Okay guys. This is a new fanfiction that I was NOT going to publish based on the fact that I just wrote it to get out some of my pent up feelings. I needed to get things off of my chest so that is why I wrote this. I wrote this over a year ago and I thought 'why the hell not post it?' I was very reluctant to because it had some personal stuff in here but now I think it's time I share.

But I must warn you before you read this fanfiction. IT IS VERY TRIGGERING. I am not going to lie to you guys. If you are sensitive to any of the following triggers, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. I AM WARNING YOU GUYS NOW SO YOU DON'T LEAVE HATEFUL COMMENTS. SO PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE.

TRIGGER WARNINGS INCLUDE: SELF HARM, SELF HATRED, PHYSICAL AND VERBAL ABUSE, BULLYING, VIOLENCE, SWEARING, AND SEXUAL CONTENT.

This is boy x boy. Yaoi!

Pairings include: Prucan! UsUk. And maybe other pairings.

I am giving you time to turn back now.

.

.

.

Okay if you haven't turned back, ENJOY!

~TheFanFictionNerd/Jessecat~

Lost but not Alone

Chapter 1

TRIGGER WARNING STARTS HERE...Sorry :(

Matthew's POV

I'm alone. It hurts so much that I can't feel anything. I'm numb. I can't even feel the blade sliding across the soft scarred skin of my arm. It hurts, yet I feel nothing. I am nothing. The blood that drips my arm stains the sheet of my bed. I don't care anymore. I just to sleep. Sleep and never wake up. But I can't sleep. I have to stay awake. Because what if I do wake up and Dad or Alfred find me? I need to clean up before they wake. I move slowly out of my bed. Blood still streaming down my arm in little streams that form bigger ones. I had done it bad this time. The breakdown was even worse. I couldn't control myself. I hated myself even more for what I did but I couldn't stop. I just kept going. Running the blade over the flesh of my arm. Tearing up every piece of pale skin I could find. I have lost too much blood this time. I had gone way overboard. I hate myself. I hate my very existence. It hurts. I hurt.

Little blood droplets stained the old oak floors as I made my way to the bathroom attached to my room. Thank God I had my own bathroom. If anyone found out about this I'd be dead. They wouldn't understand why I do this. Nobody would. I'm alone and no one can save me now.

I was cleaning my arms in the sink, hissing slightly as the water ran over the bloody cuts. Turning the sink off I opened the mirror cabinet to get the first aid kit. I wrapped my arm tightly with gauze. Applying pressure to it. I looked up into the mirror. I saw myself for the first time in a long time. My eyes were red and watery from crying. I had dark circles under them. I haven't slept in almost two days. My hair was neater than the rest of my appearance. My hair was blond with a slight wave to it. A lone curl was it's only flaw, sticking out slightly from the rest of my hair. I had taken off my red hoodie to inspect my body. My lean pale frame filled the mirror. There were bruises on my upper arms and scattered around my torso.

They were mostly from school. I got bullied constantly. Though most of the people don't even glance at me. The only people that seem to notice me are the bullies. They hate me just because I'm gay. Well that may not be the only reason but they tended to bring it up when they used me as a punching bag. I didn't even tell anyone. I guess they just knew I was different.

TRIGGER WARNING ENDS

The only person who remotely cares about me is my big brother Alfred. Even if sometimes he doesn't notice me, I know he still knows I exist. He can be kind of a jerk sometimes, but I still love him as a brother.

I put my hoodie back on and wiped the floor with toilet paper. I took my blood stained sheet and tried to scrub the stain out, of course it wouldn't come out all the way. I put it in the hamper beside my door. Hopefully mom won't notice. I got back into bed and looked at the clock; 3:43 A.M. Sighing I decided to try to get at least a few hours of sleep before school.

My name is Matthew Williams. I'm 16 years old and I self harm. A lot of days I wish I could scream out and make people see me. But now I don't have the will to try any more. I soon fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning I woke up late for school. Alfred had come banging on my door to get up. I silently whimpered as the sun shone on my face and in my eyes. I hand always been really sensitive to sunlight. Some might call me a vampire if they actually noticed me. I did have an unusual eye color. It was nearly violet with hints of blue.

I got up reluctantly, pain surging through my arm as I slowly got to my feet. As I walked to open the door Alfred was currently banging a tone on I was overcome with dizziness. I fell against the door with a thud to regain my balance. Alfred apparently heard the thud because he opened the door. I fell against the door frame blushing slightly. Alfred noticed and looked at me with concern.

"You okay, dude? You don't look so good." Alfred said in a concerned tone. I mumbled that I was fine. The dizziness was beginning to pass.

"Are you sure, Mattie? Well if you feel okay then you have to hurry. It's almost eight." He said before he ran downstairs and out the door. 'Eight? It's not that late is it?' I thought as I looked back at the clock on my nightstand. It was in fact 8:03 A.M. I cursed under my breath as I hurried to get dressed. I had to be at school by 8:30 or I would be late. I brushed my hair and grabbed my back pack and phone. I was just about to run out the door when I realized that no one would really notice if I was there or not.

Sighing sullenly I walked out of the house and onto the sidewalk at a slow pace. It was a ten minute walk to get to school. I checked my cell for the time. 8:22 A.M. I stopped walking and noticed that I was at the front steps of the school. I frowned and climbed the steps and went inside.

There was a bustle of students walking and messing around in the hallway. I walked passed them without getting trampled. It was then that the bell rang for first hour. There was a wave of students coming towards me. I looked around for a quick escape. There was none. I flinch and prepared for impact. The pain did not come though as I was suddenly pulled by the collar of my shirt off to the side into a corner. I opened my eyes to see a peculiar and rather attractive guy looking at him at me. He was at least an inch shorter than me. His messy silvery white hair shone in the low light of the corner. His eyes seemed to glow a beautiful crimson red as they looked into my violet ones. His pale lips curled up into a cocky grin.

"You better be careful, Birdie. They'll knock you down and step all over you. The Awesome me saves the day again. Kesesesese~" The man smiled at me and I felt myself blush. I notice he had a husky German accent. It seemed to compliment him very well. I looked back at him and noticed he had several piercings on his lip and one small one in his nose. He was wearing black and white stripped fingerless gloves that went to his elbows. A T-shirt that said "AWESOME" on it and black skinny jeans. I looked back down. 'Damn this guy is hot. What should I say? Should I apologize? Yeah that sounds appropriate.'

"S-sorry. I didn't mean to g-get in the way." I felt my face get so hot all the way to my hairline. I've never blushed this much in my life. What was wrong with me?

"Why are you apologizing? I just saved your life and I don't get a thank you? How disappointing." He said as he pouted his bottom lip and crossed his arms.I tightened my grip on the strap of my backpack. I was blushing so hard out of embarrassment I was almost in tears.

"I-I'm sorry. Thank you s-so much. I havetogo."I stuttered quickly. Tears starting to stream down my face. I was so happy. For once someone had taken notice of me and was being nice at the same time. The guy why the beautiful crimson eyes looked at me worriedly.

"H-hey, you alright? Why are you crying? Don't cry." He reached out with his gloved hand and touched my face gingerly before quickly pulled away and ran down the now empty hallway towards the boys bathroom. I had calmed down a little when I sat in one of the stalls and took slow, deep breaths. I touched my face in the spot his fingers had touched and I felt myself blush even more. At the moment his fingers touched my skin there was a spark between us. It felt so good, so real. I wanted to jump into his arms at that moment and cry out all the pain that has built up inside for so many years. But of course that would have been weird and cliché as hell.

I smiled as I walked out of the stall. It hurt to smile. It had been so long since I had smiled like this. I splashed some water on my face from the sink and stared into the mirror, looking at my flushed face. As I touched my face again, the sleeve of my hoodie rose a little, exposing the deep red cuts on my wrist.

My smile faded and I look down at my arms. I was reminded once again that I was a failure at everything. I looked back up at the mirror and noticed someone standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Yelping in surprise I quickly cover my arms. I looked towards the doorway to find the German guy only a few feet from me. I stammered and tried to form words but they wouldn't come. I looked into the pale guys eyes but he was looking down at my now covered arms. I began to panic. 'He saw! He saw my arms. How I hurt myself. He saw everything. Oh God. He's going to tell. He's going to tell everyone in the school. I'm dead. I'm so dead'.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sudden feeling of warmth around my body. I realized that the boy with silver white hair and crimson eyes was hugging me. He wrapped his lean, yet muscular arms around my smaller frame. I gasp and stood there in shock, unsure of what to do.

I really hope you guys liked it. I'm sorry if it was too triggering for you guys to read. If any of you are having trouble with your urges or you have any personal problems that you feel like you can't tell anyone, just send me a message if you want to talk. I'll be here.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed it~~! I love Reviews so review away and tell me what you think! It's my motivation.

Okay that is all~ See you next update. (which will be soon~~!)

~TheFanFictionNerd/Jessecat~