Disclaimer: Not mine! The show would be X-rated if it was.

"Get out."

"What?" He had not just been told to leave his own home.

"You think too loud, it's unproductive to higher minds. Get out."

"What? What the hell, Sherlock? Unproductive? I at least do things around here Mister laze-about-for-days-at-a-time."

"Irrelevant. Your thoughts are annoying. Get out."

"Fine. But don't expect tea later."

With that John grabbed his jacket and left.

He'd walk awhile, cool his head and calm his temper.

That git!

Throwing him out of his own house!

Well, flat.

Okay, flat share.

But the point was, he had just been tossed out for thinking.

Thinking!

Who even does that?

Sherlock Bloody Holmes, that's who!

His internal rant finally winding down, John looked about himself.

Where the hell was he?

Not seeing any familiar landmarks he headed towards a small café across the street.

Looking over the menu, he settled on a club on rye, chips and a bottle of water; tray in hand, John looked for a place to sit.

Spotting a familiar profile the ex-soldier nearly dropped his food and bolted.

What the hell was Jim Moriarty doing here?!

Eating it looks like, chimed in the one part of his brain not swimming in adrenaline.

Deciding he was probably not in any immediate danger, John went back to his search for a table.

No empty tables. Not a one.

A dangerous thought came to the doctor; looking over the master criminal, who was still oblivious to his presence for some reason, John took a chance and walked over.

Sitting in the free seat across from the most dangerous man you could ever hope not to meet, John relished the look of startled surprise that flashed across the other mans' face.

"Johnny boy! What are you doing here?"

"Same as you." He took a deliberate bite of his sandwich.

"Oh? And what am I doing?"

"Eating." John raised an eyebrow at the man, if he wanted to play word games he would find a willing partner in the smaller man.

"And Sherlock says you're stupid." The patronizing tone was not lost on John, he had had too many conversations with Mycroft for it to hit any sore spots though.

Not getting a response he could use, Moriarty decided to go for the direct approach; if only to throw the other man off-balance.

"Why are you here, Dr. Watson?"

Deciding he didn't care enough to lie, it being a useless gesture anyway given who he was talking to, John told the plain and simple truth.

"I've been thrown out of my flat for thinking too loud.

"Took an angry walk and got lost." He shrugged.

"Now I'm sitting with my flatmates second worst enemy, eating a rather good lunch."

"Second worst enemy?" The criminal sounded genuinely hurt by this.

John just chuckled.

"Well, Mycroft was his first; and then you came along. That does technically make you his second."

Biting into a chip, John watched for a reaction to his teasing. This was the most fun he'd had since leaving the army.

Moriarty just stared a moment before bursting into laughter, startling everyone in the café; except for John who had seen it coming.

"Johnny boy, you are something else, you know that?

"You sit at my table, knowing I could have you killed at any moment, and proceed to tease me!

"Where have you been keeping this sense of humor?"

"I was depressed when I was first discharged. And then being around the Holmes', it doesn't encourage one to crack jokes.

"Plus there are not many people who find an old soldier's sense of humor appropriate, I took the chance that you would be one of them."

"And if I hadn't been?"

"Then I would probably be dead right now or twisted up in some nefarious scheme."

"You make me sound so merciless!" But the gleam in his eye said he was pleased.

"Well, terror is part of your charm." John smirked.

"O Johnny! Be careful now, or I might just think you're flirting with Daddy."

"And if I am?"

"Ah, but you've been very adamant about the whole 'not gay' thing, Doctor."

"So?"

"So. Straight men make poor lovers. You're not interested in what Daddy has to offer." He actually pouted.

"Whoever said I was straight?"

A piercing set of eyes racked over him, reevaluating and coming up with an answer that they liked.

"You are truly wasted at Baker street."

"Hmm. Maybe I'm just waiting for a better offer?"

"Do you want to work for me John?"

"I was thinking more about dinner."

"We can do a little of both, and punish Sherly for kicking you out in the first place."

John leaned forward, making his next words deep, sensuous and intimate.

"What did you have in mind Jim?"

He was pleased to note the obvious signs of arousal on the other man.

John 'Three Continents' Watson, you still have it.

"O Johnny, the fun we can have."

JMJWJMJWJMJWJMJWJMJWJMJW

Sherlock was just coming out of his mind palace when John returned home.

"John, tea."

Without a word, the doctor headed to the kitchen.

Once the kettle blew and the tea was prepared, John brought two cups into the sitting room, giving one to the stationary figure adorning the sofa.

Looking over the other man, Sherlock couldn't put his finger on just what was off.

"You went walking."

"Very good Sherlock, got it in one." John picked up the paper, not trying to hide anything more than his smirk.

"You got lost and tried a café you've never been to before. You ordered a club on rye, chips and had a bottle of water."

"Brilliant. I'm not going to ask how you know all that, I wouldn't understand anyway."

"Quite." Taking no notice of the doctors' suddenly hurt expression, he continued.

"You chatted up someone you found interesting. Ah, that would be it."

"What?"

"You didn't get her number but you did make plans. For tomorrow, I would think. You wouldn't want this one to get away, you found her quite pleasant company."

I'll have to try harder with this one, he thought to himself.

"So what is she like?"

"First off, you got that wrong. Secondly, I don't want to discuss my dates with you. You tend to drive them away without additional help."

"What did I get wrong?" He could find out all he wanted to about his new competition later, knowing what he got wrong was more important.

"I didn't chat her up, I chatted him up. And I also got a job." Noting the surprise on Sherlock's face, John let his smirk grow.

"Him? Your dating a man?" That could have been me! Why wasn't it me?!

"Yes. And working for him too." Getting up he took his empty cup and Sherlocks' still full one. As he passed over to the kitchen he gave one more parting shot.

"And I get a bonus if I snag him a pair of your blue silk boxers."

It was exactly twenty-eight seconds before the reaction came.

"What?"

"My date and new boss is someone interested in your well-being.

"Not Mycroft, Greg would kill me if I tried, even if I was interested in the pompous git.

"Nor Irene, though finding out she was still alive a second time was a bit of a shock."

Watching the cool look sweeping over him, John gave a bright smile.

"The only reason I didn't get his number was because he already has mine. And I'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow night, so good guess you."

"What?!" Thirty-two seconds this time.

Jim was right. This was a lot of fun.

AN: This will be a bit of a slow build, but I plan to have lots of smut. So if you're not into that you have already been warned.