A whole year ago, someone asked me to write another chapter for this. I FINALLY DID IT. It's pure smut and untarnished angst, so beware.

Dean would like to think that this was really supposed to be just an honest to God shower- but the minute they have to stop making out like horny teenagers just so they can actually undress and get in the damn thing, he realises he's only been fooling himself. Why, he cannot possibly fathom, because of course he wants to have actual sex. With Cas. In the shower. It's probably because he still knows that when all of this is over, they'll be getting in the (front seat) of the Impala and heading to either the nearest bus stop or the next state- and neither of those places are where Dean ever wants Cas to go. But for reasons Dean is really starting to not like but apparently has to live with, Cas has to go.

After what they've just done, it doesn't even occur to Dean to be embarrassed as he shrugs his jacket off, then his flannel, then his t-shirt (he never really noticed that he wore so many goddamned layers). It's not until he's naked to the waist and stepping out of his boots that he looks over his shoulder to find Cas standing still, studying the toes of his shoes and pulling idly- anxiously- at the hem of his t-shirt. There's a light blush across his cheeks and for once, Dean is the one to squint in confusion. He turns on the shower and waits until it begins to steam before he spins on his heels, slowly stepping into Cas's space. He tilts Cas's chin up with his fingers and smoothes Cas's hair back with his other hand. Cas looks at him shyly. Dean's brow knits with concern.

"Y'okay Cas?" He asks softly. "We don't have to do anything else, I mean if you don't want-"

"No, Dean." Cas pulls Dean in by the belt loops of his jeans, kissing him sloppily in a way that makes Dean's breath hitch. "I want every part of you. I just, the last time I was naked with someone, it was-" he falters- "I just thought you might not want to see me like that- I thought it might remind you of her." Cas takes great care not to say April's name, but Dean's eyes fall closed just the same. He chuckles lowly, kissing gently at the skin beneath Cas's ear- Cas shivers and feels Dean's lips curl into a smile against his neck.

"You think a one night stand is gonna make me want you less?" Dean asks, though it really isn't a question. Do you think there's anything you could do to make me want you less? "Or are you asking if I'm jealous? I'll admit to that. But really, it kinda only makes me want you more." He sucks hard on Cas's pulse point, grabbing his ass and rolling his hips for emphasis. Cas gasps and holds Dean tighter as Dean leaves hickeys down to Cas's shoulder, outnumbering the ones Cas gave him in the car earlier. I want you so much more- I want you to be mine, no one else's, can't you see that?

They're both half hard and breathing heavily when Dean breaks away entirely. Cas looks dazed and a little disappointed. Dean kneels and undoes the laces of Cas's shoes, tugging them off along with his socks. Cas gets the idea and pulls his own t-shirt up over his head and throws it onto the quickly accumulating pile of clothes. When Dean stands back up, Cas is quick to kiss him again, revelling in the feeling of their warm bodies pressed together. They fumble at each other's belts, refusing to break the kiss, and eventually, when they're completely divested of their jeans and underwear, they somehow stumble into the shower together.

The hot spray eases any remaining tension in their muscles, washing away the evidence of their previous orgasms. Dean refuses to think any further ahead than this very moment, so he lazily and rhythmically ruts against Cas, their erections sliding wetly together, setting every inch of his skin on fire. He runs his hands over every inch of Cas's upper body- his sculpted chest and hardened abs. He marvels at the muscles in Cas's arms and thinks about what they must be capable of. A shudder of arousal races through his body and he's suddenly sinking to his knees, eyeing Cas's thick length while trying to catch his breath.

"Dean-" Cas's voice denotes frustration at the lack of contact, until Dean takes Cas's dick in his mouth, sucking him down hard and working him over with lips and tongue.

Dean barely notices the soft thud of Cas's head jolting back into the side of the shower- all he can focus on is trying to remember what he likes having done to him to make up for his lack of experience. He swallows around the head and presses his tongue flat to the underside- that must have worked, because Cas groans long and loud and low. Dean resists the urge to jack himself off, because this isn't about him, it's about Cas, but when Cas presses his hand firmly to the back of Dean's head, rakes his fingernails over Dean's scalp, it gets a lot more difficult. He just settles for moaning around Cas as he sucks him, the taste of precome sharp and satisfying in the back of his throat. He wants Cas to come in his mouth, to swallow him down, to undo every moment Cas ever spent in the arms of anyone else.

"D-eean, I'm-" Cas barely chokes out a warning before he comes hard, instinctually thrusting his hips forward, releasing down Dean's throat. Dean is supremely grateful that he's never had much of a gag reflex- the taste is heavy and bitter and he knows right away that he's in danger of becoming addicted to it. He finally brings himself off, pulling away from Cas and coming with a cry. His forehead falls against Cas's leg, arms shaking with the force of his climax. Cas's back slides down the wall until he's sitting, his side pressed up against Dean's heaving chest.

"Cas." Dean huffs, his voice more gravelly than Cas's has ever been. "I'm an idiot. I'm such a fuck-up, and I never get this part right, I never get anything right, but I want you to know that I'm crazy about you. And I know right now that may not seem like much, but I- I love you Cas." Just as the weight is lifted from Dean's shoulders, another slams like a train into his chest, like a fist clenching around his heart. Cas is going. I love him and he's leaving and it's all my fault.

"I would be nothing without you, Dean." Cas whispers. His skin is pink with the heat of the shower, and water clings to his eyelashes when he blinks. Dean pretends not to notice that some of the drops on Cas's cheeks are tears. He pretends not to feel tears falling from his own eyes.

"Are you kidding? If it wasn't for my dumbass demon deal, you'd never have met me. I'd be rotting away in the pit and you'd still have your wings."

"Dean." God, Dean wants Cas to keep saying his name like that for as long as they both live- his voice is full of longing and affection and devotion that Dean just can't understand but knows that he needs desperately. Cas pulls himself off the shower floor and crawls into Dean's lap, kissing him slowly and pouring everything that was in his voice into this embrace.

"Dean, I know what love is because of you. I would rather be human and be apart from you than be an angel and have never known your soul." Cas rests his forehead on Dean's and says these impossible words right into his mouth, but Dean still can't keep them down.

"I won't do this to you Cas. I'll come with you. I'll leave and-"

"Don't be foolish. Sam needs you here. You must wait until he's healed, until the angel possessing him leaves and he can once again stand on his own. And I'll come home." Cas holds Dean's face in his hands, forcing their eyes to meet. "I won't be gone forever. And besides," he kisses Dean once more. His speech carries the overtone of humour, but he can't hide the exhaustion and grief that rings in his voice, "I'm fairly sure that this ultimatum doesn't say anything about you coming to visit."

In the end, Cas leaves on his own. Dean convinces him to stay long enough to do the laundry, and they collapse exhaustedly on Dean's bed. Dean sleeps like a rock, which is ridiculous given the circumstances, and when he opens his eyes, it's as if he blinked and Cas disappeared.

He puts on his robe and stumbles into the hallway, making it to the library before Sam sees him and snorts.

"Nice hickeys."

"Shut up. Where's Cas."

"Wherever you booted him to. I mean seriously Dean? You couldn't even drive him to the bus station? He left half an hour ago. Said he was gonna hitch-hike."

"What the fuck?" Dean's nerves go into overdrive. "Doesn't he get how dangerous that is?"

"I already covered that. He's got his angel blade, and I gave him a gun and half a dozen clips. Plus he told me about the warding spell tattooed on his ribs, which you probably already saw given the state of your hair." Sam frowns, looking away from his laptop and physically turning in his chair to look at Dean, which he only does if he's about to say something important. "I don't get it, Dean. You kick the guy out with no reasonable explanation, hell, no explanation at all, and you lead him on like that? Goodbye sex? Really?"

Dean wants to scream. He wants to tell Sam absolutely everything, all the shit he's lied about and fucked up and ruined and- but Ezekiel's eyes flash inside Sam's skull and he feels the pull of his hands being tied.

"I don't expect you to understand. I'll explain it to you when you're older." He tries to salvage things with a joke, but Sam just scowls and goes back to his computer. Dean sighs heavily and goes back to his room. His phone's text-tone goes off, and he practically jumps over the bed to read it.

It's from Cas. Dean smiles despite the tears forming in his eyes.

I love you, it reads. See you soon.