Life or Loyalty

Summary: 1-shot. Dean wakes to find Sam outside in the Impala & knows his brother has learned too much from this brief glimpse of Dean's past. He decides to admit a few other things to his still sick brother before showing him where his loyalty truly lied. *Spoilers for 09x07 Bad Boys* (Dean/Sam) Wincest!

Warnings: Basically for the standard Wincest label though not as explicit as I normally do.

Pairings: Dean and Sam.

Tags/Spoilers: Since I feel weird tagging a Wincest piece to an episode I will just say it takes place after the end of 09x07 Bad Boys and does contain spoilers so be warned of that.

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys or anything.

A/N: It's been awhile since I did a Wincest piece and this one came up as I was going to bed. It's not as hot or explicit as what I normally do but this one just felt like this is what was called for. Hope you enjoy it.

~SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN~

Getting bounced and thrown around by a ghost wasn't getting any easier as he got older. Or at least that was what Dean Winchester told himself as he rolled over with a groan.

The ghost of the kid's mother back at Sonny's had tossed both him and Sam around earlier but while Dean only had some bruises it was his brother that he worried more about considering that Sam had…

"Sam?" running his arm over the other side of the king sized bed to where he should feel the hard warm body of his younger brother, Dean's head snapped up when he realized not only that Sam was no longer sleeping beside him but the bed was cool; which meant Sam hadn't been there in some time. "Sammy?"

Pushing up to an elbow to turn the light on beside the bed, Dean's eyes were now wide awake and scanning the motel room he'd booked them into when it became clear that they were both too exhausted to drive anymore that night.

It was still a little weird for Dean to make love with Sam right then considering he was aware of the Angel residing in his brother's head even if Sam didn't but he had gotten to the point of being able to resume that side of their lives.

Tonight Sam had seemed distracted but had also clung to Dean more after they'd both climaxed and were settling in for the night.

Dean had shrugged that off to his brother being sore and still a little curious about that time in Dean's life that had been kept from Sam. Now as he realized his brother was not only not in bed like he should have been but also not in the motel room, did his worry go up a notch.

Pausing only long enough to pull his jeans on, Dean looked out the window before pulling the door open to lean there a few moments to consider things before moving to the rear of the '67 Chevy Impala where he could see by the motel lot lights his brother sitting in the back seat.

For Sam to have retreated to the Impala, his brother's only known and accepted home, then Dean knew something was bothering Sam but for Sam to have gone to the backseat and to be hunched in on himself then he knew this was more serious.

"What's up?" he asked casually as he opened the other rear door to peer in at where Sam was sitting, his big body curled against the door that had the little Army man still in the ashtray. "Sammy?"

"You wrestled."

The words were whisper soft and shaking but clear enough that Dean heard them and understood. "Yeah, not much else to do since I was stuck in school there," he tried to make it come off easy but the moment Sam's head rose and he was pinned with tear filled hazel eyes that were huge and emotional, pure puppy dog eye power, Dean knew what this was about. "Sam…"

"You won an award for wrestling and you never told Dad. You never brought it up or tried again in any other school we went to," Sam slashed a hand over his eyes, turning to face his brother. "There were other ribbons on that wall with your name on them, Dean. Academic awards for good grades! You never pulled anything above a C when we were with dad. You could have gotten out if you would've brought home grades that good. You could've…"

Sitting in the back seat with a sigh and a wince, Dean rubbed the back of his neck. He'd feared when Sam learned about this that he'd also start putting together other things, things that Dean hadn't wanted his brother to know.

"I brought in mostly A's and B's the last few years old school," he finally muttered, hearing the sharp intake of breath as he chuckled. "Even got a letter from a couple small trade schools before I burned them and dropped out. Do you want to breathe now, Sammy?"

"You…" Sam blinked, confused. "I thought you said you dropped out due to poor grades. You dropped out of high school because of bad grades and a few missing transcripts that would've kept you from graduating. That's why you took the GED a couple times one summer."

"That's what I told Dad I dropped out for," Dean replied, bracing for either the fight or the huge melt down he knew was coming. "I could've graduated but if I had that would have meant less time for hunting and you needed the time to keep your own grades up since I knew you were on the fast track for a scholarship," he shrugged. "I blew the first GED attempt on purpose and then passed on the second to make it look hard, which it wasn't."

Sam had been numb since realizing he'd been the reason his brother had left Sonny's because he did actually recall the night his Dad had gone back for Dean. Now as he took this admission in, he wasn't sure what to be. "Why?" he asked. "We both could've…" he stopped when it hit him.

There would've been four years from when Dean graduated to when Sam did. Four years of being left alone with their Dad if his brother had taken one of his rare shots to escape hunting and make a life of his own. Four years that would never have ended because while John Winchester might accept losing one son from the family business, he never would have allowed both of them to leave.

"For you, baby boy," Dean whispered, reaching over to wrap his fingers around Sam's neck to draw him closer to him. "I made the choices I did both at Sonny's and when I dropped out to make certain you didn't get trapped and I don't regret them. Just like I don't regret this."

Dean's lips found Sam's in the darkened car, an inner instinct that would always allow him to find his brother in the dark and know just what Sam needed.

The kiss was slow and gentle, not heating as he carefully eased out of the car to pull Sam with him. "I know what you think, Sam. I know you think I gave up my chance at something else and maybe I did but…" he paused to pushed his brother back toward the motel room door, his hands moving over Sam's still bare chest and hearing the soft sounds escaping from the younger man. "I wanted you out. I wanted you to have the life you always wanted so that's what I gave you."

"Dean…mmhm," Sam groaned into the kiss, opening his lips to allow Dean's tongue to gently play with his and not even noticing when he was laid back on the bed as he gave into the feelings building inside him again.

Despite the building heat and desire he was facing, Dean kept his touches and kisses light and gentle this time around. He didn't always give in to the gentle side of things, or the cuddling afterwards but right then as he watched Sam's eyes go darker with every touch and kiss he smiled and brushed his knuckles across his brother's face in a motion that showed the love he wasn't always good at expressing.

"Yes, I might have made the choice Dad gave me and I left Sonny's for you. Yes, I might have given up some stuff so you could have what you needed and wanted but I told Sonny the truth tonight too," he brushed his lips down over Sam's jaw to feather kissed along his neck, pleased to feel Sam relaxing under him and also feel his brother's erection as it grew to press against his jeans.

"My loyalty belonged then to the same person it does today," he flicked Sam's jeans open with a skilled hand as he offered his brother the one rare smile only Sam ever got to see on him. "The same person that still owns my heart," he waited until Sam dragged his gaze back up to his eyes to lean down again and kiss him slowly, passionately in a way that he hadn't since the Trials started and ended. "You, little brother."

Sam was hard already and that last line almost did him in as he moaned into the kiss, fingers tracing the muscles along Dean's back as he arched up against the hard body pressing against him. "Thank you for being with me," he murmured against his brother's lips, gasping as Dean licked a slow stripe up his neck to just behind his ear and nearly shattered right there.

"Don't thank me, Sammy. It's what I'd always do for you. Just like this is," Dean whispered against his ear, fingers skimming the jeans off of both of them in flash.

Unlike earlier when they'd fallen in the door with hands and mouths battling for control, this time as they made love it was slow and gentle with no haste or need.

Dean's control when he was in this mood could drive Sam insane because his brother was never in a hurry to enter him and more concerned with giving Sam pleasure. Tonight was no different because by the time he did, Dean had already brought Sam to orgasm twice and only when Sam begged to feel him come inside him did he enter him.

"Dean…God!" Sam gasped, biting his lip at the feel of Dean's cock brushing over his prostate slowly, making his body heat all over again until long fingers were stroking him again.

Accepting that he'd be calling an emotional do-over if his brother ever brought this up again, Dean placed soft kisses along Sam's neck and shoulder while moving his hips slowly until he finally felt Sam's body tighten over his cock and groaned lowly; lips locked over his brother's neck as his body was hit with his own climax and his hand stroked Sam until he came again with a shout of Dean's name.

Keeping his hips moving so to tease Sam's prostate with each thrust to help him over the climax, Dean smiled into Sam's skin as he rolled to his side; keeping Sam held to his chest with one arm while allowing his brother to grasp his other hand tightly.

"Love you, Sammy," he murmured huskily, accepting where his loyalty would always be and vowing to keep Sam safe no matter who the threat came from.

Sam groaned as Dean eased out of him but soon felt the warmth of the washcloth his brother used to clean them both up for the night and turned on instinct once he felt Dean slip back in behind him.

"Love you, De'n" he mumbled sleepily, still not happy with all that he'd learned but understanding it. "Always?"

"Until something eats me, baby boy," Dean chuckled as he heard Sam laugh and then laid still to watch his brother finally fall into a relaxed sleep. "Love you always, Sammy," he whispered, lips pressing into Sam's hair before letting himself sleep with only thoughts of a future that didn't involve the lies they were facing now.

The End