Unexpected

I sat cross legged on the bed, with my new born child lying on his back in front of me. I had brought him home from the hospital only a few hours ago, just as the sun began to set. With the lights out and door propped open so I could hear Riku if he woke. I listened to MY infant's soft breathing mixed with the low murmur of the TV in the living room and the rain outside the window. The white noise that would normally be calming under any other circumstances was doing nothing for my overwhelming anxiety. I, Shuichi Shindo at 23 years old, can now legitimately claim Biological Father to my short list of titles. I created this child out of my own stupid actions, but as terrified as am I can't bring myself to regret it. This baby boy is my own flesh and blood, mine and some foreign bimbo who I hardly even know.

Nine months ago, moments before a major concert at The Tokyo Convention Center, I had gotten completely trashed, more like shit faced to be honest. I still hadn't gotten over Eiri's sudden departure a few years earlier. Three years we had been together. We had even legally adopted Riku. But after Eiri's Father died he began to change. He was a lot more affectionate for one thing, even to Riku. He started to spend more time with us and his siblings. We thought he was finally happy. Things were going so well, too well apparently. One evening before bed he had said to me, "This Penthouse Forum Fantasy is over, its time I face reality." I didn't think much of it at the time, or knew what the hell he meant by it, he had been saying the strangest things since the funeral. The next morning, however, after I left for the studio, Eiri had taken Riku to my Mother's, packed his bags and took off. He left a note telling me to keep the apartment, and that he apologizes for leading me on all these years. It goes without saying I was devastated, but it hadn't sunk in. It didn't really hit me until I received the documents denouncing his involvement in Riku's adoption, in the mail a few months later. He had signed over all parental rights as well as the deed to the apartment to me. So there I was for the first time, a single father at 21. My parents told me they would help me with Riku however they could, but he was already 9 years old and pretty self-sufficient for a kid, so I wasn't too worried about it. Of course my problems accounted for nothing to the boss, Tohma thought it best for both parties if I didn't know where Eiri was. "A clean break, let it be" he said.

I had done relatively well handling my depression, but that night before the big concert I snapped. I drank everything Eiri hadn't deemed worthy to take with him out of his liquor cabinet. I considered them my comrades at the time; pathetic right? I went out on stage that night obviously drunk out of my mind. K hadn't been there to stop anything, and I reasoned that the show must go on! Honestly I can still only remember bits and pieces of the whole evening, but I do remember a group of fan girls coming backstage after the show. Among them was an American College student, who had taken a year off to travel the world. The next morning I woke up in the dressing room in a pool of vomit and a red thong draped over my face. Luckily someone had the good since to roll me on my side so I didn't drown.

All in all I thought I had put on a good show that night, but no. Chalk that up to the alcohol I suppose. The tabloids were calling me "Japan's own Nikki Sixx". I thought it was bit much. So I got drunk, it's not like I was shooting heroin into my nut sack or anything. Due to this incident my ability to raise my son in a safe environment was being questioned. A few nosey assholes were even demanding my rights to be revoked. I panicked and went crying to Seguchi. As it turns out, if it has nothing to do with Eiri, he's willing to help. I don't know how he did it, but long story short the story was dropped and the people rallying against me went back under the wood work. I was in good standing with the media once again after my formal apology.

Some months later the girl from the concert showed up in Tohma's office, claiming she was pregnant with MY child. I almost fainted. She said she was 7 weeks at the time. I counted back on my fingers and cursed out loud. Good thing she didn't understand Japanese. With K translating she told us her story. She was from a wealthy family in Virginia, and wouldn't be able to show her face if she came home with an unplanned foreign baby, that and she couldn't really think of it as hers seeing how it would look nothing like her. I chanced a look at Seguchi and he seemed just as offended by that comment as I was. She wanted nothing to do with the baby and in turn didn't want the child knowing she was the mother. I had agreed to take full responsibility for it and NG's lawyers wrote up two documents explaining this. One document was written in English, and another in Japanese. Every one present signed them. I paid all medical and living expenses. Then once she spit the kid out, she was gone. I named him Kouki Shindo, or little Yuki – dark moment for me I know - and true to my word I listed the mother as unknown on his papers. Quite frankly I didn't want him to know about that stupid bitch either. I wasn't able to take him home until a day later, due to an irregularity in his lungs, which turned out to be nothing more than a little water. Mom told me not to worry; Maiko and I had the same thing.

While I sit here watching Kouki sleep, I doubt my ability to do this alone. Even though I know he wouldn't be much help, I wish Eiri was here with me. Im sure like most parents do on that first horrifying night, I called my mother. She and my father had gone on a short vacation before the baby was born. Kouki actually wasn't due for another two weeks.

"I should have known" my mother says over the phone, "you were the same way. Practically kicked your way out. Eager to get out into the world. But now that I think about it you most likely were more excited for that cute doctor to slap your behind"

"Mom" She thinks shes so funny "Im not joking here. I don't know what to do! Im not ready for this" Im whispering, afraid the slightest noise or movement will wake him.

"Well you should have thought of that nine months ago" she quips, "But don't worry honey you'll be just fine. Look at what a good job you're doing with Riku." She Sighs "Your father and I will be back in the morning and we'll come right over."

" But Riku was already potty trained and knew how to feed himself by the time I got him. And what if he ya' know…" I trail off I don't even want to think about it right now.

"Then you'll clean him off, spritz him with powder and slap on another diaper. Youre over thinking this Shu-chan, everything will be alright. When was the last time your fed him?" She asks.

"Um a little over and hour ago"

"Good, wait another hour and make another bottle, if hes hungry he'll eat if not put back in the fridge wait another thirty minutes and try again"