OOOOOOH I AM HAPPEEEEEEEEE I HAZ REVIEWS!

CHECK OUT PHANTOMPURPLEWOLF'S STORIES! I HELP WRITE TIME WARP CATASTROPHE AND IT IS MEGA LOLS! BTW THIS IS FOR HER!

Monty Python/Merlin crossover. Again. and no, I don't own them.

Title: The Bridge of Death

Prompt: hmmm...one in which they cross the bridge of death? yeha, im kinda obsessed with the monty python theme, but who cares?

For: PhantomPurpleWolf

Words: 761

Arthur and the knights were riding on a quest to find Morgana, when they came to a long wooden bridge. Arthur stopped the men, eyes widening.

"There it is!" he exclaimed. " The Bridge of Death!"

All of the men gasped, apart from Merlin, who sighed. "Oh, great."

Sir Leon peered over, squinting in the sun. Was that a figure? In the distance…yes! Yes, it was a person! "Look!" he called, pointing.

Arthur followed his gaze. "There's the old man from Scene 24!"

"What the hell is Scene 24?"

"I…have no idea."

Percival frowned. "What is he doing here?"

Arthur sighed dejectedly. "He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveller five questions-"

Merlin raised his hand. "Three questions."

Arthur glared at him. "Three questions. He who answers the five questions-"

Merlin face-palmed. " Three questions…" he corrected impatiently.

Arthur blushed faintly. "-Three questions may cross in safety." Percival frowned.

"But…what if you get a question wrong?" he asked, exchanging glances with the other knights. Arthur's face darkened, and he caught the knight's eye.

"Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril."

Percival paled, gulping. "Oh, I won't go," he said timidly.

Leon patted his arm sympathetically. "Who's going to answer the questions?"

Arthur suddenly perked up. " Sir Percival!"

The big knight looked up. " Yes?"

"Brave Sir Percival, you go."

Percival frowned, but then grinned evilly. " Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Lancelot go?"

Lancelot bowed. "Yes, let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east—"

Arthur started to flap his hands about in a very Kingly manner, I'll have you know. " No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on! Just answer the five questions-"

Merlin slowly sank to the ground in despair. " Three questions."

"-Three questions as best you can. And we shall watch... and pray."

Lancelot bowed again. "I understand, my liege."

Arthur grinned, patting him on the arm. "Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot. Gods be with you."

Lancelot nodded and walked slowly to the bridge. The Keeper looked him up and down.

"Stop!" he cried. "Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see."

"Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid," Lancelot said proudly.

"What is your name?"

"My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot."

"What is your quest?"

"To seek the Holy Grail."

"What is your favourite colour?"

"Blue."

The Keeper nodded. "Right. Off you go."

Lancelot sighed with relief. "Oh, thank you. Thank you very much."

"That's easy!" a young knight cried. He followed Lancelot's footsteps.

The Keeper looked up again. " Stop! Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see."

Robin laughed. "Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid."

"What is your name?"

"Sir Robin of Camelot."

"What is your quest?"

"To seek the Holy Grail."

"What is the capital of Assyria?"

Robin gaped like a fish. "I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!" The rest of the knights stared, horrified, as the young man fell through the bridge and to his death.

Galahad went up next.

"Stop! What is your name?"

"Sir Galahad of Camelot."

"What is your quest?"

"I seek the Holy Grail."

"What is your favorite color?"

Galahad sighed in relief. " Blue," he spluttered, but then he paled. "No yel- Auuuuuuuugh!"

The Keeper grinned. The king approached. " Heh heh. Stop! What is your name?"

Arthur puffed up his chest proudly. " It is Arthur, King of the Camelotians."

OMFG, thought Merlin.

The Keeper continued. " What is your quest?"

"To seek the Holy Grail."

"What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

Arthur tilted his head. " What do you mean? An African or European swallow?"

The Keeper stared at him. " What? I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!"

He fell to his death, leaving the bridge free.

Merlin raised his eyebrow. " How does a prat like you know so much about swallows?"

Arthur smirked. " Well, you have to know these things when you're a prat you know. No, wait King! I'm a King! Merlin, stop laughing! YOU ARE SO MEAN TO ME!"

And they all lived happily ever after…apart from Galahad, Robin, the Keeper, and Arthur (because Merlin was a meany. He would have to go home and cuddle Gwen and let her tuck him in bed and have a bedtime story…but he wouldn't do that, because he was a pra-KING.)