Hello again, & welcome to another random thought in my mind.

Thanks for all the awesome reviews & follows to my other fic, hope you'll read & enjoy this one too!

Thanks as always to kelly2727 & the regulars & special thanks to Mandy in Cape Town, for my extra special prezzie!

This is set after S4.13. & will only be a 2shot, so enjoy!

Warning! May contain spoliers if you have not yet seen S4 ep13!

Chapter 1.

Sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair, in the window of Memorial Hospital Nick took a deep breath and closed his eyes as his world came crashing down around him.

How they got to this point he had no idea, it just was. And they were just in this moment.

Taking another long breath, Nick saw the flashes of those five minutes that would change their lives forever, as they took up residence on the back of his eyelids, a searing pain tearing at his heart as the images ran.

Ford yelled his name and raised his gun to Nick's head, then Swarek's voice called out to Ford before Ford pulled the trigger, and then Nick returned fire and sent Ford flying backwards before he crashed through a window.

Why would Swarek even approach Ford like that when he knew that he wasn't wearing a vest and wasn't armed? And Ford had completely lost his grip on reality and they all knew that.

Nick's eyes snapped open and he drew in a harsh sigh as realization crashed through him.

Swarek had reacted because of the object of Ford's attention- Him.

Chaotic thoughts hazed in fog became clear as Nick allowed the reruns to hum through his mind and life suddenly made more sense than it had minutes ago.

Swarek had done what he had, for one reason- Andy.

He still loved her enough to put himself in between Ford and Nick because he didn't want Andy to be left alone, or left heartbroken if he was shot instead of Swarek.

Swarek was letting Andy go, even though he still loved her, he was letting her go.

Looking up, Nick saw Andy's back through the window of the ER room they had Swarek in, her body frozen as she stood watching them work on him.

Nick looked away, it was really hard to watch.

He wished he could take it away, make it better, but he simply couldn't do anything right now.

He leaned forward, his hand still clutching his vest as his gaze fell on the sterilized floor tiles.

Andy's words came to mind, her broken 'I'm sorry' suddenly making more sense now that he understood the meaning behind them.

She was saying sorry because she still loved Swarek too, and she had realized that when it came to him, she had made a mistake, she had settled for the next best thing because she wanted to forget, or she wanted to feel something.

...

Watching someone die was never something that Andy had ever really given serious thought too, but today it seemed to be the only thing that the universe had planned for her. In this line of work it was always a possibility, and it had happened with Jerry, but this was so different from that day.

Watching Chloe get shot and then loose consciousness had been hard, Andy had been so scared, but this... Watching Sam crash in the ER rendered her paralyzed.

She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't feel anything.

The doctor was yelling commands, hands and feet scurrying around the room as they worked in unison to get Sam back.

But Andy didn't hear any of that, her ears were only filled with the single monotone beep that was registering on the heart monitor as Sam flatlined.

"Get him back people" Andy heard the words uttered by the doctor, but they didn't make any sense in her mind, they were just words- empty words.

As much as she wanted to look away, she couldn't, she couldn't tare her eyes away and stop watching Sam as the life ebbed out of him.

...

"I need to do something" Gail whispered to Holly as she still lingered next to her.

Swarek hadn't been in the ER all that long, maybe mere minutes, but Gail hadn't seen Andy move since she went into that room. She just stood there like a statue. And that was a bad sign.

Gail walked up to the doorway before she too was frozen, just for a second when she heard the incessant beep that told her that Swarek was fading away, and Andy was left to watch him leave.

Taking a deep breath Gail blinked back the tears in her own eyes and looked around the room.

No-one was paying any attention to her in the room now too, even though the doctor had said only one person was allowed in.

Gail stopped when she reached Andy and then her hand just took hold of Andy's who seemed to focus on her for the smallest fraction of a millisecond.

Andy looked so lost.

"You don't need to see this" Gail whispered barely above the noise in the room.

Andy shook her head, just once before she tilted it to the side and looked at Gail with tear filled eyes.

"I need to be here" Andy whimpered out.

She drew in a deep breath before looking back at Sam who was still unresponsive. "He doesn't deserve to be alone" she added even softer than the first time she had spoken.

Gail understood as her hand tightened it's grip around Andy's, she didn't want Sam to be alone if he didn't make it. And no matter what, Andy shouldn't be here alone right now either. She shouldn't have to watch Sam die.

Gail had seen what Nick had done for Andy, the sacrifice he had made so that she could get access to this room, and see Sam. It had been hard on him to make that split second decision, but he did the right thing.

Seconds ticked by as the noise level in the room raised when the doctor reached desperation and started yelling out more orders in a bid to get some kind of response from Sam.

Both Gail and Andy just stood there watching, being close as only the bonds of friendship could be. That's what friends really were; the people that were there when you needed them, no matter what, no matter what had clouded your friendship in the past.

After a while Gail turned her face to the side and let her eyes fall on Andy who's head had dropped a little forwards, her own eyes closed as she willed the harsh scenes in this room away and out of sight.

Andy's hand still tremored in Gail's, so when Gail saw one last tear streak it's way from Andy's eyes she held on tighter. Andy's hope was fading, she didn't think that Sam was coming back.

A single bleep filled the room, followed by another, and another, and another. Andy's head snapped up and her eyes flew open to see the scurry of activity increase as the heart monitor next to Sam's bed registered a heartbeat, even though it was feint and weak.

It didn't matter, it was there.

"He's back. Get the OR ready" the doctor yelled.

Momentary relief swept through Andy, but it was short lived when a nurse came up to her and Gail and ushered them out of the room. They needed to prep Sam for surgery now and needed them out of the room.

...

Time felt irrelevant as Andy sat waiting and waiting and waiting.

Sam had been taken into surgery hours ago but the room was still filled with familiar faces and sorrow.

No-one had left, they all stayed, and waited with her.

Gail moved away when they left the ER, Traci moved closer.

Dov made an appearance and hugged Andy so tightly that she could hardly breathe. Even though he was facing his own version of hell on earth right now, he took a detour to see her and find out any news on Sam.

Nick hovered, but didn't approach.

It was almost as if he wanted to be here if things went wrong, but he seemed to be fighting the urge to crowd her.

Frank had said something about Sarah, but Andy wasn't paying enough attention to know what he actually said, but it didn't matter, either way Sarah would be informed of Sam's condition soon.

Gail came over with coffee and a dark haired woman that wore glasses. The woman looked familiar, but Andy just couldn't be bothered to try and place her face right now. Her mind was too numb to function properly.

Gail looked down at Andy before leaning closer and letting her hand fall on Andy's shoulder where it gently squeezed.

"I'll stop by your place..." Gail said and left it there. The dark haired woman smiled at Gail and Andy heard her say "I'll drive" as they made a retreat from the room.

It wasn't hard to know that Gail was running over to Andy's to get her some clothes. Her uniform still had traces of blood on it, splotches that she hadn't been able to remove in the bathroom when Traci took her to get cleaned up when she came out of the ER with Gail.

Looking at the blood that had long since dried, Andy's hand moved up as she furiously tried to wipe it away from the fabric it so callously stained.

Celery made an appearance, Andy's heart skipping a beat when Celery stopped in front of her. Celery's smile was so thankful for Andy keeping her promise and getting Oliver back, that Andy's heart broke all over again.

Celery's hand reached out and took hold of Andy's a muted "Thank you" whispered from Celery before she hugged Andy so close and so tightly that Andy was momentarily lost in her warmth.

Gail returned with a bag for Andy so she slipped away and changed into clean clothes in the bathroom down the hallway.

When she come out of the bathroom, Andy's world stopped turning when she saw the doctor briefing a crowd of faces that looked so anxious and hungry for news as they hung on to his every word.

Frank noticed her presence and interrupted the doctor when all eyes fell on her and she just stood staring back at them, her hand barely managing to hold on to her bag.

Noelle and Frank were standing side by side, but they moved apart and Noelle held her hand out in Andy's direction until her legs were able to carry her closer.

Noelle tucked her in between them and then the doctor picked up where he left off and carried on feeding their need to know Sam's condition.

Andy heard words like 'stable' and 'responsive'. Words like 'no major organs damaged' and 'next forty-eight hours are critical' were there too, but they didn't form coherent sentences. They were just jumbled words filling the air around the crowd.

"Can she see him?".

Nick's voice filled the air when the doctor concluded saying his piece, all eyes focused on Nick when he tried to get Andy a ticket back into Sam's room so selflessly.

The doctor looked between Andy and Nick, as did everyone else before she heard his reply "I'll send someone to let her know when she can see him".

The doctor left and the crowd dispersed before Andy sought Nick out and mouthed 'thank you' to him across the room.

Resuming her seat from earlier, Andy began an even longer wait as did everyone else in the room.

...

That sound...

It was vaguely familiar, but it sounded off, like the key to its tune was wrong.

Another few seconds of listening and he knew that it was distorted... Her voice, it just didn't sound... Right?

"I...". It wasn't hard to guess who it was, he knew, even before she spoke. He knew her scent off by heart, knew the warm sensation that tingled up his hand and his arm as her fingers brushed over his so gently that he was tempted to look and see if she was really here or not. Or if it was another induced fantasy. Or maybe he was in the afterlife, and somehow she was here too?

His version of Heaven was bound to hold her.

"Just... Stay okay?". Her voiced sounded shrouded in fear as a tinge of hope wrangled through the word stay as she said it.

It made him remember, recall things he'd rather forget.

Ford.

The gun.

Getting shot.

"I don't care what happens, how this turns out, I just need you here... Even if it isn't the way I want". Her hand squeezed his, just for a second, before her fingers were trailing their soft touch over his knuckles towards his wrist.

The pain in his stomach and side was bearable, the fire had long since ebbed away, so his wound was healing, or they'd taken the bullet fragments out. He could hear his own heartbeat sound through the room, it filled the silence when Andy was quiet for those few seconds between her sentences strung together in misery.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to be happy, work things out with Marlo, maybe even forgive her. You deserved a second shot at it, besides I like her, she's really nice".

That kind of made Sam's insides feel like they were ready to crawl out of him, but in a way it made sense. Andy had always had a need for everyone around her to be happy, even if it meant that she wasn't. Sam chuckled on the inside, that thought reminded him of himself...

"That's the thing, when you get a second chance, you have got to take it, you can't run away from it and then regret it and blame yourself when it's too late". Andy sighed when she was done, a clear indication that she was having a hard time saying any of this.

Andy's hand was suddenly gone, her warmth evaporating as it was replaced with the cool air that circulated the room.

Sam was on the verge of opening his eyes and letting her know that he was awake when her hand resumed it's hold on his, this time the other sliding in under his while the second covered it.

"I regret it, I do, and I wish I could take it back, but I can't and I'm sorry. I hate that I gave up so easily. I hate that I blamed you for not putting up a fight when I gave up, when I didn't".

Andy's hand clamped down on his, just a fraction more telling him that she was going to get emotional within seconds. She sounded like she was barely holding on, but somehow she was managing.

"It just feels so wrong Sam, like this is wrong, like it's a nightmare and I'm going to wake up and we'll be happy, and we won't have any of the bad history between us". Andy sniffed at that moment, Sam instinctively knowing that she was trying in vain to hold her tears back.

"Where did we go wrong? Don't answer that, I know. I know that I should have stayed when we were suspended, but that would have complicated things because I wouldn't have been able to stay away, you would have lost your badge, and then I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself".

Sam wanted to open his eyes and see her now, tell her that he was fine, and that she had no reason to feel guilty, but his eyes wouldn't open, his eyelids were too heavy.

"And I did it again, I backed away when it got tough and I couldn't get through to you after we broke up, what kind of person does that make me? It's like I had double standards".

Andy took a deep breath, Sam drawing one in with her but remaining undetected in a state of awareness.

"When you said you couldn't be a cop and be with me I hated it when I came home and found out about Marlo. That hurt Sam, but now, now I get it. After this, I understand what you meant and I am so sorry I didn't get it then, didn't get what it felt like to lose someone so close to you like this, like you lost Jerry. And it just makes me lo...". Andy's voice filtered away into a whisper before it became silent. She couldn't say whatever it was that threatened to spill from her lips.

Sam tried to react, but everything was stagnant. His limbs were too heavy, and his tongue thick and swollen. His voice was gone, it's smooth tone lost in disuse.

Andy let out a slight laugh, one that wouldn't make her eyes gleam, or light up her face in a blush. It was one that sounded hallow and empty.

"Nick... That was a ... Learning curve maybe? I dunno? A distraction? But it'll never be more, it'll never be what I want because it wasn't what I want, isn't who I want".

Sam could picture her rolling her eyes at her own words, as if she would find them to be cliche if she heard them from someone else.

"This isn't how I wanted this to go," Andy sighed again, her hand now trailing up and down the bare flesh of his skin between his elbow and his biceps.

"I was supposed to move on, and let you go. You were supposed to find yourself some happiness and keep it. We were supposed to be friends and..." Andy's voice lacked the conviction he should have found in it, she was nowhere near believing what she was saying.

Sam heard her take a shaky breath as she tried to ground herself before she floated away.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this, I can't be like this, not with you". Andy ran her hand back down to his where she wrapped her fingers around his before moving her hand so that her fingers laced between his.

Sam felt something warm and wet dribble onto his hand, it tracked it's way down his skin before vanishing. It was soon followed by another, then another making Sam's heart implode.

Andy was crying.

"It's different this time Sam, it feels worse". Sam gathered that she was talking about the time that Callaghan got shot and she had to watch him and wait while her heart hung in the balance. "It's more intense, and I'm so scared because I can't do this without you. If you're not here, I don't want to do this".

Andy's hand pulled away, Sam hearing the familiar rustle that told him that she was wiping away her tears.

"I was wrong, and I'm sorry. I made more mistakes than I can count, and seeing you like this makes me feel each one of them all over again. I want you back, I want us back, because I never quite let go, I didn't know how too and I didn't want too".

Andy moved away, the scrape of a chair an indication that she was standing up. Her hands had moved away and his skin was flecked with the traces of longing where her hands had been.

Suddenly she was closer, her warmth radiating over his face, and brushing his cheek.

Sam felt the brush of her fingertips as her hand ran through his hair, the palm of her free hand resting against his cheek.

"I shouldn't be here, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know, just to see that you're okay". Her breath fluttered out across his forehead before he felt the softest of kisses brush against his forehead and hairline.

"I want to stay, but I can't..." Andy trailed off, her hand moving through his hair so slowly that Sam knew that it was for the last time.

"Then stay". Sam opened his mouth and let the words fall freely from the tip of his tongue.

Andy jumped, her hands flying away from him as she retracted in fright with a small whimper.

Sam's eyes opened searching the room for her until they were able to focus on her and take her appearance in.

She looked like crap.

"Sam..?" Her voice wavered and then drew silence as she stared at him in a combination of complete ecstasy and fear.

"Stay, if that's what you want" Sam said more forcefully this time although he still sounded far from himself.

"I.." Andy shifted around nervously, edgy with the smallest trace of a smile tugging on her lips.

Maybe if he phrased his words in the correct order, she'd understand because that last sentence hadn't come out the way he wanted it too.

"I want you to stay" Sam said. Plain, simple, straight to the point. He knew that his face wasn't showing any emotion, but how do you put everything you're feeling in one moment into one look and paint it onto your face for someone to see?

Andy looked away, then let her head hang forwards while Sam kept watching her.

"I heard what you said" Sam whispered making Andy's eyes snap up to his to meet his gaze in a panicked look.

"How much?". Andy whispered out.

"From around stay".

Andy paled, then blushed, her lips in a muted pinch as she bit into her bottom lip.

"I'll stay if you stay" Sam said finding a reason to smile at her.

"Sam, that different, I want you to live, you just got shot". Andy's tone was flat, her words wounding him more than any bullet ever could.

"I only stayed for one reason Andy". Sam didn't bother to hide the seriousness clouding his words, they would come out that way eventually, so why not now, why not when she was so ready to be brutally honest?

"Why? You were on the verge of leaving" Andy looked like she was on the threshold of breaking down into a flood of tears again, Sam's heart breaking along with her tear ducts. She had probably figured that him saying that he couldn't stay around anymore because of her meant that he was going somewhere.

"I'm not ready for life without you".

Andy blinked rapidly, a few times while still gaping at him.

She had moved away from his bedside when he startled her, and she had yet to move any closer.

"What?". That sounded so pained.

"I'm not ready to let you go yet, I'm not ready to give up yet, not on you, not on us".

Andy's hand swiped away at her cheeks, a small moan the only sound she made.

"Last time I asked you to stay because you wanted to stay, now I'm asking because I want you too, and I have no idea if this is what you really want". Sam tried to sit up but winced in pain. His expression and sharp breath making Andy fly closer as she tried to do something, anything to take away his pain.

When Andy was close enough Sam reached out and caught her hand before holding onto it and waiting. The ball was in her court, she had to make the next move.

Sam didn't pull her closer, didn't tug on her hand, he just waited. Like he always had. Well, had except for that one time...

Andy looked down at Sam's hand holding hers, the sight giving her goosebumps and a rush of emotion.

She took a step forwards, stopping when the edge of the bed hindered any movement closer.

"I want to stay".

For the first time since Sam had woken up and heard her voice he knew without a doubt that it was what she wanted. She had absolutely no doubts, no need to run, no skepticism, she was sure.

Sam pulled her hand a little closer, Andy leaning over the end of the bed but Sam gave her a look that screamed that she wasn't working with him.

"Up". Sam said trying again.

"What? No". Andy shrieked out.

"McNa... Andy..."

Andy moved and sat down on the end of the bed noticing that there was suddenly reams of space next to Sam.

"We need to talk Sam" Andy said looking back at their hands.

"Later, now I need to sleep" Sam mumbled slightly incoherently. The automatic morphine booster in his IV had probably been timed to induce the pain meds and had probably done just that moments ago.

Sam tugged again and pulled Andy down as he drew her hand up to his chest and flattened her palm against it. Andy seemed to resign in that moment because she moved and got comfortable with her head on Sam's shoulder as she lay down next to him, on the opposite side of his gunshot wound.

A sudden calmness swept through Sam, like life had finally fallen into place. Everything was like it was meant to be.

Sam's hand covered Andy's as it clung to his chest.

His eyes were growing heavy, and his limbs were returning to their inoperable state, but he was happy.

"Why now?" Andy's breath flushed across Sam's chin as she asked. He knew that the question was meant to cover a little more than the obvious question.

"More" Sam said in reply.

Andy didn't say anything so Sam added two words to clear that statement up "With you".

Sam was content to just lay there in silence, but he was certain that it wouldn't last long.

"More?".

"Everything".

Andy stayed quiet and contemplated what everything meant, Sam's arm pulling her that fraction closer because he knew that his next statement could scare the crap out of her. Telling her that he loved her sent her into running under, so what would what he said next do?

"Marriage. Kids".

Sam said the two words separately before waiting for her reaction.

Whatever he had been expecting- this wasn't it.

She didn't jump up and freak out, she didn't move or pull away. He could feel her smiling into the skin of his neck as she crept closer and held him tighter.

Andy let out a sigh that seemed to be made of contentment, Sam's heartbeat returning to normal as it's staggering pace calmed down when she didn't run.

"Do you mean that?" and there it was, Andy's self doubt making it's presence known.

So Sam said the only thing he could think of, "I stayed didn't I?".

He smiled into her hair as he turned his face and dropped a kiss onto her head. It had been a while, perhaps even maybe too long since he was allowed to do that. But it felt good to have a chance to do it again.

Andy squirmed around, Sam not relinquishing his hold on her in any way.

"Sam, I can't stay up here, I could hurt you, and I will be in so much trouble if I get caught".

But Sam still didn't let go, instead he just kept his arm in a tight grip even though his side and stomach were screaming in revolt. Holding onto her, having her here like this was worth it, worth every ounce of pain his body was feeling right now.

He had seen that Andy was tired too, she had black rings under her eyes, so she had been here for a while without sleep. He had no idea how long a while was, but it wasn't hard to see that she needed to sleep too.

"I miss you" Sam said in a tone that made it sound like he was whining. "I missed this" Sam gave her a light squeeze and then let go as his arms began to unfold from her. Before letting her go, he just wanted her to know that. He had hoped that she would stay right here, and just be, but he couldn't force her to stay, no matter how much he wanted her too.

She surprised him again, her movements dwindling until she had settled back down with her head on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest. Looking down at her, Sam found her face tilted upwards, a twinkle in her eye and her lips allowing themselves to share a smile.

She turned away after letting him see the color tint her cheeks, her hair tickling his cheek and her breath warm on his neck.

...

Tap tap tap.

That sound was annoying.

Tap.

Tap tap.

It made Sam let out a breathy groan until memories served their purpose and flooded to mind.

The shooting.

Andy.

The weight on his shoulder that told him she was still there.

Tap.

Sam opened one eye and allowed the room to sweep into view as he let Oliver and his regular doctor's faces become visible.

Oliver was smiling widely, and the doctor was scowling, but Sam didn't care.

Andy was still here, she had stayed through the night and he was finally getting the chance to make things right. Even though there were complications and issues that needed to be resolved.

"Detective Swarek..." The doctor hissed when she stepped closer, Sam's hand moving to cover his lips in a motion that told her not to say another word.

She huffed out a breath and then shook her head before leaving the room.

Oliver arched an eyebrow at Sam, who smiled in return and shrugged lightly.

Oliver dipped his head in approval before leaving the room too.

When the door was closed, Andy relaxed. She had woken up and stiffened the minute that the doctor started tapping her foot on the floor when she found Andy curled up next to Sam asleep.

Sam knew that she was awake, but he wasn't ready for her to move yet.

"Sorry, Sarah is always so... Demanding and frustrating".

"That's Sarah, your sister Sarah?" Andy flinched and tried to sit up, but Sam held her down.

Andy gave Sam a heated stare when he let her lift her head up and roll over a bit to see him. With everything that had been going on, Sam hadn't had the chance to tell anyone that Sarah had moved home a week ago and taken a transfer here to get away when her divorce was finalized. He guessed that Oliver had run into her, so he knew, but Sam was glad that she had seen Andy here, it would make things easier later on.

"Hi" Sam said at a loss for anything else to say.

"Hi" Andy blushed and looked down before looking back up at Sam.

"So you stayed" Sam said unable to keep the dimples from flaring. He still had questions flaring in his eyes as he searched hers for any signs of doubt or regret.

There were plenty of things running across Andy's face, but there didn't seem to be any signs of the doubt or regret that he was looking for.

"Yeah" Andy mumbled before shifting around while she kept her face hidden from view. Moments later she slid off the bed and Sam was left to watch her tug her clothes straight and smooth a hand down over her hair. Not that she needed to, she looked perfect just the way she was.

She also looked better, rested, but she seemed to be lost in concentration as she avoided looking in Sam's direction.

Sam called her once, but it had no effect so he tried a second time.

"Andy!".

Her head spun to face him, all attention focused on him now. "Huh?".

"You okay?".

"Fine. Just... Just. I'm good, I'm great, you're okay, and I just let your sister find me sleeping on your hospital bed after you got shot, with my shoes on". Andy managed a smile, Sam biting back his chuckle as he watched her exasperation turn to almost manic.

"And you stayed" Sam said watching her response.

"Yeah and...". Andy shrugged, she was still completely clueless and had no idea what her staying even meant.

"I still want the everything" Sam said knowing that this was the do or die moment, this would be where he found out if there was any hope of ever getting anything closer to the more he so desperately wanted.

"Seriously?". Andy's mouth curved up into a slight grin, even though everything felt surreal right now.

"What were you going to say, you know at the barn before you saw Oliver's cruiser?" Sam just threw it out there, the one question that had been running through his mind even though he had been pretty comatose for however long he had been here.

"...it doesn't matter" Andy breathed out on a heavy sigh. She was trying to do the right thing now, even though it was so hard.

Sam had Marlo, she had Nick didn't she? So what was this all about and where did she think this was going to go?

"Okay" Sam said, but Andy could hear the unmistakable tone he was using- the one he always used to cover everything up with.

Andy inched towards the door until she was close enough for her hand to reach out and turn the handle until the door moved and opened.

"See you Sam".

Within a second she was gone, leaving Sam to wonder why she backed out and pulled away.

...

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Jelly Bean Jenna©