"Just one shot... And all of it will be gone" Said Castiel to himself, he had a gun pointed between his eyes, a drop of sweat ran from his forehead to his cheek "I can't"

Castiel put the gun down and lay on the floor; he stares at the grey and cold skies. He was on the top of a building, being human was hitting him harder than anything else hit him. "What would Sam and Dean say?" Thought Castiel closing his eyes, but the pain was there pulsing like a screaming furious crow.

"They would tell me to carry on" A softy and sad smile appears in his face "The Winchesters always carry on" Castiel laughs, maybe because of pain was so great that the tears didn't come out. His tears refused to give him relieve. He was feeling guilty, he was played and now; Castiel was alone, no Sam, no God, no brothers, and what hurt most, no Dean.

"Why can I just give up?" Said him feeling his body goes numb as the snow was falling on him "I wish I was brave enough to pull the trigger "

The snow looked like little tears, melting on his coat "Why it hurt so badly?" Castiel knew the answer, being abandoned, being forsaken again was more than he could take, even so, he didn't pull the trigger. "Why didn't I pull the trigger already?" Asked Castiel looking at the gun in the floor, the night was so dark he couldn't see it well; but he knew that the silver shinning on the cold steel was there, waiting for him.

"I wish I could erase all my mistakes" Continued him feeling the cold snow beginning to accumulate on his body "My brothers"

The wind stopped, on the road above the cars drove slowly because of the ice. The dark and grey sky was unforgiving, more snow, white and cold. "Dean" Whispered Castiel, like Dean used to when he prayed to him. But now Dean's prayers wouldn't reach his ears, he was human; and the human's pain was too much to bear, his soul was broken. "Dean"

He repeated like a prayer, was that the way it felt like to pray? Angels didn't have anyone to pray to, not anymore, God was gone. "Dean" He repeated and his tears came down on his face, lightly freezing, Castiel felt the cold air becoming colder. His legs now were a little bit more number.

"Take me away" He whispered to anyone out there, maybe he knew if he stayed on the cold for too long it would be his death. "No more pain" Said Castiel smiling, he could feel the sense of relieve, a deep and comforting sleep. A sense of dying and being purified on the process took over his mind and body. It was death, cold and real… But not real as his pain.

"Cas…" He heard a voice "Cas" It was Dean, he was certain of it "Cas… Are you ok?"

"D… Dean?" Replied Castiel; opening his eyes and finding him on a hospital bed "Where am I?"

"Hospital, dude!" Replied Dean, in his eyes full of relieve Castiel found some relieve too "You almost froze to death"

"I didn't mean to…" Said him confuse, lying now as so easy to him. How many lies did he tell until now? Castiel didn't know how he became a liar.

"Cas…" Said Dean holding his hand, Dean's hands were warm. "You need to be more careful"

"I'm… Sorry, Dean" He replied a little numb, but he could see clearly Dean's worried expression. "I didn't meant to freeze" He lied again, he wanted to die. Why Dean didn't let him die? It was too much pain, too much.

"Man, humans freeze and die… Got that?" Said Dean standing up and padding him on his shoulder

"I'll try to remember that" He said sitting up "Who brought me here and who called you?"

"Your boss called me" He said sitting on a chair close to the bed "She was really worried"

"I need to talk to her" Said Castiel worried, did she take the gun? If so, she knew that he was about to kill himself.

"Hang on, tiger" Said Dean smiling "She isn't here, it's almost dawn"

"I'm sorry to keep you awake, Dean" Said He laying back again, blaming himself for bringing more pain to people around him; which made him wonder if he was in God's plan, if God had a plan for him at all.

"It's ok, Cas" Said Dean smiling "I wouldn't sleep anyway… How are you holding up?"

"I'm" For one second Castiel thought about telling Dean how much pain he was in, but Dean had already too much trouble. He didn't want to burden him further. "Fine"

"That's good, considering you almost become a Popsicle" Said Dean smiling, Castiel smiled too while looking at his eyes, the green in Dean's eyes were brighter every day. Castiel wondered how he keeps on with so much pain. Dean was different, even Sam broke into pieces, but Dean was strong in a way even he didn't know it. "Hun…Cas"

"Yes?"

"If you can't come back to heavens… What would you do?" Asked Dean scratching the top of his head, Castiel breathed deeply and smiled

"I never thought about it" He continued "There's nothing here for me, Dean"

"There's us" Said Dean trying to cheer him up "Me and Sammy can train you, you can become a hunter"

"I don't know if that is wise, Dean" Said Castiel smiling sadly

"Why is that?"

"I brought you too much pain already"

"Cas…" Said Dean looking into his eyes "It was worth the pain"

"I don't know what to say" Said Castiel smiling "Thank you, Dean"