Forever

Forever.

Do you know what that's like? Can you even begin to imagine it? Of course not. You're a child, after all, whether you're ten or a hundred…or eighteen. Just a child.

We spoke of forever, he and I. But I spoke of a girl's dream, of a stretch perhaps a little longer than the eternity spent in childhood.

Isn't it funny, how we throw around such phrases? It was an eternity while he was gone. It took him forever to kiss me. Surely he heard such things. Surely my naivety was obvious. Surely he must have realized that he was marrying a child…

Perhaps not. Edward was always most blind when he looked at me. Blinded by desperation, mostly, and a little love.

That isn't to say he wasn't genuine. He cared, in his own broken, lonely way, and he tried to protect me. It isn't his fault that he was swayed by those he loved, for Edward was still young and malleable. Besides, he didn't really understand forever, either, though I'm sure he'd caught a glimpse.

At least he never saw it in full. Like so many vampires, forever became nothing more than a forgotten dream. He celebrated his three hundredth birthday as a pot of ashes in a dingy motel room. Renesmee assured me that the ashes had no life, no consciousness, no dreams…but I can't be sure it was the truth. Sometimes, my daughter was too kind for honesty.

Oh, my Renesmee, my sweet, beautiful child…She had everything I ever wanted: beauty, intelligence, strength, love, wisdom…Everything except eternity.

That, it seems, is reserved for me. Everyone else is ashes: Edward, Renesmee, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and the lovely Alice whose visions were always too late to help. There were more, of course, though it would take too long to sort through my memories. I remember everything (it was a selling point for this existence), but important facts sometimes disappear below mountains of others.

So long as I hold onto a few memories, though, I'll be alright. I'll remember Edward, with his timid love and sullen suspicions of forever. I'll remember my too-wise daughter and her loyal husband. Perhaps most important of all – though I scold myself for such thoughts – I'll always remember how to light a fire.

Because I finally understand forever, but to live it? That's more than even I can face.

A/N: I'll admit that I only really enjoy Twilight when it's being dissected, destroyed, or generally made darker. Thanks for reading!