There were bullet holes in the siding. A thing layer of dust coated everything, even the air itself shimmered as sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating the abandoned house that'd become their place to hide away for the past few weeks. It hadn't been used much in the past few weeks- things had been strenuous, with the little supplies left and being trapped beneath Negan's thumb. Every spare moment had been spent like ants scrambling around for food.

Still, the wall paper of this place was slightly yellowed and peeling, and the sheet covered couch smelled like smoke.

They both sat down heavily on the couch, sending up swirls of dust into the air. They smelled like oil and gunpowder.

Carl opened a drawer to the end table and pulled out a box of Marlboro Reds, offering the cigarette to her before taking one from himself. By the time he'd put the box back in the drawer, she had her cigarette hanging from her lips and her zippo in her hand, sparking to a light and then offering the flame to him, letting him lean forward- all of him- gunpowder, grime and sweat- and light his own cigarette and flipping it shut.

They both took a drag, exhaling and watching the smoke fly up to the ceiling.

"So- what do you think happens now?" She asked no one in particular

"War. My dad and your dad will wipe them out, probably. That's all their planning right now." the main house- the house they'd all slept in since they'd moved to Alexandria- had become a headquarters of sorts, a war room of epic degree as the leaders stood and hashed everything out. Strategy, locations to attack, how best to end it with as little loss as possibly.

She took another drag of her cigarette, letting it out slow. "They won't let us help. You know they won't. Won't let us fight." she narrowed her eyes, pinching her cigarette a little tighter. "They think we're useless kids."

"I'm tired of fighting." Carl admitted. "I'm kinda glad, that they won't let us go."

"Yeah? And what the hell would you rather be doing?" she asked, a slight edge to her voice as her green eyes went flinty.

"I'd rather be looking for food." Carl admitted. "We're nearly out. They bled us dry for so long- I'd rather be out there, looking for stuff we can use."

She missed food too. She'd been living on odds and ends for awhile, not having much time to hunt. Her eyes softened at the thought of getting more supplies. So things wouldn't be so hard. It was a noble goal.

"It don't bother you?" she asked him quietly, raising an eyebrow. "I can't sleep good when they're gone. My dad- your dad. I just keep thinking about what might happen to them. I don't wanna fight either-" she paused, rubbing the finger-print shaped bruises around her neck that were still sore. "I just wanna be able to watch their backs. When I'm with them, I can help- makes me feel better. I lost one family- I don't wanna lose another."

"You won't. My Dad- he's strong. So's yours. I'm tired of fighting- I tried fighting. Ran off on my own with an AK." he took drag of his cigarette. "Didn't do any good. It's not our war."

"How can you say that? After what he did to Glenn!?" she frowned. "Maggie's baby isn't gonna have a father."

Carl frowned. "That's- that's not what I meant." he licked his lips, back tracking. "I mean- I don't like him. But I just... I wish there wasn't a war. I'd rather focus on surviving the dead than fighting the living. And I'm glad that our parents aren't going to let us fight. Because it's gonna be bad."

Jamie nodded, remaining silent. It made sense when he worded it like that. She didn't want to be scared- didn't want to fight. But at the same time, what choice did they have?

"You know Negan's not a bad guy. He's trying to lead the only way he can. He could've killed us- all of us. Made us slaves. But he didn't."

"He broke my arm. He killed Glen and Abraham. He gut Spencer."

"I know. He's done bad shit- I just don't want a war."

"But what other choice do we have? To protect ourselves." she sighed.

"We don't. We don't have a choice. The only thing I'm glad about is it's not our war- it's our parents."

She let her cigarette burn down to her fingers and flicked it to the floor, standing and stepping on it, before she turned, looking down at her best friend- and felt something stir within her.

"Will you dance with me?"

Carl blinked, surprised at the question. "I don't know how."

Jamie allowed a tired smile to creep through. "Neither do I."

Carl flicked his own cigarette to the side, standing with his hands halfway towards her, hesitant, not sure if he could touch her.

"But I think it goes like this." she stepped closer to him, closing the distance between them. His hand settled on her hip, and she took his other one in hers, entwining their fingers.

"Now I step back, and you step forward. Then you step back, and I step forward."

He moved as she spoke, clumsy and behind at first, but gradually, they matched one another's movements.

They'd kept distance between them, but as the movements grew more familiar, she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

Carl craned his neck to see her face, but he'd look away when she caught him staring.

He smiled. "You know- we're not going anywhere. We just go forward and back."

"We don't have to go anywhere." she didn't bother to open her eyes, enjoying the warmth where she rested her head in the crook of his neck. "I just like to go forward and back with you.".

They were silent for one moment, two, before he stepped back, peeling her off him. She looked up at him, disappointed, confused, and a little bit pissed at the sudden shift- she'd been enjoying where they were, just being close to him. But then he stepped forward, brushing the hair from her face and kissing her, and she forgot to breathe for a minute.

It was a small kiss- a little kiss.

Only a few seconds- like when they'd been kids back at the prison, playing games and sneaking off, trying to be grown up at 13.

He pulled back far too soon.

He frowned, looking at her in the silence. "You look sad."

She didn't know whether she was going to laugh or cry. "Yeah. Maybe that's cuz I want you to do it again." she didn't wait for his reply, stepping forward and resting one hand on his chest and the other on his jaw, turning his face towards him and kissing him- really kissing him- for the first time.

He was stunned for a moment, before his hands pulled her to him, finding their naturl place in the curves of her body, bringing heat as they roved her back...

She poked tongue out to his lips hesitantly, and he opened his mouth, his own tongue venturing into her... He tasted like cigarettes and mint, and she didn't know why she felt so shaken up inside, but she was hot and cold and dizzy at the same time and it was like electricity...

If Carl Grimes were a walker, she would've let him devour her face.

All too soon, though, they were coming up for air. Panting, still holding onto one another, both looking baffled and panting...

Carl's eyes had glassed over, and he looked at her like she was the only thing in the world.

He reached up and ran his fingers through her hair.

"I can't promise you anything. I don't know how this war is going to end or what's going to happen to our parents, or us. All I know is- I never wanna let you go."

Her cheeks were wet. Carl looked alarmed for a moment- it'd been awhile since he'd seen her cry.

She felt his body tense up from where she held her. "Jamie? I'm sorry if I upset you..."

"I didn't think it was gonna be me." her voice was barely above a whisper, and she realized she was still crying as she reached her shaky hands up to grab him, hugging him. "I didn't think I was good enough. I'm antisocial, I swear too much- I thought you'd pick Enid."

"No. Jamie- I want you. I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner..."

She buried her face in his neck, crying outright now...

He rubbed her back and let her let it all out.

"I- I'm just really happy it's me." she said finally.

They found themselves sitting on the dusty couch again, Jamie in his lap with her head on his shoulder and her arms around his neck.

"It's you, Jamie. All I want is you, next to me, forever." he smiled at her- really smiled- a smile that reached his eyes, where he showed his teeth, and she laughed through her tears, holding him tighter as he gave her a squeeze.

"Our parents are gonna kill us." he said finally.

"They don't have to know. Nobody had to know. They're busy with the war." she was spent- physically and emotionally- from all the day had brought.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. You wanna go scavenging with me sometime?"

"Yes. Later. I'm tired now."

"I noticed. You don't usually cry unless you're worn out." Carl smiled, rubbing her back.

She buried her face in his neck again- he smelled like pine and gun smoke, and they fell asleep on that dusty old couch together, in each other's arms.