CHAPTER SIX

Ten minutes after bidding Penny a good evening, Leonard and the gang hadn't moved an inch. The simple fact was, they had nowhere to go. No one particularly felt like walking back to the Red Cross, the men's shelter was an absolute no-go, and the only one who knew anyone who lived within a five-mile radius was Amy, a man she described as "a sex offender they had studied during a research study on the brain of psychopaths." Worse, the sun was already beginning its journey over the horizon, which meant that time was not on their side. Leonard ruminated on these factors aloud, as much to himself as anyone else. The summary left Sheldon with one question:

"So I take it you don't have a plan, then?"

"OF COURSE I DON'T HAVE A PLAN," Leonard yelled. "And tell me again why I am the only one who bothers coming up with any plans? If I left you guys alone, you'd be dead on the street in fifteen minutes."

"Despite my exceeding qualifications as a leader," Sheldon said, "you have established yourself as our Wanderer-in-Chief and we've come to regard you as such. If this were the Star Trek Enterprise, you would be Kirk—our impulsive and horny captain. Howard would be Bones—the sarcastic grump. Raj would be Scotty—the foreigner with a weird accent."

"Seriously?!" Raj said. "Scotty, like me, is a career scientist and essential member of the team, and all you can say about him is that he talked funny when he was on a ship full of aliens?"

Sheldon turned to him, his face blank. "Yes."

"So let me guess," Leonard said. "You're Spock."

"Naturally," Sheldon replied. "Someone has to be the voice of reason."

Amy tapped him on the shoulder. "Who am I?" she asked.

"Uhura," Sheldon replied, without a moment's hesitation.

"Why? " Amy asked with some irritation. "Because she's a girl?"

"Of course not," Sheldon said. "Because she has an understanding of and fondness for non-human species."

Amy smiled, clearly flattered. "I accept that assessment," she said.

"You should," Sheldon said. "It's a good one."

A second later, the faint sound of yelling could be heard, and Leonard turned to the source of the sound. Penny had reappeared in the building lobby, and he could see her shadow through the building's transparent facade, sobbing uncontrollably. A man that fit the description of Kurt was right behind her, wearing only a loincloth. Well, actually, it was a towel, but with his physique, it looked like a loincloth. They were yelling at each other, and Penny was gesturing wildly in between wiping tears from her eyes. Leonard was the only one who noticed the argument, but the shock on his face meant they all turned to see what had taken his attention. A minute later she stormed outside and Kurt was in hot pursuit.

"When I didn't hear from you, I thought something had happened to you!" he said in a pained tone of voice. "I knew you would have wanted me to be strong and move on."

"In ten hours?" Penny said. "My body isn't even cold yet."

"That's because you're still alive," he said.

"OH MY GOD!" she yelled. "ARE YOU REALLY THAT IDIOTIC?!"

"Baby, you don't mean that," he said, and reached out for her, but she took a swift step backwards, avoiding his touch. She gritted her teeth in frustration.

"I am not your friggin' baby" she said, "and guess what? I found somebody, too." She turned around and started marching. Leonard saw, as if in slow motion, a blonde missile barreling towards him with red eyes and clenched fists. The part of his brain that knew Kurt could neutralize him with a single blow almost made Leonard move out of the way, but the part of his brain that hadn't been kissed in, well, a very long time stood waiting for what only those two supple lips could deliver. Seconds later, Penny grabbed his head and planted him with a lingering, full-mouthed, passionate kiss. Leonard emerged from the amorous act winded and lightheaded—having been robbed of all breath—but in a haze of euphoria. He would soon need those endorphins.

Kurt was in his line of sight next—and was headed his way. Leonard did what anyone in his situation would do. He took off running.

"Even if you kill him," –Really, Penny? Introducing the idea of murder? — "we are still OVER!" she yelled.

It was the last thing Leonard heard before his legs carried him off with near Kryptonian speed. When he stopped about two-and-a-half blocks later—wheezing and desperately wanting his inhaler—he turned around and… no one was following. Apparently, his life would be spared.

He waited awhile, unsure of what to do next, but knew better than to go back. A couple minutes later, coming his way were Howard, Raj, Sheldon, Amy… and Penny.

"Wow," Amy said. "That was a rather impressive sprint back there. I would have loved to get a sample of your brain chemistry in that moment."

"He always runs that fast when he's getting bullied," Sheldon said casually. "We've made that harried sprint together on occasion."

"Interesting," Amy said. She looked back at Leonard. "Your dopamine levels must be through the roof. How do you feel?"

Leonard, who was bent over and leaning on his knees, fought to focus and answer. "Um, dizzy, exhausted, achy, and a little ill."

Amy nodded. "Textbook symptoms of a person who is recovering from norepinephrine and epinephrine withdrawal. Your brain chemicals are in flux, thus the dizziness, and you likely overexerted yourself, hence the pain. What, exactly, are the symptoms of your 'illness?'?"

"Um, thanks, Amy, for your concern," he managed to say between gasps for air, "but I really don't feel like answering any questions right now. I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes."

"Also a symptom that immediately precedes an adrenaline rush. You are a veritable test case for the physiology of 'fight or flight.'"

Leonard, however, was too worn out to care. "Ugh," he moaned and lowered himself to the curb. Penny lowered herself next to him. Suddenly, he felt significantly better.

"I can't believe that bastard cheated on me," she said.

He'd figured that's what had happened, but to look into those otherworldly eyes and hear those words come from her mouth defied reason. "God, Penny," he said. "I am so, so sorry."

"It's not your fault," she said, and the first tear meandered down her cheek. She dropped her hand into her hands. "God, how can a bad day just keep getting worse?"

"Tell me about it," Sheldon said. "I haven't eaten in twelve hours. That Twinkie notwithstanding."

"He isn't worthy of you," Leonard said, ignoring Sheldon's comment. "If you really think about it, he did you a favor."

Penny looked up quizzically at that statement, her eyes damp and puffy. "How could he possibly have done me a favor?"

"Well, think about it," Leonard explained. "A relationship is only as strong as its weakest moments. In your weakest moment, he failed. Some people don't find that out until it's too late."

She nodded to herself. "I guess you're right," she said, wiping another tear from her eye. "I mean, if I'm being totally honest with myself, I knew he wasn't the best guy in the world, but I thought he at least loved me." She looked away. "I wish I could just find a nice boy who adored me and thought I was beautiful and just wouldn't cheat on me."

It took everything Leonard had not to pledge his undying love right then and there. "I'm sure he's a lot closer than you think," he said.

"I hope so," she said. Then she looked at Leonard, and bumped a shoulder against his, a smile peeking out from the gloom. "Thanks."

"No problem."

She laid her head on his shoulder, and sighed.

Night had crept up on the group, and the final rays of sunlight were flashing over the horizon when they all realized they still didn't have a place to stay for the night. Suggestions came fast and furiously, but real solutions were fleeting. Penny had briefly contemplated crashing at one of her friend's pads, but she didn't have the heart to leave everyone behind or the balls to ask if her friend had room for six. Leonard suggested a hotel, but the nearby Howard Johnson was already overbooked, and the desk clerk said that all the other lodging facilities that were even still taking guests were full as well. Sheldon had suggested that they walk back to the car, until Leonard had reminded him that the car only held five and, despite Howard's insistence that Penny could sit on his lap, that idea got nixed. Penny had even suggested that they split into men and women shelters, but Leonard thought they were safer together and insisted he could never live with himself if something happened to her or Amy. After that, the ideas ran dry.

Sigh.

Just when they thought they were doomed to just keep walking all night like sharks treading water in their sleep, Howard revealed what should have been suggestion number one.

"I know my mom is somewhere wondering where I am. I can hear her now, 'I THOUGHT THE BOYS WOULD HAVE BEEN BACK WITH WATER BY NOW. I HOPE HOW-ARD ISN'T SOMEWHERE LOOTING STORES AND RAPING WOMEN WITH THAT INDIAN BOY, RAJ."

"Hold on," Leonard said. "Where is your mom?"

"At home."

"And your house is, like, still standing?"

Howard reflected on the question. "We lost a couple bricks on the eastside and the pilot light—"

"We're sleeping at your house," Leonard declared and marched off in its direction. After a moment, everyone just kind of walked off behind him. They paired off in rows like kindergarteners with hall buddies: Penny and Leonard, followed by Sheldon and Amy, followed by Howard and Raj—who trailed behind, out of earshot of the women.

"I'm not going to regret going with you guys, am I?" Penny asked Leonard.

"A good question," Amy said in agreement. "My security is of utmost importance, particularly in the absence of my guard monkey."

"It'll be fine," Leonard reassured them. "They house has plenty of room and Howard's mom is pretty much the most hospitable person you will ever meet."

"I beg to differ," Sheldon said. "My mother puts Howard's mother to shame. Does Howard's mother warm your bath towels in the dryer each morning for her houseguests?"

"I have no idea," Leonard answered.

"It's safe to say she doesn't. Her obesity precludes her from an early morning jaunt to the utility room, am I right?"

"Hold on," Penny said to Leonard, oblivious to Sheldon's chatter, "why would Howard's mom think he would be out raping women? I mean, he shouldn't be raping anyone, but he definitely wouldn't be raping women, would he?"

"Yeeeaaah," Leonard said, his face changed to a wide smile. "He's not actually gay."

"He's not?" Penny said, incredulous.

"Nope."

"You mean, he wasn't gay before he met Raj?"

"As tempting as it is to answer 'yes' to that question," Leonard replied, "he likes girls and always has. A lot. A lot. A lot."

Penny shook her head. "But I could have sworn I've seen Raj kiss Howard on the cheek, more than once."

"Yeah, about that," Leonard said. "He's actually whispering in Howard's ear. Raj can't talk in front of women."

"You're kidding me?" Penny said.

"Sadly, no."

Penny looked ahead dumbfounded. "So when Howard said I could sleep on his lap he wasn't just being gentlemanly?"

"Nope. He was being creepy and forward."

"And when he said that my breasts were the high point of this dreary evening, I thought it was just a gay thing."

"Actually, that's just a Howard thing."

Every statement brought a new wave of shock. "When he told me he wanted to have my babies, I just figured he and Raj were considering surrogacy or something."

"Howard? A father?" Leonard scoffed. "He eats his morning cereal out of a dish that reads 'this is by BIG BOY bowl' that his mother bought him when he turned five. Unfortunately, she failed to teach him how to pour his own cereal and milk."

"I feel a little faint," she said, reaching for Leonard.

Leonard tucked his arm under hers, keeping her on her feet. She didn't pull away. "No fainting on my watch," he said. "That feeling will become familiar after a while."

Meanwhile, Amy was contemplating her own evening. "Does Howard live nearby?" she asked Sheldon.

"I would estimate the distance at a 45-minute walk."

"Considering the compromised state of many footpaths, coupled with our collective fatigue, I imagine that we will arrive closer to an hour from now."

"I'm afraid your estimation may be correct." Sheldon thought a moment. "Then shall we pass the time with another round of anti-truths?"

Amy wanted to say yes, but her thoughts were drifting between Franklin and her mother, and both thoughts kept her in a state of dull anxiety. She turned to Sheldon whose face was bright. She admired his bravery in the face of so much turmoil, anxiety, and...filth. "Are you scared?" she asked.

The question seemed to take him by surprise, and he paused for the briefest moment before continuing to walk. "Why would I be afraid?" he asked.

"Well, I keep hearing you talk about your mother, and she seems like a lovely person. I would imagine that someone with a parent as dear as her may find that confronting their own grisly mortality and the potential grief that may cause the loved ones left behind a dreadful prospect. Such dark thoughts would, naturally, elicit feelings of fear and helplessness."

There was a long pause before Sheldon answered. "Amy, you have such a lovely way of expressing things."

"Thank you," she said.

"And for the record, I am not afraid. With our smarts, Leonard's plucky sensibility, and Penny's sexual magnetism, we will get out of this mess."

"I hope you're right," Amy said. They walked silently a while longer, not saying anything, and mindful of every crack in their path.

"I hope you find your monkey, Amy," he said.

She glanced at him with smiling eyes. "I hope so, too."

Raj and Howard plodded along, anticipating the night ahead of them. He and Howard trailed the others at a distance.

"Promise me that I will still be able to sleep on the air mattress on the foot of the bed," Raj said. "I slept over at your place last night, thus I would think my position is secured."

"Don't ever talk to me about sleeping in my room and use the words 'wood' or 'position,' okay?"

"It wasn't that kind of 'wood' and you know what I meant."

"You really have to be more careful about the things you say."

"Really?! Just blame the guy with selective mutism for why people think you're gay."

"People don't think I'm gay. They think you're gay and then just figure I must be your boyfriend."

"Oh come on. The tight jeans and mommy issues?"

"I DO NOT HAVE MOMMY ISSUES," Howard said. "It's a temporary living arrangement until, until, until…"

"Until you die?" Raj said.

Howard grimaced and waited a beat to reply. "Sheldon gets the air mattress."

"NOOO!" Raj wailed.

Just then the group was approached by a cop.

"Hello," he said, with a tone befitting a person in law enforcement.

His salutation was met with a chorus of "Hello, Officer."

"You should know that the mayor has imposed a mandatory curfew at 8:00." That time was minutes away.

"But we are trying to get back to Wood Heights where our friend lives," Leonard explained.

"You'll never make it on foot," the officer said. "The bridge that connects these two sections collapsed during the aftershock. See if you can find something local—maybe a shelter. If not, you may find yourself in detention."

"Detention?!" Sheldon exclaimed. "And I imagine you'll be supplying the chalk for us two write 'I will not break curfew after an earthquake' 100 times on a blackboard."

"So you're a smartass?" the cop said, unamused.

"It does seem like a rather juvenile punishment," Amy said.

"He means we could spend the night in a holding cell at the county jail," Leonard explained.

"Ahhh," Sheldon and Amy said in unison.

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Don't get out your handcuffs just yet. We'll get on that officer," he said and pat him on the shoulder. The officer looked at the hand with a silent disproval. Leonard removed it. "Don't you worry about us. I got the perfect place we can crash not even, not even a block from here."

"Good to hear," the cop said. He tipped his hat. "Night ladies, gentlemen." He walked away.

"Great!" Sheldon said once the policeman had gone. "So you've found a place for us to slumber?"

"No clue," Leonard replied. "But we couldn't have that cop trailing us all night."

"You mean you lied to a member of law enforcement?" Sheldon said, appalled.

"Yes," Leonard said, without any sign of remorse.

"My, your certainly descend into anarchy at the slightest sign of trouble," Sheldon said. "What's next? Cannibalism?"

Leonard stopped, looking Sheldon dead in the eye and slowly licked his lips. "I don't know. Keep talking and we'll find out."

Missy awoke suddenly and took groggy stock of her surroundings: she'd fallen asleep on the sofa, and suffered from the stiffness that came with sleeping in an upright position. She squinted at the DVD player across from her; it was a little after 10:00—or 8:00 Los Angeles time. Apparently there was still no word from Sheldon.

It had been a draining day. After anxiously pacing Meemaw's living room floor for the better part of three hours, Mary had begun to call around to see if anyone had heard from Sheldon. She started with her few contacts in Los Angeles—mostly people she'd met whenever she went to church in Pasadena or at one of Sheldon's science events. But most of her contacts were unreachable, and those that were had moved away or didn't even know Sheldon at all. Her frustration soon led to her deciding to just contact every single person in her address book, and she charged Missy with the task of making the calls. Hours went by with call after unfruitful call to people throughout Texas, the Mid-West and even the Eastern seaboard. Missy had grown tired of having awkward conversations with sympathetic—though confused—relatives, friends and distant acquaintances in Florida, Wisconsin and New Jersey, unclear as to how they could possibly be of assistance. By the time they'd gotten to the Ts, Missy had suggested they try something—anything—else, a suggestion that somehow escalated into a full-blown argument, as she and a stubborn Mary locked horns. Missy finally had stormed out, her boyfriend Tucker in tow, but had come back a while after having a Whataburger and a good cry.

Hours later, here she was. She looked over and saw Meemaw asleep in her recliner. Next to Missy, on the sofa, was George watching CNN, or rather, CNN was watching him; he'd fallen asleep on the armrest, his head in a position that was going to have his neck in knots come morning. She'd sent Tucker back to his place hours ago; he had work in the morning, and he'd been a champ all day. That just left one person uncounted for.

She tapped George on the arm, who woke up with a start, then with a loud groan. He grabbed his neck.

"Damn," he said.

"Where's Mom?" she asked.

"In Meemaw's room," he slurred, and sat up, eyes closed. "She went to go lie down. I think she's just exhausted."

Missy nodded and, peeling herself from the couch, headed to the back of the house. She knocked on her mother's bedroom door, but got no answer. She gently let herself in anyway.

She found Mary in the dark, kneeling by the bed and praying.

"Mom?" she said, and turned on the light.

"Turn out that light, Missy," Mary said tersely. Missy did so, then stood a few moments, quietly watching her mother. She had to be hungry.

"You want something to eat?" Missy offered.

Mary shook her head, but Missy wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.

"Mom, you have to eat something," she pleaded. "Please, let me bring you something. Meemaw's got some bean soup in the fridge."

Mary opened her eyes, keeping her sight trained on the bed. "I said I don't want anything."

"But, you haven't eaten since this morning and you're exhausted. You're going to faint if you—"

"Look, Missy," Mary said, her voice sharp, "I can't take your nagging right now, okay?"

There was a moment of silence between the women. "Fine," Missy said, relenting, and was about to turn to leave when she caught the sight of tears welling in her mother's eye. Mary placed an open palm over her eyes, fighting to keep control, then brushed the moisture away with her finger and took a hard breath. Missy's heart was breaking. She was scared for Sheldon, of course, but she couldn't even imagine what her mother was going through. She walked over and placed a hand on her Mary's shoulder, who then grabbed and held it tightly. "I pray this never happens to you, Missy," she said, her voice weak. "When you and Tucker start having babies, I pray this never happens."

Missy didn't know what to say, and could feel her own bottom lip trembling. "I'll bring you some tea," she said.

Mary just nodded.

Missy walked to the kitchen and poured sweet tea from Meemaw's Tupperware jug into a glass tumbler. Crossing the others who were still sleeping in the living room, she tip-toed back down the hall and found her mother had resumed her position of solemn entreaty. She approached slowly, tapping her mother on the shoulder. Mary looked up and then took the tumbler, gulping heartily from the refreshing liquid. She reached up, handing the glass back to Missy and then looked up at her daughter with saddened and sleepy eyes, like a child might look up at a parent. Missy placed the tumbler on the nightstand, and then dropped down to the floor, kneeling next to her mother. She put her hands together, bowed her head and began to pray.

Penny promised the gang that she knew of a spot where they could hang out, and maybe even spend the night, just a few minutes away. Out of options and avoiding the police, they trudged through the (now dark) street debris on hope and a prayer.

They were rounding yet another corner when Amy heard a familiar cry she would recognize anywhere:

Franklin!

END NOTE: Thanks to all my readers, especially to those leaving feedback. I can only say thank you.