So I don't know how many of you listen to Theory of a Dead Man. Buut I kept listening to this song called No Surprise by them, and well wheels started turning. And well this is the result. You need to listen to the song I think to get the full effect. So anywho! Here's chapter one!

P.S. it is rated mature for angst, profanity, sex in the future, angst, angst oh wait more angst.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Leonard shifted in bed a little and groaned at the pounding headache in his head. Rolling over he flinched at the light pouring through the windows, and quickly pulled the blankets up and over his face. Licking his lips a little he grimaced, tasting like something died in his mouth. He rubbed his palms against his eyes, trying to wake up. Maybe I should just stay in bed, I don't have to do anything today, I'm on shore leave. Taking a deep breath he groaned a little, he smelled funky, he needed a shower.

Sitting up slowly, he still got dizzy, and held his head in his hands. Leonard looked around the room and it was a disaster.

There were books, papers, pillows. Basically, shit was everywhere. Leonard groaned, and raked a hand through his hair. He looked a the clock and it was twelve in the afternoon. Thank God they were on shore leave for a few months, or he would have never slept this late.

His brain was a fog and everything was slightly unfocused. Finally getting motivated, Leonard got out of bed and swayed a little as he went to the attached bathroom.

That too was a mess. The mirror had been broken, and the shower curtain torn from the rod. He sighed a little and fixed the curtain before stripping of his sweat pants and starting a shower.

As he stood under the hot water he couldn't help but hope that the water would wash the pain away. Both physically and emotionally. He couldn't tell if what was running down his face were tears or water. Leonard just let it happen, he squeezed his eyes shut and felt a sob building in his chest.

Soon though he let out the sob, he chest convulsing as he cried harder than he had in a long time. He wasn't sure what he did to deserve this but it happened.

As Leonard stood in the shower his legs giving way, he falls to the floor of the shower and just sat there crying. He pulls his knees too his chest resting his forehead against them.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there but the water started running cold and he started to shake. The doctor didn't care if he got sick, he didn't care if he got hypothermia. All he cared about had up and left him, broken-hearted and alone.

All he could think was, it's like I left Jocelyn but worse. Instead of him leaving it was him who was being left.

Swearing loudly he turned and punched the shower wall, cracking the plastic interior.

Downstairs, he didn't hear the front door open. Leonard didn't hear someone calling his name. He just sat in the bottom of his shower and didn't want to leave. All he wanted was gone, and now all he wanted was to curl up in a ball and die.

"Doctor McCoy," Uhura called out as she opened the unlocked front door. She raised an eyebrow as she looked around the down stairs of the small house. It was a disaster, she walked into the living room and there were three bottles of scotch laying on the coffee table. In the kitchen and dining area there were two more bottles of whiskey.

She started to get worried as she left the kitchen, "Leonard, are you home," she tried calling out again, but there was no response.

Glancing up the stairs Uhura could hear the shower running. The knot in her stomach started to loosen a little as she was heading up the stairs.

She was hoping that it was nothing, she was hoping that it was just a simple party that Leonard and Jim had thrown.

Licking her lips nervously she peered into Leonard's room and that too was a disaster. "Oh my God, what ha-," she said aloud, before she had been cut off by the sounds of Leonard sobbing in the bathroom.

The door was ajar and Uhura opened it slightly, "Leonard, it's me. Uhura, i-is everything alright. Spock and I have tried to reach you on the comm all morning." After not getting a response, she pushed the door open slowly, "Leonard?" Slowly stepping into the bathroom the first thing she saw was the broken mirror. Definitely not a good sign, she thought. Glancing at the shower, she saw a shaking mass behind the curtain. Closing the distance between her and the shower, she slowly pulled back the curtain, "Leonard?"

There the good doctor sat, a quivering, shaking mess, on the floor of the shower, sobbing into his kneecaps. "Oh shit...Leonard," she spoke softly, and quickly shut the water off. As soon as the water stopped, his head snapped up seeing her standing there.

Leonard's eyes were blood-shot from the crying, lips almost blue from the cold water. He was severely shaking as he watched her, "H-he," he started to stutter out but she quickly hushed him.

"No, don't. We gotta get you warmed up Leonard. You're gonna catch pneumonia or hypothermia," Uhura quickly turned grabbing towels off the shelf on the wall. Quickly wrapping towels around the poor man she helped hoist him up. "Come on, Leo. We gotta get you warmed up again."

Standing on shaking legs, Leonard did his best to help Uhura bring him back to his room. Once there, she deposited him on to his bed and grabbed a comforter or two, also wrapping him tightly in those. Sitting beside him on the bed, she wrapped her arms around him and held Leonard tightly. Rubbing her hands over his arms and back, she tried warming and calming him.

Burying his face in Uhura's neck, Leonard just sobbed more. Slowly but surely, the cries died down, and just his breath hitched every now and again. Uhura murmured quiet reassurances against the top of his head but sighed hearing her comm chirp.

"Uhura," she answered. "Yeah, he's home. He's um, he uh, no. He's not okay. Far from it actually. Spock I don't want to talk about this now. No. No. I have this taken care of. I'll talk to you when I get back." She ended the call and set her comm down and gently ran a hand through Leonard's hair.

"You had us so scared you know," she whispered glancing down at the doctor, "not answering emails or your comm. It's been two days Leonard that we've been trying to get ahold of you."

Pulling away from him slightly, she brought his chin up so he was looking her in the eyes. The usually bright, hazel eyes were now dulled and dark. Furrowing her brows and watching him with concern, Uhura asks quietly, "Leonard, what happened here?"

Leonard felt like the knot was building in his stomach again. The shivers were still there but not as bad. He was still freezing and tired, he couldn't remember when he ate last and he just realized something. "Did you say two days," the doctor asks with a hoarse voice.

Uhura nods a little, "Yes Leo. Spock and I were going to plan lunch with you and Jim this weekend, but you never responded," she stated worriedly. Leonard obviously cringed and tensed at the mention of their captain, and Uhura knew then that Jim was the problem.

"Please, Leonard. Tell me what happened, I'm your friend, I want to help," she stares with even more concern.

Biting his lip a little, Leonard let out a slow and shuddered breath. It felt like his heart was in a vice and barbed wire in his stomach. The pain in his stomach was most likely due to the amounts of alcohol consumed, dehydration, plus not eating. Closing his eyes slowly before opening them again, he looked up into Uhura's big brown eyes. "H-he left me. He fucking left me," he cried more and harder this time. Feeling his stomach cramp up and the bile rise in his throat, he threw the blankets off and ran to the bathroom.

Leonard didn't care for his lack of clothing, he threw himself to his knees, and emptied the lack of contents in his stomach.

After heaving a few times and flushing the toilet, he leaned back against the sink and held his head in his hands. Uhura knelt in front of Leonard and asked, "are you going to be okay?"
He just picks his head back up and stared at her, muttering quietly, "J-Jim left me."

FEELS! FEELS FOR EVERYONE! *throws them at people's faces*

Please don't hate me too much. I love you all. reviews are lovely.