/that Kesha song playing in the distance/

The headline reads: Twenty years old girl is too embarrassed to write "penis" in her smut fic. More on page 5

A prompt, among many others, that I got on my Zelda blog. After all these years, I still can't write smut, and still am too embarrassed to read some to lear o

Also, for a guest who asked, Calvin happens to be another devoted TP Zelink shipper, my main source of ideas, forever bro, the one that spends hours talking about these two trashballs with me. His current url on tumblr is zeldawiiu!

Take It Off

Link had been complaining for the past few days that she was not giving him enough attention, spending too much of her time swamped in paperwork. While that was true, in parts, her paperwork had been all due and done at least two weeks ago and Zelda had been busying herself with empty papers, mindless poetry and silly doodles to pass her time. It was all part of her plan, you see.

She sat on her chair by the fireplace, hair tied in a high lazy bun, sipping some wine and reviewing the grammar of one of her poems, waiting for him to arrive to their chambers. She would give him all the attention he was craving.

He arrived half an hour later, fingers pulling at the collar of his fancy outfit; being a king came with many things and some of them were stuffy clothes that made summer days more unbearable than they already were. Link closed the door, turned around, and spotted only the hand of his wife peeking out from behind her tall chair as he undid the first two buttons of his coat, lithe fingers holding with gentle grace the glass of wine. "Evening, love," her voice was accompanied by the rustling of paper, and he sighed, knowing well what she was doing.

"Good evening, my love." The king replied in an exhausted tone, as if the mere act of speaking drained him of his life force. Tired he was of being put after paperwork for so long, he only wanted her to embrace him for a minute and reassure he was still loved.

His boots squeaked on the clean marble floor, the sound disappearing once he stepped onto one of her many expensive carpets, and he walked around the table with a vase of red tulips, a bottle of wine and another glass for him. Link approached her slowly to give her a kiss and should have known something was off when he spotted her bare ankles and her feet clad in a pair of shoes she only wore on very special occasions.

Zelda sat wearing nothing but a pair of lacy, semitransparent black lingerie. The hardened peaks of her breasts were easily seen from where he stood.

Breath caught, Link did a double take and took a step back when something twitched in his pants. Now that was a surprise.

"What's the matter, love?" She inquired, standing from her seat and leaving her papers on the table as she strode in his direction. He almost backed away. "Have some wine." The glass was in his hand in the following second, and Link downed its liquid without giving it a second thought, staring wide eyed at the fire as she moved to stand behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders, fingers light and teasing. "You seem so..." Her lips caressed the nape of his neck, brushed against his ear as she murmured sultrily. "Tense."

Link felt like he could either let go of the glass or crush it in his hands due to the sudden wave of arousal that hit him, warmth spiraling from his groin and reaching his other body parts. Zelda kissed the crook of his neck while pouring him some more wine from behind, pressing her chest to his still covered back, and then filled the other glass on the table with more, catching it with her fingers before swaying her hips enticingly as she made way for their beds.

"Let's play a game," she said with a coy smile dancing on her lips, climbing onto the mattress with heels and all until she was placed right on the center. His pants immediately felt tighter, and he downed some more of the wine, eyes following the movement of her leg as it rubbed against and up the other until it was bent. "You do what I say."

Her finger circled the rim of her pinot noir glass, teeth pulling slightly at her bottom lip as she regarded him. "Hmm..." Zelda tilted her head to the side, running her tongue over her lips, and Link almost threw himself on the floor, or at her feet, or at her. "Your shoes, coat and shirt. Off."

"What is this?" He asked with a breathy laugh and placed the glass on the table. "A striptease show?"

"For it to be, you should be dancing." She quirked an eyebrow. "Can you sway your hips, my king?"

A shiver ran down his spine as his feet kicked his shoes away. "Ah... I'm too shy for that, I'm afraid."

Zelda watched him intently, blue eyes following his fingers as they worked their way down every button on the front of his coat, which slipped down his strong arms, falling as a heap behind him. Her gaze was hungry, lips pressed against the cool glass as her husband raised his arms above his head and took his linen undershirt off, exposing his muscles for her.

She moved to a kneeling position, extended her arm so he could take the wine away and crawled closer to the edge of the bed, sighing softly when his hands came to rest on the curve of her waist. Her painted nails grazed his sides lightly making him shiver, her thumb outlining the ripples on his stomach as her hands made their way up, weaving themselves into his hair as she pressed her chest into his. His lips were dangerously close to hers, just a mere breath away. "Take it off."

"Hmm?" The hum was low, a grunt originating from within his throat, his nose hidden in her neck, smothering it with kisses.

Her mind was hazy already, but she was in enough control to trail her hands down his well-defined chest and meet his on her waist, and guide them down to her panties. "You heard me," his thumbs hooked around the material, Link pulled away from her neck, breath heavy, lips parted, and blue eyes foggy with desire. "Take. It. Off."

He captured her lips in one open-mouthed kiss, tracing her bottom lip with his tongue before plunging it into her mouth to meet with hers. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingers digging into his back for more leverage, moaning into his mouth. "Not yet," his hands released her hips and grabbed her shoulders instead, pushing her down on her back on the mattress instead and lying between her legs.

Zelda was panting, face and bosom flushed red with want. "I thought I was the one in command?"

Link supported most of his weight on his forearms, his groin so very close to hers. "You can command the kingdom, my queen," he whispered in her ear, lips nibbling at her lobe, pulling gently at the skin. She moaned, lifted her hips to rub herself against him, earning a lustful sigh as answer. "But this evening, let me be in charge." Despite her smile, a noise left her, a mix between a moan and an annoyed whine as she shifted beneath him trying to feel as much of her husband as possible. His hand griped her hips to hold them down and she jolted at the contact, "Shh, be patient, my love."

It was easy for him to say. He, too, wanted to get that over with as soon as possible. His erection twitched impatiently in his pants, but he would rather live the moment than rush it. Link took her mouth in a slow, passionate kiss, palms wandering around her body until they found the clasp of her bra and undid it, throwing it to the side. He squeezed the soft mounds of flesh, taking one of them into his mouth and sucking hard, teasing the hard nipple with the tip of his tongue.

She was once again moving, pressing her chest, her hips, every bit of her body that she could against his, sighing, moaning, asking that he please, please – "I think this is enough," he said from around the other nipple, and Zelda gasped in delight, pulling at his hair.

"Finally!" He took the hint and kissed her again, now in an awkward position as he moved both of her legs to one side so he could take out the last piece remaining of her underwear. It slid off her legs with ease and he teased her a little more, caressing her inner thighs with feather light touches, until he decided to dip his fingers into her wet lower lips and she purred happily into his mouth, melting into his touch.

His hands left her for enough time so he could take his own pants and underwear off, and leave them on the floor before he climbed onto the bed with her, smiling as she opened her arms in invitation. "Just one moment, Zel." He took his erection in his hand and guided it to the opening between her parted legs, thrusting in effortlessly, feeling her warmth embrace him.

Link was moving slowly, and she was moving her hips in time, placing sloppy kisses on his shoulders, necks and collarbones, scratching her nails on his back because she knew he loved the sensation and it made him go faster without knowing. Zelda knew all the tricks, nail scratching, biting his ear lobe, whispering dirty things and being responsive were just some that got him to move, that made her husband rock his hips and made her see stars.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, swollen lips left a mark on his tan skin before they were claimed again by his in a kiss that left her breathless. Zelda had little time to catch her breath thanks to his pace. Panting as she was, and moans coming one right after the other without pause, the queen could only grip the sheets of their bed as the king focused his attention on her breasts and drove her over the edge.

After a deep thrust, her body tensed up and all the pleasure was released in one wave, washing over her and making her insides clamp around his member. Link thrust into her faster and deeper as she moaned and bit into her knuckles, and as she approached the end of her climax, he erupted inside her, vision going white and her name tumbling out his lips in one long grunt.

Zelda touched his face, brushed the sweaty hair out his closed eyelids as both of them tried to catch their breath and craned her head up to place a kiss on his forehead. "Perhaps I should start giving my paperwork a bit more of attention. What do you think?"

Link sighed and lowered his body to hers, holding back as much of his weight as he could and resting his head between her breasts. "I don't approve of it," he replied in an already sleepy voice, then tried to look up at her, "but I liked the surprise."

She giggled and kissed the top of his head, arms wrapped around his form. "I figured as much."