Never The Whys

Part II

Mara was motionless as she held the knife to Nom Dusat's neck. It wasn't very sharp, but at the angle she placed it against his jugular, one slice would create quite a mess. For a few moments, Mara thought Nom was going to defy her threat and not let go of his blaster. She then realized that he was simply frozen with fear. She tried to assure him. "I'm not going to hurt you. Unless you are still pointing that blaster at me in the next five seconds.

Nom didn't need the seconds. He let his finger off the trigger and let the weapon hang loosely in his hand. She released the knife away from his neck and put it down on the table. She reached for the small blaster. It fit neatly inside her small hands. She pulled back the charging pin like a pro.

She uttered, "A BlasTech hold out blaster. Civilian model. Aww, it's still on stun setting. You really weren't going to harm me, were you. Thanks."

Nom's expression didn't change from fear, but he did finally speak. "Your accent is gone."

"Yes, one of my many tricks."

"So, it is true. You are the assassin's accomplice."

"Close." She reached out her hand for him to shake and said, "Allow me to grant your wish."

It took a moment, but Nom eventually understood. He whispered, "You. You killed Bruenor."

"And you don't want to shake my hand now? Such a double standard." She retracted her hand.

"Are you his apprentice or something? Are you learning the ways of murder?"

"Murdering only the scum of the galaxy. One who you despised earlier. I'm learning the ways to make the galaxy a better place. Bruenor may have been a small piece against that end, but he was a piece anyway."

"You are so young."

"All the better to deceive with. Except you. You did figure me out. Bravo, Nom."

"All of your stories and appearances are false."

"Pretty much. I had to keep up the disguise. Some of it was true, though."

"Which part? No, let me guess. Orphan? I believe that. Assassins usually are creatures of alienation. No connections to bother them."

"I became myself in your words," said Mara.

"Perhaps. A servant at a young age? Maybe you're more of a pawn."

She took the back of her hand to slap Nom across his face. "Keep going and I may have to really hurt you."

"Ah, the defense mechanism. I must have touched a nerve. The truth is I don't care what you do to me. Unlike you, I have a family who will take care of Eno and raise him as their own. He's already lived without a mother. I've taught him to live on his own." Nom leaned in to her. "I only ask that you spare his life."

"You say that as if you have the choice."

"It's you who has the choice." Nom paused. "Or do you?"

"Yes, I do. I choose the mission."

"Or did your employers choose it for you?"

Mara thought back to a standard week ago. Palpatine had called for her stating that he had a significant project for her. It would involve her first live kill. It would also test her abilities and her actions. It was he who chose the mission. He who chose the target. She complied without thought. Was that her determination to the Empire? To what purpose did Palpatine intend for her?

Stop it, Mara! Nom is trying to get out of knowing what you are. "I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to confuse me."

"Maybe you're already confused."

"I'm not confused! You know, it may not be a good idea to make me angry. I have killed once already."

"Yes, but that was under orders. Can you commit murder under your own free will? Do you have the taste for killing after one time?"

"Keep going and you'll have the answer to those questions."

Nom chuckled. "Maybe there isn't an answer. Or maybe you're just asking the wrong question. Why?"

Mara was flustered when she snapped, "There's a reason behind every mission I do."

"Oh, I'm sure there is. I'm betting that you are never given the true reason. See, that's why I quit being a soldier. I was tired of destroying things without knowing the reason. And when I say destroying things, I don't mean just buildings and ships. When you kill or destroy under orders by those in power, a piece of your soul is destroyed in the process. I resigned after Eno was born. I work in construction now. The complete opposite of destroying."

Mara sighed. "I should just shoot you to ease my boredom."

"I was just giving you some free advice about family."

"I don't want a family."

"You're still young. Someday, you will. Someday you will have a child of your own. Only then will you know true sacrifice. The same one I'm willing to make."

He was suddenly interrupted by a series of clicks coming from his comlink. Mara felt a twinge of relief. Nom stared at the device and uttered, "Your partner in crime awaits."

Mara shut him out to listen to the clicks. The encrypted message. Adan was indeed alive hiding somewhere. She made out the coordinates of their rendezvous. And the time in which to meet. She glanced up at Nom's silver chrono on the wall. She didn't have much time. Certainly not enough time to have another philosophical discussion with Nom.

"Did you get your message?" Nom asked.

"Didn't you understand it?"

"I told you, I don't remember sequences. It's all gibberish to me now."

"Good. I have to go now."

"I'll fix up some leftovers for you before you go. Then what?"

She stood with his blaster pointed at him. "I think you know."

Nom looked down at the floor. "Yes. I know how this is supposed to end. It doesn't have to. I suppose it's useless to tell you that both of us can be silent."

"Both of know there's only one way to guarantee that. Move over to the wall." She waved the blaster.

Nom got up but his demeanor changed drastically from before. He had tried to talk his way out. He failed. She could hear his blubbering. His voice cracked. "No. No, please, no. If you're going to shoot, shoot me. Please don't involve my son."

"The ironic thing is that your son invited me himself."

"Then don't let that be his undoing. Please, I beg you. You are not prepared for this."

The thought suddenly crossed Mara's mind. For two standard weeks she had prepared for her distant meeting with Bruenor. The plan was precise as it should have been. It was successful because of that plan. What she was about to do wasn't a mission. It was spur of the moment. She told herself it was necessary because of her mistake. If she had closed the scope in the first place, she and the Commander would have been on the way back to Coruscant by now. Nom and his son would have been untouched. Now that plan wasn't possible. It was now her duty. She told Nom so.

"In my training, Nom, I am prepared for the unexpected. One of my lessons is to not allow loose ends. You may stay silent about my presence here. But Eno? He is a child. They don't know how to keep secrets. Why, you ask? Because children ask questions." She paused before she commanded, "Call for him."

Nom was in tears now. He shook his head violently and said, "No. I'm not going to help you."

Mara raised an eyebrow. "You do realize the price for not doing as I say?"

"I do."

Mara considered. "You really are prepared to die for him. To give up your life just like that?"

"Yes. I've lived my life. I've made my choices, good and bad. Enoban hasn't had that chance yet."

Mara shook her head. "Pathetic. Look what love has gotten you. And for what? A life half lived."

For the first time since Nom was at gunpoint, he sounded serious and replied, "You only live once. But if you live right, once is enough."

Mara scoffed. "All right. Plan B." She took the hand blaster and hid it under the sleeve of her borrowed tunic. She repeated the motion that Nom displayed earlier. She jerked her arm up and caught the weapon in her hand. She was impressed at how well concealed it was and how quick it was for her to arm it. Perfect for any unsuspecting enemy. "Nice trick. I may borrow that one." She hid the blaster again and then reverted to her Coruscanti accent. "Eno! Come in here! We're going to play a game!"

Eno came darting into the room faster than any stormtrooper she had seen. He shouted, "All right! What game are we playing?"

"We're going to play the game you thought I was playing when you met me. Hide and Seek."

"Oh, cool. Am I gonna hide?"

"No. I am. Both of you will have to find me. Now turn around and face the wall. That's it. You too, Nom."

Nom hesitated, looking at Mara in disbelief. His son tugged at his father's tunic and said, "Come on, daddy. We have to count." Nom turned around while whimpering again. HIs son noticed his father's tears and assured him. "Don't cry, daddy. I'm sure we can find her."

Nom said nothing else. Mara told Eno, "That's right, Eno. Now close your eyes and when I say, start counting to fifty. Can you do that?"

Eno nodded. "Sure can, Retta."

Mara thought a moment and said, "Hey kid, Retta is actually my middle name. I used it for protection. Back home people call me Mara."

"Mara? Cool name. Should I start counting now?"

"Yes." Children were so accepting. Maybe too much. Eno started counting when Nom muttered something loud enough for Mara to hear.

"You will regret this for the rest of your life."

Mara replied in monotone, "I regret nothing."

As Eno continued to count, Mara stepped back a few paces behind them. She flipped her arm up and caught the hold out blaster. She raised it to point at their backs. The time had come. She knew what she had to do. All for the protection of the Empire. No witnesses. She imagined herself being back on the upper floor with the sniper rifle that morning. She breathed in and slowly out.

She fired.

And fired again.

The counting stopped.

Emperor Palpatine's Throne room - a few standard days later

She entered the massive room with two Palace guards flanking her. Their bright red uniforms reflected the dim blue lighting surrounding the area. All three marched in unison toward the opposite end of the room. They walked in what seemed like forever to Mara. They stopped completely at the foot of the dais where the Emperor sat. The guards then did an about face and marched out of the room. She was now alone with him.

Despite his generosity in taking her in at such a young age and training her, Palpatine's presence was still intimidating. He sat motionless as she stood before him on the lower steps of the dais.

"I read your report on your last mission." As always, there was no greeting or pleasantries. Right to business. "I must say I am pleased."

Mara let out a sigh of relief, yet she was also confused. "My Lord, what of my mishandling of the weapon? If not for that, the mission would have gone more efficiently."

Palpatine cracked a smile. "You will find, my child, that there will be many missions that will not be efficient. Did you reach your target?"

"Yes, sir."

"And the target was eliminated?"

"Yes."

"Then you accomplished your mission. The means of completing a mission is not as important as succeeding to reach its goal."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Then let that be a lesson for you to not make the same mistakes in the future."

"Thank you, sir. I...I thought you would be angry at me."

Palpatine lunged forward in his chair and hissed. "Do not mistake my words for admiration, young Jade. Mark my words that if you continue to make such trivial mistakes during your next missions, my mood will be less than lenient. Do you understand?"

Mara gulped. "Yes, my Lord. It will not happen again."

"Good. Now, that is the past. I want to talk about something else in your report. An encounter with a father and son."

Mara shrugged. "What is there to say? I had to take refuge after my disguise. The child actually approached me and the opportunity presented itself. I found my chance to contact Commander Adan and I messaged him. He replied with our rendezvous point. The father and son were expendable. A risk not worth letting alone. Just like I said in my report."

"Ah, but what I want to talk about is not in your report."

Mara looked confused. "I don't understand."

"Then let me be direct. I sense that you learned more than just correcting your mistakes on this mission."

"How do you mean?"

"Do not underestimate me, young Jade. I have told you about your use of the Force. You have yet to discover it but you still use it whether you know it or not. I can sense something in you that resembles confusion. I must admit, you hide it well. That will eventually become a useful skill. Against your enemies. But not me. Do you have something that you are not telling me? It is not wise to hide things from me, child."

Instead of masking her feelings, Mara revealed them. "You are correct, my Lord. I am confused. The father offered his own life in exchange for keeping his son alive. What I couldn't understand was the sacrifice he was willing to make."

"I have several officers and stormtroopers who would also sacrifice their lives."

"But that is for the Empire. The father would give his own life for another life."

"Ah, you are speaking of love. Attachments, Mara. What have I said about them? The price for having them is too great. Lord Vader even knows that cost. And before you act, let me give you some advice first. I know how you are. Do not ever ask him about that cost."

"I will not. I could see the cost. The father's love for his child got them both killed. And I agree. Attachments are useless. Too much compromise. They seemed so happy together. It was the first time I had experienced a family."

"Is that what you desire?"

"No, sir. I am and will always be loyal to the Empire."

Palpatine started to cackle. "Perhaps you did learn more on this mission. You shall become a great asset."

"Thank you, my Lord."

"Now, the hour is late. You will continue your training tomorrow."

"Yes, sir."

"You are dismissed, young one."

Alone in her quarters and inside her bed, Mara considered what she thought was her greatest skill. Deception. Not only could she mask her voice and appearance on a whim, but also her feelings. She was positive that Palpatine would discover them tonight. The Force was still a mystery to her. There were so few Force users in the galaxy now besides the Emperor and Lord Vader. She was glad that Palpatine could not discover the doubt in her mind that began with Nom Dusat's discussion with her.

Nom Dusat had forced her to ask questions that she never thought to ask. Why was she chosen for training? Why was she the only one training? Why was she so important to Palpatine? What plans did he have for her in the future? The most intriguing question she asked herself was why did she feel the need to answer them all. Maybe they had no answers. Maybe the answers are lies. She knew some things were certain.

She knew that she wanted to continue her training to serve the Empire. She knew that she would contribute to keep the galaxy a better place in the future. No matter what it took. That, she knew, was her greatest goal. She also knew that she may not get all of her questions answered from the Emperor. He also dealt in his own deception. She would always be grateful to him for taking her in at such a young age and helping her serve the Empire. That didn't mean that she trusted him. Especially with secrets she wanted hidden from him.

Like the words of Nom Dusat.

When you kill or destroy under orders by those in power, a piece of your soul is destroyed in the process.

She would never let that happen to her. She was determined. And she felt that her determination was a power to be reckoned with. She would never have a family. Not just because her role in the Empire forbid having one. But because the thought of sacrificing herself for the sake of love was so foreign to her. What Nom was willing to do for his son was a weakness to her. It was that weakness that spread across the galaxy. It was her job to help the Empire squelch that weakness. No matter what.

But Mara knew the reality. So had Nom and little Enoban. To rid the galaxy of that weakness was to rid it of love. That would be like getting rid of hate and fear. Emotions again. They danced on a double-edged blade. Balance on that blade was the key. Which way one faltered formed their destiny.

Ever since Mara pulled the trigger on Nom and Eno, she couldn't shake the thought of what her true destiny was. Which way did she fall from the blade of emotions? She was afraid of the answer. She could never reveal it to Palpatine. She would keep it hidden deep within herself perhaps all of her life. It would be her secret.

She sat up in her bed and switched on the lamp. She reached for her newly borrowed weapon. The hold out blaster she took from Nom. The one she used against him. She had wanted a keepsake from her first kill. She thought it would be the sniper. Plans didn't turn out that way. Her mistake prevented that. Instead, she kept another memento. One that taught her a great deal more about death. And mercy.

She fumbled the weapon in her hand. She switched off the setting for stun. Knowing Nom Dusant, it was probably for the first time. That was when she decided.

The whys didn't matter.

THE END