Can You See Me Through Your Lens

Author : Pussicats (Tomoyuki) (AO3 username : SHINHIA)

Title : Can You See Me Through Your Lens

Genre : Photography, Romance, Nudity, Lemon, angst.

Rating : M+

Pairing : Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale.

Disclaimer : Neither of the show or characters belongs to me, all are the property of MTV and Jeff Davis. Only the others are MINE.

A/N : So I had this small idea of a one-shot nagging me for quite a few long weeks, and then I thought "Ok. Let's do it, baby." ; And the one-shot I thought would be quick to write and easily finished turned out to be a new fanfiction, with multiple chapters and not near to be finished... Seriously, I see the end of it but it's far, far away in the future.

Anyway, hope you enjoy reading this and tell me what was your thoughts, feelings...

Can You See Me Through Your Lens

Chapter 1.

Derek returned to Beacon Hills silently and unnoticed, just like he had left six months ago, after the crazy night that was the lunar eclipse.

During those (long, but he would never admit that aloud) months, Stiles had at first tried to ignore that Derek had once again played the douche part, leaving without saying thanks or goodbye. Stiles was used to his personality, so he shouldn't be hurt by his behavior. That didn't mean he was okay with 'Sourwolf' deliberately ignoring him.

So yeah, at first he tried to play it cool, like he didn't care, and he lasted about a month before his curiosity slowly ate away at his resolve, making him act. He needed to know where Derek was, so he started what would turn into massive amounts of research, including getting help from Danny for the more obscure ways of finding information. And what he found out... No, he certainly wasn't expecting that. Not at all!

'Well', he had thought, 'that explained a lot. Like the crazy ass Camaro, the loft,' which Stiles had fallen in love with at first visit, 'and also all the leather jackets and tight, designer jeans.'

Derek - I'm a grumpy Sourwolf - Hale, had money, way more money, than Stiles had thought and was fudging famous too.

Derek was a freaking famous photographer! He'd started his career back when he lived in New York with Laura and most of his work was nude photography, a good number of them being borderline homo-erotic pieces. And if that wasn't crazy enough, Stiles was so freakishly addicted to Sourwolf's pictures that it left a weird feeling of need in his stomach. He just... Adored them!

For the last four and a half months - initially finding Derek had taken him almost a whole damn month - Stiles had googled, Tumblred, tweeted, and scoured Facebook and the internet like crazy to find more of Derek's work. There was so much talent, so much sensibility and fragility in those pieces, and just that tiny bit of the great sorrow that was Derek, that Stiles had become a true fan of the artist that was his Sourwolf; and yes he could totally call Derek 'His Sourwolf', cause he had put the copyright on that the instant it had slipped out of his mouth.

By losing himself in Derek's art Stiles had found a way to forget, if only for just a moment, about the darkness around his heart. This new passion, because it had become one, was his way to stay sane and hold on to the ropes of life without losing himself in the obscurity and despair that was slowly eating away at him.

He looked, watched, studied the pictures, trying to understand who Derek really was. He tried to understand how, after having lived through all the disasters, the loss, and the pain, this beautiful soul could still find the beautiful clarity in and a shuddering empathy for a world that had tried to kill him so many times before.

Slowly, Stiles had started to fall for the artist that was Darheel Kee. Fall for the way Darheel Kee saw the world and tried to describe it, tell it in his pictures, his words taking the forms of people, places, blurs, shadows, edges, different shades of light and curves of body shapes and unknown faces. He started to fall for the man he knew hid behind that pseudo.

Stiles felt connected to the world of Darheel Kee; he felt something stir and start to beat, like a beating heart, inside of him every time he lost himself in the contemplation of those pieces. The want, the need to see Derek again growing each day and each hour he spent trying to reveal the secrets hidden in the man's pictures.

That's how he started to want Derek back. Stiles was shocked into silence at the realization that he missed Derek. He missed the older man more than he thought he could miss him, the intensity of the hole Derek had left, being such an overwhelming feeling that Stiles hadn't been prepared for. He had struggled hard to understand his feelings and to make the effort to start to live with them.

So yes, he wanted to see Derek again, wanted to feel the man's presence in Beacon Hills, even if a mile separated them. He wanted him to come back because he wanted to understand the man, wanted to start from zero again and get to know Derek Hale as much has he wanted to get to know Darheel Kee.

Mostly though, Stiles wanted to become one of Derek/Darheel's pieces. He wanted to be touched by his gaze, wanted to know and see what he really was through the eyes of someone else, the eyes of Derek Hale. Stiles wanted to become the mans next piece of art work; he wanted all the black and white, the sepia, the blurs and bright pictures but also the nudes and the much more intimate shots he knew the artist in Derek liked to portray.

And that's how he found himself parked in front of Derek's loft, hands shaking on the steering wheel and his breath a quaky sound in the silence of his Jeep. He only had one chance at this, and damn, but he was afraid to blow it like he usually blew his chances in most cases.

He wanted to turn and leave, but no, this was too important to give up without even trying just because he feared not being able to make Derek understand how important this experience was for him. To explain how essential it was to lose himself in this and be able to forget all the rest, forget that a part of himself was desperately trying to eat the alive side of his human heart. And also, how secretly he needed this experience to get in touch with someone, to feel connected with someone other than Scott or his dad, how he craved the connection he knew being Derek's model would be the most wonderful experience of his life.

Yes, he needed that breath of fresh air that only Derek Hale could offer him, and he couldn't wait any longer to get it when he knew the man was there, in his loft alone and so close to his touch. He hoped Derek would understand and be willing to share that breath of fresh air he knew the man needed too, even if he kept it secretly hidden in his heart. Stiles had studied enough of the man's work to at least understand that much.

Taking a deep breath, he released it, opened his car door then climbed out, his keys jingling in his right hand. He crossed the street and reached the entrance door to Derek's building. With shaking fingers he tapped in the code to open the door, he hadn't forgotten it even after six months. He entered the entrance hall, his feet leading him directly to the elevator, and still shaking a bit he waited for it to bring him to Derek's floor. When the elevator finally made an abrupt stop, Stiles waited for the doors to open to let him out of the elevator. Knowing Derek could hear him, hear his raging heartbeat, ramped up his nerves...but still Stiles walked to the loft door and lifted his right fist to knock on the heavy metal; he only waited a few seconds and then...

Derek went for the door when Stiles knocked. He'd heard the teenager coming a mile away, recognizing the specific rattling sound of his Jeep, then his heartbeat when the teen got into the elevator. He opened the door and there he was, standing nervously, hands in the pockets of his dark berry red jeans, and still so damn... Him! Derek thought taking in Stiles' looks, the boy had barely change, yes barely, cause it was easy for Derek to notice that Stiles wasn't really the Stiles he'd known six months ago, before he took off with Cora for New-York.

"Stiles." He said simply, nodding his head a little.

"Derek..." Stiles answered, his voice carrying the nervousness he was feeling inside. No doubt Derek's proximity accentuated it.

"So...you're back." Stiles stated, his gaze finding Derek's. Man, but this was so awkward, he felt awkward just standing there in front of the man he had wanted to see for so long now and he didn't even know how to say 'hi' or even where to start.

"Yes, I am." Derek answered, stepping out of the way to allow Stiles to enter the loft.

Stiles wasted no time, made his way to the living room. The windows on the rooftop had been replaced, and it seemed like some of the furniture had changed like the couch for example, it was longer than the last one and not that bottle green velvet but more of a midnight blue velvet. The bed was now barely visible as two thin curtains were hiding it on its left side, preventing your eyes from see what was behind them when you entered the loft. Stiles liked the color of the curtains and the style they gave to the place, the warm mid tone beige color looking so soft and so did its material. Stiles didn't recognized what it was, only that it seemed like something fancy you only see in those deco magazines. This addition gave a warmer edge to the loft, the place not seeming so cold, a little like Derek to be honest, Stiles thought when he turned back to face the man.

"So, why are you here? Shouldn't you be with your pack, doing whatever you do with them?" Derek asked, like his old self. In the past, the way the man talked to him would instantly have pissed Stiles off, now it only annoyed him a bit, he'd understood a long time ago that it was easier for Derek to act that way.

"I'm where I want to be, when I want to be!" He answered, seeing Derek lift an eyebrow, apparently amused by Stiles reply.

"Good for you! Now, what do you want?" Derek added, making his way to the kitchen, he had the feeling Stiles wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

"I...needed to talk to you about... I've been wondering if you'd ever come back or if... and then I heard you were back in town, when I was at the police station. And I thought it was perfect timing, so I came cause I really needed to talk to you about something?" Stiles answered, babbling like he always did when nervous, and Derek throwing glances his way every minute or so was really making him nervous. He watched the werewolf move in the kitchen, not really daring to move closer and invade the mans space.

"Yes, clearly..." Derek said, amused to feel Stiles so nervous. Through everything they had lived and experienced together in the past, he'd never felt this boy, not so much of a boy anymore actually, this nervous around him. "I'm gonna make supper, you should sit down Stiles."

Was it the offer hidden in Derek's words or the kindness in the man's voice? Stiles couldn't have told you which one surprised him the most. Breathing out shakily, he went to sit down on one of the high, bar stools in front of the island. His feet on the chair bar, he couldn't help his knees from bouncing in nervousness. What if Derek ripped his throat out after Stiles had admitted knowing about the man's secret? He didn't want to face an angry Derek today or ever, to be honest.

"Hope you're hungry, Stilinski." Derek said, his back to Stiles working on what Stiles saw were potatoes.

"Actually...I'm starving!" Stiles admitted, having missed breakfast and lunch today, he had been to nervous to eat anything other than an apple at lunch to please Scott and Lydia. He hadn't told them why or what made him so nervous. He didn't wanted them to know, he wanted this to stay his secret. His and maybe Derek's secret, if the guy accepted.

"I kind of can tell you're hungry, yeah."

"Freaking werewolf..." Stiles whispered, watching Derek make his way to the oven to slide the tray containing the cut open potatoes inside. He found it was relaxing to watch Derek cook. He'd always thought the man was more of a take out kind of person, despite his well developed body, werewolf metabolism and all that. Learning that Derek could cook was quite a bit of a shock, yeah. One more thing Stiles could add to his list of 'Derek - Sourwolf - Hale's hidden talents' just after 'fucking talented photographer'. He caught the man's gaze and the hint of a smirk, no doubt his werewolf ears had caught his whispered words.

"So, you wanted to tell me something, I think." Derek said, putting steaks in a pan to cook slowly while he cut some tomatoes and onions before putting them in a salad bowl with some lettuce. Stiles watched him season the salad, a little amazed. Yes, Derek Hale definitely knew how to cook and they were healthy dishes at that.

"Yes, I wanted to ask you something!" Stiles repeated, getting nervous again. Taking a deep breath, he started to talk, deciding to lay all his cards on the table now than to wait endless minutes to get the nerve to ask Derek.

"Huh, while you were gone, I kinda found myself doing some research... Yeah you see, Danny kinda showed me how to track someone's phone using their GPS device; I didn't know where you were and I was curious and needed to focus on something other than... I needed a focus, okay!" Stiles said quickly, starting to fidget with his fingers, playing with the glass, plate and cutlery Derek had arranged in front of him. He wasn't lying, he really had needed to focus on something and had really needed to know where Derek was heading, he couldn't explain why, just that he had needed it with such an intensity that he couldn't think of anything else.

"You were gone, okay! You didn't even say goodbye. And Scott was too wrapped up in his new alpha responsibilities and my dad was trying to work out the best he could on what had happened with Deucalion and the Darach, and everyone else had their mind on something and me... I... Deaton wasn't joking when he said it would be different after, he really wasn't..." Stiles said in a whisper, his hands starting to shake around the glass Derek had filled with water.

Derek knew without asking that Stiles was talking about the sacrifice and the aftermath of it.

"Nothing has been the same since then. Everything is changed...in me...and around me! And I could, can feel it, it's there, it's always there. So I thought that if maybe I found out where you were then I could think of something else, if only for a while. And after Danny showed me how to search for someone I kinda found myself searching for...more, about you. Well, more that I still didn't know about you and that's how I found out what you did in New York."

"Oh." Derek simply said, filling their plates with the steaks, salad and potatoes he had taken out of the oven, he then placed a small pot of fresh cream he had made for the potatoes beside their own respective plates. Stiles could recognize cut chives and chunks of big sea salt in it.

"I found out about Darheel..."

"Stiles..." Derek tried to say, but Stiles was quicker and kept talking.

"At first I was curious, that seemed so out of character with the Sourwolf I know you are, but after looking at about twenty or more pictures you've done I couldn't stop myself. The thing is you're so fucking talented and I don't know, somehow I felt connected, to your work, to the way you see things. It really spoke to me and so I searched for more, and slowly I lost myself in your art. Finally I could think of something else, something positive, something other than the darkness I can feel creeping into my heart. And slowly I started to want more than to just to look at your work... I..." Stiles fell silent, not sure how to express his request, afraid to have Derek tell him NO to his face without blinking.

"You... What?" The man asked, his gaze searching Stiles'. "You can tell me." He added, trying to reassure the boy, he could smell how anxious the teenager was, the smell of his emotions being so strong and thick to Derek's sensible werewolf nose.

"I want to be your model!" Stiles suddenly blurted out, not taking his eyes off of Derek's "I need this. I need to know what I am to the eyes of someone else. I need to feel connected to something, to someone and I want to do that with you, because you're the only person that can understand how hopeless and lost I feel. But of course, I would understand if you like, ripped my throat out this instant for having stalked you and asked you that, but I don't care I had to come here and asked you face to face, like a man instead of staying locked in my room like a kid who's too afraid to take his courage in his hands and..."

"Okay, I'll do it!" Derek said, cutting off his rambling.

"Wow, what? Say that again!" Stiles asked, incredulous.

"I said... I'll do it." Derek repeated, his eyes staring deep into the amber ones of Stiles.

"You'll do it, just like that without even opposing yourself to the idea or threatening to rip my throat out for having discovered your secret?!" Stiles said, surprised, unable to believe Derek was actually agreeing to something he, Stiles Stilinski, had asked him. Something so personal to the man.

"Of course I'm not going to threaten you. Not when I can see how important this is, how much you need my help. And like you said, I can relate. Besides, this is what we do right? Save each other?"

"Okay...hum...thank you, I guess." Stiles almost whispered.

"You're welcome. Now, shut up and eat before it gets too cold!" Derek replied, gesturing at Stiles' plate with his fork.

Stiles did as told, not able to keep his moans of pleasure to himself, damn but Derek Hale could cook. This was pure orgasm to his mouth he thought. At some point, he caught Derek's amused gaze on him and blushed slightly at the intensity of the man's indefinable eyes. Modeling for him would be such a new thing, full of intensity and surprises, Stiles could already tell that much.

Did you like this chapter, wolvies ?

Please leave me a comment or kudos so that i know if you enjoyed the fic. I enjoy writing it, you have no idea, so your comments would mean the world to me.

Once again i would like to THANK you Darcy Wolf and Lisa McCooeye for being part of this wonderful adventure and making it this magic.

You can find me on tumblr, for more infos about my work, updates, and so on... you can even leave me messages there if you want, I'll answer them :

xoxo

P.

PS : Some of you might recognize this story as I first posted it on AO3 (archive of our own) on my account there SHINHIA. This story is mine and ONLY MINE. I will post it on both websites so do NOT come and tell it's plagia or something as IT'S MINE !