The Impala cruised down the dark highway as the radio softly played Dean's regular round of classic rock. Sam stared out at the black night, unhearing, his thoughts draining away whatever energy he had left. He would never be the same person he once was. Everything in his life had gone to shit. First he'd lost his mom, though he didn't remember her, then Jess, his dad, now… hell, now he'd lost Dean and somewhere along the way he'd lost his soul.

If only he could get back on track. If he could somehow regain Dean's trust. Make a positive difference again. Wearily, he rubbed his eyes, a long sigh escaping his lips.

"You alright, over there?" Dean asked, glancing his way.

Sam shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, just tired." The lie came easily.

"We'll stop soon, just a few more miles to town."

There was no job to tend to, no demon to kill. It was quiet. A little too quiet for Sam's taste, yet he would take it. He needed a rest. A bright pink neon sign lit up the road ahead. The Flamingo looked like a classy joint, one of those pay by the hour motels. Not that it really mattered, as long as he could sleep.

Dean shut off the car and got out. Sam followed suit, staying by the car as Dean went inside to get a room. Habit had him scanning the parking lot and balcony's for anything strange, but all looked normal. Hands in his pockets, leaning against the Impala he shut his eyes for a moment. That was all it took. Ruby. Her image swam before his eyes, filling his mind, making his stomach churn. He felt like he was gonna to puke. It made him sick that she was the last woman he was with. No, not really a woman- a demon. He'd fucked a demon.

"Sammy, we're upstairs, room 212." Dean popped the trunk and grabbed a few things to take inside. "There's a diner a few blocks down. I'm starvin. You in?" Sam shook his head. He couldn't even handle the thought of food; he just wanted a bed. They walked up the stairs and Dean opened the door. "Suit yourself." Dean mumbled, casting yet another worried glance his way. "Damn, you look like hell. You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sam nodded. "Go eat. I'm just gonna to crash." The bed felt like heaven as he laid back; his back and neck muscles already relaxing. Sam heard the door latch as his eyes shut.

It took only seconds before his dreams took over.

Ruby was rising over him. Her lean body taut, breasts heaving. Sam's breath caught in his throat as her hips rocked forward. The power was surging through him, lighting him on fire, juicing him up to new heights. They locked eyes as an undeniable current bucked his hips off the bed. His mouth fell open and her eyes turned black, as he fisted the bed sheets. Inhuman sounds, wails and grunts, filled the air. It took him a moment to realize they were coming from him. Tension was building inside as his muscles clenched. White hot heat filled his chest and he couldn't breathe. He gasped, and reached out, clawing at her, struggling for air. Her mouth tilted into a cruel smile and she threw her head back screaming out his name. Then blackness as unbelievable pain coursed through his body.

"Sam! Sammy! Wake up!"

Sam's eyes flew open as he bolted upright, his chest heaving, his body covered in a sheen of sweat.

"Jesus, Sammy." Dean quickly scanned his brother, his face tight with more worry and dread. "What the hell were you dreaming about? You were screaming so loud, I could hear you outside."

Running a hand through his hair, Sam looked down at the sheets. His mouth was dry, and he licked his lips before answering. "Nothing… It was nothing." His body shuddered. Quickly pushing himself off the bed, he darted past Dean and into the bathroom.

Slamming the door behind him, he leaned over the sink. His back muscles jerked, and his hands gripped the sink lip tightly. He told himself to calm down, that it was only a dream. Taking deep breaths, he willed his breathing to slow, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest. Slowly, his breathing returned to normal.

That was when he smelled it. Her stench… it wasn't possible, he knew, but he could still smell her all over him. Gagging, he quickly turned on the shower, pulled off his shorts, and stepped inside.

The water was hot as it ran over his head and down his back. He scrubbed furiously, his skin reddening under the assault. The damn dream had been so real and he wondered if they would ever stop. His fingers dug into his scalp, trying to tear out every memory of her, about what he'd done. He stayed in the shower until the water turned cold, and then reluctantly turned it off.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, he went back out into the room. Dean was sitting at the table and looked up at him, concern plainly written across his face. "When are you going to tell me what's up with you?" Sam grabbed his jeans and t-shirt and slipped them on. "I thought we were through with this whole keeping secrets deal, remember? We're going to work as a team… together."

"Dean. I can't. I just can't talk about it. It's not important. It won't change anything. I'm fine." He couldn't tell his brother about this. He wouldn't understand. Dean didn't trust him and if he knew that Sam was dreaming about Ruby… about the blood… well, that would just make matters even worse.

Dean eyed Sam skeptically, but before he could speak his phone rang. Breathing a sigh of relief at the welcomed interruption, Sam finished getting dressed and brushed his teeth. "That was Bobby," Dean said. "He wanted to know if we had any leads. Things are too quiet. He's getting twitchy."

Bobby was right. A few days off should be a good thing, but it wasn't. Not now. Now, it meant they were up to something. Sam wondered if it had anything to do with him. It was just a matter of time now until Lucifer found him.

Popping open his laptop, he began to search through newspapers, magazines, and news reports. If anything unusual was going on somewhere it should be reported.

The day turned into night, and still Sam hadn't found anything. Frustrated and tired of staring at the computer screen, he closed the laptop. He was thirsty and a bit hungry. Dean was spread out across his bed snoring softly. Sam thought about waking him to get the car keys, but then remembered the vending machines down the walkway outside.

The night air was cool, and felt good against his skin. Sighing, he breathed deep and looked up at the sky. The stars were shining brightly and the moon lit the path in front of him. Pulling a few dollars from his pocket, he went to get a Coke and some potato chips. The machine took his money but gave him nothing back in return. Giving it a swift kick, he turned and leaned back against the machine. He squinted as the area around him began to blur and grow dark. Suddenly dizzy, he rocked back on his feet. His knees gave out and he slowly slid down to the pavement, landing on his ass. Moaning, he shook his head, rubbed his eyes and blinked before looking out towards the road. There was something out there. His heart began to race. "What the hell?" he muttered as it slammed against his chest. Gasping, he called out. "Dean!" It came out as a croak as he lost all air. There was nothing, only dark and he slumped over, unaware of what was happening around him.

-xx-

Confusion and sadness overwhelmed Haven as she fell. Did she deserve this? All she'd wanted was to understand what was happening. All she'd needed was to talk to her father. She hit the cold, wet ground hard. Why had this happened? What was she going to do?

The loud scream piercing the air jolted her upright. What was that? There again. It was a call of pain; she recognized the sound. Standing on shaking legs, Haven walked towards the source of the noise. It rang in her ears, the man's screams were earth shaking. When she reached him, she knelt beside him. Such awful sorrow emanated from him. Her eyes welled with tears as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I will help you." Closing her eyes, she swept a hand over his forehead. "Shhh… I am here." His name was Sam, and he was dying inside. His soul was shriveled and tired. "Sam." Her fingers brushed through his hair as he continued to scream. "Sam," she whispered. He had been through so much, the scars were everywhere. He could not forgive himself for his sin. "You can be forgiven, Sam. All you have to do is ask." A song came to her, soft and sweet she hummed.

Slowly, he began to relax - his muscles unwinding, his heartbeat calming. He was in no condition to walk; Haven would have to seek help. "I must leave you." He whimpered pitifully. "I will come back with assistance." The name came to her. "Dean. I will go get Dean."

Standing, Haven concentrated on the face she had seen, the man named Dean. Her body swayed and shimmered, but she stayed where she was. Frowning, she tried again. Nothing. She should have been able to go right to him. Her powers were weakening. Looking around, she spotted the bright light just down the road. That must be it. Checking on Sam once more, she glanced about. She had nothing to protect him with. The light was not that far away, perhaps she could send out a call of distress. Closing her eyes tightly, she thought long and hard, picturing Dean she called to him, feeding him Sam's image.

She had no way of knowing if it worked. Sadness settled in the pit of her stomach. This was how it was to be. Abandoned, left alone with weakening powers. She wanted to let her sorrow overtake her. But she had to help the man first. Sitting next to him again, she touched his forehead and for the first time really looked at a human's face, not just their soul. He really was beautiful. She could see why her father loved them so much. His hair was soft and fell around his face, long eyelashes brushed against his cheeks. She wondered what his eyes looked like. Were they blue, green, or maybe brown? His lips were pink and full, no longer grimacing like when she first saw him, but relaxed in sleep. Looking down the road, she called again to Dean. It seemed easier this time while she was touching Sam.

Minutes later, lights shone brightly on them. She did not want Dean to see her, so she stood and ran away, hiding behind a tree. She watched as the car slid to a stop and Dean jumped out. "Sam!?" He checked Sam over and then awkwardly lifted him off the ground. He half carried half drug Sam to the car.

As they drove away, Haven found herself alone again and with nothing else to think about, she gave in to her grief.

She sat, leaning on the tree for days. She had nowhere to go. Her gown grew wet and dirty; her hair clung to her face and hung down in clumps. She was so tired… so very tired. She slept often. She knew she should get up, but she lacked the will. If she just stayed here, maybe they would come for her. That or maybe she would eventually just fade away.

But she didn't fade away, and no one came for her so there she stayed. If she only had something to live for, someone who needed her.