I forgot my disclaimer last time, whoops.

Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT or any of it's characters, I just write things.

ASnowFern asked: "How much time has passed since the ogre incident? I'm really interested to know how she got out alive and if she managed to save her dad…"

Not very much time passed. Her escape is partly why she's inc shock and traumatized.

"And how long was Zelena under the guise of Lena? Got a little confused with the time skips!"

Zelena was "Lena" for almost six months. Sorry about the confusion. I had to do the time skips because I already knew this arc would be a long one, and this was a way for me to move the story forward without bogging things down with every little detail. Especially since I know all of you cannot wait for the CS reunion.

"Hope to get a little more insight on August though. Is he going to seek out Zelena? Try to get an answer? He and Grace have to be Zelena's redemption. A reminder that when she was good, people liked her and that she was more than the wicked witch."

We'll get some of August in this chapter for sure. As for going after her, well, we'll see lol.

RoseCourt 13 asked: "How often do you update? I never pay attention. How many more chapters will it take for Emma and Henry to remember? Will Killian still go to NY?"

I've answered same/similar questions in the author's notes before.

"Is this story almost done? Will the sequel start right after this one ends?"

I feel like you're trying to get rid of me lol. It's got the Wicked Arc to go after this and then the Sequel starts some time later. I think maybe a year after the end of BSMH…

Data Girl 3 asked: "Though I am confused about Belle. Wasn't she cornered by an ogre last chapter? How'd she get away?"

She wasn't really cornered. The ogre was going for them and it could've been stalled and they could've run lol. She got away because she wasn't alone tbh.

emki laila asked: "love this a lot but how many more chapters till storybrooke?"

I've answered this before in the last chapter, but we've not longer to go. We're shifting gears and getting closer, I promise.

"and will Ariel have an important role in the next chapters?"

Yes she will. I adore Ariel so much and I'm excited to get her involved.

"will anyone discover that rumpel is still alive before storybrooke?"

I think so lol.

Crazykblade asked: "How much longer until Hook and Emma are reunited? I can't take much longer of the wait."

I answered this before, but I promise the wait is only so long because I have a lot going on in my life and I'm not writing as much as I should, but I'm trying lol.

maya09 asked: "Extra Snowing babies?"

Shrugs.

tayaboo 72 asked: "Does Killian know that Jack is his Uncle? I didn't get that in the chapter."

Oh, I love Killian, but he is Jon Snow.

Yessenia400 asked: "I loved the scene with Regina and Robin. Will you wait until they go back to Storybrooke to make them a couple?"

They will feel a connection.

"I am glad Emma is still wary of Walsh. Will Walsh take more drastic measures to enter Emma's and Henry's lives?"

I'm trying to do as little of Walsh as possible. I really only brought him in because he has an important moment when CS reunites.

"Will August open up to someone about his feeling for Zelena?"

There is a scene concerning that yes.

"Will the curse and the return to Storybrooke be because they need Emma's help or do you have a different plan?"

Well, they're all on the Emma is the Savior mindset.

TinaBM91 asked: "Anyways, I know you've said that Buttercup and Weastly aren't Killian's parents but are they related to him? Oh and how come Killian has magic and not Liam?"

Sequel spoilers….maybe lol ;)

So yeah there is a lot of emotional stuff going on in this chapter so please don't hate me.

FYI all of my fics are updating today, and I've finally posted to AO3. All fics on AO3 will be caught up except BSMH. If you want to re-read BSMH without being overwhelmed, you can check it out there. Also please feel free to read my other fanfics on here (all Captain Swan all the time) and my new fic Not This Again! which will be posted soon.

Also happy birthday to Jennifer Morrison!

Enjoy and please review!

Chapter 95: Suffering

It was like waking up from a nightmare. Slowly she came to awareness. For a moment, there was peace as she stared at nothing in front of her. She was in a room. It was vaguely familiar. Why was she here? Where was she? What happened?

Then it all came back. Every horrifying detail surfaced, forever burned into Belle's brain.

She closed her eyes, but the memories forced themselves to the surface.

Mounting her horse, running with that couple, the ogre on their tail, the screams. There was nothing that she could've done. The ogre…all she had was a dagger…there wasn't…she couldn't…there was nothing she could do. It was all her fault.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she gripped her head. Shut up, go away. Her body began to shake. I don't want to remember. A sob escape her lips. My fault, all my fault. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The memories assaulted her, the screams echoed in her ears, the blood stained her eyes, that coppery smell made her gag. It was too much.

"Stop it!" She screamed at her brain. "Stop it!" Her fingers tightened in her hair, pulling at the knotted strands. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

It wouldn't stop. Make it stop. Why won't it stop?

"Belle?" There was a voice, it was familiar, she ignored it.

Make the screaming stop.

"Belle, stop." Someone was trying to take her hands.

Panic seized her, consuming every ounce of her being. It was an attack. It had come for her. Belle heard a scream and fought back, unseeing. There were only the images in her head. Only the ogre. Only the images of that couple being torn to pieces as the ogre caught up with them. She had turned back to look. The ogre's empty eyes met her own. They were souls abysses that shake her to her very core. She wanted to scream. Someone else was screaming.

"Stop." Another voice sounded clear and harsh. Different from the first.

How could she stop? She was fighting for her life!

The struggle continued.

More hands grabbed at her.

The screaming grew louder, more desperate.

Whoever was screaming needed help. Help Belle couldn't provide. Not when she had her own life to fight for.

More voices.

Who's screaming? Stop the screaming. Help them.

Then there was darkness.

Regina, Snow, David, and Ruby stood over Belle's bedside, watching as Regina put the traumatized young woman into a magically induced sleep.

"What the hell happened to her?" Ruby demanded.

"I wish I knew." Regina sighed, her heart aching for her friend. This was the first time since her return that Belle had been responsive to anyone. It wasn't exactly the progress they had all been hoping for. She turned to Snow. "Are you all right?"

It was Snow who had come to check on Belle, only to find her muttering to herself, trying to rip her hair out. When Snow tried to stop her, Belle attacked. Ruby had heard the struggle from another room and had grabbed David to help. When he still hadn't calmed her, Ruby hurried to get Regina.

"I'm fine." Snow breathed, a little shaken. "I just was surprised. I didn't expect her to attack like that."

"I certainly didn't expect the screaming." Ruby grimaced. "You'd think we were trying to murder her."

It was very un-Belle like behavior and all it did was worry them all the more.

David's brow was pinched. "Regina, is there anyway to find out what happened?"

"There are some things that I could try." Regina looked uncomfortable. "I'd rather have her consent, or better yet, have her heal first. Forcing her trauma out of her might just make things worse."

They definitely didn't want to risk that.

"We'll just have to help her as best we can then." Snow said. "Just as we've been doing."

"Okay, but what happens when she wakes up and attacks someone again?" Ruby asked. "We can't just keep forcing her back into sleep. She'll never heal at that rate."

Ruby had a point, but there wasn't really much else they could do. It was up to Belle to snap out of it, and they would help to the best of their abilities.

What happened next was up to Belle.

Jefferson cricked his neck.

He'd fallen asleep in an armchair last night. It wasn't intentional, but sleep wasn't easy as of late. He and Ruby talked about it, and it came down to his worries over the Wicked Witch, Zelena, Lena, whatever she was going by now.

That woman had managed to worm her way into their lives for months without any of them suspecting anything; he hated to say that, but if only they introduced her to Regina sooner. It surprised him that Regina and Lena had never crossed paths, but it made sense when Lena likely actively avoided Regina and Regina, who, granted was busy, would've never looked twice at such a plain disguise.

Still, it only made them feel like fools. Himself, particularly. How many times had he and Ruby left Grace alone with Lena? Too many to count, that was for sure. Grace had grown fond of Lena too. It was still hard for her to believe that Lena was all bad. Jefferson was terrified that Zelena would figure that out and use that to her advantage. Grace was still just a kid; she deserved to be a kid and not be used as a means to an end.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. All he could really do was protect Grace; he hoped that Grace wouldn't go off on her own either. The older she got, the more independent she became. She reminded him more and more of her mother...

Jefferson came to an abrupt stop when he noticed a sullen looking August looking out the window. That was a common sight as of late, but Jefferson had yet to ask August what was wrong, or rather confirm his suspicions about why August was so down lately. He walked over to the other man. "How's it going?"

August snapped his head towards Jefferson in surprise. "Oh, um, it's okay. The usual, you know?"

Jefferson arched a brow. "Ah yes, staring out into space is the new hip past time."

"You sound older than me when you talk like that." August huffed.

"Technically, if we count the curse, I am older than you." Jefferson said. "Though I am very fortunate that you will age long before I will."

August chuckled. "At least you realize that. Killian refers to me as his "little brother" and I'm five years older than him if we're talking physical age."

"Killian is older than everyone." Jefferson grinned. "He's the oldest man alive, and he will still age before I do."

"Yeah, but at least he will age gracefully." August remarked.

"Hey!" Jefferson protested. "I am very good looking, you know?"

August laughed a little too hard at that.

"Bastard." Jefferson huffed, lightly smacking August on the back of his head.

"Ow." August said in fake pain, though he was still smiling.

"Good, now that your mood has improved, it's time to bring it back down." Jefferson said. "You've been brooding a lot lately, so what's up?"

August shrugged, his expression souring.

"Come on, man." Jefferson bumped August's arm. "We're all bummed out lately, might as well be that way together."

"It's nothing." August said.

"You do know that the phrases "It's nothing" and "I'm fine" are the two most popular phrases in the category of words that mean the opposite of how a person is actually feeling, right?"

August was not amused.

"Look, I'm just saying that you can talk to me." Jefferson told him.

The other man seemed to debate with himself, before sighing. "I just…I feel like such an idiot. I feel like I should've known that Lena wasn't who she said she was."

"Hey, she fooled all of us." Jefferson said. "That's not on you."

"It still feels like…" August threw an exasperated hand up. "It feels like I've been punched in the gut and then had my guts ripped out and stomped on."

Jefferson blinked. "Graphic."

That earned a glare from August.

Jefferson raised his hands in surrender. "Sorry, continue."

"There's not much else to say." August said. "That's how I feel."

"Have you thought about why you feel that way?" Jefferson prodded, though he already had an idea about why.

August said nothing at first, but he clearly knew what was really bothering him. "Lena and I were friends. We were getting close…and she was lying to me the whole time."

Jefferson nodded in sympathy. "You're still trying to process it, aren't you?"

"Yeah." August sighed. "I just want to know if it was all just a lie for her. I've lied to people my whole life about who I was, because I grew up in a world where people thought I was fictional. More and more, I couldn't tell the difference between a truth and a lie. You don't spend months in people's lives and not get attached. Unless she's a sociopath, but she could be. Because we don't know her. Everything could've been a lie. I just want to know."

"You want to know her side of things?" Jefferson suggested. "Why she lied, why she kept lying, why she broke cover?"

"There's just something that doesn't make any sense." August sounded frustrated as though he'd been going over all of this in his head a lot since the truth had come out.

Jefferson wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, but shrugged it off as August looking for answers that weren't there. "You lost someone you cared about. It's okay to try and figure out why."

"She wasn't just a friend." August's face turned red as he realized exactly what he said. "I mean, she was a friend, just a friend."

"You had feelings for her." Jefferson stated. "I figured as much."

August's face grew redder.

"Hey, it's okay." Jefferson reassured.

"How is it okay?" August asked him. "She betrayed all of us."

"It's okay because you can't help how you feel." Jefferson said. "Look, we don't know how much of who Lena was was a lie and how much was the truth. But you knew a version of a person. You grew close to that person, and it's natural that you developed feelings for her. That's not something to be ashamed of. You were the one who was betrayed and had your heart crushed."

August turned away, surreptitiously swallowing at the lump in his throat. It wasn't until Jefferson pointed it all out to him that he realized how deep his feelings for Lena went. He had fallen in love with her, and had been totally blindsided by it.

Oh God, He thought, a shock running through his system. I'm in love with her.

He was in love with the Wicked Witch, or at least a part of her, or who he thought she was.

Holy crap, how screwed was he?

"August?" Jefferson looked worried. "You turned into a marshmallow just now, are you okay?"

August could only nod numbly, still reeling from the revelation. "Yeah, I'm…I'm okay."

Jefferson didn't look to sure about that.

"I'll be good." August reassured.

Though he was still not convinced, Jefferson let it go for now.

"Thanks for the talk." August said.

"Any time." Jefferson said. "You want to talk about anything, well, I'm around."

August managed a small smile. "I know. I should get back to work. Papa will be wondering where I went off to."

Jefferson nodded. "Look, about the Lena thing. I won't tell anyone, but you shouldn't have to feel ashamed about how you feel. If Lena was really playing you the whole time, it's her loss. Got it?"

"Got it." August said. "Thanks, man."

Jefferson watched August walk away, worried for his friend. He hoped that August would heal with time. But it did make him wonder: how much of Lena was real and how much was the Wicked Witch's ploy?

Was it all just an act? Or was it something else altogether?

Jefferson sighed. He probably wouldn't figure it out any time soon. He'd dwell on it later. Now, he had to find Regina and ask her where she was on that protection spell.

Regardless of Lena's genuineness, the people in this castle needed to be protected from her.

There wasn't much for her to do other than hang out with the other kids, but Grace didn't feel like it. She had spent some time with the other kids, but they weren't really her friends. Ava and Nick still wrote to her, but it wasn't the same, and it sounded like they were as bored as she was; they missed Henry just as much as she did too.

She thought that she had found a friend in Lena, but now Grace wasn't so sure. Everyone was saying now that Lena had been the Wicked Witch all along. That just didn't seem to mesh with what Grace knew of Lena. Lena was the furthest thing from an evil witch. Then again, that was probably intentional. Honestly, Grace didn't know what to believe anymore.

All she did know was that she missed Lena. Maybe it was stupid, but Lena had felt like someone that she could talk to. Sure, she had her parents, but they always worried too much. Lena was someone that she could talk to without judgement. Lena listened.

Maybe Grace was just being a stupid kid. After all, she should've realized that the flying monkeys were connected to the Wicked Witch and Lena telling them off should of been a red alert.

"Hey, Pupper." Ruby appeared by her side. Her hand went to Grace's hair, tucking the loose strands behind her. "You look like you have a lot on your mind."

"I'm okay." Grace lied, looking away from her mother.

Ruby didn't believe her for a second. "Maybe you are thinking about a friend? One you lost recently?" It hadn't escaped her notice, or Jefferson's for that matter, that Grace had looked up to Lena and befriended the witch these past months.

Grace shrugged in answer.

Ruby put an arm around Grace and pulled her close. "It's okay to feel sad that you lost a friend."

"But she's evil, isn't she?" Grace asked.

"But you didn't know that." Ruby told her. "None of us did. That doesn't make you stupid or naive, it just means that she was a really good actress."

Grace huffed. "I wish I never met her. I just feel so stupid. I'm just a stupid kid."

"Let me tell you something," Ruby said gently. "The people that you meet in life will always have an impact on you, no matter how big or small. Sometimes the impact is good, sometimes it's bad, but in the end, those interactions shape who you are. Maybe Zelena was lying the whole time, maybe she wasn't, but the important thing is that you shouldn't let her actions define you and define the way you think about yourself. Only you can define yourself. Okay?"

The girl absorbed her mother's words, amazed at how someone else's words could change her perspective. Maybe she was right; maybe Grace was letting someone else control her perceptions with that negative thinking she'd been doing. "Do you really believe that?"

"When I wasn't that much older than you, I struggled with myself." Ruby said. "I thought that I had to choose to be human, like Granny did, or choose to be a wolf, like my mother. What I learned was that Granny was just trying to protect me, and that my mother was too…controlled by her wolf. I decided not to let either of their decisions define me, and I chose to be both. I am the human and the wolf. Together, in harmony, neither controls the other, and nothing controls me."

Grace never thought about her mother's struggle with her wolf. She always thought that the fact that her mother could change into a wolf was awesome, but apparently it had it's own drawbacks. "So, what you're saying is that I should learn from how others act and choose how to define myself? Find my own path?"

"I'm saying that Zelena had an effect on you." Ruby clarified. "How her influence effects you is up to you, and not anyone else."

Grace nodded silently.

"Also, I don't ever want to hear you say that you're stupid again, okay?"

"Okay, mom." Grace leaned her head on Ruby's shoulder. "Thanks for the talk."

Ruby's heart filled with warmth. "That's what moms are for." She hugged Grace tighter. "I love you."

Grace smiled. "I love you too."

And just like that, Grace finally felt like everything was going to be okay.

Killian's arms were getting tired, but Liam was being finicky about falling asleep tonight. It amazed Killian how big his son had grown.

Liam had been such a tiny thing when he had been born; soon enough, he'd be walking and talking in words instead of his baby babble.

It both warmed his heart and made it ache. He was excited to have all of these firsts with Liam, but at the same time, he wasn't ready for his son to grow up. Especially without Emma.

The boy babbled away as Killian walked the length of the deck, trying to rock Liam to sleep. It amused Killian how Liam kept pointing up at the stars, and Killian wondered if that baby babbling was him trying to tell his own stories about the lights in the sky.

"You like the stars, don't you my boy?" Killian said softly, hoping that his soothing voice would help lull the baby to sleep. "See, there's Sagittarius, there's Aquila, and ah, yes, a personal favorite. That one right up there is Cygnus. Cygnus is the swan."

Liam giggled.

"Your mummy's a swan." Killian said. "Not literally, but she's just as fierce and loyal as one. Believe you me."

The baby gurgled, looking in the direction where Killian was pointing.

Killian smiled sadly. "Your mummy loves you so much."

Blue eyes turned back to look at Killian.

Gods, but Liam looked just like him. All blue eyes and dark hair. Though his expressions were Emma. He had her pout and her smile, and gods, did he ever have her glare whenever he was grumpy. "You remind me of her." Killian told him. "I think the older you get, the more of her personality I see. That's a good thing. She's an amazing woman with a fantastic capacity for compassion and love. You should be proud to be her son."

Liam looked back up at the sky and pointed.

Killian chuckled. "Well, I supposed it's never too early to teach you the stars. Let's start with Cygnus, shall we?" Killian began enthralling the boy with the stories behind the constellations; the mythology that defined them.

Liam watched his father speak and gesture, captivated by his father's steady voice that soon enough lulled him off into dreamland.

As his son drifted off to sleep, Killian began to softly sing in place of continuing his stories about the stars. He figured anything to do with his voice eventually put Liam to sleep. As he sang a song from the Land Without Magic, one of Emma's favorites, he looked up at the sky and wishing there was a shooting star that he could wish on.

His wish being that a portal or some way to Emma and Henry would magically appear.

Unfortunately, there were no shooting stars in the sky this night.

The night loomed over the castle, even as the torches of guards lit the grounds like fireflies. Aurora watched them from a high, narrow walkway. There was nearly total darkness up here; not even the moon filtered through the clouds.

It was a perfect little spot for a clandestine meeting.

Not that Aurora wanted to be here. She should be asleep and in bed with Mulan; she should be falling asleep to the even breathing of her daughter in her cot. Instead, she was waiting for a wicked woman, who was eager for Aurora to betray her allies.

How could she not though? Zelena had threatened Diana and Mulan. If any happened to either of them, Aurora couldn't live with that. Her family was the most important thing to her. She couldn't risk them being hurt when she could prevent it.

There had to be a way to appease Zelena and protect those that she loved and cared about.

"Good evening."

Aurora jumped, and turned to glare at Zelena. "Do you ever just have a normal entrance?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Zelena asked with a smirk. She very clearly delighted in torturing Aurora.

"Can we get this over with?" Aurora snapped.

"Testy, testy." Zelena tutted. "Do you have anything for me, pet?"

Aurora glared at her. "I'm not your pet. I'm the person you're tormenting into helping you."

"Semantics." Zelena shrugged. "Now, news?"

The princess clenched her teeth and balled her fists. This witch really didn't give a damn about the position she had forced Aurora into. Didn't she at all understand how hard it was for Aurora to choose between protecting her loved ones and betraying her friends?

"Well, speak." Zelena demanded, growing impatient. "You're the one who wanted to "get this over with" yet you're not giving me what I want."

"Regina's working on a spell." Aurora told her. "One that will keep you and your monkeys out."

"Oh, she can try." Zelena smirked. "Is that all?"

"No one knows what you're planning." Aurora said. "Not even me, so you have that working for you. Everyone is trying to figure it out though."

"I doubt they'll succeed." Zelena said. "I never gave myself away."

"No, but you did expose yourself." Aurora said. "Why do that? You had an in with everyone and then you set a fire? Why?"

Zelena's eyes blazed. "That was not me! That was someone else!"

"There were witnesses." Aurora reminded her.

"They were liars." Zelena snarled.

Aurora wasn't certain about that. After all, Zelena was the biggest liar of them all and had proven to be a terrible person. Aurora standing here as Zelena's spy and terrified of what Zelena was capable of was proof that Zelena probably wasn't the most honest or trustworthy person.

Zelena took a few deep breaths to calm herself. It seemed everyone believed those liars about the fire. Everyone had assumed the worst of her. As usual. Well fine then! They wanted her to be evil, then why shouldn't she be evil? Ever since she was young, her adopted father had called her wicked, so perhaps she was born this way. It couldn't be helped; she was apparently destined for a path towards evil. Oh yes, evil I will be. After all, I don't matter. I'm just the villain of this story.

"Are we done here?" Aurora asked.

No, they weren't. Zelena needed to ask Aurora about the ingredients for the time travel spell without cluing the princess in on her plot. "Who do you think is the most courageous of your allies?"

Aurora didn't know why she'd ask that, but if answering Zelena hurried this along, she'd tell her whatever she needed to here. She thought MUlan was brave, but if her answer put anyone in the line of fire, Aurora didn't want it to be Mulan. Unfortunately, all of the other answers that she could come up with were friends and she didn't want them hurt either. "A lot of people are brave." She finally settled on that for her answer. "Courage is widespread during times of adversity."

Zelena held back an eye-roll. "Who shows the most bravery do you think? Prince David, Robin Hood, Snow White who would be queen, the not so evil anymore queen, your Mulan? The possibilities seem endless, don't you think?" They were to her at least. She had spent months getting to know everyone and many of them seemed courageous and resilient and none of them seemed to have the wisdom that she needed for her spell.

If she wanted a specific answer, Aurora was at a loss as to what to say. She didn't want anyone to be in danger.

When it was clear that Aurora wasn't going to answer, Zelena asked another question. "How's Snow's pregnancy fairing?"

Aurora narrowed her eyes. "Why do you want to know?"

"Mere curiosity." Zelena said, hoping to cover up her true interest in the baby. She was more certain than ever that a baby born of True Love was pure innocence and as soon as the baby was born, Zelena was going to take it away. But she needed the other three ingredients before then. The spell had to be ready before she got the baby.

"She and child are doing well." Aurora said diplomatically.

"Is that all?" Zelena prodded.

There was definitely more to Zelena's questioning than she was letting on.

"Yes." Aurora said. "The baby seems healthy, and Snow is excited."

Zelena merely nodded. "All right then. Keep your eyes and ears open, pet. I'll be wanting more news soon, and do yourself a favor, give me more in depth answers next time. Who knows what I might do if I'm unsatisfied."

After Zelena disappeared in a cloud of emerald smoke, Aurora vented her frustration by stomping her foot. It was childlike, perhaps, but it's not like she could kick or hit the brick walls around her.

She didn't know what Zelena's endgame was, but right then and there, Aurora decided that she was going to learn more and find out for herself. Zelena might think that she could just use Aurora as she pleased, but Aurora wasn't going to just lie back and take it. She was going to figure out the witch's plan and she was going to figure out how to take her down.

That was a promise.

Something was going to happen soon. Emma wasn't sure what exactly, but she could feel the anticipation thrumming under her skin like a live-wire. It was irritating the hell out of her and she wished that this feeling would just go away.

There had to be something that she could do to get rid of this energy.

Her dreams weren't helping either. They were changing. It wasn't just her pirate anymore, but the other fairytale characters kept popping in.

Last night's dream was particularly vivid.

She and her pirate were on a ship, the day bright and sunny. Henry had been running around the deck excitedly. Emma herself was rocking a baby in her arms. Then the others appeared. They surrounded her, separating her from her pirate and Henry, begging for her help. They called her the Savior. Then the skies darkened and the seas became rough, and someone cackled.

Then everyone disappeared. Even the baby in her arms.

She was all alone in the darkness.

That alone forced her to wake up shaking in the middle of the night with tears streaming down her face. Her lungs heaved with pain as she recalled the nightmare and the old hurts of her life that it brought back to the surface.

Even now, as she sat behind her desk looking over her newest case, she spoke with the effort to hold in her emotions. Emotions that were clawing at her heart, begging for release.

Between her ragged emotions and this new feeling of anticipation that the morning had brought, Emma had no idea how she was even functioning. She couldn't breathe properly, sitting stiff in her chair, hoping no one would notice her. She needed to focus on work, but the struggle to concentrate on the words before her was real.

It was too much to handle. She needed to get out of here; she needed to breathe again, but she couldn't. It was her job, and she had responsibilities. Emma just had to suck it up no matter what. No matter how much her heart ached. No matter how much she just wanted to run and never stop.

Emma put a hand over her eyes, feeling too overwhelmed.

A memory flashed through her mind unbidden.

The harbor wasn't one she knew, but it was familiar.

She was sitting on a concrete wall overlooking the ocean, the sun behind the clouds, keeping the spring day cool. Her hands caressed the small bump that was growing inside of her.

"Figured I'd find you here." His voice was soft with laughter, but it was far from mocking.

She turned to face him, a small smile pulling at her lips.

His blue eyes glowed with love, but were shadowed by worry as he joined her on the wall. His hair was longer, curling below his ears. He'd need a haircut soon. Even as she thought it, she reached out to run a hand through his dark locks. It always amazed her how soft his hair was.

He reached out for her other hand and brought it to his lips. His kiss was gentle against her skin.

His love for her really did make her ache deep in her soul. No one had ever loved her like he did, and it still amazed her that she found him. The little lost girl, who no one had loved or wanted, had finally found her home.

"What's wrong, love?" He asked, pulling her close. His hand fell to the swell of her stomach, gently cradling the home of their child.

"It's just overwhelming." Emma sighed, leaning into him. "Mary Margaret, Snow, just has a whole list of things that we need to get for the baby or do for the baby, and it's just too much." Just as it was still too much to believe that her parents were Snow White and Prince Charming, that her entire family was made up of fairytale characters, that she had magic and was the Savior. Her entire life had changed so much, that there were still many times she found herself reeling from everything.

"She's definitely over the top." Killian chuckled.

Emma burrowed her face into his neck. "I know that she's my mother and she's doing what she thinks she has to, but I'm just not used to all of this attention. I don't know how to be a daughter, and when it comes to the baby I just feel protective. Like she's encroaching on my territory, but then I feel like shit, because I know she was robbed of the chance to raise me."

"Hey now," Killian gently chided, kissing the top of her head. "There's absolutely no reason to feel bad just because of how things turned out. Neither you nor your parents had much of a choice in the matter. Besides, I understand being protective of the baby. Your the mummy, and you feel like Snow is trying to step on your toes. Though that's not her intention, you can't help how you feel."

"Still makes me a terrible daughter." Emma sighed.

"Oh my Swan, you're not a terrible daughter." Killian reassured. "You are a wonderful, compassionate person who has survived more than someone has ever had to endure."

Emma scoffed. "I think you've suffered a lot more than me." The horror stories of his childhood sometimes haunted Emma more than her own terrible childhood did.

Killian sighed. "That's neither here nor there. My point is, you have every right to feel the feelings that you feel. You are only human."

"You're always so forgiving of my outbursts." She mumbled against his skin.

"I love you, Emma." Killian said. "I've waited my whole life for you, so I think I can handle anything you throw at me."

Emma chuckled softly, pulling away to look into his eyes. "I really don't deserve you."

"I can argue that all day." He teased.

She cupped his face in her hands. "I really love you too, you know?"

"I know." He leaned into her touch.

They met for a light kiss that held all of the promises that Emma never dared dream would come true.

Coming back to herself, reeling from the memory, it had to be a memory, it was too vivid, to specific to be otherwise, Emma shook herself. She had no idea where such a memory had come from, but the love from that man, the love that she felt from that man, was all so real.

Pain lacerated through her heart and with shock, Emma realized that tears were covering her face. Hoping that no one saw her, Emma rushed to the restroom and locked the door behind her. She went over to the sink and she couldn't recognize the heartbroken woman in front of her.

Why was this happening to her? Why now when she wasn't even sure if the life she knew was even real? Everything was so off kilter. Nothing felt steady anymore, not even Henry's constant presence.

Her whole world was crumbling down around her and she couldn't even figure out why. She just wanted answers as to why she was having these dreams and memories that shouldn't have been real. She wanted to know why her whole life felt like a lie.

Her jaw clenched as determination flashed in her eyes.

It was time to dig deeper into her past and find out what had happened back in December. It was time to find out the truth of her and Henry's lives.

Robin found himself in the library, trying to rid himself of the restless energy that thrummed under his skin.

Roland was sleeping soundly in the room he and Robin occupied with Granny being kind enough to watch over him.

Robin wished that he could rest, but there was much going on. The flying monkeys were growing more aggressive and Regina had yet to produce the protection spell. David had told him that Regina didn't want to make any mistakes and she wanted to be sure that the Wicked Witch could not break through the barrier. Apparently, such an intricate spell took time. He just hoped that it didn't take too much longer.

The Wicked Witch could attack at any moment.

He just couldn't sit on his hand; there had to be something that he could do.

"Your frustrated vibes are distracting." Regina's voice startled him.

He turned to find her sitting in an armchair that was tucked away behind some shelves.

A large leather-bound book was in her lap and and she looked tired. More often than not, she was cooped up in this doing her research. It wasn't exactly a healthy way to live.

Though why he cared bothered him more than he cared to admit. "You're up late."

"I don't sleep much anymore." Regina said flatly.

That admission disturbed him. "Sleep is a wonderful thing, haven't you heard?"

His snark surprisingly got a small smile from her.

"If sleep is so wonderful, why are you here?" Regina asked.

"Well, it seems sleep and I aren't being very amicable tonight." Robin shrugged, having no other explanation.

"That, I understand." Regina sighed. She set the book on the small table beside her. Standing up, she stretched her limbs.

Robin looked away out of respect. It wasn't gentlemanly to ogle at a lady.

"Since neither of us can sleep, and I need to get out of this library, how about we go for a walk?" She offered.

Robin agreed and they left the library in silence. Neither spoke as they walked through the halls of the castle, and while Robin had no clear destination in mind, Regina certainly seemed to.

It wasn't long before they reached the doors and walked out into the crisp night air.

Regina sighed, taking in a deep breath of fresh air.

Robin watched her carefully. It seemed that being outside washed away her air of tiredness and made her seem more youthful. Her pale skin glowed in the moonlight like a goddess of beauty, casting a stark contrast with her dark as night hair. He swallowed hard, and looked away again.

He really shouldn't be attracted to her, no matter what good she had done. She still wasn't redeemed…was she? There was no way he should or could have feelings for her. Even as he though such, his denial didn't sit right with him anymore than his attraction, feelings, whatever it was for Regina, did.

"It's so beautiful tonight." Regina spoke softly as they continued their walk. "The stars are shining tonight."

Robin bit his tongue, least he say something stupid like how her eyes shined brighter than the stars.

"What do you think?" Regina asked him.

He turned to face her, finding her looking at him with a tender look. His heartbeat quickened. Why was she looking at him like that?

She stepped closer to him, turning her gaze back to the stars. "Henry loved the stars, but I don't know anything about them. I remember a few constellations from lessons, but stars had never interested me. Horses were my favorite pastime. My first horse was a mare. She was given to me when I was little and she had just come into the world. My father loved horses too. He taught me everything that he knew about grooming them and caring for them, how to ride them, and how to love them. I put all my energy into Amparo and loving her. She was my salvation whenever my mother was being…my mother used magic for everything. Even to keep me in line. Amparo was who I turned to when it got to be too much. I could talk to her without fear of judgement. When I was ten, she broke her leg and my mother ordered her killed rather than have her leg set. I lost part of myself that day, and from then on, my heart grew colder with every action my mother took. Even when I tried to not become her, I still did. I even treated Henry the same way, for his entire life. I was a terrible mother and all I want is to see him again and make up for everything. It's an impossible dream."

Robin was horrified to hear such cruelty. He, like many, had heard the stories of what Cora was like. Even her tyranny in Wonderland had reached ears in the Enchanted Forest, but anyone who could subject their own child to such torment was a truly cruel creature indeed.

Though Regina had said she too had treated Henry horribly, Robin still couldn't help but feel pain for what Regina had been through as a child. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Regina's eyes glistened, but no tears were shed. "My mother hated horses. She thought that they were filthy creatures. I never understood her cruelty until I realized that she never had her heart to begin with, but then I never removed my heart and I became just as cruel, if not crueler. Never seeing Henry again is a part of my penance, I know that now."

Robin wasn't sure how true that was or not. It did make him wonder though, if Henry had been able to come to the Enchanted Forest, would Regina have still changed for him? Would she still have chosen to stay on the right path? Or was it the fact that she would never see him again that compelled her to honor his memory so?

"It still can't be easy to know that he's out there somewhere." Robin finally settled on his words carefully. "I can't imagine being separated from Roland like that. To know that he's alive, but that he doesn't remember me."

"As I said." Regina shrugged. "It is my penance for all the terrible things that I have done."

Her self-deprecating tone didn't sit well with him, and at that moment, he wanted to comfort her. In that moment, it didn't matter to him whether or not he should or should not have feelings for her. She was just a sad, lonely woman, who just wanted love, and he wanted to give her whatever comfort that she asked of him.

"You're an incredibly strong woman, Regina." He said, meeting her eyes. "You've endured a lot more than most people."

Regina scoffed. "I took the easy way out. I'm no Snow White, and I'm certainly no Emma Swan. They are strong women, let me tell you."

"But you didn't take the easy way out now." Robin stepped closer to her, right into her personal space. "You could've easily gone back to your old ways, but you didn't."

Regina sucked in a breath, looking up at him stunned. "I was still the Evil Queen." She said, breathlessly.

"You're not now." Robin knew then that he could no longer deny it. Regina wasn't the woman he had heard all of those horror stories about. Not anymore. She really, truly had changed. For the first time since his Marian had been alive, he let his heart rule his head and cupped Regina's face, pulling her in for a kiss.

Robin wrapped her up in his arms kissing her deeper, finally able to admit to himself that he had feelings for Regina and as he kissed her, he realized that that might not be such a bad thing.

Regina tensed at first, startled by his move, but quickly, she melted into him. Pressing her lips against his, Regina felt at peace for the first time in a very long time.

August stopped what he was doing and turned towards his father. "Have you written to Killian lately?"

Marco focused on the clock that he was fixing. "I have not. I haven't had a reply from the last letter I sent him weeks ago." He glanced up at his son. "Why do you ask?"

"I was thinking that we should tell him about Lena." August said, before shaking his head. "Zelena. If she knows about him and Liam, who they are to us, and what Killian's mission is, she might go try to stop him, or worse, play him like she did us."

Marco gave him a curious look. "I doubt Zelena knows about him."

"Still, we shouldn't chance it." August said. His tone turned bitter when he added, "We don't know what she's capable of."

Marco set down the clock, turning his full attention to his son. "How are you doing, my boy?"

It seemed to be an abrupt change of subject, but August acquiesced. "I'm fine. Why?"

"It just seems that you've been…closed off since Zelena's true identity was discovered." Marco observed. He had seen his son and Lena grow close over the past months, and it was clear that both, or at least August, held deeper feelings for each other than simply friendship.

August shrugged, his jaw clenching. He was still struggling with the revelation that he was in love with the Wicked Witch, and he certainly didn't need his father doling out advice that he wasn't in the mood to hear.

"You know, I'm not sure that Lena and Zelena were all that different." Marco continued. "I doubt anyone is truly that good of an actor to keep such a charade up."

"You'd be surprised." August said. Though he knew better. Hadn't he told Jefferson that he too had lied until the lies became truth? Hadn't he told Jefferson that Lena might've gotten attached because it became too hard to find the lie between the truths? Wasn't his father basically telling him the same thing?

Marco had a scrutinizing look. "I think you know better. I think that you are just hurt."

"Why would I be hurt?" August didn't meet his father's eyes.

"It's alright to admit it." Marco said. "I know you and Lena had become close."

"We were friends." August said stiffly. "It sucks that she betrayed us. No one ever wants their friends to betray them."

Marco sighed. It was clear that August was going to be stubborn about his feelings towards Lena. "Every story has three sides. Your side, her side, and the truth, which falls somewhere in between."

August snorted at his father's words, but even he couldn't help but admit that those words wrung true. "Perhaps."

"Perhaps, it wouldn't hurt to find out her side?" Marco suggested.

"Oh sure, I'll just go catch a flying monkey and deliver a heartsick love note begging her to talk to me." August rolled his eyes.

"Ah ha, so you do love her!" Marco's eyes gleamed.

August tensed up. "Let's just write to Killian, okay? It's bad enough that we're all targets. I'd like to save him the trouble."

Marco let it go for now. "All right, we can do so after we finish this work."

August agreed, but still, his father's words swirled around in his head. Maybe he should find out Zelena's side of things. But how the hell could he do that? Could he let it go and move on?

No, he couldn't. His dad was right.

He needed to find out the truth. He just needed to figure out how.

Emma finally had taken the plunge and finished going through her personal history. As she read over her papers, she couldn't believe what she was seeing. It was impossible. There was no way in hell that it was true. She would never have chosen to do that.

Yet, here it was, staring her in the face.

She had given Henry up for adoption when he had been born. The moment that he was born, she had sent him away, sent him to a stranger to be raised.

It had been a closed adoption.

She was shaking as she read over the information.

Henry had never been her son. She had everything ready to go before he had even been born.

After her breakdown at work yesterday, she had been determined to find out the truth, but now that she knew, it only caused her further heartbreak.

Her hands were shaking so badly that she dropped the paperwork and held them close to her chest, trying and failing to stop the shaking as her emotions overwhelmed her again. Her throat was tight as sobs began to wrack her body. Her knees pulled up to her chest, she buried her face in her hands and let everything out, grateful that Henry was out with his friends.

She couldn't breathe; her heart felt like it was tearing itself apart. Over and over, her body convulsed violently as her emotions released themselves.

Emma couldn't understand how any of this was possible. How could she have memories of raising Henry, but in reality, she had given him up? She remembered every two a.m. feeding, and every cry, and every cut and scrape and bruise. She remembered every single time he was sick and how she always brought him homemade chicken soup. But on paper, none of that was real. Henry had been adopted by someone in Maine.

Her blood chilled.

Maine. Maine was where all of this started. It was where she had been when she lost her baby and where her and Henry's life began to turn upside down.

What was in Maine?

Home. A voice at the back of her mind supplied. Home.

Emma laughed bitterly into the air of the empty apartment. She had never had a home; she had thought that she had one with Henry, but now that turned out to be a lie.

After all of these years, she was still that little lost girl that was never loved or wanted.

How could she tell Henry the truth now? He'd hate her.

The very thought of Henry hating her broke her further.

Something was deeply wrong; too many things didn't make sense.

Her head pounded as she heaved in deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She couldn't let Henry come home and find her like this, and he certainly couldn't find the adoption paperwork.

Though her breathing was ragged and tears kept falling from her eyes, Emma pulled herself together long enough to clean up all of her research and hide it away in her room before going to take a shower.

Once she was locked inside the bathroom, hot water cascading along her skin, she sunk down to her knees and cried again.

That was a very painful chapter to write. Okay, well the banter and ship scenes were fun, but the CS flashback and Emma's pain, that was all hard. Belle's scene was very difficult too. Like everyone is suffering in this chapter lol.

Anyway, we have a lot of things going down in the next chapters: four more until the CS Reunion. But I need to wrap up this arc all nice and neat lol. Well, nice and neat enough for it to bled over into the Wicked Arc.

So I hope you guys stay tuned, and please review this chapter with your thoughts and questions. Please also don't review "update soon" because I get that one a lot and it's actually a disheartening review. It might not seem like it, but I and other fanfic writers have been having discourse on it and "update soon" is an agreed upon terrible review.

until next time! :)