Author's Note-I just watched the Cory Monteith tribute Glee episode and sobbed the whole way through it. Writing helps me sort out emotions and this came from that. I'm sorry for this. It may just be a terrible tear jerking one shot but I had to put it out there. NYLF xx

Kate hesitated for a moment, her fist just millimetres from the wood of the door.

She couldn't do this.

She pulled her fist away, wrapping her arms around her own waist, trying to hold herself together.

He had enough to deal with in his own grief. He didn't need her adding to it.

But, as selfish as it was, she needed him.

Gathering all of her courage, she knocked hesitantly against his door.

It creaked open just a moment later.

"I wondered how long it would take you to knock." Castle teased gently, his voice husky, cheeks as wet as hers.

"He's gone, Castle!" She cried, falling into his arms as he pulled her into his chest.

"I know Angel, I know." He didn't tell her it would be okay, he didn't know that it would be, and he hadn't been the one desperately trying to hold his best friend's chest together.

"C'mere." He gently pulled her into the loft, swinging his arm under her legs when she stumbled, her sobs wracking her whole body.

Castle carried her to the couch and pulled her into his lap, rocking them both unconsciously.

"He's gone." Kate sobbed. "How the hell do we do this without him Rick? He's, he's family!" She fisted her hand in his shirt.

"Shhh." His voice shook so much it almost wasn't worth it. "At least it doesn't hurt any more. At least he's safe now." He couldn't even bring himself to believe there was any up side to this.

"Oh god Rick. What about Jenny? I, I have to go see her. She's four months pregnant Rick. I had to tell that poor woman that her baby won't ever meet its daddy." She sobbed, open mouthed, into his shoulder.

Rick felt his own tears fall again as he rested his lips against her head. "That baby will know him Kate." He promised, his voice an emotion harsh whisper. "None of us will let them ever forget their daddy."

Kate's chest convulsed with the force of her tears.

He worried about her shoulder but he knew she wasn't feeling it right now.

When she cried herself out for the night and slept it off, she'd feel it when she woke up but for now, all she could feel was her heart breaking.

They couldn't have saved him.

They were pinned down, all four of them, by six shooters.

They were all running out of bullets and backup was still two minutes out.

They would be dead by then if they didn't do something.

Esposito threw his empty gun at the lead shooter, miraculously knocking him out, before flinging himself over Castle, taking the bullet meant for his head into the back of his bullet proof.

Castle was thanking him when they heard Kate cry out, the bullet ripping through her shoulder, missing her vest by less than an inch. Ryan was distracted by it long enough that he didn't notice until it was too late when the armour piercing round, from the farthest left shooter, cut through his vest like a hot knife through butter.

After he hit the floor, everyone stopped caring.

Kate ripped off Ryan's vest while she knelt between him and the shooters. Espo took Kate's gun, while Rick aimed her back up and they came up shooting. With five bullets left, between the two guns, they shot the other five gunmen dead.

Kate meanwhile pushed hard, holding Ryan's ribcage together.

He'd taken all his strength and wrapped his hand around his partner's wrist.

"Kate, tell, tell," his confession was interrupted by bloody coughing as his lungs threw up the blood they were rapidly filling with. "Jen, I love her. And baby." His eyes had slipped shut as Kate screamed at him to open his damn eyes and stay with her.

Back up had arrived as Kevin Ryan took his last breath.

Espo had stayed knelt on the floor, openly and unashamedly sobbing, while Rick carried Kate out of the warehouse kicking and screaming. He had to hold her in the bed of the ambulance as she shook with held in tears.

Jenny had come to the hospital, listened while Espo and Kate begged her for forgiveness for not protecting her husband. She'd hugged them both, thanking them for being such good friends to Kevin, for trying so hard to keep him safe. She had then left to grieve privately, hugging his jacket, that he had left in his squad car, to her barely visible baby bump.

Kate sobbed, bringing Rick back to the present. "I failed him..."

"No." He pulled her back, his hands spanning her ribcage. "No, you did everything you could Baby. Everything you could." He kissed her forehead gently. "Kevin would be so proud of how hard you tried Kate. You made him fight. You helped him have the strength to pass on his final message. Kate, he loved you so much, you could never have failed him."

"I'm gonna miss him so much." She whispered. She looked so very vulnerable; her wide tear-soaked eyes begged him to make it right.

"I know. We all will Kate. But he'll always be with us Kate. He'll be there on our wedding day; he'll be our children's godfather. He'll never leave you Kate. That I can promise you Angel."

Kate buried her face in his chest and cried herself out while Rick held her and cried silently into her hair.

Kevin Ryan was one of the best people he had ever met and he owed him a lot.

His death would never leave them.

But between them, they'd get through it. Between them they'd get Jenny through it.

Baby Ryan would always know what a great man their daddy was.

Always.