My name is Rachel. I opened my eyes.

I don't know what I was expecting. Heaven, I guess. I mean, I knew I was dead. So this had to be the afterlife, right?

I just know I wasn't expecting to see a familiar-looking old man with a slightly worried expression on his wrinkled face. The Ellimist.

"You again?" I said.

He smiled a tiny, sad half-smile. "Hello, Rachel."

"So this is the afterlife, huh?" I looked around. "Doesn't look like much." That wasn't exactly true. I mean, it was impressive enough. Typical Ellimist stuff.

We were in outer space. Or at least that's what it seemed like to me. Above us swirled thousands of stars, millions, maybe. Galaxies twisted around us, sparkling with the glow of uncountable suns. Don't ask me what we were breathing or even what we were standing on. I don't know. The stars seemed infinite though, stretching down even below us. I felt very, very small.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I agreed. Then I paused. "Though maybe not if this is what I have to look forward to for eternity." I guess I thought I deserved a bit more than to stand all by my lonesome in the vast reaches of space, given everything that I'd done in my life. I frowned. "I know what you are," I said. "And you shouldn't be here. I'm dead. Unless you lied to me and you're God or something."

The Ellimist's smile widened. "No, Rachel. I'm definitely not God."

"Then what's going on? We won, didn't we?"

"Yes, you won."

"Can… can I see how they're all doing?" I didn't need to clarify who I meant. There were only a few people I could possibly be asking about. Five of them, to be exact. The Animorphs.

My best friends and fellow warriors. Us six (four human teenagers, a young Andalite, and a hawk who used to be human) had almost single-handedly prevented the Yeerk victory on planet Earth. I knew they'd be sad about my death. Jake would feel guilty. Cassie would be destroyed. She'd feel betrayed. Ax would mourn, but ultimately I knew he'd be fine. And Marco would understand, despite everything. But there was one person I knew wouldn't be okay with it, and maybe he'd never be okay again. He certainly wouldn't forgive Jake for it.

Tobias. Who loved me.

I was pretty sure I knew how he would respond and I was scared to be right. So I spoke a little louder, like I was trying to drown out my thoughts with my own voice. It had worked before. "Jake's going to be beating himself up even though I told him not to. The idiot. And hey, who knows, maybe we could hit up my funeral! I bet Marco had some stupid things to say—"

"We can't do that," said the Ellimist softly.

"What?" I was more annoyed than anything, cut off in the middle of my rambling. "Why not?" I spread my arms wide, gesturing at the emptiness of space around us. "It's not exactly like we're doing anything important out here. And don't even try telling me that you aren't capable of showing me around a bit because I've done a bit of dealing with you in the past and that would be a breeze for you. I'm dead, man! Give me a break!"

"You're not dead, Rachel."

I just stared at him. "Yeah, I am," I said.

I remembered all of it. In detail. Jake, approaching me with a plan I knew would eat him up for the rest of his life, but the only one that would possibly work. The moment when he told me that he needed me to kill his brother, Tom. Tom, the boy who had been held captive by the Yeerk in his brain for so long, Tom, Jake's motivation to fight at all. Me agreeing to it, even though we both knew it was a suicide mission. Me agreeing to kill my own cousin. Hiding aboard his Blade ship. Waiting for the right moment to morph out and strike. Biting Tom's snake morph in half, hearing the cries of my friends from the other ship as they realized what was going on. Seeing Tobias, in human morph. Crying.

For me.

Those last moments as I told Tobias how much I loved him, trying to keep my eyes focused on his because if I had to have a last sight it might as well be the person I loved. And then being swiped by the claws of a gigantic polar bear, a human-Controller in morph.

Oh yeah, I remembered all of that. And I was definitely, definitely dead.

"If you were dead, I wouldn't be talking to you."

I paused. That much, at least, was true. If I was dead, the Ellimist wouldn't be able to talk to me at all. "You told me that you wouldn't be able to save my life." Did I sound like I was accusing him? I didn't know. Didn't particularly care, either. The Ellimist had come to me in that moment right before I died (or maybe after, I wasn't really sure) and showed things to me. Things about himself. I didn't really remember it all (and I suspected that was his doing), but I could remember him telling me he wouldn't interfere. I remember being angry about it. I remember mourning my own future.

"I couldn't then."

"And now you can?"

"Crayak changed the rules," the Ellimist said. "His choice. I'm responding."

That didn't sound good. Not for him, not for the universe. Not for me. "Let me guess," I said. I crossed my arms across my chest. "You need me."

"Not exactly," he said. "I needed someone else. But you're the path to them."

"What happened to not interfering?" My hands were on my hips. I knew it was probably stupid to question his choice. It wasn't like I liked the thought of dying at sixteen years old. And I definitely didn't like the thought of the other Animorphs having to deal with my death. But I felt like I was being used by the Ellimist, again, and I didn't like that, either. Better dead than an unwitting tool.

"Sometimes I can be coerced," he said.

"So you're undoing everything that happened?"

"Of course not," said the Ellimist. "Everything happened the way it happened. But I have, however, set up a little illusion."

"Your specialty," I muttered.

"I took you away the moment before you would have died," the Ellimist continued. "Replaced you with an illusion. But it's time to come back. The world's been mourning you for a long time, Rachel Berenson."

I didn't really process that last sentence. I wish I had, so it wouldn't have surprised me so much when I found out what he meant by it. But I can't change the past. I guess that's only an Ellimist thing.

"I know you don't like me," the Ellimist continued, "but if it makes any difference at all, I'm glad you're back."

I was about to open my mouth to say something rude that would have made my mother gasp, but I was jolted by the whole world around me shaking. It made me dizzy, so I closed my eyes.

When I opened them next, I was no longer standing in space. I had a hard time trying to figure out where exactly I was. All I knew was the Ellimist was gone.

I was in some sort of ship. A spaceship. It didn't look entirely human or Yeerk but instead a weird blend of the two. There was even a bit of Andalite design in there, with round spaces and an oddly jarring combination of Yeerk orderliness and signature human messiness. Whatever this ship was, it was clear that real humans lived here. Real, uninfested humans.

It was cold. Really, really cold, like whoever was on this ship didn't mind living in Antarctica. Or maybe it was just outer-space cold. I felt a little like someone was watching me and the hairs on the back of my neck started to rise. When I looked around, I didn't see anyone. The lights were dim, as though they were running on emergency power. I could hear voices, though, and I crept towards a doorway that must have led to the bridge of the ship, listening hard. I was ready to morph, if I needed to.

I was always ready to morph. I had to admit that feeling my heart racing again was a good reminder of how much I loved being alive. Man, did I love being alive!

"You've got to be kidding me," said a voice. The voice sounded as though he was trying to decide whether he should be amused or completely dismayed. It came out sounding stale, a voice that had been betrayed and shocked too many times to really feel shock anymore. "I mean, obviously this was what we wanted. What else could we possibly have meant?" Heavy on the sarcasm.

There was a long, stunned silence, broken only by a string of profanities from a different voice that would have made a sailor blush. "That—" another colorful word—"He knew what I meant! He knew! This is the second time he's tricked me! I can't believe I fell for it again!" The voice sounded hoarse, filled with rage and something like sorrow. Something a lot like sorrow, actually.

"We always knew he was a jerk," the first voice agreed in a quiet, quivering tone. "I just had no idea he was that big of a jerk. King of the Jerks wouldn't be lofty enough for this guy."

The second voice was still ranting. "We made a deal!" he yelled. It sounded to me like he was trying to communicate with someone who wasn't physically present. The Ellimist. "I said I wanted Rachel back, you manipulating liar! Rachel the person, not Rachel the ship! You knew what I meant!" I guess I was touched, that they had named a ship after me. But I was too busy listening. The speaker sounded like his heart was broken. Just shattered.

Mine felt a little broken, too.

Because there was only one person I knew of who felt personally betrayed by the Ellimist. And I hated, hated to hear him in such pain. It brought back memories of a time I didn't like thinking about. Ages ago. When he had let himself be captured and tortured, to save the rest of us. I didn't like what seeing that had turned me into. And I really didn't like what it had done to him.

I bit my lip to keep from saying something that could give me away in case this was a trap for me. I knew these voices. I knew them. Yeah, they were a bit different, a bit older, but I knew them like I knew my own. Marco. Tobias.

A third voice interrupted. "Calm down," it commanded. "We don't know why we're here or what's going on. One second we're on an Andalite outpost getting attacked by followers of the One, and then we're chatting with the Ellimist and he's as cryptic as ever, and suddenly we're back here, on a ship that was destroyed months ago. This could be a trap."

Jake.

"Could be?" Marco muttered sarcastically.

"Look, at the very least we've got our old ship back," said Jake. "Which means we've got medical. Santorelli, how's Menderash holding up?"

"Lots of blood," said a new voice grimly. I didn't recognize this one. Must be Santorelli. "I'm going to get him to the medical bay and see what I can do."

"All right, go. Tobias, help him." Maybe Jake thought getting Tobias to help out would take his mind off the fact I wasn't there. I don't know.

Tobias wasn't having any of it. "I wanted Rachel back," he whispered.

And that was when I decided it didn't matter whether or not this was a trap. If I could do anything to take away some of that pain… I took a deep breath and stepped out into the bridge, swaggering as much as I could, trying to look unaffected.

"Hey, guys," I said. "You called?"

Okay, so maybe it wasn't the most well-thought out entrance in the world. I didn't think about how they would react to have a real, living, breathing Rachel Berenson thrust in their faces when they all thought I was dead. But I was really looking forward to seeing Cassie's reaction.

They looked up at me when they heard my voice, and they stared, and they just kept staring.

I took the moment to look at them and was nearly blown away. It was Jake, and Marco, and Tobias all right. But they looked like they belonged in college. They were in their twenties, probably, tall, ragged, looking like they'd had almost no sleep at all in ages. They were all so old.

Marco had his arm around a really pretty girl, someone with dainty features and gold hair a bit redder than mine. She was older than me, too. But she had a look to her that reminded me a bit of myself. Sharp. Watchful. I tried to control my surprise at seeing Marco with his arm around anyone. Jake was standing at the controls of the ship, and Tobias was kneeling on the ground, his face cupped in his hands. His human hands. I didn't know why he was in morph. There were two other people, both adult guys. One of them was covered in blood from a wound in his side, and one of his arms was draped over the other guy's shoulder. The injured guy had to be Mendarash. The other one, Santorelli, probably, looked like a soldier. I'm talking, Marines or Air Force or something, buzz cut and all. He was older. Maybe mid-twenties.

I didn't see Ax. Or Cassie.

Tobias slowly raised his face out of his hands, like he couldn't believe I was really here. His blue eyes were full of tears. "Rachel?" he whispered. He rose to his feet like he was going to come to me.

I smiled, feeling my own eyes blur embarrassingly with tears. "Yeah," I said. "I guess the Ellimist does keep his promises sometimes."

And then we were running, sprinting towards each other, and our arms locked in an embrace and it felt so good and warm and he was crying all over me and I was crying all over him and I realized that he'd probably gone human for that very reason. So he could greet me when I was brought back. Because he knew that just like I'd wanted him to be my last sight, I'd want him to be my first.

"You were dead," he whispered into my hair. "You were dead and I wanted to be dead too. You died, Rachel. Four yearsago!" Four years? That was a long time. My poor family. My poor friends. I had seen my reflection in the warped metal of one of the walls, and I still looked sixteen. Everyone else didn't, they'd lived through all four of those years, but I hadn't. "Don't ever do that again."

"I'm not dead now," was all I said.

I kissed him. I didn't care that he was older than me now. It was Tobias. We'd always had a weird relationship anyway. Adding a few extra years didn't change anything.

When I finally broke away from him, I looked at Jake and Marco. They looked like they had seen a ghost. I guess, in a way, they had.

Even just looking at Jake, I could see something lifting away from him, some major guilt that must have been sitting on his shoulders for a very, very long time. Guilt about me. I knew my cousin.

I walked over to Jake and gave him a hug. "You're such an idiot," I said. "I told you not to let it get to you."

"I don't obey orders," Jake said, his voice cracking, "you should know that by now."

"It's because you're too busy giving them," I replied.

Marco had stopped gaping by now, studying me intensely, trying to figure out if I was real or an illusion or what. Jake and Tobias clearly seemed to believe I was real. It was probably a good thing at least one of them was skeptical. He let go of the girl standing next to him, waiting for me to say something.

I nodded at the girl. "I'm impressed, Marco." His eyebrows shot up, like he didn't believe what I was saying. So I continued. "You finally got enough money to pay someone to pretend to be your girlfriend? Never though the day would come."

He didn't laugh, but he did smile. Apparently he believed me now. Even he seemed a little awed by my presence. "There you go, Xena," he said. "Always thought you were indestructible."

"Well then, this is probably the only time you'll ever hear me say this, so I hope you're ready to preserve the moment, but Marco, it looks like you're right." Then I did something I didn't think I'd ever do. I'm not a huge hugging person, and Marco isn't either, and the two of us, put together, generally try to avoid touching in general. And I don't know who moved first, if it was me or him, but after a moment we were in an embrace and I could have sworn I saw his eyes get a little teary. Not that I was going to call him out on it. Not right then, anyway. I wasn't a total witch.

I stepped back from him, wandering over to Tobias and grabbing his hand in my own. "Where's Cassie?" I asked eagerly. "Ax?"

They three of them exchanged a glance, as though they hadn't considered this possibility and didn't really know how to explain to me. I felt a knot start forming in my stomach. Something had happened. I knew it. I knew it in my heart.

"Is Cassie okay?" I asked anxiously. "Please don't tell me she's—"

"No, no," said Marco quickly. "Cassie is fine. More than fine." He shot a look at Jake out of the corner of his eyes, a look I couldn't read. Too much had happened to them in however long it had been since my… well, since my death. I couldn't keep up entirely. But from the glance Marco gave me, I got the feeling he'd explain more to me later. "She's back home. On earth."

"Oh. Okay then. Ax?"

Tobias's hand stiffened in mine. This time I knew something bad had happened. Tobias and Ax were close. Really close. That was partially because they were actually related (long story) and partially because they were shorms, the Andalite version of best friends. He opened his mouth like he was going to explain, but Jake shook his head.

"He's not here," Jake said. "He's fine, too. Well, we think he's fine. He's not dead, anyway. We think."

That didn't sound too promising. I felt a little sick to my stomach.

Santorelli cleared his throat awkwardly from where he was standing. "Can you talk about this later, Jake? Menderash really needs medical." As if to emphasize the point, the bleeding man at his side let out a low moan. "Hi, by the way," he said to me kind of curtly. "I'm Santorelli. Welcome back to life. Now I'd really like to keep our resident alien expert here among the living, too."

I decided I liked this guy.

"Jake—" said Tobias. Like he was asking permission to stay with me.

Jake didn't even answer, just nodded, rushing over to Menderash's other side and slipping under his arm. "Marco, Jeanne, get all the systems back online. If we have the Rachel back, we're going to use her. Get the weapons systems ready. The followers of the One will probably be after us any moment. Tobias, see what Rachel needs. And Rachel… welcome back. We'll talk later."

Jake was back. I was back. We were in danger, from an enemy I had never heard of before. Somehow I suspected whoever this 'One' was was what the Ellimist was talking about when he said Crayak had changed the rules. In other words, probably not good news. And my hand was still clutched in Tobias's, our fingers intertwined.

This was definitely, definitely better than being dead.