Chapter 5

Tifa fled from the bar collapsing on to her bed, sobbing desperately. She clutched at the covers, trying to bury herself in them. Her mind raced through the events after Reno had left, to the heated argument with Cloud she wished now she could take the moment back.

Cloud slammed his glass down on the bar, turning angrily to Tifa. She could see the rage bubbling in his bright Mako eyes.

"What do you want me to do, I can't be something I'm not, I've been down that road before, or is that what you want, to send me mad again Tifa?"

"Of course not, don't be absurd!" she snapped. "I don't want you to be anyone but yourself, I just don't know why you have to distance yourself from us so, you said to me before that you were done with all the dilly dallying, but nothing's changed, you still continue to live in the past."

"Because fighting is all I'm good at, if there is nothing left for me to fight for, then what is there for me to do, what is my purpose?!"

"So your family are not worth fighting for then, don't you see that your behaviour is pushing us away, we should be your purpose now, try to channel your passion for combat into ensuring our happiness."

"But that is what I'm doing, I don't work all these hours just for the fun of it, I do it so that we have money, to survive and live comfortably!"

"That's not what I mean and you know it's not, having money and a roof over our heads is great, but sometimes other things are more important, the kids love you Cloud, they need you and they need you to be constant, you can't just keep walking in and out of their life's, that's why you can't handle the disciplines or even the simple tasks like making them breakfast, because you're not here enough to learn how to deal with it and, I need you too Cloud, I do, in all the ways you would expect a woman to need a man, I'm lonely Cloud, tired and sick of waiting, honestly, I don't know how much more I can take." Her voice had calmed toward the end of her speech, a more sombre tone taking over. Cloud edged ever so slightly around the bar, closer to her but still maintaining their distance.

"What are you saying Tifa?" his face was serious and his brows frowned.

"I don't know…" Tifa sighed, resting her head in her hand. "I don't think you realise just quiet how hard all this has been, the strain its put on me maybe because I mask it you don't notice, I don't know where I stand with you anymore Cloud, what, are we, are we a family, or are we friends?" Cloud approached her now and she turned into his gaze, her brown eyes full of sorrow, hope and love.

"We're family Teef, you know that!"he spoke soothingly, gently holding her arm.

"And you're sure that's what you really want?" her hand wandered to Cloud's on her arm.

"Of course, you complete me Tifa, I'd be lost without you!" his words came from the heart causing Tifa's to flutter at hearing them. She inched closer still, their chests slightly pressing against each other.

"Kiss me Cloud." She suddenly burst out. "Please, kiss me!" she begged, her hands clutched at the sleeves of his jacket. Cloud could hear her heart literally aching, it crushed him to see the impact his actions were having on her. It was most unlike Tifa to come out with something like that, it almost shocked Cloud. She was always so strong, he'd never seen her this way before. Tifa needed him! She began to edge forward, her face coming closer to his. Her hands slid up on to his shoulders and he found his hands taking her waist in them. Tifa leaned in kissing him ever so gently yet firmly, her hands reaching round to stroke his neck. Cloud was to taken aback, to shocked to be able to react. However her kissed surrounded him in comfort, he closed his eyes concentrating on the soft feel of hers lips pressed on his. He felt warmth, security, love in their embrace though try as he might his head refused to listen to his heart. Quickly becoming agitated from the physical contact between them, he pulled back from the kiss shaking his head. Tifa's mouth flapped, stuttering for words. "I-I'm sorry Cloud!" she stammered, wriggling out of his arms which were still around her waist. "I-I don't know what came over me!" Cloud folded his arms, looking to his side. He felt like such a jerk. Tifa needed him and yet despite his wanting to, he couldn't give it to her. He knew what was holding him back, it was the fear of losing her just like he had lost Aeris. He had to remain detached, his mind couldn't cope with loosing someone so close to him again. The same applied to the children. However if he remained detached from them, he knew it would not be long until he lost them completely. What could he do, he had to find some way of getting over his hang-ups.

"No, I'm sorry Teef, I'm sorry I can't give you what you need, but….I do want to and I'm sorry it's taking me so long, I just, I need sometime, you know why I hold back, so please try to understand?" Now Tifa suddenly folded her arms too, giving Cloud a surprised and slightly scornful look.

"So, this is about Aeris again, still, I thought you were done with all the dilly dallying, I thought you'd found your peace, she was my friend too Cloud, or are you forgetting that, Aeris wouldn't want this for you, for us, she would want us to be happy, why can't you let go!"

"It's not like I don't know that!" Cloud snapped, turning to look at her. "I'm sorry if I'm a to complex a person for you Tifa, maybe you don't understand me as much as I thought you did!"

"Of course I know you Cloud, that's how I know you're being silly!"

"So now I'm silly?" Cloud questioned, pulling a disgruntled look.

"Yes, because you don't realise just what you've got here for you, a family that loves you and wants and needs you, or…is that the trouble, you don't love us as much as you love her?" Tifa knew she had struck a nerve there but it needed to be said, it was something that had been boiling on her mind now for a long time. She saw Cloud purse his lips together, heard him breath heavily though his nose as his cheeks begun turning red in anger.

"How dare you, how dare you say something like that!" Cloud steamed, his hands were clenched into fists beside him.

"Well is it true?!" Tifa put the full power of her eyes on him, demanding the truth.

"You know what, you're the one who's being stupid now, I'm not even going to warrant that question with an answer, I'm leaving!" Cloud brushed past her, storming out to the hallway.

"Now you're being silly again, where are you going to go in the middle of the night?" Tifa questioned as she followed him.

"I've got work from Reno, unless you've forgotten!" he replied, picking up his gear and equipping himself with the essentials. Tifa's heart began to go into panic mode, she hadn't meant for Cloud to leave.

"Well, can't it wait till morning?" she tried not to let her voice sound to desperate.

"What's the point in waiting, besides I'm to worked up to sleep now!"

"When will you be back?" she stopped him as he opened the back door.

"I can't say for sure." Was all he said and with that he closed the door behind him, leaving a heart shattered Tifa on the other side. As Cloud stood on the other side of the door, he heard the most awful sound his ears could ever hear. The loud sudden cry that left Tifa's mouth, the kind of cry that leapt up from the bottom of one's heart. Grief and torment filled, it caused his own heart to sink further than he ever thought possible. He turned instinctively to go back inside, but Tifa's cries had already left no doubt she had ran to her room. What was he doing he thought to himself but then he remembered her words and a flicker of anger traced his mind again. How could she of said something so stupid, that he loved Aeris more than her and the kids. How could she even think that, he loved Aeris as a friend. The love he had for Tifa and the kids was entirely different to that. He had to do something to stop this insanity, and soon. He took a last look up at Tifa's bedroom window, there was no light on. He sighed wearily and mounted his motorcycle.