be dismal."

"You will, of course, be supervised. Shinigami are not allowed to travel alone, so a partner has been arranged for you. Access to all of the standard resources and amenities of the Summons Bureau shall also be afforded. Do not be surprised to find that the other Shinigami there will not take kindly to you. The news of your misdeeds is already well known throughout the Underworld."

'Amenities and resources' of the 'Summons Bureau'? Light was suddenly rather confused. He had not imagined Shinigami as having such a level of organisation.

A heretofore unheard voice rang out in the cavernous castle hall.

"Hey Count-sama! Can I take him now, sir?"

Light turned to behold a man in a black trench coat blundering his way into the hall. Though clearly an adult, he certainly did not have the bearing of one. Light suddenly found himself thinking of Matsuda.

An unexpected warmth oozed into the Count's voice. "Yes, my dear Tsuzuki-kun. The perpetrator has been dealt his sentence, and you may now escort him to the Summons Bureau. Be sure to explain everything to him."

Tsuzuki gave a jaunty salute. "I understand. See you 'round, sir!"

The two of them were led into what looked like the castle foyer, by a small, bedraggled ghoul of a servant.

"Thank you, Watson."

"My pleasure, Tsuzuki-san. Please excuse me." The servant bowed, and shuffled away in the dim light.

Formal introductions commenced. "Pleased to meet you, Yagami-san! I am Asato Tsuzuki, a Shinigami working in the Kyuushuu district of the Summons Division. Today I will be showing you around the Ministry. I hope you like it here!"

He bowed, Light did not. Tsuzuki could not make out the look on his face. He valiantly pressed on.

"Please don't worry about the Count. He tends to be very persnicketty about the amount of candles that are lit in his castle. If a few too many people are left alive, it is too bright. If a few too many people die, it is too dark. I'm sure once you help us to restore and maintain the balance, you'll win his good graces."

Another pause. It seemed to Tsuzuki that this strange person had absolutely no wish to win the Count's good graces.

"Um, let's press on, shall we?"

The grand front doors of the castle opened. They were met with a shower of sakura blossoms.

The Ministry grounds were carpeted with soft, springy grass. Above sailed a pale blue sky. The sound of fountains gurgling travelled on the cool breeze. Footpaths crisscrossed each other between a series of ornate and majestic buildings. Everything surrounding the pair was crisp and fresh. Tsuzuki noticed a change overcome his silent charge: his eyes widened and his posture opened up, pure astonishment was written on his features as he took in the beautiful landscape he had found himself in.

"Nice, isn't it? Those sakura trees are never bare of flowers. I like to have picnics out here sometimes… that is, when the Chief gives me enough of an allowance for it."

"Er…" Light grunted.

Tsuzuki graced him with his biggest, most friendly smile. "Yes? What is it, Yagami-san?"

"Wh…"

Light hesitated in asking his question. He then began to shrink back into himself, his eyes growing dark.

"So I suppose the task of dragging me around this place fell to you because no-one else wanted it. I'm sure only the lowest running dog would be forced to escort the felon around his prison, right?" His voice was steeped in bitterness.

For the first time, Tsuzuki displayed annoyance. "Hold on just a minute!" He exclaimed, and drew Light off the footpath, onto an obliging bench.

"It may be true that news of the Kira case is known at the Summons Division. And yes, a lot of the employees have fairly strong opinions about it."

Tsuzuki's eyes softened, and Light now noticed that they were an uncanny shade of purple.

"But I volunteered to introduce you to this place myself. You may have done many bad things while you were alive, but I was inot/i going to judge you until I had met you in person."

Tsuzuki laid a hand on Light's shoulder. He made an effort to shy away, but was held still.

"I too know what it feels like to carry a great burden of human life on my hands. And I also know how cruel it is to be made an outsider. Please know that I offer you my support. I do believe you can find your place here. Even if it takes a while."

Light said nothing, but his stiff and anxious form slackened a little. Tsuzuki was appeased by this, and rose from the bench.

"Come, I have plenty to show you!"

The hallways of the Ministry buildings were seemingly endless. Offices upon offices, as well as libraries, laboratories, conference rooms and lecture halls. In his wildest imagination, Light had never pictured the Underworld looking quite like this. Furthermore, he could hardly picture someone like Ryuk loping up and down these hallways, chatting with the sharp-suited men and women who bustled about here.

A surprising amount of space on the Ministry grounds were also given over to leisure. There were living quarters and gardens, a large gymnasium, as well as a cafeteria, which was lined with French-style windows and decorated with great sprays of potted plants. After a long and tiring afternoon, this is where Tsuzuki took Light to recuperate.

"Please," Tsuzuki offered, placing a groaning tray of sweets and tea before them.

Light took a small cup of unsweetened tea for himself, and did not touch it.

"I am confused," he told Tsuzuki. "The shinigami I met while I was alive were misshapen monsters, not human in the least. And I'm pretty sure they didn't work for any Ministry."

"Oh, them," Tsuzuki replied with a dismissive chuckle. "Yes, they are shinigami too, but they are a lower order than we are. They live in their own territory, on the outskirts of the Underworld, where the gate to the mortal realm lies. They are forbidden from visiting the Ministry, unless they have lawful business with the Enma Daioh."

Light frowned. "Why is that? I mean, what are they, then?"

"Well," Tsuzuki said whilst ripping open a packet of multi-coloured mochi cakes, "like us, they are people who have died and opted to exist here in the Underworld, rather than go on to the afterlife. However, they are completely independent from the Ministry, as you can imagine. Really, they are rather sad creatures who must use those Death Notes of theirs to continue to exist. Sort of like minor vampires, I guess."

Light rested his elbows on the table, drawing himself forward. "And why are we so different to them?"

"As higher order Shinigami, we take human lives for a less selfish purpose, to assist with the Ministry in maintaining the natural flow of life and death. As a benefit, we are allowed human-like forms, looking the same as we did before we died. Our bodies retain the pleasures of sleeping, eating, bathing, and making love. However, we can also be injured. While no mortal wound can strictly kill us… we still feel physical pain."

As he said this, Tsuzuki's energy seemed to wither a little. Light took no heed of this.

"When I was alive, it was confirmed to me that a lesser shinigami can 'die' if they use their Death Note to save a human's life. Would it then be possible for us to 'die' in a similar way?"

This proved to pique Tsuzuki's interest, chasing off his brief spell of melancholy. "Hmm… I have never heard of such a thing happening, but I suppose it would make sense. Some Shinigami, both higher and lesser, became what they are from a fear of going on to the afterlife, a fear of 'real' death. So in the courageous act of sacrificing themselves for another, they have probably conquered this fear and are finally able to let go of whatever was holding them back."

Light let out a tremendous sigh. Truly, in the end, 'going on' had been all that he wished for. Stripped of his crown as Kira, fallen from his summit as the god of a new world, the machinations of his enemies had left him with nothing. As he had taken his last mortal steps, staggering and bleeding beneath an unsettled sunset, true death was what he had beckoned to. Escape. Peace.

He could never have foreseen penance such as this.

'He was despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.'

"Oh, it's him! That murderer!"

"You have no right to sit here with us, Kira!"

"Go back to the hell where you came from, you monster!"

A cluster of other Shinigami, clutching at their cafeteria trays, had huddled around a short distance from where Light sat. A skittish disgust was painted across each of their faces. Others stood further away, also staring at the accused with hard eyes.

"I hear that the Count wanted to turn the lousy scumbag into a Hungry Ghost," uttered a swarthy fellow with leaf-shaped ears, a cigarette hanging carelessly out of his mouth. "I reckon the Enma Daioh should've let him!"

Tsuzuki bristled at the sound of his voice. "Leave it, Terazuma—"

Light shot up from his seat, smacking away Terazuma's tray of food and grabbing the man by the shirtfront. A great wave of gasps and indignant cries rose up from the crowd of onlookers as they backed away.

"SAY THAT AGAIN, YOU MISERABLE WORM! I was the champion of the weak and defenceless, the scourge of the wicked… I was the god of a new world! It was thanks to arrogant, small-minded bastards like YOU that the dream of a fair and just world was DESTROYED!"

Terazuma's clenched fist made impact with the side of Light's face, and he was sent flying into an unfortunately-placed dessert trolley.

"YOU are a cold-blooded MURDERER!" The man shrieked. A few errant catcalls and claps escaped from the onlookers.

"HEY!" The gathering was parted by a stocky man with a lined, grizzled face. "What's going on here, Terazuma-san? Tsuzuki-san? Nothing untoward, I hope?" He said this with a growl of paternal caution.

Mutterings of "No, Chief Konoe" and "sorry, Chief Konoe", emanated from the two. Tsuzuki helped Light to his feet as the other Shinigami went back to their repasts.

Light was shaking, unable to look Tsuzuki in the eye. The latter man helped the cafeteria ladies to gingerly clear up the mess that had been made, giving Light enough space to calm himself. Eventually he sat back down, feeling keen pity for his companion. Very gently, he offered a pastel pink mochi cake to him.

"Please do try these," he prompted softly, "they really are very good."

With his face still fallen and his hand still trembling, Light mechanically took the offered sweet, and took a tiny bite.

Tsuzuki tried hard to find the right words. "I can only imagine how… how much of a shock all this is…"

"Hey, Tsuzuki, are you done dealing with that Ki…"

Both of them looked up. A fair-haired young man clad in a denim jacket had approached their table. His unaffected, casual gait was arrested when he clapped eyes on Light.

"Just sitting down to a spot of tea, Hisoka. This gentleman is Yagami-san. Yagami-san, this is my partner Hisoka-kun." Tsuzuki smiled, determined to keep the atmosphere as cheerful as possible.

Hisoka and Light ignored one another. The boy looked to the spread before them and raised an eyebrow.

"Mm. Tea and about a truckload of sweets. How much of your allowance did you burn up this time?" With an ease borne of long-time intimacy, Hisoka leant over to steal a tempting-looking Belgian praline from Tsuzuki's plate. However, as his hand reached out to pluck at the sugary fare, Hisoka suddenly recoiled with a pained cry. Staggering away from the table, clutching himself in what looked like abysmal agony, Tsuzuki instantly shot up from his seat and leapt to his partner's side. Light watched with morbid curiousity as the boy's crying and thrashing slowly, slowly subsided, under the tender ministrations of Tsuzuki's care. He held Hisoka carefully, stroking his hair and voicing soothing shushes, like a mother comforting her child. At length, Hisoka's cries had lessened to light whimpers and his convulsions had dulled into nervous trembling. From behind Light, the grizzled Chief approached once more, having also witnessed the boy's fit.

"Chief, please take him to lie down. He should be alright, now."

As Hisoka was carried off, Tsuzuki turned back to Light with an apologetic look on his face. "I am so sorry about that, Yagami-san. My partner is an empath, and can feel the emotions of others." Here his voice lowered in volume. "I guess his hand must have accidentally brushed against you when he leant over. I suppose it is a clear demonstration of just how greatly you suffer… are you alright?"

Light had his arms crossed, and gave a reflexive shudder.

"I never asked for any of this."

Tsuzuki smiled again, sadly. He returned to his meal, and the next few minutes followed in silence. Light sank further into his fierce misery.

Once the plates and teacups were cleared away, Tsuzuki resumed his role of perky tour guide. As he strolled out of the cafeteria, Light shuffled along behind, hands in his pockets.

"Now that you have seen what the Ministry has to offer, I've been instructed to introduce you to your partner. I hope this helps to cheer you up. If anything, at least it'll help you see that you're not alone here. Here at the Summons Bureau, there are plenty of friendly faces."

They headed across the grounds to where the main offices of the Summons Bureau were located. Navigating down the long hallways of the grand building, Tsuzuki continued his exposition.

"Oh, you'll just love the guy who been assigned to become your partner. He's great! The Chief has suggested that he is more of a chaperone or a warden of sorts… but I have a feeling that the two of you will be the best of friends. He's super smart, and has been accumulating a whole load of info on those affected by the Death Notes…"

Something in Light's gut jumped up. An awful sickly feeling that was uncomfortably familiar. He prayed that it would pass.

"He's only been at the Ministry for about five years, but in that time he has dedicated himself to the safe passage of all deceased souls who died at the hands of the Death Notes. In fact, it has been at the very core of all his work here— and he has always had a very keen interest in meeting you. Of course, when the issue of who would partner you in your sentence came up, he leapt at the chance…"

They turned into a smaller corridor lined with office doors. Light's heart was hammering madly.

"Some people say he's a weirdo, but I like him! Sometimes we share a friendly chat over tea and cake…"

Tsuzuki creaked the door open. Light's entire body buckled in revulsion and loathing, once he had laid eyes on who was crouching in the office chair before him.

"Good afternoon, Yagami-kun. We meet again."

L.