After Midnight

She could hear the hum of the engine, louder than usual. Of course it was only when she was on the brink of sleep that her brain decided to question the noise. That's not normal is it? The thought crept around in her mind, spreading itself out further, preventing her from falling into a careless slumber. Instead, panic began to rise within her, and she jumped to several conclusions at once. Had someone broken in? No, as wooden as those doors were, they'd always managed to keep out any dodgy creatures that had fancied themselves as thieves of the TARDIS. But something was up, they were hardly flying? Had the ship taken off itself without the Doctor's instruction? But that wasn't right either, it was far too smooth, not rocking about the place like it normally did when they were moving. She tried to tell herself that it was no different than the sounds she normally heard at night, but instinct told her otherwise. Two options presented themselves to her: stay in bed, let it pass, whatever it the noise was, it was probably perfectly mundane anyway, nothing to worry about. Or she could get up to investigate, get some peace of mind, and probably return to have a much better sleep in the long run anyway.

Donna's nosey-ness, or curiosity, as she liked to think of it, propelled her towards the console room, where the sound appeared to be coming from. Maybe the TARDIS was redecorating itself, it tended to do that from time to time, according to the Doctor. That would be no harm, she thought, she'd had quite enough of that bloody coral stuff. When she reached the room, she found it was occupied.

'What in God's name are you doing up at this time of night?' she asked, suddenly annoyed.

There was no danger or emergency, not even a new desktop background in progress, just a man fiddling about with his machine. She could've stayed in bed. He looked up from where he stood at the console, brainy specs in place. 'I was just trying to fix the chameleon circuit,' he said. 'Did I wake you?' he added, innocently. Donna said nothing, just folded her arms and appeared suitably unimpressed. 'Sorry,' he replied, looking back down at whatever it was he was doing.

'Is there any particular reason why you decided to do it now?'

'Yes, if I did it tomorrow you'd be all impatient and annoyed with me.'

'You mean more annoyed than I am now?'

'I was trying to be quiet, really, sorry,' he said, his voice almost defeated, surprising her.

Then something clicked.

Had she been fully alert she would've spotted it straight away. They'd only been to Midnight that very day, how could she have forgotten so quickly?

'I thought you liked the police box?'

'I do, but there's nothing wrong with a bit of variety,' he said, with less than half the amount of his usual vigour. 'Aren't you tired?' she asked, stepping further into the room, wrapping her dressing gown tightly around herself. She still wasn't impressed with the on board heating system. Sure, it was bigger on the inside and all that, but God it was draughty, especially in the control room. 'Timelords don't need as much sleep as humans,' he said, picking up some sort of instrument and examining it closely. 'Really, is that so?' Donna asked, without an ounce of sincerity. 'That's just your way of saying "I can't sleep," isn't it?'

'No,' he said, pocketing them. 'I could sleep, I just don't want to,' he added flippantly. She watched him as he tinkered with the controls.

Most of the time, she didn't know what he was doing, she had a basic understanding of how to fly the ship, but beyond that she was clueless. Many a time the Doctor stood finicking with things, which would caused the floor to light up, or make a special kind of coffee, or something madcap like that, but at the moment, it looked to Donna like the Doctor really wasn't doing anything at all; other than trying to look busy that was. She'd been a temp long enough to recognise the "pretend to be working when the boss comes around" method. She knew asking was futile, but found herself doing it anyway.

'Are you ok?'

'Yeah, why wouldn't be?' he said, his response just a little too quick and predictable.

'Because you're up in the middle of the night, trying to fix something that's been broken for centuries, not to mention that you don't even actually need it to work.'

He continued to move things about, the act appearing less and less convincing. He seemed to be constructing a reply, but it the time it was taking to formulate one, Donna spoke again. 'Is it Midnight?'

'No, it's much later than that, or earlier, depending on which time zone you're talking about, right now the TARDIS is set to-'

'Oh come on, don't be silly, you know what I mean,' she interrupted, stepping closer again, she was facing him, just to the left of the other side of the console from where he stood.

'What, the planet?' he asked, the attempt at a cheery voice abandoned. 'We sorted it didn't we, I got out, we told the resort, they shut the place down until further notice. Job well done I think, what else is there to say about it?'

Her eyes were on his, though he evaded hers, now only fidgeting with what was before him. She let his words hang in the air for a moment, before speaking herself.

'It's ok not to be alright Doctor, you don't have to keep the chirpy chap act up all the time,' she said, her tone gentle.

'It's not an act, I'm fine. You should go back to bed,' he said abruptly. He took out the sonic screwdriver and scanned the dashboard, then pretended to listen to whatever results the tool produced. Donna sighed to herself, part of her was tempted to do as he said, if he was going to be that way then why bother? But the rest of her knew better. He was a heavily guarded person, his attitude was hardly surprising. Why would he open up to her about the likes of this when he didn't even share something as basic as his name?

'You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It happens, even to you. There's nothing wrong with someone else having to pull you out of trouble every now and then. It doesn't make you weak if that'd what you were thinking.' He lowered the sonic slowly, troubled eyes still not meeting hers. 'That's not it,' he said, his voice quiet. 'Then what is it? Tell me,' she insisted. He looked at her, then away again, putting the sonic back in his pocket. 'I don't know,' he said, thinking about it. 'It's never been like that before, I knew what was about to happen but there was nothing I could do to stop it. If it wasn't for that hostess...' he paused, staring ahead, at something only his mind's eye could see. 'And you, you would've been stranded on another planet, lightyears from home and out of your own time-'

'But that didn't happen, we're both still here aren't we?'

He now turned his gaze on her, as if he'd only just realised she was there. 'I know, but I can't stop thinking about it.' The sound of the TARDIS was different Donna noticed. It was almost mournful, probably picking up on what its pilot was feeling. 'It's not been the first time that I thought that was all over, but it was...different. They weren't daleks or monsters, or anything else that's programmed to hate, they were just people. Ordinary human beings.'

'Yeah, you like to go on about how great we are, but we can get pretty ugly, but you the Earth's history, you already know that,' Donna said. 'I should've gone with you, they wouldn't have ganged up on you like that-'

'It's ok, it wasn't your fault, it happens, like you said. Besides, the hostess was there; I owe my life to her and I didn't even know her name. Nobody did.'

That made Donna smile slightly.

'Do you ever wonder how many species in the universe say that about you?' His eyes met hers and he smirked slightly. He turned and walked towards the small makeshift couch that always reminded Donna of the backseat of a vintage car. He placed his face in his hands for a moment, ran his fingers through his hair as Donna paced up to the other side and of the console where he had been and leaned against it. 'That's all well and good, to be the one who's always saving people, if it's for the right reasons,' he said.

'And your reasons are the wrong ones?'

'I don't know sometimes, I really don't,' he admitted, sighing. 'Well I think they are,' she replied, she sat down next to him, fatigue that she'd forgotten about returning to her. 'I mean, you don't stick around expecting a fan fare do you? You just get on with it, disappear as soon as you're not needed and carry on to the next place.'

'Yeah but, sometimes I really don't want to. I just want to stop, maybe park on a cloud somewhere and just...be. Let the world tick by, the worlds, all of them, let everything just go along without me,' he told her, his voice low and heavy, his eyes reflecting the weight that he lifted beyond them. 'But I don't, I can't.'

'Why not? What's stopping you?'

He shrugged. 'If I'm not out there, helping people, then why am I still here? What's the point of me?' he asked. She got the impression this thought hadn't just sprung out of nowhere, the way he spoke, his choice of words, they left the impression that he'd had this on his mind for quite some time.

'There's no "point" to any of us. We're all just here, living. Why should you be any different?'

Again he gave a small shrug. 'I've done things that I need to make up for, but no matter what I do it's never enough. It can't undo what's already happened.'

'Eh, you listen to me,' Donna said, firmly taking his hand in hers. 'You've done more than enough for every planet we've been on out there, and that's only when I've been around. And I know I wasn't there, I don't know the details, but I know you. If there had been any other choice in that war you would've taken it; I've no doubt about that. Not one, alright?'

He raised his head slightly, nodding, sad eyes meeting hers. He swallowed, giving her hand a slight squeeze. 'Oh, where would I be without you Donna?' he asked jokingly. 'Moping about on a cloud somewhere,' she replied, causing the corners of his mouth to lift.

'We should go somewhere nice for a change,' she suggested, causing him to look up with the tiniest of frowns on his face. 'Oh you know what I mean, somewhere chilled easy going, we can have a bit of a holiday.'

'Wasn't that the plan for Midnight?'

'Well yeah but, the problem there was that let you wander off on your own, I'm not doing that again,' she said, letting go of his hand in order to point accusingly at him. That even produced a small snigger though his eyes reverted to their sad state immediately afterwards.

'So where do you want to go spaceman? Anywhere in the universe, any when?' she asked, relishing the chance to say the tantalising words for once instead of being on the receiving end. He shook his head, saying, 'I don't know,' with a sigh. 'Well this is a first, I can normally never get you to shut up about all the places you want to show me. There's got to be somewhere.' He continued to stare ahead into space, whether he was coming up with somewhere or not she didn't know. 'There's only one place I want to go right now,' he said, thickly. 'And where's that?' He said nothing for a long time, just gazed ahead of himself, apparently thinking of how best to explain.

'Home,' he said, looking more miserable then she'd ever seen him. 'I just want to go home.'

Donna knew that words would not suffice in this instance, and so responded in the only appropriate way she knew how, by pulling her friend into a hug. She was as surprised, as she had been earlier that day, by how tightly he hugged back. This time he lowered his head to her shoulder, and it took Donna a few moments to realise he was crying. It was only the sudden wetness caused by his tears that alerted her to this, as he made almost no noise, at least at first; then a few quiet sobs managed to escape. She held him close to her, wondering how long he'd kept it all bottled up for. Soon he raised his head and pulled back from her, wiping his eyes. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,' he said, looking just a little embarrassed as he searched his pockets. 'Don't be ridiculous,' she replied, pulling a fresh tissue from her robe and handing it to him. He thanked her and blew his nose, then stowed the tissue away. He took at moment to regain his composure, then spoke. 'I just miss it sometimes,' he said, his voice wavering a little. 'How it used to be; before...'

He spoke, and she listened, hearing far more about Gallifrey and the Doctor's family than she ever had before. She had no concept of time as it flew by, and the night was surely well gone by the time they decided to head their separate ways. At least they had the advantage of living in time machine, the Doctor noted when they began making their way up to their respective bedrooms, it could be night for as long as they wanted. They hugged goodnight, the Doctor kissing Donna's cheek before she turned from him and headed for her own door. She was a few steps away when he called her name.

'Donna?'

She turned on cue and looked back at him.

'I'm so glad you came looking for me again.'

'Me and all Spaceman, good thing I found you.'

He smiled, she returned a mischievous grin. They exchanged "goonight's" again and Donna walked further.

She retreated behind her bedroom door, reassured that the Doctor was relatively ok again, now that he'd actually talked about something instead of just rabbiting away about facts and figures for once. Her own thoughts were reaffirmed too, it was right that she was here, not just because there was nothing for her at home, but because the Doctor clearly needed someone around him, and particularly someone who wouldn't make things complicated by doing the unimaginable and falling in love with him. There was no danger of that from Donna Noble, she was here for the long haul, and God help anyone who tried to separate the pair of them.