THE SIMPSONS

A SLIP THROUGH THE SHADE

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

DISCLAIMER: The Simpsons are property of Twentieth Century FOX and Gracie Films.

NOTE: My first Simpsons fic and one I've wanted to write for years ever since I watched the classic "I Love Lisa".

THE NOT SO DISTANT FUTURE (somewhere in time and space)

Lisa pulled her car up to the front of the small comic book store in Springfield and got out. She took in the light breezy air as she did so. It was a brisk Autumn day. She'd much rather spend it indoors ironing the clothes, but duty called.

She entered the store and browsed around the magazines looking for a book called 'Previews', taking the time also to notice some other books that tugged at the sentimental strings of her heart.

"Malibu Stacy Digests...And Regurgitates", a collection of stories from the popular dolls' own comic brand where she goes on various dieting schemes, "The Happy Little Elves' Tree of Mild Discomfort", a Halloween-themed anthology book about the plucky iconic little green creatures dealing with bad spills down the hills and stubbing their toes amongst other tame subjects.

Lisa put the magazine in her bag, knowing her younger sister Maggie would want to have it for sentimental value...or at least that's what she kept telling herself, a part of her suspected Maggie was still watching the Elves franchise. A digitally animated special had recently come out that had mysteriously showed up on the TV box back at her parent's house.

Another one caught her eye, one to do with Itchy and Scratchy, a fireworks night special. Another large smile went across her face as she reflected on the days her and her older brother Bart would be reduced to fits of wild and unending laughter at the crazed and violent antics of the cataclysmic cat and mouse combination.

Reading it, however, proved to be a chore. Instead of fighting, Itchy and Scratchy were instead helping out at the fireworks factory and giving readers a handy lecture on the principle safety of fireworks usage in preparation for the fifth of November.

Lisa, baffled, took another look at the writers credit on the magazine and found the answer to this in the acknowledgments

'Based off ideas and concerns by One Marge Simpson'

"Oh mom" Lisa said aloud.

She continue to flick through the comic and found Itchy, after telling the reader they can prevent a blaze of gore if they followed the instructions, promptly packed several firecrackers into the back of Scratchy's work clothes and set the crackers alight, the cat promptly threw itself around the room as the crackers went off.

Lisa looked at the additional writers credits at the back of the magazine, which read

"...Also based off a very persuasive letter/counter-argument from Bartholomew J. Simpson"

Lisa sighed in releif, "Oh brother" she remarked

She found her copy of 'Previews' and went up to the cashier to purchase the magazine, but as she prepared to put it on the shelf, she stopped dead in her tracks and looked at several pages of the magazine, a worried look on her face

"Oh no, Spider-Zero still hasn't gotten home to his wife" she said, flicking through the pages that collected the Spider-Zero daily newspaper comics, which were collected in the magazine "Oh, and it's been a whole year since he set off from home in this strip, Ralph's going to flip a lid"

This caught the swift and prompt attention of the more than slightly overweight comic book owner, who ceased reading his 'Battle of The Acronym" All-Old X-H.O.R.S.E title and rushed over to take Lisa's order.

"Mrs. Wiggum, good to see you again, may I interest you in another free copy of B.C comics Few Twenty 2 books? It's the only way I can clear any of them out of the store"

"No, Ralph hasn't quite forgiven them for shacking up Radioactive Man and El-Kal, he thought it was too forced, besides, it messed up Larva Girl's marriage to that hero"

"But that was in an alternative universe to begin with" the owner replied, "It had nothing to do with the mainstream timeline"

"Yes, but they cancelled 'Mr and Mrs Radioactive Man' so they could ram this alternative editorially mandated couple down our throats without there being an alternative choice, probably because if they kept publishing both, it would convince readers that there was a complete story in one timeline and thus they wouldn't care about the regular universe going forward"

"Mr. Wiggum is really set in his ways about superhero marriages isn't he?" the comic owner replied, taking a fresh bite out of a chicken and mayo sandwich.

"It's one of the few tethers to rational thought that husband of mine has...it's always been a big deal to him, ever since we were kids he's wanted to be a husband, he thinks it's one of our most cherished institutions, and he wants it reflected in our heroes' personal values, the minute writers and editors who cling to the ages of silver and gold want nothing more than to restrict those heroes to their factory settings or make them go through divorces, separations, and even mystical wibbly wobbly timeline retcons, it lessens Ralph's hold on a clearer understanding of the world and people's desires. Why would they want heroes to be miserable unless they themselves were miserable? Ralph does not like to think like that"

"The world's increasingly shady, books and movies have to reflect those darker corners of society in order to make a profit and entertain the adolescence that pours all over the world, can't you just give your slippery savant something of a frank talk about how life doesn't work to his specifics, a reality slap if you will...or failing that, a literal slap?" the comic owner suggested.

"Oh I'm not doing anything that'll stir that little leprechaun on his shoulder" Lisa replied

"Pardon?" he asked

"Nothing" Lisa said, "Shouldn't have said anything...I just don't know what to do with him. The newspaper strip, as corny and as lazily plotted as it is, is the only canon left where a favourite hero of his is hitched and it's almost as if the comics company are trying to make people forget he ever was, and that his wife Jane, who's a very strong put together and capable woman, is being put on the backburner for the simple crime of making an everyman hero with relatable problems HAPPY. She makes that character HAPPY. And that makes Ralph happy. True comics are supposed to put you through a lot of emotion, with continuous ups and downs, but should also have an assurance at the end things will be well, now all they do is make you a Debbie Downer, and there is zero upswing"

"Welcome to the world Mrs. Wiggum. With the way your attitude sparkles, it's almost like you've been living in a fully functional world where everything is neatly resolved by the end of a day or a week, real life sometimes takes years to put itself right"

"I know first hand what dysfunction looks like, I've had so many moments where I've given in to despair, I called my dad a baboon when he mocked my feelings for my substitute teacher, I almost vowed to only fieng affection for my brother after he wrecked our thanksgiving, I humiliated my future husband on live tv, I've got so much baggage it would set off alarms in airports for the amount of weight it carries. You know what keeps me afloat...the passion, the energy, and the unbending human spirit of the people I love, their natural gifts, their ability to inspire and innovate when everything seems like they will be defined by their stupidity, I see the light at the end, be it my father being willing to teach a class about families, or Ralph putting on a stellar stage performance that stirred so many souls, it is our ability to slip through the shades of grey and grasp on to the light we'll all end up sleeping in that defines who I am, what I aspire to be, and who I love"

The comic shop owner shed a small tear, "So poignant and beautiful, all it needs now is the saying 'now get the hell out of our galaxy'"

"Good idea" Lisa said, purchasing the magazine and exiting the shop in a fit of lively fire.

She got back into her car, pressed her head against the wheel, gently let out another sigh , and then drove back to her house.

She got out and entered the door. Her pet cat, Snowball V, danced around her legs, purring gently, Lisa bent down and scratched it's back, she kicked off her shoes and waltzed into the living area, where she spotted Ralph, sitting upright, two hands outstretched on the sofa, watching the Ultimate Radioactive Man animated series.

"Hi Lisa" Ralph replied, not turning around to greet her. Lisa smiled.

She didn't mind, it was typical behaviour on his part.

"You must be the only one amongst our little community that really likes this" Lisa said, "Bart hates how childish they've made it"

"Watching what? It's not a cartoon, it's a commercial" Ralph replied

"It's twenty-five minutes long. Bit long for that don't you think?" Lisa said

"What about all those ads on the infomercial channels you like? The ones about the old country albums? They're sometimes an hour" Ralph said, "I used to dream you could make a soap opera out of them, and still sell you products at the same time"

"That's really inspired Ralph, why not pitch it?" Lisa replied, curling up on the sofa and resting her head on her husband's shoulder.

"Silly, it's television, not baseball" Ralph said, giggling and playfully stroking his wife's hair

Lisa didn't bother to correct him. She instead turned the pages of the 'Previews' magazine to where the Spider-Zero strips were placed

"Read to me" she said.

"Is Spider-Zero back home to Jane yet?" Ralph said

"Sorry Ralph, looks like something else is being brought up in the story" Lisa said

"Oh" Ralph said

"That was awfully dignified of you, you feeling ok?" Lisa said, observing Ralph's calmer-than-expected reaction

"No, I'll probably go through some hoops again, it's just...he might not be home, but you are"

"Oh Ralph, I'll always be here, remember what I promised when we were kids? What we'll always 'bee'?, who did I, in the end, c-c-choose?"

"A friend" Ralph answered, making Lisa giddy

"Exactly, the best of our type are always friends first, it's what keeps us out of the shade, and helps us slip through it"

"We're always playing with fire aren't we?" Ralph remarked. Lisa nodded, and kissed him on the cheek.

"Not literally though" Lisa reminded him

"You sure?" Ralph said

"Absolutely" Lisa replied

"But the Leprechaun says..."

"...Nothing. And he'll like it, I think you'll like that too" Lisa abruptly snapped, and snuggled up to listen to Ralph read the small twelve panel strip as they embraced the warmth of a flickering fire in the centre of the room.

THE END